Are you ever sad that you had twins?

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by JessiePlus2, Mar 19, 2009.

  1. excitedk

    excitedk Well-Known Member

    I don't think having infertility or not, or older children, no help, help etc makes any difference here. Obviously plenty of us have felt the same, and are ok to admit it.

    I have to say its gets soooooooooooooo much easier to be a mom of twins as they get older, really it does. I don't feel any more limited with twins now than my singleton moms, often I think I have it easier from my parenting skills :cool: But when they were younger, especially months up until 2 I would look at singleton moms with ALOT of envy!!!!
     
  2. akameme

    akameme Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    A lot of good responses.....

    I still remember being told it was twins at the 8 week u/s. I said to my husband, I'll miss out on the that one-on-one time and bonding, blah blah. And then I put my head in my hands and said "I want my mommy."

    I am often overwhelmed by the 2 on 1, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I think the pace of a singleton would have been difficult for me. I'm not a very focused person and I think having twins complements that nicely. The idea of having a single baby following me around and needing all my attention would have been very hard on me.

    Yes, sometimes I feel like it takes 2 hours to get out of the house, but IT GETS BETTER...once kids start understanding the process of leaving and what it means, they are more cooperative. Yes, sometimes bedtime is a disaster because they distract each other or get each other all riled up.

    But they play together, they help each other and they love each other so much I want to cry.

    And, while I'm sad I won't get a "baby do-over" I really don't want more children. While I'm sad I had a rough pregnancy, I'm glad I'm don't have to be pregnant again. I have a great career which just got back on track after almost 18 months and I couldn't face another maternity leave.
     
  3. sbcowell

    sbcowell Well-Known Member

    yes, yes, yes I do have singleton envy often! I had it much more when they were newborns because at that time I didn't leave the house for months and months. Now, at least I can take them out grocery shopping or to the mall or to the park - which is improvement compared to "never leaving the house". But, I still feel sad and envious on many occasions that I its harder to participate in the "classes" or go out for lunch. I am fortunate as I have a helper who comes with me if I want to do classes, but its still not quite the same as just having one child to worry about.

    I think over the next year, getting out and doing different activities will get better (yes, other challenges will come up), but for me getting out of the house is so important, and the more I do that the better I feel (even if it is only to get a few groceries!).

    Hang in there, what you are feeling is normal, many of us feel it, and that doesn't mean we don't love our children or are bad moms - I think that just makes us honest (and I am not saying that every person needs to have singleton-envy, but I do think there are many people that feel that way and won't admit it for whatever reason) IMHO.
     
  4. heathertwins

    heathertwins Well-Known Member

    Despite being a person who always thought she'd have twins, I have had "singleton envy". I would have loved to go to baby swim classes and when I've taken just one baby out grocery shopping I'm amazed at how easy it is. When I take one baby out I can run numerous errands before the child gets fussy. I also noticed I talked more to them when it was just one baby.

    I'm still amazed at the number of singleton moms who would take the time to get a heavy stroller out, when they can just pick up the child and put them in a grocery cart !! I also found at mother's groups that it was even harder to talk with the other moms because my eyes were looking in two different directions. I especially noticed this because one day I was able to only take one baby and it was a HUGE difference and much more relaxing.

    My dh is often away alot and I HAVE to get out to get groceries and other items and the girls need to come with me. I do get out often to the library and other playcentres as best we can. I am pg now with number three and I'm not sure what I will be able to do now with another little one. I'm a bit worried that it will limit me even more, but I'm sure I will find a way.

    Your feelings are normal and I'm glad 99 % of responses have been supportive.

    heather
     
  5. Boni

    Boni Well-Known Member

    I cant say that I felt sad or jealous, in fact its the other way around for me. But I did think by myself the other day, that it might have been easier if they werent twins because they both want my 100% attention at the same time.
     
  6. lianyla

    lianyla Well-Known Member

    Hey Jessie,
    Even though I have NOT had an "easy" go of this TWIN-THING, I have never once envied singleton mothers.

    I always wanted twins and have ALWAYS thought that having just one would be soo incredibly boring that I wouldn't know what to do w/ myself. I definitely would have stayed at my job and he/she wouldn't have gotten to spend as much time w/ me as the twins do.

    I take my twins EVERYWHERE so I have never given that part much thought.

    Having twins is dEfInItElY harder than having ONE but OMG sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better!
     
  7. Dianna

    Dianna Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't say sad. I some days wonder what it would be like with just one right now but then they do something cute together and I realize I wouldn't want it any other way.

    I think we all have different stress levels, different levels of what we are comfortable doing, and I know a lot of people handle having two, taking two places a lot better than I do... and I have to say I don't really get jealous of singleton moms but of moms of twins who seem to have it so together, who seem to be able to go do whatever they want and I panic at the thought of taking my two to the grocery store.

    Dianna
     
  8. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Sad? No. Frustrated at times? Yes. But not with the rearing of the children, just with the inconsiderateness of things that are made for single babies. Like shopping carts (what I'm currently annoyed at).

    I went to Target last night, grabbed a cart to haul A&R inside to find a two seater. Which isn't a two-seater, but one with a "child seating area" in front. Two seats with shoulder belts close to the floor. Well, yay! There are 6 of them! I pull out one. Straps broken. Pull out another one. Straps are broken. Pull out a third. Straps are broken, but not so bad, they're tied together and it looks okay. Put A&R in that one, strap them in. Grab the handle again, "oh gross. It's reallllllly sticky." Go to Starbucks, grab napkins. Go to the water fountain, wet the napkins, wash the handle. Start doing my business, kids are kicking each other. Get halfway through the store, and realize that A is on the floor. Yeah, the straps that were tied together didn't hold her in. At that moment, I think to myself. If there was only one of them, I could have gotten a normal cart.

    Same with asking for two high chairs. I could have just asked for one high chair and not gotten weird looks.
     
  9. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Jessie,
    I know I have and at times still do feel discouraged with having twins. There are some things that are just easier with one. There is a lot I don't do unless I have another person with me right now because that is what I feel comfortable with. I would not take my twins to a Mommy and Me class because the ones around here don't take twins unless there is another adult with them. My DH works the midnight shift, so he sleeps during the day, so we are on our own. The twins and I version of going out is either going to visit my BF or going for a walk. I feel like I would be more on the move with one then I am with two. I think it's good to do what you are comfortable with doing right now and what feels safe and right for you and your babies.
    On the other hand, watching my twinkies grow and play together and just be twins is probably the most awesome thing I have ever seen. Sure they are a lot of work and I have friends who tell me, 'I don't know how you do it.' But they have a couple kids at different ages and I say to them, 'I don't know how you do it either!'. The twins are our first and last children, so there is the frustrating parts and the parts that are just totally awesome. You are doing great Momma, hang in there!!!
     
  10. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    It's so funny because the cart thing is my main issue right now. Only two stores around here have double carts... One is the wholesale club and they are all double, the other one is one of the grocery stores but you have to get the ones with the little car in the front and they're a PITA to move (plus I have to leave the kids in the car to get one and I hate it).

    It's really my main issue with twins for now... At Target they have no double carts so I need to take my stroller and buying bulky things is a pain. Any other grocery store, I need to bring the stroller and I have to go through the self pay section or the stroller doesn't fit in the isle...

    About classes, they're too expensive for us so I guess it doesn't bother me that we can't go.

    I agree though, it's very different when you've been through infertility. We tried to have a baby for 4 years, and would not have been able to afford another one, so being able to adopt twins was wonderful.
     
  11. JessiePlus2

    JessiePlus2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for all of your responses! When I signed on and saw three pages, I realized that my post probably struck a chord with a lot of people. I do realize and appreciate all the joys that come with having twins. In fact, I rarely feel singleton envy which is why I was so struck by what I was feeling yesterday. I also went through years of infertility, multiple miscarriages and IVF before having my twins, and I still sometimes feel even more sad about that when I think of my twins. It's the whole "why can't I be normal and have sex to have a baby, have a normal healthy pregnancy and just one at a time" pity party. Again, it's rare for me to go down that mental path, but it happens sometimes.

    I am one who isn't very comfortable getting out and about with the twins. DS tends to throw a fit in the stroller so shopping trips are stressful for me. But I also realize that it's my choice to stay home with them rather than dealing with a temper tantrum in the stroller at a store. I do a quick Target trip every other week or so with them, but I can only get 10 minutes or so before DS starts to protest the stroller with a tantrum.

    You guys have encouraged me to try to take them out more often though. For instance, I really need to go do a week's worth of grocery shopping, and Aldi has a double seater cart, but I just cringe at the thought of trying to do it with them. Maybe I'll take your posts as a boost of confidence and do it today.

    Like someone else said, I think I really envy those twin mommies who have the confidence and togetherness to go out with their twins!

    PS-I totally understand about those Target carts! I always use the stroller in Target because I know one of the twins would take off running while I was strapping in the other.
     
  12. tamaras

    tamaras Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(JessiePlus2 @ Mar 20 2009, 07:06 AM) [snapback]1236715[/snapback]
    Thank you so much for all of your responses! When I signed on and saw three pages, I realized that my post probably struck a chord with a lot of people. I do realize and appreciate all the joys that come with having twins. In fact, I rarely feel singleton envy which is why I was so struck by what I was feeling yesterday. I also went through years of infertility, multiple miscarriages and IVF before having my twins, and I still sometimes feel even more sad about that when I think of my twins. It's the whole "why can't I be normal and have sex to have a baby, have a normal healthy pregnancy and just one at a time" pity party. Again, it's rare for me to go down that mental path, but it happens sometimes.

    I am one who isn't very comfortable getting out and about with the twins. DS tends to throw a fit in the stroller so shopping trips are stressful for me. But I also realize that it's my choice to stay home with them rather than dealing with a temper tantrum in the stroller at a store. I do a quick Target trip every other week or so with them, but I can only get 10 minutes or so before DS starts to protest the stroller with a tantrum.

    You guys have encouraged me to try to take them out more often though. For instance, I really need to go do a week's worth of grocery shopping, and Aldi has a double seater cart, but I just cringe at the thought of trying to do it with them. Maybe I'll take your posts as a boost of confidence and do it today.

    Like someone else said, I think I really envy those twin mommies who have the confidence and togetherness to go out with their twins!

    PS-I totally understand about those Target carts! I always use the stroller in Target because I know one of the twins would take off running while I was strapping in the other.


    Jessie, good for you :hug:
    I am glad that you can recieve some positive input :)

    There are still a TON of things that I will not do alone yet as well. No storytime, no park (alone), no gym classes, no going out to eat (me alone w/ them) etc etc.
    I feel like if I had one I could do anything & everything under the sun and still have more time for just 'me'. Plus I would have a lot more babysitting options! ;)

    Costco is one of my favorite & easiest places to go, one because of the double carts and two because of all the stuff & lights for them to look at (and the samples of food for them to eat!). The double carts really do make it so much easier & they LOVE being in the cart (I thought they would freak out!).
    I always bring some toys on those plastic clips & attach to the handlebar for them to play with so they don't get irritated. Normally I can be there for an hour w/out an meltdowns! I just make sure I go after naps & after they have had lunch or a snack :good:
    The girls get so much attention when we are at the store & I think that maybe the singleton mom's get a little jealous :laughing:!!

    Good luck if you do decide to get out & try it! I know that even if you only get them in the cart before someone has a meltdown you will be proud of yourself :hug:
     
  13. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I had those feelings quite often when they were newborn-it comes and goes. I do have an older singleton so I know how much easier taking care of one infant, one toddler, how much more time you can devote to that one child can be.
    I love having twins and it is getting easier but I do sometimes feel jealous...I will admit it.
    and...when I think of each of my kids individually I get that gushy loving feeling towards them, individually, but when I think of them all together I feel, overwhelmed...
    on the other hand-I have had many many comments of other people that are jealous of me having twins-the grass is always greener:)
     
  14. agolden

    agolden Well-Known Member

    I am sad sometimes that I have twins. I have one boy who thinks he is an only child and although he looooves his brother, he would so love to have me to himself and it makes me sad that I can't do that for him (I'm single also so it's also hard to split them up to have some alone time - plus they just ask for each other all the time if they aren't there). Or when one is sick and they just want to cuddle but you can't just be with that one because you have to take care of the other one. Or you have to take turns reading the book that one wants to read versus the other and it gets all angsty. I guess its about not being able to give them the individual attention as much as they want. That makes me sad.

    Not all the time, of course. Last night Elias woke up after a couple of hours and started calling Ya Ya (his name for Ezra). Softly at first then louder and louder like "I'm awake, why aren't you?" They used to just call for Mommy. That brought a serious smile to my face.
     
  15. Andi German

    Andi German Well-Known Member

    Found this really interesting. Never once have I felt sad. I have an older daughter and so have experienced the single baby and one baby is really a doddle compared to twins. But I love the challenge and I love being different with twins. I do realise that we haven't spent as much time with the boys teaching them stuff, for example, like we did Lara as we just don't have the time. But they are happy together and we do what we can. We all went to the beach today - was mental but great fun! Do what you can and don't feel sad about it - you are sooooo blessed. Just be happy with what you can do and try to do more bit by bit.

    Imagine having triplets!!!!!!
     
  16. erwelch

    erwelch Well-Known Member

    I LOVE having twins and couldn't imagine my life without them (or how easy it was). I also have a 2.5 yo DS so I have to get all 3 ready to go out but we do go somewhere almost every morning and afternoon. In the am we go do errands or to the library and in pm we walk to the park or play outside. Granted my twins are only 10mths so they aren't walking yet but they do crawl and get into everything. I think the more you go out the more both you and the babies will get used to it. I can get my kids in and out of the car in no time even at home while unloading all the groceries. I love it that my twins entertain each other and I don't have to do as much with them while they are playing. Oh my life is crazy most of the time but I never once wished I had all singletons, I got the 2 for 1 deal and couldn't be happier!
     
  17. Becca34

    Becca34 Well-Known Member

    For those of you talking about double carts at Target or the grocery store -- seriously, how do you do it? I won't leave my twins in the car to go into the store to get a cart. They're too heavy to hold both together and walk in like that (and then what if there isn't a double!), and they will squirm to get down. I just can't hold two bucking 30-pound children together, LOL.

    I could potentially hold one hand and carry the other, but neither is very good at holding a hand and walking next to me yet, especially in a busy parking lot.

    So, I use my double stroller, and just hang the reusable grocery bags off the back -- and get two dinner's worth of groceries at the most. If I need to get milk, forget it, that's sometimes all I can get....thankfully, my DH does the groceries a lot, or I can leave him home with the kids and go myself.

    For those of you who use the double carts, HOW does it work?
     
  18. tamaras

    tamaras Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Becca34 @ Mar 20 2009, 09:34 AM) [snapback]1236932[/snapback]
    For those of you talking about double carts at Target or the grocery store -- seriously, how do you do it? I won't leave my twins in the car to go into the store to get a cart. They're too heavy to hold both together and walk in like that (and then what if there isn't a double!), and they will squirm to get down. I just can't hold two bucking 30-pound children together, LOL.

    I could potentially hold one hand and carry the other, but neither is very good at holding a hand and walking next to me yet, especially in a busy parking lot.

    So, I use my double stroller, and just hang the reusable grocery bags off the back -- and get two dinner's worth of groceries at the most. If I need to get milk, forget it, that's sometimes all I can get....thankfully, my DH does the groceries a lot, or I can leave him home with the kids and go myself.

    For those of you who use the double carts, HOW does it work?


    costco is the ONLY place w/ double carts here :(
    I park next to a cart drop off place so that I can grab a cart someone just unloaded (or I follow someone who is unloading their cart & wait)
    or if worst comes to worst I will leave the girls in the car & run to grab the closest cart & run back.
    I always park further away, but it works out great. That way both girls are in the cart & I have my diaper bag & everythign ready to go before we even get close to being in the store!
    they both get to sit up front (like in a normal grocery cart) & there is plenty of room in the double carts so they aren't squished together.
    They are ALWAYS strapped in (luckily our Costco is new & all the straps still work & aren't broken!).
    I have tried one in a cart (in the front) and the other in the big part of the cart...but that didn't work so well. The one in the back was stepping all over everything & trying to stand up back there & it just seemed too dangerous at this age. Maybe when they are older it will be better.
     
  19. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Becca34 @ Mar 20 2009, 12:34 PM) [snapback]1236932[/snapback]
    For those of you who use the double carts, HOW does it work?


    At BJs they have the double carts in the parking lot. I park right next to them and take the girls out. At the grocery store or target they are harder to come by so I usually drive around the parking lot to look for them. If I can't find them then I use the stroller. For the first time last week I saw they had the double cart on the sidewalk next to the grocery store- I parked and held one while I held the hand of the other. I parked as close to the side walk as possible. My girls have been walking since before they were 1 and this was the first time I felt comfortable doing that in a busy parking lot.

    To the OP: Sometimes I envy my friends with only 1, but now my girls are more interactive with each other so its so much fun to watch them play. :hug:
     
  20. xavier2001

    xavier2001 Well-Known Member

    On the double cart issue I circle the parking lot for one in the cart corral and then park right next to it (even if it means a further away spot) and then load em up. If I don't see any then I usually just carry both babies into the store where I know they have them (my twinnies are 22 and 25ish pounds so its manageable to carry them a short distance). You could always park by the cart corral and put them in a single cart (one in the basket one in the seat) and take them in that way and then swap to a double cart. Probably not the safest but you wouldn't have to leave them alone or worry about carrying them that way. I've done that when running into places like Walgreens to pick up photos, I just put my more trustworthy one (DS) in the big part of the cart and watch him like a hawk to make sure that he doesn't stand up.
     
  21. Becca34

    Becca34 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(SMiLeD @ Mar 20 2009, 01:20 PM) [snapback]1236988[/snapback]
    You could always park by the cart corral and put them in a single cart (one in the basket one in the seat) and take them in that way and then swap to a double cart.


    OMG! I can't believe I never thought of this before -- that will totally work!! Thank you!

    Sorry for the hijack, now back to our regularly scheduled post... :)
     
  22. snoopytwins

    snoopytwins Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(MamaD @ Mar 19 2009, 05:28 PM) [snapback]1235856[/snapback]
    No.

    Not at all.

    I have found that the people who have issues with handling twins, don't have older children. One is really NOT that different than two. Seriously, how long does it take to bathe a baby and put it to bed??? Double it because you have two... and quit whining. It can be done (and the twins loved and happy) in less than 10 minutes. Seriously, how hard do you think you need to scrub??? We wash what hair we have, scrub and "BAM - DONE"

    We go out, it takes 3.5 extra seconds to grab the other baby and put them in the stroller ( we've outgrown baby seats)....

    I can take my 4 year old out of his seat, put one twin in half of the stroller... go to the other side of the car... place the other twin in, buckle. AND DONE. Seriously, we often get applause!! I also have one more child.... big, but cumbersome (he's annoyed at me right now... weighing in at 185...).

    We eat out, at lunch, ofte
    n. Nordstromes. yummy!

    Your limitations are your own.


    Umm...wow is all I have to say to this response.

    To OP...you are at a difficult age too...learning to walk/run/follow directions. I mean mine are 2 and we're not great but they are getting much better.

    In fact, I can see why you feel the way you do...with the boys, I could never just swooop them up and go like so many of my friends. I wouldn't say I'm sad about the twins...I just didn't like not being able to "keep up" so to speak. Now with the third baby, I can see how "easy" (I use that term loosely...it's probably more appropriate to say logistically possible) it is to deal with one baby but now I have three kiddos to deal with overall. I had just gotten to where I could go out comfortably with the boys, and now I'm learning and just now getting where I'm confident heading out with all three.
     
  23. stefwebb

    stefwebb Well-Known Member

    I won't say that I've ever felt sad, but I have at times felt jealous that I can't give one enough attention. It's usually when one is sick.

    As for activities, I'm lucky that DH is extremely involved so i don't have to take them many places by myself. I will take them anywhere they are expected to be strapped in most of the time though. Our zoo is small and doable with one adult and any shopping is too. I won't try a park alone, because they would just go in different directions and be climbing on different things. I guess If I really wanted to go I could just put them in the swings though. We've each had to find our limits, DH won't do as much alone with them as I will. He's more easily frustrated with the fussing. I do wish I had time for the mommy and me classes, but I work so that's more of an issue than there being two of them. The boys like being out more than at home so we've had to adjust.

    Snacks and sippies are a must for any outing whether there is one adult or two. Yogurt melts are in the diaper bag too in case of emergency :)
     
  24. yeacab

    yeacab Active Member

    My twins are not quite 1 yet, but I have never regretted having twins and it was a total surprise/shock for us when I was 18 weeks pregnant. It is definitely harder than having one (we have 2 older kids - my stepkids (9 & 15) - and my crazy husband claims to want 3 more....I say NO!). That said, forcing yourself to do things and get out definitely makes you feel better. Sometimes it is a disaster, but it gives me something amusing to say on facebook ;-). I went to visit my cousin the other day who has two sets of twins - 3 and 8 months - ok that made me feel a lot better! She still gets out - I have NO idea how you get out with two sets of twins - but she claims the 3 year olds get that they need to behave when she has the 8 month olds with her. She does not have help except family.

    Seeing her totally calm and not struggling at all, made me think - I can absolutely handle my guys and we can go to lunch with friends with one baby. My friends usually end up helping me a bit, but we all pitch in. Maybe the lunch is more stressful for them, but it is less for me :).

    Anyway, I do sometimes think "One baby would be so easy!" - especially when my friends with one baby complain how hard it is to me. I have one that asked me to come over and help (my mom was watching my boys). Her baby was a difficult baby, but I found it to be a piece of cake compared to two. It also made me want another baby because it seemed so easy (looks are deceiving!), but I am terrified of having twins again like my cousin!

    Someone once told me that the first two years are harder with twins and then the rest of the years are easier (her twins are 25)! Hope its true!
     
  25. Minette

    Minette Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(JessiePlus2 @ Mar 20 2009, 02:06 PM) [snapback]1236715[/snapback]
    I also went through years of infertility, multiple miscarriages and IVF before having my twins, and I still sometimes feel even more sad about that when I think of my twins. It's the whole "why can't I be normal and have sex to have a baby, have a normal healthy pregnancy and just one at a time" pity party. A

    Oh yeah -- I totally feel that too! Not one part of the whole experience, from TTC straight through the newborn stage, went the way I had always expected it would.

    But I think that can be true whether you have twins or singleton(s). Practically from the day we learn where babies come from, we start internalizing all these messages about what it's "supposed" to be like, but things can deviate from your expectations in so many ways. I try to remember that when I start wishing I could have another baby (presumably a singleton) because I missed out on the "normal" experience of pregnancy and birth -- it still might not be normal. (Besides the fact, of course, that wanting to be pregnant isn't really a good reason to bring another child into the world....)

    Anyway, glad you are feeling better.
     
  26. Rose524

    Rose524 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(JessiePlus2 @ Mar 20 2009, 10:06 AM) [snapback]1236715[/snapback]
    I also went through years of infertility, multiple miscarriages and IVF before having my twins, and I still sometimes feel even more sad about that when I think of my twins. It's the whole "why can't I be normal and have sex to have a baby, have a normal healthy pregnancy and just one at a time" pity party.


    I do agree with this part.
    I do not regret having twins AT ALL, but do still have resentment as to the difficult road we had to take to get here. I too wish we could be "normal" and have had children by having a night of love-making, having a family at a younger age, not having spent every time to just conceive the kids, etc. All of that sucks. And the only reason I have twins is due to our infertility/IVF. So go figure, life is strange that way.

    Glad you are feeling better and hope things get easier - I'm sure they will :)
     
  27. MichelleL

    MichelleL Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(JessiePlus2 @ Mar 20 2009, 10:06 AM) [snapback]1236715[/snapback]
    You guys have encouraged me to try to take them out more often though. For instance, I really need to go do a week's worth of grocery shopping, and Aldi has a double seater cart, but I just cringe at the thought of trying to do it with them. Maybe I'll take your posts as a boost of confidence and do it today.

    Just because there are many of us that have done it/do it, please don't feel pressured to do something you aren't comfortable with. :hug: We all have our levels of comfort and some (like myself) can go out everyday with them (I personally had to for my sanity) and others (like you) have been staying home, and that is okay!!! I would suggest if you do decide to venture out don't do it when you have a week's worth of grocery shopping to do. I even avoid that myself when possible because it's hard to load up a cart while worrying about whether or not they will stay calm enough. Why not make a short list of things to get at the grocery store or Target and start small? (ETA: That way if you ds gets antsy it's easy to either scoot through checkout or just leave the store.)

    Whatever you decide to do, we are here for support!! :hug:
     
  28. Lynner405

    Lynner405 Well-Known Member

    I'm not really sad that I had twins, but the thing that I have had a hard time with is the fact that going anywhere by myself is usually a huge effort. I experienced a singleton with my first son, and with him I just picked up and went anywhere I wanted. I really had no limitations with where I went or what I did, he just came along. Once the twins came it was a totally different story. I have a hard time even now taking all three kids out. Somedays I feel adventurous, and I will take them all out to eat or go shopping by myself. Then there are days where I am just to tired and I know it will turn into a huge ordeal, so I just stay home. I am really looking forward to the time when it is easier to take them all places and I can have a little more independence...I hate feeling trapped and somedays I feel that way.

    I am finding it amusing though that all my friends who are now having their second baby aren't having such a great time when they go out...and I just want to say "Now you know how I feel!!"
     
  29. BRMommy

    BRMommy Well-Known Member

    For the first two years, I was incredibly jealous of singleton moms for having it easier, for being more mobile, for being able to hold their one baby all the time, etc. But after they turned two years old, and all those singleton moms started having their second child, I was sooooooo glad I had twins. My twins had a built-in best friend and everyday was a playdate. But those singleton moms who were juggling one newborn and one child in the midst of the terrible twos (and suffering from new sibling jealousy) had it really tough. Even after the kids got older, it seems easier to have twins because I can pick them up and drop them off from school, swimming class, music class all together. Those with different age siblings have so many different pick up and drop off times that it seems like that's all they do during the day.

    Also, in my case, I know that we would not have had our daughter if the first two were not twins. Since my boys entered preschool together, I thought I could handle another baby. If I still had one at home, I don't think I could have handled another baby. I also would not have wanted to go through the infant phase for the third time. I now feel lucky that I got three kids and only had to go through infancy twice!
     
  30. ladybutterflyrose

    ladybutterflyrose Well-Known Member

    Everyone knows I LOVE having my twins!!! That said, every now and again I do have the feelings you do for just a bit, and then "change my mental channel" and concentrate on the positives, much like you've decribed :hug:. Please know that your feelings sound so normal and much like many that I've read on this board. We will probably not have more kids, by choice, as we always hoped for a boy and girl. After a three year struggle, our wish came true :). I pine for a third from time to time, so I have my one baby at a time.
     
  31. Username

    Username Well-Known Member

    Sad? Profoundly. Often? Daily. Not a day has passed by that I don't wonder what our family would be like with justthe baby I am holding at that moment. And what would it be like if we only had the other baby? I love my babies but resent them at the same time.


    QUOTE(MamaD @ Mar 19 2009, 06:28 PM) [snapback]1235856[/snapback]
    No.

    Not at all.

    I have found that the people who have issues with handling twins, don't have older children.

    Your limitations are your own.


    I have two older children and think this is complete crap! (hey- I call it like I see it.) It doesn't take twice as long to load two kids in the car. It takes much longer because you've either left one screaming alone in the house or are trying to keep the other from running in the street.

    It doesn't just take twice as long to change diapers because the other wants to "help" or is sitting on the face of the kid getting changed.

    It doesn't take twice as long to clean up after a meal because they shared throwing the food and passed it back and forth.

    There is always someone who is unhappy (or not completely thrilled.)

    We go out. I can take them all swimming or to the store or whatever but that doesn't mean it is fun. We didn't slow down the older kids' lives. But it did get much more challenging and the logistics are tough. It is constant!

    QUOTE(bairdtwins @ Mar 19 2009, 10:04 PM) [snapback]1236165[/snapback]
    I really felt almost cheated because i had twins.


    I can relate. And my twins were born at 41+ weeks with an unmedicated vaginal birth. I can't even imagine my resentment if I'd had preemies or a c-section or some other such thing.
     
  32. MamaKimberlee

    MamaKimberlee Well-Known Member

    I have two older girls (DD#1 was completly difficult), and agreed to have "just one more" for Dh since, nothing could shock me now...This was going to be my "been there, done that kid." I was going to be an EXPERIENCED mother. Then twins....and I felt like I was parenting for the the first time.

    Yes, I have been sad. I still wish I could have that last baby which would be easy. Twins have challenged us incredibly. I l love them dearly, but they are a lot of work!
     
  33. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    I was ready to have another child when my girls came along, and I really didn't care if I had two or not. Although I was scared out of my mind, I was thrilled at the thought once it sunk in. It has had its ups and downs, but overall, its been the best ride of my life.

    Maybe it's so easy for me because I have an ADHD son who is like having sixteen 3-year-old toddlers...having two, three year olds is like a dang walk in the park compared to him. Maybe that's way I have such a upbeat view on things. :unknw: I'd trade him for a couple of yours--just for two weeks--you'd probably be glad you had your twins after two weeks with him--just a thought. :p
     
  34. E&Msmom

    E&Msmom Well-Known Member

    Im only sad when I think I may never have another. DH is completely happy since we got a boy/girl combo. He things 2 kids are the perfect number and has no desire to have more.
    I hope it changes. Really do. I dont want him to deny me of something I want just because we already have 2!! I mean, I only got to be pregnant once! I never got to have just one baby! My husband reminds me I will never have just one baby again, and I know that but I wont have 2 babies to nurse at the same time, 2 to hit developmental milestones around the same time, 2 to compare side by side etc. I want to let my twins experience having a younger sibling too- they love babies already and they are just 1!!!!

    Im rambling. I love my twins. I just wish for one more baby :)
     
  35. Anne-J

    Anne-J Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    Like someone else said, I think I really envy those twin mommies who have the confidence and togetherness to go out with their twins!


    I've always taken my twins out with me... alone and with company.... So hurray for super confident mommies like me! :rolleyes: Please.... don't for a moment let anyone convince you that it's all sunshine and roses. You envy singletons moms? That's because what you have to deal with is tough... no two babies are the same, and no two sets of twins are the same. Take your twins to the park with your singleton mommy friends, and what do you get? A bunch of mothers either taking it easy while their kids play or being able to give all their attention to their child if they need it.... And all the while you're inserting a straw into a juice box for one, while trying to push the other one on a swing. Or explaining to one how they need to wait because their sister asked to go on the slides first, and needs help climbing, and that you could only help him out on the monkey bars after that. Soon he runs off at full speed while you're hoisting your other kid up.. but you can't see clearly because some dirt off her shoe hit you in the eye... and OMG you can't chase after him... what if he gets kidnapped by some sick monster? Why won't your daughter stop kicking you in the face? Can't she just CLIMB UP? Would that be an ok time to cry? NEVER!, you're a twin mommy... stop behaving like a wuss! You glance over at those singleton mommies, and one of them has a crying kid she's trying to control looking completely stressed out while the other crowd around her offering support... and you sigh to yourself thinking... Lucky bi*ch! Imagine getting stressed out with such small problems. :lol:

    I don't like whiny people either, but you sound like many other twin mothers who have some point or the other felt the same. So don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you're less of a mother or have no right to feel the strain of motherhood in whichever form it takes. I'm actually pretty surprised to see more experienced mothers going through what I call 'The New Mommy Syndrome' where they insist everything is perfect, and they feel nothing but love and happiness.. no stress, no frustration, nothing... for fear of sounding like failures. Reality is very different.

    Hang in there.
     
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