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How long did you wait until trying to become intimate again?

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#1 ukwildcatw


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Posted 16 March 2011 - 11:38 PM

Our twins are almost seven month and we have still not had sex. Is this normal?
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#2 ECUBitzy


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Posted 17 March 2011 - 12:08 PM

I know this is in the Dad forum, but I didn't want to leave you hanging so I thought I'd answer.

"Normal" is a relative term. Is a long expanse of time after delivery normal? Yeah. Your wife looks different, feels different. Added to that, I'm sure you're both working so hard at caring for your little one's and it can be absolutely exhausting. For a woman, feeling sexy is a state of mind. It is very hard to feel sexy when you look in the mirror and see a different woman, when you think differently (as priorities have shifted to children), and you're so tired that "giving" any more seems like more work. That is all perfectly normal.

How are you two doing otherwise? Are you communicating? Do you both feel supported in your roles in your household? Are you still laughing together? If all that is as it should be, then you could probably broach the topic. "Babe, I miss you. I miss being intimate. What would help you feel sexy?"

If anything else has slipped during the (very trying!) first year between the two of you, I'd start there. If you're distant, work on being closer. If you never get alone time, ask family to watch the kids for an afternoon. If there is anything you can help with around the house, try to do some little things to show her that you realize how much she has on her plate. Sex falls in place behind those things.

If you worry that she's depressed or that you two can't easily pull back together, consider seeing a counselor, priest/ pastor to talk through some of it. My husband and I did at one point in our marriage and it really made a difference. We didn't even go for very long, we didn't have any amazing revelations- it sort of reaffirmed that our goals were the same, helped us communicate a little more clearly, and it brought us closer.

Hang in there! Talk to your wife, see what the root of the issue is, and ask her how she needs you.

Good luck!
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Stephanie- mom to Alexis and Samantha, wife to Paul.

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"It's harder to talk about how crazy in love you are with your kids than playing along with the narrative that parenting is terribly hard. If you decide you want kids, don't do it expecting happiness or exhaustion or perfection or anything at all. Do it expecting your life to be ripped wide open and to keep expanding."-The Rollergiraffe

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#3 DLSteve67


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Posted 25 July 2011 - 02:51 PM

I feel your lack of nothing. We have 17 month old twins and our biggest excuse for...not getting it on, is that we are both exhausted. No interest in doing it. Since the girls have been born I count on one hand how many times we have done the nasty.

I think the suggestion of seeing a counselor might be good but in general our girls take up all our energy and at the end of the day. Sleep is our favourite evening past time.

Thanks, S.
- best birth control is having twins!
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