[Lisa&Lonnie]

Hi All,

The great news is my twin girls Kelsey Grace & Madison Rose have finally arrived! I was admitted at my last week's doctor's appt (38th week) due to preeclampsia symptoms for an emerygency C-section. The surgery went well and my husband and I are so grateful for our beautiful, healthy girls.

I'm 9 days postpardum and finding tremendous difficulty dealing with the rollercoaster of emotions since the surgery. At times I'm so elated with the girls and can't believe they're finally here. Other times, I'm feeling distraught about the whole surgery process and how I missed out on the natural child birth process. Almost like the girls were taken from me instead of going through what mother nature intended. In my mind, I accept having a c-section was the best thing to do for my girls as well as me, but it's like my body doesn't agree.

Has anyone else out there felt like this?

My family seems to chalk it up as the Baby Blues which is pretty common after birth. I'm also concerned about PPD and want to ensure I'm not heading down that path. I don't think I am since I am providing for my girls and functioning fully on a daily basis. I just wish I could completely enjoy these special days as a new parent and eliminate the tearful breakdowns at various points in the day.

Best,
Lisa

[idril]

Lisa, you're not alone. What you are feeling seems to be pretty normal for mothers who didn't have the birth experience they had planned and hoped for. You almost have to grieve for the perfect experience that you "lost". A friend of mine (also a member of this board) just had her boys at 31ish weeks by emergency C-section. She wrote me an email about the terrible letdown about 10 days after her guys were born. I knew exactly what she meant, because I felt the same way about 10 days after my twin girls were born by semi-emergency C-section for pre-eclampsia at 34 weeks.

We all have healthy kids and the outcome is what we wanted, but the process wasn't what we hoped for our wanted.

I say all this to let you know that what you're feeling is very normal. For me, I was pretty emotional for the first two weeks, and it peaked right about 10 days. Then it tapered off and I started enjoying things around three weeks post C-section. During the worst of it I felt like I couldn't do anything right and that I had been robbed of the most important thing in the world (a natural birth). Looking back, I can tell that I was hormonally out of whack because all of those feelings just went away almost overnight. My OB told me that for people who have unexpected births, especially those whose pregnancies end earlier than planned, it takes the body and mind a while to catch up to the fact that you're no longer pregnant. My friend was told that this can take about two weeks, hence the hormone swings.

I still sometimes -- 18 months later -- think sadly about the C-section I had and how it wasn't what I wanted or planned, but every day that I add happy memories, there's less room for the sad ones. I hope you will look back 18 months from now and feel the same way I do.

All that said, if you think you're suffering from PPD, call your OB. Talk about what you're feeling and whether counseling or medicine would help you. But if it's what happened to me, you might find yourself suddenly better in a week or so and you'll start to enjoy your new life.

Congratulations on your healthy twin girls! And welcome to parenthood!

[dmhooten]

Hi Lisa,

I can totally relate to your feelings. I had three vaginal births with my first three children, then I had a C/S with my twins. There wasn't really any reason for the section except that my OB was much more comfortable delivering them that way than vaginally And I went through all these same emotions for what seemed like months....I never got PPD, i was just disappointed, wished I had opted to choose another OB and a whole slew of other things.....I, too, like you, felt they were TAKEN from me and that I didn't give birth to them, it was really hard to cope with for a while. I have since gotten through it all though and as much as I think back about it, I seriously don't know if I would have honestly changed it. I knew they would come out safely that way, so would I change it??? I probably wouldn't.

This time I am having a repeat section....not only because of my previous one, but because both of these babies are transverse so I have no choice this time. It helps me to think that my previous section was my way of being prepared for this time, because I would be having one this time regardless. All in all it has worked out well though, I am happy with my babies, they are healthy and that is all that matters in the big picture, kwim?

I hope that you are able to come to terms with your delivery. Hopefully it will just take some time like it did for me and it will just become part of their "story". We still made these little ones and we baked them up good!

Take care mama!

[Gen&ThadsMom]

Congratulations on the birth of your babies! I had the same thing happen to me. Sometimes i just felt so overwhelmed I thought I couldn't handle it. It also didn't help that I had three straight days with no sleep before the babies were born and then stayed up for three more after they were born. Make sure you get some sleep! Take it one day at a time, this is the hardest part, it will get better. Remeber to take care of yourself because you need to recover too. Good Luck!

[tamaras]

Congratulations on little Kelsey & Madison!

You are not alone in what you are feeling

I had a planned c-section and knew that I would from very early on, so that part was not a problem for me ~ what was a problem was that once my girls were born I had NO clue what to do & my emotions were all over the place. We had so many visitors in the hospital & I was completely overwhelmed (these were our first children).

I thought it was the 'baby blues' as well, but unfortunately it did not go away after the first few weeks. I called my Dr. right away (my DH & MIL were noticing that I wasn't coping very well) and she prescribed me antidepressants. For ME they worked wonders. It was like the clouds parted & I was able to actually enjoy my little girls...

I was still able to care of the girls in those first few weeks, but I was just miserable and sad emotionally ~ PPD can show up in many different ways.

It is GREAT that you are aware of how you are feeling ~ I would suggest touching base with your Dr. next week, regardless of how you are feeling.

Hang in there Momma, things will get better & better

[HRE]

First, congratulations on two healthy, wonderful babies! I'm sorry you ended up with a c-section. Yes, it is a hormonal emotional roller coaster you are on right now. Seriously, there is absolutely nothing wrong with calling your doctor with your concerns. You may just have the hormonal/grief thing, but you may also be experiencing a little ppd. Talk to the doc, stay aware of how you are doing (you seem to be doing a wonderful job of that so far), and do what you need to do for yourself and your babies!

[Dianna]

Congratulations on your girls!!!!

Sending hugs to you.

Dianna

[itsnancycozzi]

Congratulations on your beautiful girls!

You have gotten some wonderful advice here but let me add to the chorus that you are not alone. Even though our c-section was planned, I still feel like I did not give birth but had a surgery. I have no experience in real contractions, just braxton hicks, never had my water break, lost my mucus plug or anything of the sort. I've begun to think of it as a birth in the only way that I could do. The feelings you are feeling are normal, your hormones are over the place and twins are overwhelming. I know I was totally overwhelmed when the babies were first born (they were our first children too). If you feel that this is continuing too long, please talk to your OB about PPD and get some medicine to help you through.
, it will get better!

[DATJMom]

Lisa, you are absolutely not alone. Your body has just been through a tremendous surgery and I am sure that you are tired and that doesnt really help your mind when you are in such an emotional state. I too, had an emergency c-section for pre-e but at 32 weeks. Now, mind you I was going to have a c-section anyway but not until 37 weeks so imagine my dismay when I found out they had to come out at 32 weeks. So I felt like I cheated my kids out of 5 more weeks of growing. My point in telling you this is just to illustrate that we have all been there in some form or fashion.

You may just have a mild case of the baby blues. I definitely had them if not PPD. I did talk to my OB and you should do the same. They can really help guide you in the right direction and what to watch for. Hang in there.

[mama23boys]

You are definitely not alone. I had a planned c-section with these 2 - so I obviously knew it was coming and I knew it was what I wanted - but I was not prepared for the emotional rollercoaster that followed! My boys arrived at 35w 1d - and they spent exactly 1 week in the Special Care Nursery and I was able to stay there with them so we could really work on breastfeeding and I have never, ever, cried so much in my life!

I could barely talk on the phone to ANYONE (my DH, my DS, family, friends, etc) without bursting into tears and sobbing through the conversation. I didn't know where it was coming from - but I could not control it at all! The emotions were SO different than what I felt after the vaginal birth of my older DS.

It seemed like every week that passed, I'd feel better and better. C-section is MAJOR surgery - then add twins into the mix - and I think that is just a recipe for feeling like an emotional wreck!

[joannabug]

Yes, yes, yes. I had an unplanned c-section, and there are levels of disappointment I still have to deal with. Your feelings are normal, and definitely affected by hormones, stress, exhaustion, and dealing with a total life change.

I think the move towards natural-as-possible birth in our culture is a great one. But sometimes it makes us who really wanted a natural birth, but didn't get to have one, question our birth experience.

I still have to tell myself that I, and my doctor that I adore, made the best decisions we could for the health of the babies. And having two healthy babies is where my focused needed and still needs to be.

I also have to remind myself of the privilege of having two babies at once. I mean, how many people get to have that privilege? Your bodied labored for those first nine months harder than many bodies have to labor their whole pregnancy(even with an idealized natural birth experience), and I try to remind myself that that is part of the birthing experience, too.

One thing that helped me is an aunt who had the worst birth experience ever. Preeclampsia turning into eclampsia at 28 weeks, and an emergency c-section with anesthesia that didn't work at all. Everything totally out of her control, plus NICU. But she just kept having to remind herself that it's the result--she now has a wonderful, energetic five year old--not the birth process that she needs to focus on.

[MommaJunegirl]

Lisa, you are not alone in your feelings at all.

I had a planned c-section due to Kalia being breech at37w5d. I never once felt a contraction, had my water break, etc and I felt very cheated out of those experiences. I found I was comparing my deliveries to those of my friends who only had one baby and I had to remind myself that I had TWO babies and I did what was best to get them into this world safely.

You carried your girls to 38 weeks. That is an amazing gift and great start for them and you should be so proud of your body for keeping those babies growing to full term.

I had a tough time with my emotions post-partum as well. I thought I was so prepared, had the diapers ready, room painted, outfits washed but nothing prepared me for what it was really like with two newborns. It is exhausting, overwhelming and a huge adjustment in your life. If you find after a couple weeks you are still having those feelings, please talk to your doctor. I was started on anti-depresspants at 3 weeks PP and it made me see everything so differently.

Sending big (((HUGS)) and understanding your way. We have all been there!!!

[Leighann]

Congratulations on your babies and welcome to FY! You are definitely not alone in your feelings. Please talk to your OB at your incision check (or if you already had that-call him/her).

[SweetGirl]

Congratulations on your girls! I also felt a lot of the same symptoms you are experiencing the first week and a half after giving birth. This is a common occurence for up to 2-3 weeks after giving birth. If it persisits, or you are really concerned, I would suggest giving your OB a call . I hope you feel better soon!

[Mom of 4 beautiful children]

Congratulations on your baby girls. I hope you're feeling better soon.

[twinmom56]

Congrats on your two little blessings! I hope you're feeling better knowing that you're not alone! Try & get as much rest as possible!