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MAJOR VENT!


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#1 angelsmom2001

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 02:35 PM


I know most of you are at the younger end of this forums age range, but I need to take a few minutes to vent about my two almost 11 year olds. If you don't want to know what is in store for you.........I suggest you stop reading NOW!




So if I haven't frightened you off...here goes. I am so frustrated right now. I can't get these two to pick up after themselves. Sure it doesn't sound like much, but I am injured and am not supposed to be climbing stairs, which means that their room is something I don't see much of, neither is the basement. I went to the basement to do a load of laundry for work this week, and to get a few things from down there (clean clothes I keep down there since I can't climb upstairs and keeping them in the living room is just not working), and was absolutely aghast with what I found. the last two loads of laundry I had done, were tipped over and left all over the floor, with dirty clothes mixed in, there were boxes of too small clothes that had been put away, opened and strewn EVERYWHERE, sleeping bags opened and flung here and there, not to mention other things moved and dumped out. I am currently in the process of doing my 6th load of wash, and have at least 6 more to go. I can't just leave any of it and call it clean. This means I have been up and down my basement stairs at least 6 times and have quite a few more to do. This morning I went upstairs to take a shower. We have been discussing the fact that the girls need to stop taking the last towel and flinging it on the floor or just tossing it in the main room downstairs, leaving me with NOTHING when I get upstairs. Guess what I found? YUP, no towels, so back downstairs, then to the basement and back up with clean towels. Not only this but one of them used the toilet and left it full of cr**, and stuffed with toilet paper........UGHHHHH! GROSS! Not good for my blood pressure. SO I cleaned the toilet, then the sink and tub, then took my shower. Then I made the major mistake of looking in their room. I can't see the floor, I can't close the door, I can't turn the heat on. I am so frustrated. I am also VERY GLAD they are at their dad's this weekend because I am so angry with their complete lack of respect for me as their mother, and their ability to live in such filth. If I hadn't had to go up and down the basement stairs I was going to just throw all their stuff in my bedroom, which I am currently not using due to my injury. Then they would have nothing in their room. But its all I can do to walk around one floor.

If anyone got this far, and you have older kids, HOW do you get them to clean up after themselves? I should add that my xh is by far not a neat person, neither were his parents, and he doesn't make them pick up when they are with him.



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#2 TwinxesMom

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 02:54 PM

I'd take everything away and only as they cleaned would they get items back and that might take weeks. My mom one time threw away almost everything in my sisters room one weekend because it was every where. As single moms we don't have that luxury but they definitely need some consequences. Plus they should be able to clean the bathrooms themselves at this age
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#3 rissakaye

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 05:02 PM

I would be so ticked. Honestly, I'd be tempted to open the window in their room in and throw it all out into yard. I probably wouldn't, but it'd be that or the dumpster.

I have no good ideas. I hope someone can come up with something for you.

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#4 ljcrochet

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 06:28 PM

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#5 rubyturquoise

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 07:24 PM

My mother packed up all our stuff into a big lawn bag and then sold it back to us. Considering my allowance at the time was $10/month, this did make an impression. (The more we liked something, the more it cost. Some items were only a quarter, but some were a dollar. I was born in 1968, so $1 was harsher in 1978 than it would be now.) I think whatever we didn't buy back in some allotted period of time she just got rid of.
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#6 danibell

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 07:25 PM

I agree with throwing it all into trash bags and holding it until they can start cleaning up. They are also old enough to do their own laundry, I would suggest giving them each a dirty clothes basket. When it's full, they need to do their own laundry. If they don't, they'll have to start wearing dirty clothes to school. Most girls won't do that, and if you just stick with it, eventually they'll have to start washing their own clothes. If they decide to be stubborn enough not to wash, give their teacher a call or email about what you are doing, just so she knows it's the girls decision to wear dirty clothing, not yours.
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#7 rubyturquoise

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 07:36 PM

I do agree with that. My girls are only 8, but my boys are 19 and 17, and that's around the age they started doing their own laundry. Not always the way I would do it (especially the folding part :rolleyes: ), but it was a great relief to me to just turn that over to them. (They were still allowed to put whites in with mine, but usually did not; I started buying DS2 black or gray socks instead of white ones.)
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I let my kids watch Simpsons and Spongebob and science shows, but I don't let the little ones have any kind of videogames. I let them eat soy products, but not store-bought cookies or cakes. And I let my boys use the men's room alone around age 7!

#8 Mellizos

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 07:40 PM

Oh I agree with stuffing it all into trash bags. Leave them 2-3 sets of clothes, one towel and one pajama (and intentionally don't give them their favorites). Take away all the toys. After 3 days, they'll have enough to do a load of laundry together. If they do the laundry and put it away, they can earn back another set of clothes. If they don't, I guess they go to school in dirty clothes. After x days of doing as they are told, they earn back one toy. And so on.

I recall a friend who packed up every toy on the floor and threw it away - for real. The kids cried and begged, but she didn't give in. She never again had to even make the threat. The oldest child made sure that her younger siblings understood that Mom wasn't kidding about picking up. I did the same when my guys were about 3. Now when they dink around instead of cleaning, I just quietly go and get a trash bag. That lights a serious fire under their tushes.

I know that you've been having more and more trouble with the girls. It's time for tough love. Don't give in to them (I know, easier said than done as a single mom). You CAN do this. :youcandoit: :grouphug:
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#9 Moodyzblu

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 08:09 PM

I offer to "clean" their room for them. They also know that I use trash bags when I "clean" and I have and will toss it all out. Lucky for me I had one daughter that is a neat freak but the other is a slob and still is. But they knew when I meant business. My son, on the other hand, I don't go into his room. (I'm scared) but he's 20 yrs old and keeps his mess to himself.
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#10 Moodyzblu

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 08:09 PM

I offer to "clean" their room for them. They also know that I use trash bags when I "clean" and I have and will toss it all out. Lucky for me I had one daughter that is a neat freak but the other is a slob and still is. But they knew when I meant business. My son, on the other hand, I don't go into his room. (I'm scared) but he's 20 yrs old and keeps his mess to himself.
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#11 summerfun

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 10:12 PM

I have an 11 year old and I don't know what I would if I found things like that. I know she would be in some serious trouble, that's for sure. At this age, they are definitely old enough to know they need to pick up after themselves. I know I still have to remind my daughter of that too. We just redid her room, new paint and all and I have to say she has been keeping it clean on her own now. I think she feels she now has a "pre-teen" room and is proud of it. I am shocked that she is doing that, but glad. But before we redid her room this summer, I went through her closet and things under her bed with her and we pitched a lot of things. And nothing went back into her room without me seeing what it was. We had a serious talk about not needing to keep everything and it was okay to get rid of things, we had a trash bad and a donate bag.

Maybe they should start doing their own laundry? I like the idea of putting their things in a trash bag and letting them earn them back. :good: Good luck. This is not an easy age.
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#12 idril

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 10:32 PM

My mother packed up all our stuff into a big lawn bag and then sold it back to us. Considering my allowance at the time was $10/month, this did make an impression. (The more we liked something, the more it cost. Some items were only a quarter, but some were a dollar. I was born in 1968, so $1 was harsher in 1978 than it would be now.) I think whatever we didn't buy back in some allotted period of time she just got rid of.


My mom did exactly the same thing! It totally worked and my brother and I kept our rooms (fairly) clean all throughout junior high and high school as a result. If you can't take everything out of their room yourself, maybe there's a friend who can come over and help pack stuff up? You provide the pizza, she provides the labor?
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#13 mama23boys

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Posted 06 November 2011 - 11:35 PM

I was allowed to keep my bedroom as messy as I wanted (no food or plates/cups) but anything that I left laying around in other parts of the house was at risk of being put in a trash bag and either thrown away or given back to me at an undisclosed time. I'm sorry they are being so difficult. :(
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#14 4jsinPA

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Posted 07 November 2011 - 06:50 AM

Ugh we are going through the same thing with my 11 year old! Makes me sick. We have just decided to try to take away what motivates her. Everytime we find something she loses her phone for a day or one day if gymnastics. I'm hoping that works bc I can't take it anymore! Wish I lived close I would come help ya!
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#15 momotwinsmom

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Posted 07 November 2011 - 10:57 AM

Yes, same boat, but not to that extreme. I would take away all electronics, tv or anything they enjoy (early bedtime is a big motivator here!). I'd give them an hour to pick up their floor and put it away. I would then tell them that if by the end of that hour it wasn't done, it was going into a trash bag and they would have to earn it back. I don't care if it was toys or clothes. Their problem. Make the rules and stick to your guns. Your house, your rules. I would then make them do the same thing with the basement. Time is a big motivator. Let them know when they are 15 minutes in or 15 minutes to go. It's amazing how fast they can clean up if they are made to. If they don't like it, they can continue being punished every time they disobey the rules.
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#16 angelsmom2001

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Posted 07 November 2011 - 08:39 PM

Thanks ladies!!!!

I like the idea of having to buy back their stuff!

Andrea and I are going to tackle the room one day this week. Everything is going to be bagged up and put into my room, for the time being. When I decide how to handle it, I'll let them know. They know this is going to happen and that anything we pick up might disappear permanantly.

Having them do their own laundry hasn't worked. I've tried that before, Holly does it, Cassie goes to school in dirty clothes, and I mean so dirty and smelly that I get calls from the nurse to bring her something else. If she had her choice, she'd wear the same outfit forever. Doesn't matter if its a special outfit either, it could be a ripped t-shirt and sweats and if I let her....three days later it will still be on her, and she will have slept in it too. She's just too lazy for her own good. Holly will wash Cassie's clothes, and then be crying because of it. It caused more problems than it solved. I might have to try it again, though.
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#17 NINI H

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Posted 07 November 2011 - 08:47 PM

My older boys don't actually do their own laundry yet, but they are responsible for putting it away. And about half the time, they also have to fold only their own clothes. My oldest son is 11 and has gotten into a majorly lazy mood lately. It's invaded everything he does except his school work. I feel for you. We have a battle over the room daily....
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#18 MelG

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 01:00 PM

Wow, how frustrating! Have you thought about asking them to come up with a solution to this problem? If they think up the idea and the consequences, they are more likely to follow through. Make them own it!

Remind them that Christmas is coming and if they can't take care of their things now, they won't get anything new. I think I saw you mention before that they do Girl Scouts, can you somehow tie that in? Personal responsibility.

Also, sometimes kids can come up with really amazing ideas! Good luck

Edited by MelG, 08 November 2011 - 01:04 PM.

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#19 Chrissy Nelson

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 01:39 PM

Zoe is the biggest dirtball. I mean I envision her becoming a hoarder that is how dirty she is. I go in her room when she is not home and toss a ton of stuff.

So yes I feel your pain.
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#20 DeLana

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Posted 10 November 2011 - 11:10 PM

Oh, dear, and I thought it would get better as they get older :eek:

I think once mine have their own rooms (which won't be anytime soon), ds's will be in order; dd's, however, will be a disaster area.

I feel for you, sorry no advice (although the trash bags sound good).

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