:help: Me again I will be the first to say I love my son with all my heart. I would lay down and die for the boy... But he just doesn't get it... And this isn't a new teen thing... It has been a slight issue that has built up (slowly) for years...He can (like a lot of 13 year old boys) start with a dorky story... And he doesn't stop (because he thinks he's funny) and then it turns in to annoyance... And he doesn't stop... Even when told to by a kid his age or me... I love my son, but not blindly and I see his faults... The main one being he can be annoying and doesn't know when to stop. He claims he has no friends and everyone tells him he's annoying... He claims this with teachers (one of his teacher told DH... He just can drain me at times ), classmates, kids in the hood and kids on the bus (the only "kids" who don't think so is his new Lacrosse team BUT I think that's just because they have not had time to get to know him... His "issue" builds up on people...if you met him he would pass and a nice, polite 13 year old boy) What can I do? I said to him many times... Well if you don't like what "those" people say just stay clear of them... Or just stay quiet when you around "those" who think that... One time out of frustration when his reply to my suggestion was "well everyone says it... I have no friends"... Very out character of DH (seriously... I can't think in 17+ year together him saying something like this) he replied with "then maybe its time to change dude" What can I do... It is something he needs to figure out... I love him BUT he can be very annoying and everyday its a new person he has alienated out of his life... What can I do? Maybe I just need therapy to help me... Maybe I'm the one with the issue... But seriously the amount of energy he requires just doesn't seem right/ normal... But I've never raised a teen so I don't know what normal is... He has 4 weeks left of 7th grade and then he is off to visit family all summer long... It will be a time to "mature" but I am honestly concerned he won't mature THAT much in 3 months… anyone been there done that? If you read this far thank you… I just need some insight… or maybe just a vent :sorry:
I just wanted to chime in with a :hug: I really think he is at a perfectly normal awkward stage in his life. The problem is that its upsetting to him that he thinks he doesnt have any friends. I am actually already seeing some of these signs with my 6yo, she just gets on peoples nerves and she is overly sensitive as well...it sucks because I know she's a sweet funny girl she just comes off weird. I try and talk to her and teach her some better social skill which is probably easier for me with her only being 6 then for you with a 13yo but I wonder if there arent some books or something out there that could help him with his social skills? Good luck girl!!! Its tough watching your kid go through a hard time.
Thank You Lesley :good: … once again you walked me off an edge… even as I wrote the post I could see MYSELF replying to someone elses post w/ "he’s just normal awkward 13 year old boy…" a friend from back home said “Its because you ‘in it’ if you were looking in… it wouldn’t strike you as abnormal… but living with it and it being YOUR son… its harder to look at w/ out your heart being ripped out…” I will try to remember that Again THANK YOU Lesley :hug:
Let’s hook it up :good: Oh man… I was hoping he would out grow it by 14… but I think I have spent his whole life waiting for him to “out grow” something or other :headbang:
Sounds good to me!!!! I have been waiting on Jared to out grow things his whole life too!!! I have just come to the conclusion that he won't! I told Travis ( dh) that when Jared grows up and is on his own, the two of us are going to Fiji for one heck of a celebration LOL!!!!!
If it is something that has been going on since he was very young, and still continuing despite him being told the behavior is bothering people, and he can't change. There may be something more than just an awkward teen. He may need to learn how to interact with others, for many kids it is a learned skill that they have to playact with. I would talk to his school counselor and see if she has any social skills groups that he can join. It may be that he is simply at that awkward stage, but it won't hurt to talk to the counselor.
That is SO funny… I said the SAME thing about the summer I turn 40… it will be the summer before he goes to college and the twins will be 7 ½ I started listing the places I was going to go (Fiji was one)
Thank you :grouphug: BUT I have DONE everything in that department from by being the coach in his team and “guiding him”, being at school every day (that’s how I ended up PA president),very small p. schools so teachers could guide him, therapists, Dr, even this move out of So Cali was a big part for him and just last week the current school had the school psychologist talk w/ him to see if it just awkward middle school or something more… and they all come back w/ he’s just at that edge… Nothing wrong… if there was a something to reference in measure… he would be at the cut off… but nothing wrong… and I kind of wish he wasn’t, so I could help him… but none of that did… some made it worse… validated that it is everyone else not him (that’s what therapy did… but I just had the twins and couldn’t be there for him like I use to). Thank you, I appreciate the support :hug:
I hate that being on the cusp thing! Sounds like you are doing all the right things, it is very hard, and even at 8, I struggle with stuff like that about Jonathan every day. Hopefully, the Lacrosse team will help him
Yes… being on the cusp has been the story of his life… when he was about 8 the head of school hinted at getting him evaluated for ADHD because of his impulsive issues (again it was at the end of the year when the teachers where just kind of over his behavior)… So I did… I took him to 3 different Dr’s. When the 1st one said… if he was able to sit with us for over an hour while we discuses and ask him a million questions and not even wiggle… that means he has the ability to focus and maybe it’s the teachers… head of school didn’t like THAT idea… so off I went to 2 more… all said the same thing… Maybe it’s the school environment… I was relieved but I rather wish I had a cure or an answer… I than thought it was just my parenting… and I think that’s why I got pregnant with twins while on 2 forms of BC… because the twins are the polar opposite of him and I have not changed my parenting style… the baby gods wanted me to know I am not a bad parent… its his choices… not mine… but it still breaks my heart :cry: Thank you again for the support :grouphug:
His body may not be hyper but his brain may be. Just because he can sit there and answer questions may not mean that he doesn't have A problem. While he was sitting there answering questions, was he also talking about other things? Or were there times he seemed to be daydreaming? Plus you were talking about him, something he is interested in. He may not be able to focus on a teacher who is going on and on about geometry or something he could care less about - his mind may be far far away from there and way ahead of the day thinking about what you guys will do when he gets home or his weekend plans. His mind may be way beyond today. You are not a bad parent at all. Each child has their own way about them. You will worry about all 3 of them for different reasons. It is in the mom job description.
Totally!!! And that is why we went to 3 different Drs (one recommended by the school, one by his pedi and one I found on my own) and we did try “stuff” much to my dismay… and ALL of them did not help (they all made it worse he turned into a squirrel on red bull and since my heart was against it we stopped)… changing our diet helped more than anything… it cut the hyper out… but the annoying coming off odd… I’m not sure what can fix that… hes just got to “step up”, “grow up” or “shut up”… I know harsh words “shut up”… I haven’t said them to him… but everyday :gah: … I don’t know if I will make it through the next 4 weeks Thank you Heather :grouphug:
I totally understand. Jared Is this way too and the last thing anyone needs is a squirrel on red bull. jar's annoyingness is especially bad at the moment because he is so excited about the summer - he is going to stay with my inlaws for 6 weeks ( why that is exciting I have NO clue LOL!!! I would dread the heck out of it LOL!!). I need to keep him here and make him attend summer school but I am so ready for a break that I CANNOT stand the thought. That is sad huh!! One day, we will be in Fiji and everything will be all betterLOL!!!!
I don’t think it is sad… I started w/ "Noah summer tour away at relatives" back in late Feb… he is out of school 2 days and off… back a week… off w/ different relatives, back and off again… it is the only way I will survive the summer, and they want him… so win win I guess. Sadly last night at lacrosse he had some issue and walked off the field Saying he was done w/ Lacrosse (all red faced like he was fighting back tears)… wont tell me what happened, he just replied w/ “you don’t care so I’m not telling you” I didn’t take the bait and said ok… got home and Nate threw up and had a fever so DH was helping w/ the clean up and told him he would talk to him once Nate was settled so Noah should shower and he would come talk to him… he went into his room (once nate was better 45 min later) and DH said “sorry you had a bad night….” Didn’t even finish and Noah replied “No you don’t you don’t care…” so DH just said ok and left… he was try to pick a fight w/ us and we wouldn’t give it to him… I think I may even keep him home from school I cant get call from THEM on top of all this... and he is walking w/ a chip on his shoulder :aggressive: oh Fiji here i come :escape:
I am telling you, Jared and Noah would be best friends. They could commiserate together. According to Jared, we don't care either and he doesn't even give us a chance. It is SO frustrating. We do not give in to Jared either. I have no idea what else we can do. I hate that Noah feels done with Lacrosse, I was glad that he was doing that, I cannot get Jared to play a sport for anything. Unless he feels like he is the best on the team, he won't play. I will meet you in Fiji!!!!
My BIL was like that. Just weird and off putting. He was around 14 when DH and I started dating. He's still odd at 30, but he's married. He's a good dad. He has a good job. The oddness is different and more likable at times. Some people just have different personalities.
Thank You Again Heather :give_rose: Well… Dh went in to his room this morning and said “do you want to stay home from school”? this is something we have NEVER done… but I was worried to send him because he didn’t get it off his chest and pick a fight w/ us (something that normally would have gone down)… that he would then pick one w/ someone else… and Noah said “NO”! (ok, at 13 I would have done anything to stay home w/ parent consent) and DH said “ok… that’s fine… but that means you’re making the choice to ‘let go’ and not take your mood out at someone at school”… Noah rolled his eyes and said “ya whatever”… and DH said… “NO, not ‘ya, whatever’… this is a choice YOU are making”…my heart sank every time my phone rang… thought it would be school… then right when school let out the phone rang but it was Noah asking to go to a friend’s house … something he hasn’t done all year… usually just come home and mopes… but due to Seth and Nathan being sick I said no, maybe tomorrow (plus he has 2 tests and a paper due tomorrow)… so he came home did all his homework and mumbled… “I want to play in the game Sat…” and I said “you DO”? and he said “ya” … what he didn’t know was the coach had left me a message seeing if Noah was doing better and he really hope Noah would come to the game on Sat that they really need him (not want… need) I have not told Noah any of this… so it was good that he decided to stay in Lacrosse on his own… when he originally told he wasn’t coming back to Lacrosse I just answered w/ ok… I knew he had all of thur and Fri to change his mind… I am shocked Noah took up Lacrosse… as he has never played and all the kids have been playing 3+ years… and Noah’s stopped soccer @10 when the other kids caught up to him and he was no longer the star player… seriously I was shocked he did it AND it took this long for there to be any drama… but I don’t think I was all too shocked he decided to try to play again… he really liked it… but we shall see… I walk on egg shells <_< FYI: I spent almost a month in Fiji when I was 12… The Regency Hotel… slow services…. But that’s the Fijian laid back way… we will start TS get together there
Ya, I am sad to think/realize that this is him… BUT my mom points out… "its hard… you worry about your kids your whole life… but when it’s not right under your nose day in day out… you start a new relationship…" then she reminds me how I came back the summer after I graduated high school from my trip to Europe a different person… I came home an adult… so I guess there is hope… I just want him happy… and I wonder when he will realize the way he is turn people away… he’s a good looking boy w/ a big heart… some girl will look past his goofy way and just see those gorgeous green eyes and awesome smile… I use to joke… his success in life will be snagging a cougar…
I have one like that. Some times he's right along with the crowd, sometimes he's just a "step off" -- right on the cusp, like you said. Social situations aren't his strong point, but he comes through them maybe not as I expected, but OK. The best thing a teacher said to me (and she didn't realize how much I needed to hear this) was, "Some people just need to grow up into themselves. I think he's fine." Give him time to grow up. It may take longer than you think, but there are always people for him to become friends with when he is ready. I'm sorry that he feels so alone, but maybe just keep doing what you're doing (loving him) and he'll see that he's NOT alone at all. About him leaving lacrosse - my DS gets so upset about things, and then gets more and more upset, like he's a rubber band toy winding up. And then the original thing that set him off isn't the deal, and isn't even any problem anymore. His teachers have found that moving briskly on to the next thing calms him down when he's having a "moment" -- he hates to be left behind worse than he hates to upset so he puts the upset aside. That seemed to help mine. Hope that helps a little!
