[Boni]

My eldest son is dating a twin they are both 17. The girl is intellegent and studious and overall a good kid. Her sister on the other hand is a real rebel and had a few mishaps with boys and is drinking terribly. Their parents punish both the girls if Kirsty is caught out. Now Kirsten has started cutting herself (self-mutiltion). When i asked her why she said that their mom said that because they are twins they should be treated the same. I have twins myself and i dont treat my girls the same as they are not the same person. Kirsten has been so brain washed that she will always cover for her sister no matter what. Can she be so manupilated or can the twin bond be so strong and how can i help her.

[Kendra]

That is horrilbe that they punish one for what the other does because they are twins! You aren't supposed to treat them the same, you give them the treatment they deserve. Does Kirsty get the rewards when her sister does good in school?

A lot of twins with wild twins do cover for them. You can talk to your son's girlfriend and tell her that she isn't doing her sister any favours by covering for her. If she is truely in trouble or in physical danger (like cutting) it won't get any better unless she is able to get help.

It doesn't sound like the mother is really interested in getting to the individual so I would advise your son's girlfriend to go to someone at school so help can be found.

[Boni]

Thank you for the advice. I have ade contact with the school-psyciatrist and we will all help both of the girls, and as you say the mother is not interested in the girls, almost like a puppy cute when small but to much work when big. I have taken her under my wing and slowly we will try and overcome all her heartsore. She has opened up to me and that is a first step.

[annikaRAWR]

thats so sad
our parents treat us all different to our different needs
if they treated us and punished us all the same it wouldnt be fair
they are two different people, who need their differences.

i hope you can talk to her and help her out
xx

[Evelyn]

That's so unfair . It gets me mad when I hear about stuff like that. Because, they're two different people, and should be treated as such. SHE didn't do bad stuff, so SHE shouldn't be punished! What's wrong with her parents?!?!?!

[Twinner01]

I say this all the time, some people should just not be parents. As far as the self harm goes, it almost certainly has to do with abuse in the household. If one is cutting themselves and the other is promiscuous and abusing drugs/alcohol, there are underlying reasons for those behaviors. Notifying the school-psychiatrist was an excellent thing to do. Hopefully the poor girl (girls) can get some help.

Aaron

[Code]

Twinner01, on 10 January 2010 - 02:56 PM, said:

I say this all the time, some people should just not be parents. As far as the self harm goes, it almost certainly has to do with abuse in the household. If one is cutting themselves and the other is promiscuous and abusing drugs/alcohol, there are underlying reasons for those behaviors. Notifying the school-psychiatrist was an excellent thing to do. Hopefully the poor girl (girls) can get some help.
Aaron

I agreee, Boni how has things worked out??

[Brizzy_Twins]

Twinner01, on 10 January 2010 - 02:56 PM, said:

I say this all the time, some people should just not be parents. As far as the self harm goes, it almost certainly has to do with abuse in the household. If one is cutting themselves and the other is promiscuous and abusing drugs/alcohol, there are underlying reasons for those behaviors. Notifying the school-psychiatrist was an excellent thing to do. Hopefully the poor girl (girls) can get some help.

Aaron

I agree with this 100%. How has this worked out now.. its been two years since the OP.. crazy. Is everything better now? or at least improved?

[Boni]

an update on this is well very sad as well as maybe better for Kirten. Kirsty has just gone from bad to worse and ended up in rehab several times. When Kirsty was away you could see Kirsten popped into the most lovely vibrant girl, like she could be herself. However being away from her sister also made her very sad and she fell into a depression. Kirsty is totally oblivious to everything and has now even been expelled from rehab!!!!! The girls have ilmited contact as Kirsten has realised she needs to let go of mothering Kirsty to be herself. Kirsty is just a lost soul. And as for the parents... they are now divorced and because the girls are 18 dont give a dam and i mean they dont give a dam about those girls. kirsty is living at home but Kirsten has moved in with a family member. Kirsty has binge drinking parties with her mom....

it is just so sad but because is SA you are legal at 18 to do what you want... there is not much anyone can do but shake our heads now...

my son is not dating Kirsten anymore but they are still good friends..

[Code]

Boni, on 16 January 2010 - 04:20 PM, said:

an update on this is well very sad as well as maybe better for Kirten. Kirsty has just gone from bad to worse and ended up in rehab several times. When Kirsty was away you could see Kirsten popped into the most lovely vibrant girl, like she could be herself. However being away from her sister also made her very sad and she fell into a depression. Kirsty is totally oblivious to everything and has now even been expelled from rehab!!!!! The girls have ilmited contact as Kirsten has realised she needs to let go of mothering Kirsty to be herself. Kirsty is just a lost soul. And as for the parents... they are now divorced and because the girls are 18 dont give a dam and i mean they dont give a dam about those girls. kirsty is living at home but Kirsten has moved in with a family member. Kirsty has binge drinking parties with her mom....

it is just so sad but because is SA you are legal at 18 to do what you want... there is not much anyone can do but shake our heads now...

my son is not dating Kirsten anymore but they are still good friends..

I'm sorry it didnt end very well, although its good that your son and Kirsten can still be good friends. Australia has the same laws which sometimes is unfair. I hope that one day they both can have sorted lives and be truely happy :)