Are you ever sad that you had twins?

QUOTE(Username @ Mar 21 2009, 11:57 AM) [snapback]1238261[/snapback]
Sad? Profoundly. Often? Daily. Not a day has passed by that I don't wonder what our family would be like with justthe baby I am holding at that moment. And what would it be like if we only had the other baby? I love my babies but resent them at the same time.
I have two older children and think this is complete crap! (hey- I call it like I see it.) It doesn't take twice as long to load two kids in the car. It takes much longer because you've either left one screaming alone in the house or are trying to keep the other from running in the street.

It doesn't just take twice as long to change diapers because the other wants to "help" or is sitting on the face of the kid getting changed.

It doesn't take twice as long to clean up after a meal because they shared throwing the food and passed it back and forth.

There is always someone who is unhappy (or not completely thrilled.)

We go out. I can take them all swimming or to the store or whatever but that doesn't mean it is fun. We didn't slow down the older kids' lives. But it did get much more challenging and the logistics are tough. It is constant!



I can relate. And my twins were born at 41+ weeks with an unmedicated vaginal birth. I can't even imagine my resentment if I'd had preemies or a c-section or some other such thing.

Maybe you should change your tag thingie - 'one sweet, simple life' - doesn't sound as though you are having a sweet life at all. I felt really sad when I read your post - we all know how hard it is with twins but I always think of the ladies who cannot get pregnant and have true cause to be sad. You are sooo blessed and even though you are entitled to moan I just thought you sounded so sad when you shouldn't be.

 

QUOTE(Anne-J @ Mar 22 2009, 01:14 AM) [snapback]1238890[/snapback]
I've always taken my twins out with me... alone and with company.... So hurray for super confident mommies like me! Please.... don't for a moment let anyone convince you that it's all sunshine and roses. You envy singletons moms? That's because what you have to deal with is tough... no two babies are the same, and no two sets of twins are the same. Take your twins to the park with your singleton mommy friends, and what do you get? A bunch of mothers either taking it easy while their kids play or being able to give all their attention to their child if they need it.... And all the while you're inserting a straw into a juice box for one, while trying to push the other one on a swing. Or explaining to one how they need to wait because their sister asked to go on the slides first, and needs help climbing, and that you could only help him out on the monkey bars after that. Soon he runs off at full speed while you're hoisting your other kid up.. but you can't see clearly because some dirt off her shoe hit you in the eye... and OMG you can't chase after him... what if he gets kidnapped by some sick monster? Why won't your daughter stop kicking you in the face? Can't she just CLIMB UP? Would that be an ok time to cry? NEVER!, you're a twin mommy... stop behaving like a wuss! You glance over at those singleton mommies, and one of them has a crying kid she's trying to control looking completely stressed out while the other crowd around her offering support... and you sigh to yourself thinking... Lucky bi*ch! Imagine getting stressed out with such small problems. :lol:

I don't like whiny people either, but you sound like many other twin mothers who have some point or the other felt the same. So don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you're less of a mother or have no right to feel the strain of motherhood in whichever form it takes. I'm actually pretty surprised to see more experienced mothers going through what I call 'The New Mommy Syndrome' where they insist everything is perfect, and they feel nothing but love and happiness.. no stress, no frustration, nothing... for fear of sounding like failures. Reality is very different.

Hang in there.



Great post Anne, and SO true. Parenting is not easy. No day is perfect. It is certainly not rainbows and puppies all day, every day. Moms get frustrated, we get sad, we get overwhelmed, etc. I know it has been very enlightening for me to have twins when it comes to being honest about how challenging being a parent truly is b/c I have had to admit to people (for my own sanity!) that it has NOT been easy. I've told my DH, my mom, my dad, my in-laws, my friends, etc. when I'm having a bad day, a hard day, etc. - and they understand, they do not judge. Shame on any mother that puts down another mom for going through a hard time.

 

QUOTE(AndiG @ Mar 22 2009, 04:58 AM) [snapback]1238913[/snapback]
Maybe you should change your tag thingie - 'one sweet, simple life' - doesn't sound as though you are having a sweet life at all. I felt really sad when I read your post - we all know how hard it is with twins but I always think of the ladies who cannot get pregnant and have true cause to be sad. You are sooo blessed and even though you are entitled to moan I just thought you sounded so sad when you shouldn't be.


bolding mine

Not at all. I think I am just honest about my feelings and don't let "shoulds" or "shouldn'ts" tell me how I am to feel. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.

I am also amazed by my babies daily. Their interactions can be so sweet and caring that I am bowled over. The unconditional love they show their older sibs is beneficial for everyone. I think I can be sad and overjoyed at the same time. Just as you can love the new phases and skills as your child grows and be wistful for the baby you are losing. If anything my life is not as simple, but more sweet. But I work to keep it as simple as I can.

 

I just love it when a mother is HONEST about her feelings and life, then gets hit with the "You should be grateful you have kids while others don't and are suffering" speech. :lol: Ridiculous!

 

I posted earlier that I wasn't envious of singleton mothers because I already got to experience having a singleton....but, there are instances where that's not true. Picking up my older DD from preschool, for example.

I see other moms waltzing in with one baby on the hip, standing in the hallways chatting, while I am trying to maneuver the freaking double stroller through the narrow hallway -- and, having to go the long way around because there's no ramp at the side door. I've tried putting one in an umbrella stroller and the other in an Ergo carrier, and that kind of works, but they're getting too big and squirmy for it. On occasion, DH or I will take one twin for an appointment, and the other parent will pick up Nadia from school with only one baby in tow -- and it's SO easy!

But, some of my friends are now having their *third* babies, and I have to admit I'm chuckling on the inside as I see them navigate the halls with a newborn AND toddler, to pick up their oldest ones. :lol: