[NicoleLea]

Sorry if this is long, but I had the day from heck. This morning my girls had their yearly dentist appt. They went for the first time last year right before turning 3. The office has a policy of not letting parents go back with their kids (which I think is weird) but we complied and the girls did fine.

Today, my first daughter went back and did fine by herself. Then they took my 2nd daughter back. After 10 minutes they came out and said they needed me to come back because they were having "trouble" with her. I went back and found her curled up in a ball on the dentist chair, refusing to let them do anything. The assistant said they managed to do 2 x-rays and after that, she refused anything else (I'm thinking the x-rays must have hurt her mouth.) I tried to console her and after like a minute, the dentist got all huffy and said "I'll let you handle this" all rudely and walked off. So again, I tried to calm my daughter down and got her to lay on her back, but when the dentist came back she still wouldn't open up and let her see her teeth. The dentist again got all huffy and said "Fine, I'm not going to try to force you. I'll give you a referral to go see someone else." Wow, OK. So they gave us a referral to see a "pediatric dentist".

So anyways, I am so worried that I am going to take her in for this next appt. and it will be the same situation. I'm sure we are going to be charged for it regardless of if they get to do anything. Plus, I am really concerned about her not getting her proper exam and dental care, but I don't know what to do to prevent this from happening again. If anyone could give me ANY advice on what I might be able to try, please do! I am desperate not to go through this again. Thanks everyone (if you read this far :)

[JicJac]

Honestly, I'd find a different dentist. My kids did not have x-rays until about a year ago I think. The dentist could see inside their mouth and figure out if there were any cavities. I am back there with them unless they do not want me (the kids, not the dentist/hygenist). We do not go to a pediatric dentist. There has to be a more kid friendly office around there. I'd be curled up in a ball if they treated me like that. Sorry...

[Chillers]

I agree with Jackie, I'd be annoyed to be treated that way as well :( Poor girl! That being said, we do go to a pediatric dentist, and it's been amazing! My plan was to take them to my regular dentist, but we had some teeth injuries when they were younger than the office felt comfortable with. At the pedi dentist, things are more colorful, the staff is very patient, things are smaller scaled and just generally has been a very positive experience. I think I'd go to the pedi dentist, explain what happened at the last appt and give them a chance. Our first appt there, I was able to go back with them, they did one girl then the next in the same room. Next visit (we go every six months), they attempted to have them in rooms ajacent to eacch other, and completed at the same time. One of the girls was *not* impressed with this scenario, but it totally wasn't a big deal. The hygienist that was going to clean Ellie's teeth just took the others next patient. No grief, no hassle. I think that was the appt they did find a cavity in on of Searra's molars. She went back alone for that and did amazing. The next visit, the girls went back by themselves and I can't remember if they ended up at the same time or not. But we go again next month, and they've been harassing me about when they get to go again!

[ThreeLittleSnowflakes]

I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to use a pediatric dentist? My girls go to a pediatric dentist and they are awesome with the kids - not just the dentist but the hygienist & even the lady at the front desk. (they love to check themselves in!) They really take their time and explain to the kids what they are doing, they show them all the instruments and let them touch them first. When they examine their teeth they say they are "counting their teeth". (not every time, I don't think, but the first time and then if they are nervous) They make a big deal about the kids getting to pick out their flavors of toothpaste & flouride before they get started. They have proably a dozen "kid-friendly" ones. They let the parents go back if they want but all of mione prefer to go back on their own.

[NicoleLea]

ThreeLittleSnowflakes - In the beginning, I did want to go to a pediatric dentist, but I live in a small town and there is only 1, and he was booked up like 3 months in advance. The staff told me "we'll call you in a couple months when we start having openings" so that is how we wound up with our current dentist, she was able to get us in within a week. However after this experience I do not plan on taking my other daughter back to her again. I do hope that the experience with the pedi dentist goes better. I was thinking maybe we could let her bring a favorite stuffed animal to give her some comfort, but other than that I'm not sure what I can do to make sure the next visit goes smoothly. ??? Aghhhhh

[Katheros]

I've always taken my two to my regular dentist for their check ups. When one needed cavities filled, we went to a pediatric dentist. I never had any problems with the dentists they've been to. Most of the time all three of us would go in together, one girl takes the twins and I'm getting my teeth cleaned in the room next door. They have the x-ray thing in a cupboard that's in the wall between the two rooms, so they open up that cupboard so we can all see each other.

Anyway, if I had an experience like that, I would find another dentist. If they are going to see children, then they need to deal with this kind of behavior better. I wouldn't have let them go back alone either, not the first couple times anyway.

[miss_bossy18]

Sounds like this dentist does not work well with kids. I think the bonus of a ped dentist is that they'll be very good at working with nervous youngsters, especially ones who have had a prior difficult experience. That being said, it's also possible to find regular dentists who work well with kids. Ours had special sunglasses that the girls wear when the bright light is on, they get to "fly" each other in the chair, they get to see, touch & hear all the tools before they're put in their mouths, etc, etc.

Maybe a few weeks before her next appointment, you could pick up a bunch of different books from the library about going to the dentist & read them to her. Talk about it - what she might see, hear, feel, taste. Talk about things that she might find scary & ask her what she might do if those things happened. Good luck!

[cheesehead4girl]

we use a regular dentist. i don't think i would see a dentist that didn't allow me to go with my kids. me or dh are always in the room. when they first went at 3 years old, dd wouldn't let them clean her teeth and the dentist and hygenist was fine with that. they understood that's normal at that age. when we went back 6 months later, dd was fine with them cleaning her teeth. i definitely would find a new dentist! good luck!!

[KJS]

We go to a regular denstist, but did ask how they were with small kids before their first appointment. They have been terrific. They spend most of the time with the hygenist and she is wonderful. We are allowed to go back with the kids and I think that helps. It sounds like your dentist isn't very experienced or doesn't want to be experienced in dealing with small kids who understandably might get scared at the dentist (I still get scared and I am an adult). I would agree that it is time to find a new dentist. Good luck with your search.

[mama_dragon]

I take the boys to a pediatric dentist. I love it. They get prizes for no cavities. Very child friendly. The staff is wonderful. One screams the entire time but at least his mouth is open so they can look at his teeth. My other one does just fine. I would not be at all comfortable with my young child going back without me. I get that sometimes kids do better without mom or dad but the dentist is a scary place.

You might try to schedule your own dentist appointment right before your daughters or even the same week. Have her go with you so she can see you get your teeth cleaned etc. I have a friend who always schedules her kids along with her own. She goes first and then the kids do really well because they know what to expect.

[Leighann]

I've been to both types with my girls. The pedi dentist was great, and actually he is the person I went to as a kid. But the office was far for us, so I started taking my girls to our regular dentist. The hygienists and dentist were wonderful with them. They didn't take X-rays (said they wouldn't for another yr or two), each girl had her own hygienist in rooms next to each other and I was able to go back and forth to be with each of them. I would definitely call around and see someone else... pedi or regular. If she is really scared I might go to the pedi dentist because s/he really knows how to connect with kids. I'm sorry you guys had to go through that :(

[Shohenadel]

My girls go to a pediatric dentist. I had started out using my regular dentist for my oldest daughter (at the time age 3). She had always done great and they used gush about how wonderful her teeth looked and what a great job we did, etc. Then when she was about 4 they did X-rays and found out that she had 8 cavities in between her teeth....well, the whole mood changed. I will never forget it. The hygienist and dentist were like "well, how often do you floss her teeth?' and I was thinking " I didn't even know I was supposed to floss their teeth when they were that little!", plus their had never been a hint of any problems before! By the time I left I was in tears. I left feeling like I was being suspected of child neglect!!! Sometimes, I think these people must take a class on how to make people feel stressed out and guilty!

So from that point on we went to a pediatric dentist. I just took my 3 year old twins for their first appointment a few months ago. They had me come back in the room with them...we were all in the same room together. They had me sit in the patient chair with Sarah on my lap and she was very cooperative. She did everything that was asked of her. Rachael sat in a chair close by and waited her turn. When her turn came, she wouldn't do a thing! She was petrified of all the noises and machines, etc. She was crying and resisting. They tried a couple of things but didn't push it at all and said, 'that's ok! maybe next time!" They suggested I get a little electric toothbrush at home so that she can get used to the noisy toothbrush. They both got prizes and balloons and that was the end of it. The hygienists were very relaxed it and it was clear that they wanted going to the dentist to be a positive experience. (Now I realize eventually that she is going to have to open her mouth...so hopefully she will just become more comfortable as she gets to know them...if not, then I will have to see how the dentist/hygienist handles it then) But I got the feeling they had a lot of kid friendly tricks up their sleeve. Both of the dentists are women and they like to sing softly to the kids as they count their teeth. I wish I could go there myself!!!

Shannon

[Mom2VL&S]

When my daughter broke her tooth at about 18 months, I took her to a nearby dentist that takes both kids and adults as patients but is VERY kid-oriented. I'm not sure if she's specifically a pediatric dentist but at the very least she is a family dentist. She was great with my daughter (and myself, the panicked mama!). My daughter wouldn't really let her do much but she didn't push my daughter after she saw what little she needed to see. So if you can't get into the pediatric dentist you might try to find one that advertises as family/kid friendly. Also, we found this dentist by asking my pediatrician's office - so that's always a resource.

[YooperMom]

Well, hopefully the next dentist will be nicer.

Some thoughts: have your kids watch you get your teeth cleaned ( we go to a general dentist and that was their suggestion), read the Berenstain bears book about going to the dentist, and don't make it too big of a deal. She'll probably be fine next time, older, different dentist.

P.S. - I agree with everyone else, no one in my family would go back to the original dentist.

[TwinxesMom]

We had a dentist that was that way with jessy the first time. I had to hold her down while he finished a cavity as he had threatened to kick us out of the office with a hole in her tooth. also they did not use gas but just Valium. Needless to say we didn't go back. We switched to a different pedi dentist and really like him. He even did a root canal for me and was great.

[ddancerd1]

we are going thru a similar situation. marina is totally non-compliant at the dentist office (we've been twice). the girl at teh front told us that they'll see her one more time, and if she won't comply again, that they'll refer us to someone else. we have another appointment next month, and i've been telling her about it already, just to prepare her for it. i'm also bribing her (well, both of them)... if they do a great job at the dentist, we will go to the store and they can pick out a toy. it didn't work the last time (tho her sister did get a toy), but i'm hoping it'll work this time.
i do plan to find a new dentist, i just haven't gotten around to it... but this will be the last time we go to this office.
i also just checked out the bernstein bear's "going to the dentist" to read to them. hopefully that'll help.
anyway, you're not alone!