Will we survive?

So...I am terrified! I just brought home a set of spontaneous twin girls, Allison and Tori. We already have a son that will be 3 in April. I am feeling very very anxious about several things. 1. Tori has a VSD that needs repaired 2. I have to return to work in 6 weeks 3. I feel like I don't have enough time for Lucas, me, or my husband 4. FINANCES 5. WILL WE EVER BE ABLE TO GO OUT IN PUBLIC AND ENJOY OURSELVES WITH 3 CHILDREN? Sometimes I wonder what the heck we were thinking when we decided to try and have more children....I forgot how much energy and emotions go into taking care of an infant and now times that by 2!!! Please send me any advice you can!

 

First of all, congratulations on your twin girls!!

I had my twins first so I cannot speak to caring for newborn twins and an OLDER child, but I do have 3 children under 3 and another one on the way (also wondering what the heck we were thinking). Getting out of the house with them alone is tough and finding a stroller that really fits your needs that is under $500 is IMPOSSIBLE! I am also from Ohio (Akron area) and this time of year stinks... we are stuck in the house most days and by the time Friday comes, I am going insane. But, we do get out of the house as a family (usually an exciting trip to the mall or park) and even get to go out to eat every once in a while!! Finances are tough, but I have learned the benefits of coupons and we are still learning to live without things we don't absolutely need.

As far as the twins go, accept help whenever offered and don't be afraid to ask... you will burn out fast if you try to do it ALL on your own. Twins are really tough in the beginning but it only lasts a few months... take it one day at a time, or even an hour at a time!! You are only one woman and there is only so much of you to go around. Just do your best at giving your kids individual attention while trying to leave some time for you and your husband. Keep the lines of communication open! This forum is such a wonderful support system and I am thankful everyday for the ladies here... a big sanity saver! You WILL survive and even enjoy a few moments here and there ^_^


:youcandoit:

 

Congrats again on your twins.

I know you feel overwhelmed, we all did at one point. My oldest was 2 when my twins were born so I get the will we ever go out again thing. I took my boys out all the time, usually for a walk. I had double stroller, so I would put the twins in one seat and my oldest in the other. I was able to fit both of them into 1 seat until they were about 12 weeks old. If we went anywhere in the car, my oldest was strapped into his seat first and then I would bring the twins out one at a time. I eventually got a snap n go which made my life easier, and I used a harness for Donevan and attached it to the snap n go. As for going back to work so soon, I have no advice for that. It sucks that those in the US don't get a yr paid off like we do in Canada. Everything will work itself out, you'll see.

 

You will most definitely survive. My oldest turned three just days before the twins were born. I did feel like he didn't get near as much attention as he needed as he was adjusting from being treated like an "only" for so long. I found it really helpful to include tasks that he could help me with. He loved being able to help whether it be to get diapers, talk to one baby while I dealt with another, get snacks for us (I put together a healthy snack bowl together so he could help himself), etc...He had the hardest time when they nursed and whether bottle fed or nursed it takes a lot of time to feed babies in the beginning so I would let him sit next to us and I would read him a book. The thing that he like the most is anytime my twins were sleeping I spent at least 3/4 of that time with him playing games, coloring, being outside or whatever he wanted. That was kind of exhausting as I just wanted to lay there and die! LOL..not literally, but you get the idea.

As far as time with your husband I have no advice for that, my relationship with DH took a backseat for the most part. We didn't even get to go out once without kids until they were 9 months old! As a family we tried to go on walks every night together after dinner. It helped for me to get out and then we could each push a stroller...twins in a double stroller and DS in another, but for the most part he walked. I never left the house in a vehicle much, but we go for walks to a park a lot. The twins would sleep most of the time if being pushed in the stroller and DS got to play.

Finances are horrible! I had to quit my job to stay with all of them as daycare would be way more than I would bring in. We definitely had to get used to coupon clipping and living without things that we absolutely did not need. We do make it work and things always seem to work themselves out.

Work-hugs to you! I can't really relate to that one although the prospect of having to go to work would stress me out. Sleep seems so hard to come by in the early days so I really hope you guys get a routine down to make things a little easier. I would suggest if you feel up to it make some meals that can be frozen so you have something for dinner if you are just too exhausted by the time you get off work.

 

As others said, you WILL survive. I had a 7 yr old son, a 2.5 yr old daughter when we had our twins. By the time the twins were 3 months old I was going grocery shopping with the 3 youngest kids by myself every second week. My suggestion is to just get out and DO. Not immediately, but soon, before the twins are 6 months old. Practice makes perfect! The more you get out, the more you'll develop habits and figure out the easiest way to do things. I shopped with my twins in the double stroller, pushing it, while pulling the cart behind me with my dd in it. I looked like a train. But I got it done!

 

My oldest was 2 when my girls were born and I was also getting out on my own with all 3 when the girls were 2 months old (before that DH was home with us and we were out as a family of 5 within days of the girls being born). I think that once you do it and it becomes habit it will be easy and while it still takes time to get everyone ready it won't seem like a daunting task. We did not however have any major health issues to deal with so I can only imagine how that changes things.

I ended up becoming a SAHM as we could not afford to have 3 kids in daycare full time. Surprisingly we make it work. I was incredibly worried about how we were going to make due but we do. We don't eat out anymore or indulge in things we used to but I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I shop end of season sales (mostly online as you can get amazing deals) and joined my local MOMs group to take advantage of the bi-annual sales as well. The one MAJOR change we did was to re-negotiate our mortgage when we realized I would have to stay home (much to DHs dismay as we were about 6 years away from owning our house ). We lengthened the term and lowered the payments to give us more available cash each month and tried to look at it as as investment in our family . This has helped more than any other cost cutting we have done and could be worth looking into. You can and will make it work!

 

You definitely can do it just doesn't seem like it early on when you are tired and the babies don't sleep. My DS was 2 yrs, 3 months when the twins were born. Our twins were spontaneous as well, completely unexpected for us. It took some time but life slowly got more manageable after about 12 weeks when our twins finally worked out a decent night schedule. Once the twins started sleeping at night, I have to say at times my oldest was the harder one dealing with his terrible two's! I am actually glad he was younger though. He wasn't old enough to miss that we didn't take him on outings as much as as we used to when he was the only one. He seemed to mind their crying less than we did. I did feel guilty I didn't get to spend enough one on one time with him but I made an effort to play just with him at least 10 minutes a day early on when the twins were running me ragged. My family lives near by and came around often so actually he loved having his grandparents over more than usual to play with him. I feel like if he was older, he might have had a better grasp on how radically his life changed with their addition and resented them. However, he took it all in stride and never had any negative thoughts about them.

I went back to work at 9 weeks. I am in residency and didn't have too many options but to go back and work a lot. My husband works full time as well. Financially we could probably squeeze by on my resident's salary but my husband would be really unhappy not working. He wasn't meant to be a SAHD. I was REALLY tired when I first went back. I was breastfeeding and pumping so when I was home at night, the night feedings were mine. Once we hit that 12ish week mark though it became very doable. I finally felt back to myself at work by about 6 months.

I still wish we could do all we did when we had just 1 kid but I think that's life with 3 kids. We have gone out to eat a few times. We can go to the park. It is easier to go places where the double stroller can go. My husband and I do still feel like we don't get enough time together but we have made it out a few times together and its been really nice. I suggest you try it in a couple months if you have someone to watch the kids at night for a date.

 

OK...So you are all reassuring me that I WILL SURVIVE!

I made a huge accomplishment on Tuesday when I had to take the girls to the cardiologist on my own. It was not awful...I made it there on time and I still had my hair when I got home! It felt good knowing that I did it on my own. The only problem was that I was one kid short, I sent Lucas to daycare.

Not going back to work is NOT an option for me. I carry the benefits and we all know that with three children benefits are a must! I will be paying out about 3/4 of my paycheck in childcare It is sickening that we do not qualify for any assistance. It will be a struggle. We are not used to having any debt besides our mortgage so I have to get in the mindset that that may change. I am hoping things will get a little less expensive once Lucas goes to school in two years.

The thing is that when you are planning to add one more addition to your family and you magically get two...it really does throw you for a loop and you are left wondering WHY?

Thanks for all the support!

 

It is hard, but you can do it. DS turned 2 two weeks after I had the twins. He hit the terrible twos in a BIG WAY, and we were sleep deprived and did not always handle it the best we could. It has been a long six months, but I love all 3 of my guys so much. Make sure you try to make time for the 3yo when you can. When the twins nap we always want to clean and do chores, but sometimes you have to put everything down and focus on the older one.
DP and I have put ourselves on the back burner. You will hit rough spots and fight due to sleep deprivation. Remember, you are tired and try not to take things out on each other.
I am not very good about getting out of the house. I have gone out with the twins or DS. I have not taken all 3 anywhere, but DP has. It is hard but you get used to it.
DP stays home and I work. Returning to work at 8 weeks was hard, and my twins are not good sleepers. I have days I am not sure what keeps me going, but you can do it.

Hang in there and ask questions and vent as you need to.

 

Hi there...

I've been so busy at work lately I haven't had much of a chance to jump online, but I'm here today and I can tell you without a doubt you WILL get out of the house again. I can't personally take all 4 of my kiddos out at the same time alone, but with my husband around we get them all out from time to time, going to Papa's for Sunday dinner, even the playground -- keep in mind the babies are in a carseat stroller so happy just to be outside when it is warm enough - your baby won't be mobile or running around for over a year. And by then your older kids will be much older and more independent. Get yourself a good Baby Bjorn and you'll be set!

Don't get me wrong, there are good days and bad days and I'm constantly wondering if I'm paying as much attention to the babies as I am the older girls (let's face it, 2 year olds demand a lot of attention!). But overall it's amazing and I am so looking foward to the future with all my girls.

 

I only have the twins, so I can't help much, but I just wanted to chime in that I also went back to work at 6 weeks and I think it saved my life (or at least my sanity). It depends what your job is, of course, and also how happy you are with your child-care situation. But having that time to live my adult life -- and do errands at lunchtime -- really made my life 100% easier. So don't necessarily assume that that is a bad thing.

Hugs -- you will get through it!

 

Thank you every one! I have taken the girls out a couple of times to the do dr's on my own. It has gone fairly well. I have not tried to take all three myself yet. I go back to work on the 15th of March so say some prayers that things go smoothly. I think that it will be bittersweet for all of us. Thank you so much for ths support!

 

Congrats on the Dr appt alone, I didn't do that until last time at 9 mo, no shots the nurse couldn't believe I was alone. Trust me it does get easier, I only have my two, but many women in my twins group deal with 3 even in public alone! And I agree going back to work isn't that bad, I did drop back from 5 days to 4 as I needed that extra day. Still got to keep my benefits though. You can do it!

 

Hi Sheila,

I had the same question as you when our mindset of "We think we're ready to have three children now" suddenly turned into, "Surprise, you're having twins!!" Overjoyed & overwhelmed were synonyms describing our feelings. When our twins were newborns, I was the mother of four children under age four, so I know how you're feeling. Yes, you will survive (and that's pretty much all it is at first: functioning on "Survival Mode")! I'd love to share with you (and all parents of multiples) how we survived our first year with twins + two more (and the things we are still learning) at my blog: <2precious4words.blogspot.com> where I share how to simplify your life (yes, I recognize the irony in this -- simplifying life with multiples -- but I also testify of the necessity to do so) with time-saving & survival tips, quick dinner recipes, encouraging and uplifting messages about parenting to strengthen you, creative family fun ideas, as well as resources for parenting multiples and support groups. I'd love to be a support to you too, so you can leave me a comment on my blog anytime you have a question, or any time you want to share with other parents what you've learned through your journey with parenting twins.

Yes, it is challenging (I won't sugarcoat it for you), but you will soon discover that all the joys and positive blessings your twins will bring to your heart will far outweigh the extra work they are to care for. The reason it's so challenging is because you are just ONE person trying to meet the needs of so many little ones. That is why the most helpful tip I can give you is simply: ENLIST HELP (as often and as much as you need to not go crazy)! *Big smile & Big Hug!*

Yes, you'll survive! **Funny side-note: that was the original name of my blog "From Surviving to Thriving with Twins", but I changed it to include all parents, and all our children, since they are all 2 precious 4 words!

You can do it!
~Rosa Le

 

Just noticed this thread. My older girl is 19 months and the twins are 10 weeks. Sure you lose your mind for a while but it's all in the mindset: 'This too shall pass.' At least I tell myself that it will pass lol. How's it going?

 

I shared this on another MoM group I belong to. Can't believe I forgot to post it here!

I took my 5 week twins to the hospital yesterday for a routine scan. As I was leaving, one baby was freaking out, crying, got upset every time I put her back in the carseat, etc. All this happened in the lobby of the hospital. One of the (younger) volunteers came over...

Volunteer: "Wow, they are beautiful!" (screaming baby in background)

Me: "Thank you!" (still screaming)

Volunteer: "She sounds like she might have gas." (...screaming..)

Me: "Could be." (Go away!) (more screaming)

Volunteer: "Or maybe she's hungry." (same as before...)

Me: "I just fed her" (I mean it, go away!) (Taking baby out to nurse her AGAIN...)

Volunteer: "Are you by yourself?? That's a lot of work.." She smiles uneasily...

Me: "Na I'm ok. I have an 18 month old home too." (Are you kidding me, this is a piece of cake with just the two of them! Now go away and let me nurse in peace!!)

Volunteer: "Oh. Um, ok then. Have a good day." (She finally goes away.)

Me: (Bwahahahahahaha)

Funny how our perspective of what's hard changes with twins in the picture.