Anyone has a live in nanny?

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by Vividor, Mar 22, 2014.

  1. Vividor

    Vividor Member

    Hey, moms! Here's my situation. My girls are 2 months old 34 weekers and I also have a 3 yo son. My husband and I both work very hard, I went back to work a week ago. I am absent for 12 hrs, but I work 2-3 days a week. My husband has his own business, and it's very unpredictable, but very very busy.. So right now my mom came from my home country to help us with girls, but she needs to get back in June, so we will be on our own then. We have a nanny now who lives with us and helps with girls, do some cleaning, laundry, cooking. But today we gad a conversation and she said that she regrets she accepted this job bc it's too hard, which is partially true. First of all, she gets 600$ a week, and doesn't have any expenses - she lives with us, she eats our food, etc.. When I am home, I take care of girls, and she would just cook done thing, or does loundry, wash bottles, etc.. When I am away at work or run errands, my mom takes care of one girl and she watches the other, and when the girls sleep, she gets some rest too. This week I worked 3 days on a row and she was taking care of one girl at night- feeding, putting her back to sleep etc, and I was raking care of the other. Some nights are better than others.. Some days are bad- non shop crying, feeding etc. so I guess, she expected something different. Anyway, she is quitting. And I am looking for a new person and my question is if anyone has a live in help and how do u manage things with the nanny, what responsibilities does one have..
    Maybe I expect more than I should?? Any advice would be nice!
  2. mommymauro

    mommymauro Well-Known Member

    ok, sorry if this is messy and/or hard to follow... i am posting quick before i leave otherwise i will forget to...
    No i didn't (i know your thinking... then why are you posting)... we entertained it... BUT with my friends who did have live ins... it always ended up yucky (quitting at the worst times)... i think theirs (not your) problems stemmed from blurred lines of responsibility... we wanted to avoid that.  My husband also owned his own company and the only thing predicable about it was he worked A LOT... so for the early months we had two nanny's with set work hours... mon- fri one came 10-6 (she cleaned house, did laundry and prepared some food  when the little men were sleeping... she was a second me) and three nights a week a night nanny came from 9pm 6am (I got up an pumped but went back to bed... but knowing i had 3 nights a week i got some good sleep helped me)... maybe hiring a second nanny for your work days (if they are set days) may be a thought to consider... and the bad sleep nights wont last for ever... my boys were (for the most part) sleeping 12 hours by 12 weeks... and i didn't need the night nanny anymore... but that might also be because our night nanny was a sleep specialist (and twins were her specialty) so she taught me a lot about sleep patterns and knowing i would get a good night sleep in a day or two helped me not give in and give a bottle/boob in sleep deprived desperation when they weren't necessarily hungry ... she was worth every dime... i had to push back retirement to pay for her... but it was the best money ever spent!!
    the uncertainty of two crazy work schedules are hard... that is why we entertained a live in... good luck
  3. mom2gc

    mom2gc Well-Known Member

    I think you received very good advice from Elizabeth. Having two nannies with specific duties.  Each will come refreshed to work.  I have a full time day nanny as I work, so my situation is different, but what I have learned is to be very specific about work hours and duties.My first nanny resigned after 4 months as she had different expectations and did not cope with the challenges of twins. I hope that you find the perfect solution for your family. 
  4. Vividor

    Vividor Member

    Yes, that is a very good advice, I need to think about it. In a meantime, my nanny asked for more money, she wants a 100$ more a week, she said that she would stay then. Initially, her reason for leaving was that she feels like she is in prison here- nowhere to go, we live in suburb area, no ppl around, nothing in walking distance, no public transportation etc, so she wanted her freedom, her weekends with friends and more free time away from duties. I respected her wishes and it made total sense to me, not everyone can do it, sometimes I get depressed too here, it's very very private area we live in... So we called the agency and started looking for a new person. And she left for her day off, and when she came back, she was kissing girls non stop and was very enthusiastic about her duties and said that she missed them and now she doesn't know what to do and if we give her 100 more bucks, then she will stay. My husband told her that in 3 months those 100 extra bucks won't feel like its enough and either she will leave us or ask us for more money again.
    Logically, we need a new person, but besides from her getting too expensive for us, I am satisfied with her... Don't know what to do. So far, we keep her on her initial salary and keep looking for a new's not easy to find one for twins- ppl get scared:)
  5. daisies

    daisies Well-Known Member

    Having been the stay at home mom in the boonies.. you do feel trapped (there was no where else in the world I would have rather been.. but still trapped and isolated.  and I had my regular group of friends around).  My first thought on reading your original post was that $600 was not enough money for what you are expecting.  I am sure you feel like living in and expenses are a benefit, but my guess is it is more beneficial to you than to her.  I would take that out of the equation when you are figuring out what you are paying.  What would you be paying for child care x2 just during the day?

    If you like her, I would give her the pay increase. (maybe with the understanding that when nights are no longer needed the rate will drop?) 
     she still might leave eventually but at least she knows what she is in for and you don't have to train someone right now.
    in addition, if you like her, consider hiring a second person for fill in or find a way to allow her to get out when things get tough.  Like you said she came back from her day off with renewed energy. (been there.. experienced that.  3 hours makes a world of difference)  Having been there I can tell you the hardest part is knowing there is no one to cover if you need to get out.  Just the knowledge that that is an option (a breath of flexibility) makes a huge difference.
    OR a compromise, $50 more and an option for a few hours extra off at her discretion, within reason. 
    PS - do you have an all terrain stroller?  we live on dirt roads. to be able to get out and walk was a life saver for my sanity and really good for the kids.

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