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so this is my first blog post. i don't know where to begin really so let's go with the start of things. my husband and i have been married for 4 years and tried to have kids for 2 years with no success and gave up when wham-o i got pregnant. it was totally unplanned and at our 8 week appointment they told us it was twins, identical ones at that. and to answer you questions, no i wasn not on fertility meds and twins do not run in our families. we are 28 and 30years old and this was a huge life change for us.
i had a horrible pregnancy, totally emotional (i deal with mental issues to begin with that where just exaggerated by the pregnancy hormones), was on meds, hospitalized, got gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia and back and forth on hospital bed rest for 2 months. my boys ended up being born at 35 weeks via c-section on july 23rd of this year. the boys were born 30 seconds a part and were just over 4lbs each. they each stayed in PICU to check for reactions to the meds i was on for my mental illness and were released with a clean bill of health after 7 and 10 days...one came home first.
my husband works full time as a fire fighter and part time to supplement the income. i'm a full time stay at home mom who is now suffering from post pardum depression. it's a really rough spot to be in. the boys are perfectly healthy, 13 and 12.9lbs and 24" long for 3 month olds (2 months adjusted) and their developmental status is right on par for 2 month olds.
what i'm finding most difficult is trying to find other moms out there who aren't afraid to talk about their PPD, how bad it is and how they are coping. some days i just look at my kids and wish there where only one. and then i look at moms of singletons and envy that they are able to spend so much time with them and are so happy to do so. with me it's one sleeping, one fussing. they have horrible acid reflux and can't really handle tummy time. they don't respond to toys yet, they are just learning to hold their heads up but they do smile a lot. but somedays i just want to lay them in their cribs and cry all day. i'm on meds for the PPD but they haven't kicked in yet and i just recently joined a baby group that meets once a week for an hour in the afternoon. it's not enough though, socialization i mean.
life is so hard for me right now. i feel like, despite my best efforts, that i'm failing as a parent. that somehow i'm not stimulating them enough because we don't sing songs, we don't talk a lot, we don't play with toys. it's just eat, sleep, fuss, poop, pee and repeat.
i just need that support, i guess, from other mom's who have been in similar situations with their kids and how they got through it. times are tough and i'm in total survival mode. i feel bad that i'm not talking to them enough but i'm not a talker in general so i feel like i am hindering their development. i just don't speak much, i never have. and i hate being a stay at home mom, it's extremely isolating and lonely. i feel quilty when DH comes home and he's been at work for 36 hours and i'm handing him over the kids so that i can get a break from holding them all day and feeding them every 4 hours. i feel like a leach sometimes. like i need time for us too, you know?
ugh! if i could just get this PPD under control i think i could manage better but it's so easy for me to just throw in the towel.
i had a horrible pregnancy, totally emotional (i deal with mental issues to begin with that where just exaggerated by the pregnancy hormones), was on meds, hospitalized, got gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia and back and forth on hospital bed rest for 2 months. my boys ended up being born at 35 weeks via c-section on july 23rd of this year. the boys were born 30 seconds a part and were just over 4lbs each. they each stayed in PICU to check for reactions to the meds i was on for my mental illness and were released with a clean bill of health after 7 and 10 days...one came home first.
my husband works full time as a fire fighter and part time to supplement the income. i'm a full time stay at home mom who is now suffering from post pardum depression. it's a really rough spot to be in. the boys are perfectly healthy, 13 and 12.9lbs and 24" long for 3 month olds (2 months adjusted) and their developmental status is right on par for 2 month olds.
what i'm finding most difficult is trying to find other moms out there who aren't afraid to talk about their PPD, how bad it is and how they are coping. some days i just look at my kids and wish there where only one. and then i look at moms of singletons and envy that they are able to spend so much time with them and are so happy to do so. with me it's one sleeping, one fussing. they have horrible acid reflux and can't really handle tummy time. they don't respond to toys yet, they are just learning to hold their heads up but they do smile a lot. but somedays i just want to lay them in their cribs and cry all day. i'm on meds for the PPD but they haven't kicked in yet and i just recently joined a baby group that meets once a week for an hour in the afternoon. it's not enough though, socialization i mean.
life is so hard for me right now. i feel like, despite my best efforts, that i'm failing as a parent. that somehow i'm not stimulating them enough because we don't sing songs, we don't talk a lot, we don't play with toys. it's just eat, sleep, fuss, poop, pee and repeat.
i just need that support, i guess, from other mom's who have been in similar situations with their kids and how they got through it. times are tough and i'm in total survival mode. i feel bad that i'm not talking to them enough but i'm not a talker in general so i feel like i am hindering their development. i just don't speak much, i never have. and i hate being a stay at home mom, it's extremely isolating and lonely. i feel quilty when DH comes home and he's been at work for 36 hours and i'm handing him over the kids so that i can get a break from holding them all day and feeding them every 4 hours. i feel like a leach sometimes. like i need time for us too, you know?
ugh! if i could just get this PPD under control i think i could manage better but it's so easy for me to just throw in the towel.
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goofyjilly
22 December 2009 - 09:31 AM
I completely understand what you are going through except for the PPD. When I had my first child (singleton) I stayed home for 3 months and it was difficult, lonely, and hard to bare.
Now that I have the twins (6 months old now) and my older one is almost 3 (next month), it is a little bit easier. I am a SAHM now and have been for 1 1/2 years. I have bad days and good days but crave adult interaction. It is hard and lonely. My husband doesn't work as much as yours so I do feel for you.
It does get better. Being that I have had a singleton before the twins, I know EXACTLY the difference between having one and two. There are many times I wish I only had one instead of two (the twins).
I do have to say my first baby was harder than my second ones, mainly because I felt like it would never get better and always be so hard. I found it hard to believe other people who kept telling me it gets better.
Now I know different. IT DOES GET BETTER!!! However, it just takes a long time (or feels like a long time) until it does. Now I can't believe how fast my first one is growing up and want him to stop!
You should look for a support group to talk to about the PPD. Find someone to talk to. It does help and try to just take it a few hours at a time. That is how I get through the day and keep my sanity in tacked. Some days I don't and am a major grump. But that is life, right?
Now that I have the twins (6 months old now) and my older one is almost 3 (next month), it is a little bit easier. I am a SAHM now and have been for 1 1/2 years. I have bad days and good days but crave adult interaction. It is hard and lonely. My husband doesn't work as much as yours so I do feel for you.
It does get better. Being that I have had a singleton before the twins, I know EXACTLY the difference between having one and two. There are many times I wish I only had one instead of two (the twins).
I do have to say my first baby was harder than my second ones, mainly because I felt like it would never get better and always be so hard. I found it hard to believe other people who kept telling me it gets better.
Now I know different. IT DOES GET BETTER!!! However, it just takes a long time (or feels like a long time) until it does. Now I can't believe how fast my first one is growing up and want him to stop!
You should look for a support group to talk to about the PPD. Find someone to talk to. It does help and try to just take it a few hours at a time. That is how I get through the day and keep my sanity in tacked. Some days I don't and am a major grump. But that is life, right?
2xjoy
18 May 2012 - 11:43 PM
Hi,
I understand what your going through.
I have 2 yr old twins + 2 older children (1 who has AS) & I am a SAHM also.
I've never been diagnosed with anything as sduch but I often have days where it all just seems to hard, nothing seems to change and I jsut want everyone to go away and be by myself. Quite frankly, I don't know how I'm not on anything!
Anyway, Don't ever feel guilty about feeling down, or not enjoying it. I think that we are expected to be supermoms or to at least feel like one and it's not acceptable to admit to not coping or not liking being a mom.
At the beinning, I was sooooooooooooooo resentlful of the fact that I had 2 and everything was so much harder. Things like taking my sldeest 2 to school were harder, I couldn't just duck into the shops quickly anymore with a baby on my hip, I couldn't take the 2 eldest to the pool by myself anymore, & many more! I was jealous of those with singletons & HATED hearing them complain about how hard it was - HA!
I still do have these thoughts sometimes but I guess I'm trying to teach myself that there are positives. And I do feel blessed. I look at them and wonder how I got to be so lucky - admittedly this is usually when they are asleep and in their cots lol!
Things do get easier but I won't lie, they get harder in different ways (toddlers are a whole other ball game!)
YOu aren't alone!
PS: Do you brestfeed?
I understand what your going through.
I have 2 yr old twins + 2 older children (1 who has AS) & I am a SAHM also.
I've never been diagnosed with anything as sduch but I often have days where it all just seems to hard, nothing seems to change and I jsut want everyone to go away and be by myself. Quite frankly, I don't know how I'm not on anything!
Anyway, Don't ever feel guilty about feeling down, or not enjoying it. I think that we are expected to be supermoms or to at least feel like one and it's not acceptable to admit to not coping or not liking being a mom.
At the beinning, I was sooooooooooooooo resentlful of the fact that I had 2 and everything was so much harder. Things like taking my sldeest 2 to school were harder, I couldn't just duck into the shops quickly anymore with a baby on my hip, I couldn't take the 2 eldest to the pool by myself anymore, & many more! I was jealous of those with singletons & HATED hearing them complain about how hard it was - HA!
I still do have these thoughts sometimes but I guess I'm trying to teach myself that there are positives. And I do feel blessed. I look at them and wonder how I got to be so lucky - admittedly this is usually when they are asleep and in their cots lol!
Things do get easier but I won't lie, they get harder in different ways (toddlers are a whole other ball game!)
YOu aren't alone!
PS: Do you brestfeed?
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