Baaaaaad music class...

This may just be a toddler/parenting issue, but I'm wondering if this is anything to do with twins.
We had a music class today with other children their age, around 27-30 months. It didn't go well. I still, in my mind, consider
my two to be a bit behind in emotional development because of their prematurity. I don't think that they just magically catch up
the 2 1/2 or 3 months that easily in the first two years. But anyway, one of my DD was not too bad, just didn't
want to follow directions, go with the group much, etc. but still was fairly well behaved. My second DD was pissed off the minute
we walked in the class! Throwing herself everywhere, refusing to participate, trying to get at other instruments which weren't in use
at the time. My husband came with us today THANK GOODNESS so he took her out for breaks but to no avail really. She only settled
down nicely when it was storytime. I wouldn't feel so put off by this experience if the other kids were acting out but they weren't really.
So all these questions are going through my mind like, are they not bonded enough with me because they're forced to share my attention and share
their things? Is it a SAHM thing, like they haven't learned to take instruction from other people in a group setting?
I think they're a little spoiled in terms of me cooking for them every day, spending most of my time with them, reading whenever they ask,
smothering them with hugs and kisses, those kinds of things. But I am actually very strict when it comes to demanding behaviour and tantrums and how
they interact with us and each other. I don't give in, and they sleep great at night now because I'm also pretty adamant about no nonsense sleep training.
Sigh...just needing to vent on this one...almost wanted to cancel the class but my husband is so calm and laid back and wants to persevere and
get them to figure it out!
Any thoughts? I'm feeling like a crappy mom...the teacher asked me if these were my first children which immediately got my back up, and I assumed she
was suggesting I don't know how to parent!
Sheesh.
Thanks in advance.

 

I don't have any real advice, because it sounds like you are doing everything right at home. I could see my two being like your first daughter. They are both quiet and take a long time warming up around people/kids they don't know (especially if it's a situation where there's a lot of other parents around - I guess it's just more overwhelming for them). They probably wouldn't participate much and would rather just cling to me. I wonder if it's also a SAHM thing with me, or if it's just personality. I'm very shy too, so it's probably both. It sounds like maybe your two had their own way of getting used to the new social situation? I bet by the end of the class they'll be more comfortable and have it worked out. I signed my two up for story time at the library that starts later this month. We haven't gone since early fall, so I'm a little anxious to see how mine do too. Last time my daughter refused to get in line to participate - pick out an instrument, get a sticker from the teacher - unless I went with her.

What made me feel compelled to respond to your post though was the instructor's comment about being your first children. I would have been so offended. Surely this is not a completely unusual reaction by 2-3 year olds in a class like this. I'd imagine she'd encounter this often. Maybe she is new? Does she have kids of her own? (Maybe you can ask her next time, so you can leave her wondering what you meant by it, just like she did to you with her comment!) Hopefully she was just trying to make conversation to put you more at ease, but it was a stupid thing to say!

 

sometimes ours have those days! UGH! I haven't done any group classes like that in a while but I had signed up to do an adult Bible study this past fall and the kids got to go to a kids class while I was in my class. It was so cool, but... I ended up quitting because if the kids weren't a disaster getting out of the car and into the class (walking across the parking lot was quite a ways), then it was a disaster because they didn't want to leave the class and walk back to the car. UGH!

anyway, I agree, the teacher's comment would have totally put me on edge!!!

Is your dh able to go with you to each of the classes? if so, I'd say yes, try a few more times to see if you can get the girls to settle into a good routine. This age, is very trying, but also very rewarding as they do start to learn to behave better and learn manners... good luck!

 

I would say to give her a few classes to adjust, she may just be worried about the new situation. Maybe also try talking in between the class days about what you will do at the music class. I find if I can talk to my kids a little bit about what to expect they do much better. I would also let her know that if she doesn't listen, then daddy will take her out of the class, and alternatively if she does listen then maybe you guys will do something special afterwards (or a small reward of some type).

I used to always have 2 people at any class I took mine to, but when they were about 18months old, I started taking them on my own, and I found that they actually did better when there was only one adult looking after both of them (of course I was exhausted by the end). Whenever I had 2 adults its like they demanded 2 adults attention, but when there was only one adult they adjusted their behavior a bit. I wonder if that could happen with her?

Just let her comment roll of your back (if possible), it was kind of a silly question. Funny, but I think my reaction to that question would have been "yes, why do you ask?" Which would have been an interesting question for her to answer! But my vindictive side says why dont you ask her next time "is this the first music class you have taught?" LOL

Good luck - it does get better!

 

I started doing a "gymnastics-parent and child" class a few months ago with my twins. At first it was really hard...they were crying a lot and afraid to do a lot of things. Luckily my husband came with me a lot those first few weeks. Then after that they began to adjust. They had never really done anything like this before (partly because they are twins and they are #3 and 4 for me and it's a lot harder to get out and do stuff). Just like you, I was wondering if it was something I was doing or maybe it's because I hadn't exposed them to other kids their age, etc. etc. They didn't get that they were supposed to sit for circle time and so I'd be chasing them back and wrestling them so they would stay put. (While all the other kids sat nicely) But I stuck with it and they learned what to do and began to follow along pretty well.


Now that they have been doing it for a couple of months we inevitably have days (like you (and I by the way) did today!) when one or both are just not cooperating for whatever reason...someone wakes up in a bad mood or doesn't want to sit and follow directions. Luckily my husband was there today but this is what I did and would have done if he wasn't there. When Rachael kept trying to run off during circle time, I scooped her right up and went out to the waiting area (on the other side of the room) and sat with her on the bench. I told her that she needed to sit and do circle time with us or she would have to sit on the bench. (My twins will be 2 in a couple of weeks) After a few minutes I said, "Are you ready to go do circle time with the kids?" and she nodded so we went in and she did it. I was kinda surprised! I have done this once before and it worked both times. I didn't do a lot of warnings and threats, I just picked her up and went and stayed calm. If she was still really fighting it or throwing a fit after that, I think I would have strapped her in the stroller (which I always bring when I'm alone) and left her where I could see her and then went back to circle time with her twin sister. Now the tricky thing is what to do with the other twin in the meantime! Luckily, she is getting more comfortable in the class and I think she would have stayed with the teacher for a few minutes if my husband hadn't been there with me today. But if I had to take her over there with me I guess I would have just done that...I mean what can you do? All the parents kinda looked surprised when I picked Rachael up and went and sat down on the bench, they were kinda looking at me and I just smiled and said, "Carry on! We'll be back in a few minutes." If everything was just going really horrible after that I think as a last resort I would just strap them in the stroller and call it a day and leave. Some days are just bad days, but if it's hard every single week and it's not enjoyable for any of you, then maybe it's time to take a break and come back when they are a little older or try a different activity. I remember when I used to take my older kids to the same class when they were little and some of the kids would just run around and their parents wouldn't make them sit down and follow directions during circle time, and those were always the same kids who wouldn't behave when they got old enough for the pre-school classes. So I always promised myself that I wouldn't let my kids do that, because I do really believe that they are capable of learning to follow the rules/routines (they don't have any extenuating circumstances or health issues that might prevent them from doing this) But I'll tell ya, it certainly ain't easy sometimes!!!!!

I think at our twins' ages, I think actions speak louder than words...sometimes they get confused if I give them too many warnings or explanations,etc etc. But if I act, they get it usually....but either way, at the end of gym class I think I'm the one who is sweating the most!!!!!!!! As for that comment from the teacher, I would have also been offended....even though she probably didn't mean anything by it. It's almost like kicking you when you are down. I think it was a great idea to say "Yes, Why do you ask?"

Anyway, hang in there. Good luck next week. I'll think of you when I'm at gym class next week, chasing them in opposite directions!

Shannon

PS. One more thing, I also agree with what someone said about talking/practicing what you do in class. We did this with our twins....we did "pretend" class during the week and tried to practice some of the more problematic parts....this helped a LOT!

 

I can't thank you all enough for your feedback on this. You've all made some really good points. I agree, I need to push through and give it some time. I think
these two, though they are both very close to me, are also very independent and so they don't always want to go with the group. They seem to fare great in big play
areas in malls, etc. and at the park, when they have freedom, so that's what they are accustomed to I guess. I agree too, that my husband being with us was unusual and
sometimes I feel like they act up more when he's around, he's a little softer with them than I am I think, gives in a little more easily. I'll work on some music class 'prep'
this week with them, but we are definitely still going!
As far as that teacher, I thought about it more last night and I was getting a bit angry. She herself was overwhelmed from the get go and I feel like she was trying
to use my DD as a scapegoat for her feelings. She kept making statements like, usually it goes so smooth, I don't usually have issues getting the class organized, etc. and I'm
not convinced she knows how to work with young toddlers. I was WAY too polite about it. Next week I'll be prepared.
I'm so proud of my daughters. They went through a lot with their early arrival and they are such hard little workers. I know parenting is a 24-7 job and they can't always
be perfectly behaved, dressed, fed, and keep their barrettes in their hair! Just doesn't happen!
I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS FORUM. There is a level of understanding and support here that you just can't get from non-twin parents! Thanks so much again.

 

I don't have any other advice to add to the pp's. I'm not even brave enough to try classes at this point as I'm always on my own. It's great that you and your husband can do this together.

Wow...the teacher's comment is so obnoxious. What an idiot. I agree that she must not have children, or she hasn't worked with toddlers before?? Gheesh. :aggressive:

 

We do a music and a gymnastics class for 2-year-olds and kids are always acting like your DD did. Even kids who are great for weeks have a bad day. The teacher was ignorant for making that comment. To give her the super benefit of the doubt, maybe she could see it stressing you out and meant it to say it's normal and don't let it bother you because it happens to everyone, and if you had older kids you'd know they all have bad days?? (Probably not...)

I talk to mine a ton about their upcoming classes, what to expect in detail, what I expect, how they have to do exactly what Miss Any says, etc. I review it in the car one last time before we go in. The teachers we have don't mind them running around some or not following every exact move, so we don't make a big deal about it either.

I always go with two adults (me and my nanny, I meet them from work).

I think you're doing a wonderful job and you shouldn't think twice about it. Keep going and see if they start enjoying it more. A good friend of mine has a 3-year-old who cried every time it was time to leave the house for our gymnastics class so she just quit after four months. Some kids just aren't into a class for whatever reason, and that is fine too. On the other hand, there is a girl in our class who clings and cries the whole time and the mom keeps on coming, and a child who runs around not paying any attention to the teacher and she comes every week too. No one else in the class is bothered and we all enjoy seeing each other each week.

Don't read too much into it and just go back and enjoy yourself. I try to pick out one tiny thing for them to accomplish at each class, like going up to the teacher and saying, "Good Morning, Miss Amy!", or whatever and we try to accomplish that and it gives them something to focus on and feel good about doing.

Mine were so super shy in the beginning that just getting a hand stamp took weeks!

I missed your 1pm post...teacher definitely hasn't worked with toddlers...what a jerk.

 

I popped in here even though my guys aren't this age yet :ibiggrin:. I'm a Kindermusik teacher and teach children birth to 7. Your kiddo's reactions were completely "normal" and to be expected in a first class type setting! My Kindermusik veterans who have been attending since birth tend to sit more during activities and follow along with the current activity; whereas, my newer students spend much of the time exploring the room. The great thing is that as long as they're in the room, they're soaking up everything that is happening. I would have students who wandered the entire class period and refused to participate with mom, get into their cars and start singing the songs or doing a finger chant. Their brains are little sponges right now!

Just a couple of thoughts, take them as my .02 :ibiggrin:. If/when you or hubby have to take one out to calm down, make it as boring as possible. Just stand or sit without much interaction. They will quickly figure out that it's much more fun to be in the classroom.
Really build it up when she does participate and praise the specific thing she did (you did a great job playing the drum, or listening to the story) rather than "good job."
I would definitely give it a few more weeks. Children need several weeks to even become comfortable in the setting, and going back will only help solidify the relationship to the classroom and surroundings. I don't know what type of music class it is, but if it's a Kindermusik class, you should have a great set of materials for your class. I would pop that CD in and put it on repeat. You'll get tired of it looong before they do :headbang:. But hearing the familiar music when they get to class will really help.

And I won't speak for the teacher, but maybe she saw stress and wanted to alleviate concerns for you. I wouldn't come right out and ask if they're first children, but I'm always quick to reassure stressed parents that all behaviors are normal. Heck, I'm a KM teacher and my two wander all over the classroom. But when an activity starts that they recognize and like, they come running to our laps and are ready to go!

Good luck!!

Laura

 

That's totally normal (didn't read the replies). My kids started 'preschool' a month ago and DS was exactly the same way, not listening at all, playing with random stuff instead of listening etc... He got better after a few sessions. It's much harder for twin moms to be able to redirect!