Autism

I have my 9 week old baby boys and for the last few days, all I can think about is their risk for being autistic. I have 10 year old son with Aspergers Syndrome. Schools getting ready to start, so I think that is why he has my attention more than the twins do right now. I worry for him so much and since Aspergers is thought to have a strong genetic link, I look at my babies and just wonder if they will have the same problems. I want them to smile and laugh so badly and show me that they won't be. They smile occasionally. No laughs yet, not really anyways. Anyways, I know this is different kind of post than is usual here but I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I maybe just getting some stress off my chest right now.

 

i have a 10 year old with asperger's as well...i can point to his father and say "that's where he got it" definately...his father has said on numerous occasions "he sounds like me when i was a kid"..yeah, ya think? that is also my ex husband...james' younger sister, jayden, who has the same father, has no signs of aspergers or anything like that..the closest she gets, she's 7, is A.D.D and possibly dyslexia...james also has a pretty severe sensory disorder, and i know that comes from me, i have it in a milder form....my son issac doesn't have it, neither does jayden, nor my older daughter katy...all this to say it's much too early to tell if your babies are on the spectrum or not, and you really won't know until they are 12-18 months old...10 years is a big gap for kids, did you plan that? is your son possibly from a previous relationship? if he is, then the odds of your twins having aspergers goes WAY down...and look at your husband if they do share the same father, how was he as a kid? if you can't say "yeah, he is like his dad" then your son may have gotten it from a different relative and that also decreases the odds of your twins having aspergers...take it a day at a time...in this case, only time will tell

 

Yes, Austin is from a previous relationship. I had always thought he got it from his dad's side, he has a grandfather that seems kind of Aspie, but Austin's dad is pretty normal. The more I've read about Aspergers, the more I think he may have gotten some of it from me. I have some of the sensory issues and not a hugely affectionate type of person, but I do pretty well socially and am very empathetic. At any rate, who knows. I don't think I'll feel better until they meet all their developmental milestones without any of the other stuff. I'm probably just fixating on it right now because I'm so stressed out about school started and hoping the other kids will be good to him this year. 5th grade is when kids start to get pretty mean.
Thank you for posting by the way. It is so nice to find someone that has been there. I'm surrounded by family members and friends with perfect kids who are pretty judgemental.

 

:hug: Leslie. I am sorry that you have to stress over this. Having 2 boys as well, I definitely thought about Autism alot. :hug:

 

:hug: Lots of hugs for you. I don't have any experience with this but am sorry you are going through this and stressing about it. I also think about it a lot and I worry because Autism is more common than it used to be. They don't know what causes it and that's scary. Try not to worry so much (sorry, I know its our jobs as moms to worry!). Hang in there, and I hope this school year goes well for your son.

 

my x-mil has said that some of the ways that james behaves reminds her a great deal of all of the men in her family...and i'm like you, i have sensory issues and i'm not an affectionate person...i also did not grow up in an affectionate home, and i am in therapy to work on those issues because i don't want my kids to grow up with a mother like mine was, if that makes sense...we just got the formal diagnosis for james, though i've suspected for years that it was asperger's...my husband and i are still in the "learning" phase of figuring out the aspergers...we never really researched it before simply because it wasn't what we were told was going on...when i found out i was pregnant with izzy, my now 3 year old, i was DEVESTATED...i wanted him, but i wanted him to be a GIRL...i was so so so scared that if he was a boy, he'd be just like james and i just could NOT handle having 2 james'...izzy doesn't talk...no one really knows why, but he doesn't...he had seizures when he was 11 days old, we were told it was because of blood on his brain because of trauma from his birth, but that was a guess...he was on phenobarbital for 9 months...it had a SERIOUS sedative effect on him...he didn't sit up on his own until 9 months old...once he started coming off of the meds he went from not doing anything to sitting up, then getting up on his knees, then crawling in the matter of WEEKS...the guess is that the speech is a left over delay from all of that...he can hear fine...but it's been mentioned that "maybe he's autisic?" i just look at them and say "he's nothing like james was as a baby, so no, that's not it"...izzy is social and interactive...he loves attention and will do anything to get a laugh...he just doesn't talk...anyway, my point is this...it still sticks with me, that james is how he is and it affects how i watch his younger sibs grow and develop...

 

I have four girls and have worried about this a lot. We appear to not have any, but I have to say, the hardest past was trying not to "compare" the twins developmentally. One is faster and MUCH more vocal, the other is much more "sensory" and had a speach delay, I tried really hard not to compare them, but it's almost impossible. Now a year later, they are both "right on" with no signs at all. I think twins are even harder to not worry about!

Hope you can find some peace.

 

We are still in the learning process too. Over the past year, I've been kind of in denial about what having aspergers really means for my son. I was truely looking through rose colored glasses, thinking he'll just grow up to be a rocket scientist and everything else will work itself out. After doing much more reading and research and interacting with adult aspies, I'm finding that we are going to have some struggles ahead. Austin has a great spirit and is determined to succeed and I just hope to foster that, protect him some but also let him experienc life, learn to cope with failures and rejection but keep on going. Anyways, so glad to have found another mom going through this.

 

My brother has aspergers,growing up he had a difficult time. A lot of the reason was they did not know much about it back then. Now as an adult he is one of the most loving people I know. He is a husband and a father to three kids. It took him a while but hes o.k now just wanted to give you some hope.