All the agression and attitude...

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by MrsWright, Aug 16, 2014.

  1. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :headbang: Help a momma out please!
     
    My boys are driving me insane!  They are disrespectful to me and DH and well, pretty much everyone!  They just seem like angry teenagers.  Like if they don't like it, no one is going to like it.  Obviously we don't let them carry on this way and they get time outs and if they go stomping and slamming into time out they get spanking and if they are still carrying on they get 5 "bare hiney" spanks...usually doesn't get to the naked bums but I feel like more often than not they are getting a spank.  They are old enough (5.5) to go to time out quietly and sit there 5 mins.  I also feel they are too old to be losing control of themselves...ie choosing to scream at whoever to stop instead of asking nicely to.
    I'm at a loss for the other "disrespect" as it isn't so much being downright rude/mean sounding like they are to us but for example today at FIL's fly in at his hangar DH's aunt asked JT to take some tongs to MIL. He said no, she stood there holding them out and said "wait a min, I said please" so I said I'll take them (trying to model appropriate behavior) when he said no again so she huffed off saying I'll take them myself.
     
    So should I expect him to take orders from an aunt he sees 2-4x a year?  I feel like yes, when an adult ask you to do something, you do it.  But at same time they are on shy side (as are DH and I) and I don't want to force them into uncomfortable situations (his family also huffs and cries at the tiniest things so this little incident I'm probably reading more into than I should bc it ticked me off that she huffed away) <_<  <_<
     
    Whats your take? I am ready for kindergarten to start bc their behavior was so much better in school and for the most part they were very behaved in school.
     
  2. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    And it's 6:15 and I just sent JT to bed because he asked to ride his bike after supper and asked how long. I said 5 mins and he was throwing his paper plate away from supper and the bag was out of can and he got ticked and threw it in the bag but it fell in floor so I told him he lost bike go get pjs on and do a time out (he's still mouthing as I'm telling him) and then I say if you don't stop you'll go right to bed. So he chose to scream and swing his fist in the air towards me. Soooo now he's in bed......parenting sucks sometimes:'(
     
  3. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Kim,
     
    Parenting absolutely sucks sometimes. :hug:
     
    I am not anti-spanker, I used to do it myself. But, I've switched it up a bit because I felt like it wasn't effective for my boys and I'm not doing it for me, I was doing it with the intent to stop unwanted behavior. In the case of my boys, it was usually them hurting/being disrespectful to eachother or Ben and I. 
     
    What I switched to: mostly our steps. I sit down, hold each of their hands and try my best to use a very calm, almost whisper level voice. I listen to each person involved quietly, still holding hands. Then there is an exchange somewhat like this:
     
    S: "He hit me!"
    O: "He called me gagababy!"
    Me: "Do we call eachother names?" (Again, in a super soft voice)
    S: "no..."
    Me: "What do we need to do?"
    S: "Say sorry. O, sorry for calling you a name" (I insist that an apology is specific, done with eyes on the person you've hurt. Sometimes if they are unapologetic we wait and I have the kid in the wrong look at the crying child. That's usually enough to spur some empathy).
    O: "That's ok, S" (I also insist that forgiveness be given for the hurt child's sake. If they can't get over it and forgive for their sake, they'll have more problems later in the day).
    Me: "Now. Do we hit anyone? Ever?"
    O: "S, sorry for hurting you"
    S: "That's ok O"
    I then make them hug eachother gently. 
     
    If anything isn't done properly we wait until they can do it.
    This was a bit of a pain to enact but they are well used to it now and don't complain. Happily, it seems to have better results than the spanking did- they get over it and the mood in the room changes which didn't always happen before.
     
    I still send them to their rooms sometimes; it just depends. But I'm finding this method is working for my crazy little boys.
     
    To the point about the family members, I'd probably get down on JT's level and explain that he needs to do what Auntie asked. It's part of being a member of the family and he is expected to help. I would NOT do it for him; it reinforces to him that he doesn't really have to do it. 
     
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  4. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Thanks Michelle:). With the aunts thing I did go sit down after when he got a drink and told him if a grown up asks you to do something, you do it. He asked why!!. I said because they're an adult and therefore the boss!
    I do need to do something different, spanks don't seem to work (they do with Hannah but she's not quite to this point) but the threat of a bare hiney does. Time outs sometimes don't work but sometimes they stay in there a long time and come out refreshed;)
    Thanks for the suggestion; I tried it at bedtime when H and Jack went to brush teeth and Hannah started doing the "ha ha ha, I get to stand on the potty" (yup, seriously this is my life), and Jack followed up with the threat/growl of he was gonna slap her in the face
    So dh pulled him out of bathroom to wait and I said do we talk like that? Do we hit? And he started with her laughing at him. I said is that a big problem or little? He didn't want to answer me because he knew where I was going. So back in he went to apologize and her too. It worked for the min and they went to bed calm. I told boys because JT was still awake that tmw I want them to think really hard before they say anything because if it isn't nice I don't want to hear it.
    Daycare should be fun after 2wks off
     
  5. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    As my girls have gotten older I find that taking something away that is important to them is more effective than time out. I still use TO though, and my girls are almost 7 1/2.. Sometimes they need a break to calm down and think clearly. But when they are being beasts, the threat of losing a privilege or favorite toy is more effective... And of course the flip side, lots and lots of praise when they do what you want them to do without all the attitude (positive reinforcements are much more effective than negative punishers). :hug:
     
  6. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I have also found this with my two as well.  My son can have an attitude when he wants to.  
     
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