Why oh Why?

Discussion in 'General' started by Cristina, May 22, 2010.

  1. Cristina

    Cristina Well-Known Member

    It has been a long time since I have been in here. My boys are 7 now, so we are a long time removed from the NICU time. Aaron and Connor were 31 weekers and spent 3 weeks in the NICU. I remember the guilt I carried for a long time due to their struggles. It was so hard. That is gone now, but it took a long time. The painful memories though will always be there and sometimes they rear their ugly heads.

    Once again this week it happened. A Mom who is about 34 weeks along or so complaining and saying how she wants the baby out now. I get that. Trust me. Than other Moms start to cheer her on to have the baby now. They say they will pray he is born soon, or give her advice on what to do to induce labor. Everytime it happens, I get a bit upset. I eventually ruin the mood by saying something about having had preemies and that she needs to try to make it through for them. I don't know why it upsets me still. Don't these women realize the dangers? I would never want anyone to go through what we all went through.

    Anyway, I rarely ever vent here on TS, but I needed to let that out and I know you guys would understand.
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Totally get it! With this pregnancy everyone is like "Oh you are that super uncomfortable stage, you must want the baby out now" I'm like no...uncomfortable was 6wks of bedrest and 2 babies shoved in there! I just keep telling everyone we want to go all the way to 40wks bc "we've done the 'early' thing" and its just not all it's cracked up to be!!!
     
  3. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :hug: i'm sorry that happened. it would frustrate me too & my NICU memories are, for the most part, pretty positive. it's one thing for a mom to say she wishes the babies were out - we've all been there & know how uncomfortable it is, but i always assume that when they say that they don't really mean it, they're just venting. but to have other people say they'll pray the babies are born early & giving tips on self-inducing is deeply inappropriate - nobody who understood even the slightest issues or risks surrounding prematurity would say that.
     
  4. mom23sweetgirlies

    mom23sweetgirlies Well-Known Member

    My girls weren't that early 35 and 3 days and they did great, but they were very tiny and I felt HORRIBLE about them having to be in the NICU at all so I totally get what you're saying. I understand the being uncomfortable and being ready to be done but actually trying to induce labor is just plain stupid and selfish to me!
     
  5. cat mommy

    cat mommy Well-Known Member

    I can assure you if I were there, I would be going into vivid detail about life in the NICU until every single one of them shut up.
     
  6. debbie_long83

    debbie_long83 Well-Known Member

    totally get it
     
  7. tri159

    tri159 Well-Known Member

    Oh I can totally relate! My girls weren't that early (nearly 36wks) but they were definitely not ready to come out. My NICU memories are mostly negative, as the hospital we were at did nothing to help me with breastfeeding or bonding. It took over 3 months after we got home to fix the problems that were started there. Whenever I hear an expectant mother complaining about wanting the baby out, I always say "be careful what you wish for..." and explain a little about our experience. It definitely bothers me.
     
  8. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    Mine were not even in the NICU and I get irritated too (especially if it's a singleton). I cried every day from 32 weeks on because I wanted those babies OUT -- then they were out at 37 weeks and I thanked God for every day they were in there. I just think people think all newborns are the same (at least within a few weeks or so) and don't realize how much harder it is to parent a tiny, early newborn as opposed to a full-term one. It's one of the things that people don't really talk about -- so by all means, educate them!
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    My girls were born at 38 weeks and not considered preemies and Ava had trouble - I would MUCH rather be uncomfortable for weeks and weeks than for my baby(ies) to be for one second. Why someone would wish prematurity on any baby is beyond me.
     
  10. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    All it took was a hospital visit to a NICU for me to realize that I wanted NO part in that... then worked like a demon to try to do everything in my power to prevent it. Maybe these people haven't seen a NICU or held a preemie? It's an extremely ignorant statement and I would have also blown an educational gasket.
     
  11. Gigantor

    Gigantor Well-Known Member

    It would definitely bother me too!
    All of my kids were full term, so I have no NICU experience. I never wanted my kids out...well my daughter, when I reached 41 weeks. But I always, no matter how uncomfortable I got I wished they made full term before they entered the world.
    When people wish their babies were born early on because of all the aches and pains, they must not realize how serious consequences an early birth could have.
     
  12. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    Oh, I still get it. The NICU is still VERY fresh in my mind. I get so angry when I see that on here and when people IRL say that. I am sure they have no idea what they are saying. But it still very much aggravates me.
     
  13. Anneke

    Anneke Well-Known Member

    It irritates me too, you're definitely not alone on this one!
     
  14. Tarin

    Tarin Well-Known Member

    Drives me nuts too!
     
  15. haleystar

    haleystar Well-Known Member

    I tend to think that some woman believe the baby is fine once they reach the moment they become viable, what is that 29 weeks?
    They especially think that delivering at 32-33-34-35 weeks is OK and don't even THINK about NICU or PICU stays. Most people don't have to or have had to go through what a lot of us around here have. That feeling of being so torn you don't know what to do when you are being discharged from the hospital but WITHOUT your baby(ies). Does that make sense?

    I was one of those Mom's who at 33 weeks wanted them out, at 34 weeks on my hospital room bed (I had been on hospitalized bedrest for 2 weeks at the time) crying hysterically with my OB to PLEASE deliver me but my peri wanted to wait until 35 weeks. Once I reached that mark she, the peri, wanted them out of my belly. When I went in for my c-section at 35 weeks on the nose my OB said "I can't believe you made it another week, I thought for sure you would have gone into labor and had them already".

    Nope my kids didn't want to come out but unfortunately with my irritable uterus and pre term labor that lasted from early second trimester until delivery and my increasingly rapid worsening of pre-eclampsia (seriously, I swelled up so much that I didn't just feel like a whale but I looked like one, it was BAD) they had no choice but to take them out much sooner than they wanted to. The goal for me was 37 weeks which would have put me delivering in mid August but as time progressed and the complications with my pregnancy increased my Peri basically told us that I would be lucky to make it to the end of July.

    Low and behold, July 23rd, two beautiful identical boys were born via c-section, 5 weeks early.

    Anyhow, sorry I went off track.
    I think that those of us with complicated pregnancies, like myself, it's hard to argue the "keep them in as long as possible" rant when there are so many factors going against you. I mean if they had waited much longer I could have died so they held on as long as they felt comfortable regardless of how close or far away from full term I was.

    It's normal, especially when the discomfort of that last trimester hits overdrive, to say "take them out NOW" but we all know the longer and closer you get to term the better for EVERYONE.

    Some people are just selfish and want nothing more than the pain to stop and if that means delivery that's something they will risk. I think it's easy for some people to forget that there is an actual PERSON in their bellies, not some overgrown tumor that is causing pain.
     
  16. mariam54

    mariam54 Active Member

    God! I have a full term boy and now I'm 32w pregnant with twins and in the hospital( 1 month and almost 2 weeks now). I'm 6cm dilated and I prey that I will hold them inside at least 4 more weeks. I want take home babies! Imagine this: almost all the nurses that I have here, told me that I must want them out because I seem uncomfortable! I just want to slap them!
     
  17. TwinxesMom

    TwinxesMom Well-Known Member

    I was never really uncomfortable with the girls. I would have gave anything to have been able to safely carry them longer but jessy Health would not allow it. Anyone who wants them out early is crazy.
     
  18. happychck

    happychck Well-Known Member

    i totally get it. get the same feeling when women complain about their 'twin skin.' how i would have loved to have it--instead of watching my babies in incubators for almost my whole 3rd tri.... and the other one that gets to me is when people brag about having made it full term. i know i should let that one go, but i was extremely healthy and did everything in the universe i could to stay healthy and i still got pre-e. so, if one person brags it's like she's saying she's responsible for having made it that far--and the flip side is i'm responsible for having had mine so early. i know that's not what people mean, but i still feel uncomfortable when they brag...

    hugs all around. none of this is easy!

    ~~jl

    i totally get it. get the same feeling when women complain about their 'twin skin.' how i would have loved to have it--instead of watching my babies in incubators for almost my whole 3rd tri.... and the other one that gets to me is when people brag about having made it full term. i know i should let that one go, but i was extremely healthy and did everything in the universe i could to stay healthy and i still got pre-e. so, if one person brags it's like she's saying she's responsible for having made it that far--and the flip side is i'm responsible for having had mine so early. i know that's not what people mean, but i still feel uncomfortable when they brag...

    hugs all around. none of this is easy!

    ~~jl
     
  19. lovelylily

    lovelylily Well-Known Member

    Yes! I just had a friend on facebook who wanted them to test her babies lungs at 34 weeks because she is uncomfortable and has to be on bedrest. I posted a nice comment about how her baby just wants time to become nice and chubby so he can come home with mommy! She responds with, well yours were born even earlier and they're just fine. I burst into tears. How can anyone who knows me think it was "just fine". There was nothing fine about it. I was on bedrest for 3 months and would have gladly done it another 2 to keep from watching them struggle like they did. How can people be so ignorant?
     
  20. akameme

    akameme Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I think this is another issue - I remember being pregnant, on bedrest, worried sick about Jake and feeling reassured at TS members whose babies were born at 30 weeks, 34 weeks, etc who had healthy kids in their tickers.

    Unfortunately the folks here whose babies were born at that gestation and had issues may not post as much. I think as wonderful as TS is, seeing those sigs/tickers can sometimes lead to false reassurance to those who are pregnant. How a baby does is so individual, as Heather said her daughters were born at 38 weeks and Ava still had an issue. I know there are folks with kids born at 34 weeks who went home w/out Nicu. The goal should always be to cook as a long as possible, but I know I breathed a big sigh of relief at 34 weeks. I held on for 2 more, but i knew at that point the kids were likely to be healthy. Even making it 36 weeks, Jake still suffers with respiratory issues due to his prematurity.
     
  21. lovelylily

    lovelylily Well-Known Member

    This is true and if a premature birth seems inevitable, I do try to reassure those moms. My kids are fairly healthy considering their prematurity. Abby doesn't seem to have any lingering issues and Ethan has respiratory issues that he may have had regardless (asthma runs on his dad's side of the family). It's just such a short-sighted way to look at it if you have the power to carry your children longer and give them a better chance at life. Although I feel like my kids are fine and my relationship with them is fine, it's in spite of their prematurity, not because of it. Given a choice, I would have carried them to term.
     
  22. Anneke

    Anneke Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't even have to think twice if I was given the chance to redo it and carry them full term.
     

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