Basic question- one adult, two 1 mo olds.. How to manage

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by jdorourk, May 11, 2012.

  1. jdorourk

    jdorourk Well-Known Member

    Ok this is a pretty basic/kinda dumb question. How did you manage your twins in the daytime if you were watching them alone. Ive been very lucky to have my mom here with me in the days. The twins are 1 mo old and have gotten to the point they need to be held,rocked etc after i breastfeed them tandem (i tandem every session). I take one baby and my mom takes the other and we each play or rock/hold them to sleep. We cant just put them in a bouncer or swing and leave them they get fussy.. I am not sure how much longer my mom will be here and i get anxious thInking abt being alone. We have tried a baby bjorn and a moby wrap i got as a handme down with some success.

    Do u just get used to one baby crying a lot?
  2. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I suggest that they learn to fall asleep on their own. Put them down drowsy and let them fall asleep. It will save you headaches later. :)
  3. Meximeli

    Meximeli Well-Known Member

    First thing is that you have to tell yourself over and over, this is not going to last forever. 1 month probably seems like forever right now, but before you know it will be their first birthday, and all this will be a blur.

    Make that two babies and one mommy crying a lot and you've got an excellent discription of the first 8 weeks of my twins lives!

    You can use a bouncy seat or swing, they will fuss at first but they will get used to it. Some babies are just fussy. It may hurt you to hear them cry but twins sometimes have to wait. I also never tandem feed until later, I would feed one lying down and feed her to sleep. Then roll away and feed the other to sleep. The one waiting to be feed would sometimes fuss, sometime cry, sometimes be fine. You'll hear a lot of people talking about them needing to learn to sleep on their own--they've got plenty of time to learn that. Infants need to be in as close contact as possible with their mother as much of the time as possible--that's how humans have evolved (or were made if you perfer).
    1 person likes this.
  4. Dielle

    Dielle Well-Known Member

    You do get quite good at holding/juggling 2. I had this sort of mantra that another twin mom had said she'd used a lot when hers were little. "There are two babies and only one mommy and in our house we share." it sounds silly, but sometimes I would sort if sing that to them when 1 was fussing and I was taking care of the other and not quite able to get to her yet. I was also lucky enough to have a very helpful 7 year old who could at least hold or snuggle one while I was taking care of the other sometimes.
  5. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    I was terrified when my husband was going back to work after 3 weeks!! It worked out though. Once I figured out that I was capable of taking care of two babies all by myself, it got easier. It was also easier than having someone help me, if that makes any sense. I second making sure they can fall asleep on their own. My youngest did that from birth and was it a heaven send. Often times, I would be holding one and have the other on my lap. Other times I would put them down on a blanket and act silly and entertain them. Know that they are tired every 1.5 hours at this point, so even if they are not showing signs, put them down. I would nurse and then put them in their cribs. Once I knew that they needed to be on a schedule, it was a lot easier for them to fall asleep becaues they were not over tired. :hug: Enjoy your babies but take care of yourself as well!!! If I really needed a break and they were not giving me one, I would put them in a safe place (cribs) and go outside or in my car, somewhere I could not hear them for 5 minutes. It helped.
    1 person likes this.
  6. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    I think it's important for you to recognize that there is no wrong way and that you CAN handle it. I know you love having your mom's help, but you will be fine when she leaves. I promise.

    I did a little bit of everything. We had a pretty structured schedule already (thanks, NICU!) so I just maintained it and just prioritized whichever child needed me most at that moment. I did lay them down to sleep awake, but my girls are excellent sleepers so they never objected. I also spent a ton of time with both babies on my chest and I just accepted that when my husband got home there was going to be a ton of housekeeping for him to help with. Caring for the girls was #1, everything else fell off.

    No, you'll never get totally used to your babies crying, either. But it gets easier as you recognize their types of cries. Sometimes it's a need-cry (hungry, soiled) or an attention-cry. You'll prioritize the need-cry over the other.

    You can do it! It really does get easier.
  7. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I have to ditto that if you can, you should stop the rocking to sleep right away, or it could prove disastrous in the long run. I rocked my oldest to sleep, nighttime and naps, and at the age of 2 when we tried to wean him off it was a nightmare. I vowed never go get myself into that bad habit again, and I didn't. With my second child and my twins, I started them off right away, after nursing and a diaper change, I swaddled and put them in a bouncy seat, a swing, or the pack n play. With the twins it was bouncy seats because i carried them everywhere. We followed the EASY routine. Eat, Activity, Sleep, You. It won't hurt them at all to learn how to fall asleep on their own, and it'll save you headache's as they get older/bigger.

    We spent the majority of our day on the couch at that age. I'd nurse them both (one at a time), laying the other one on the couch beside me so I could sooth, touch, talk to and take care of them until it was their turn to nurse. Then we'd play a bit (which is a funny word since they don't really play yet...), change their diapers, swaddle them and lay them side by side on the couch for them to fall asleep. Sometimes they'd fall asleep nursing and I'd just let them sleep, gave me a little 1 on 1 time with the other baby. Then the first one to fall asleep would wake a little sooner and it gave me 1 on 1 time with that baby.

    You CAN do this! You have to find the routine that's going to work for you! Right now, they won't have much of a schedule as far as following it hourly, but they should be starting to slip into the EASY routine soon, and that'll make your days far easier if you can develop a routine that works for you!

    :youcandoit: :youcandoit: :youcandoit: All us mama's survived, and even thrived ;) You will too!
    1 person likes this.
  8. Nanny88

    Nanny88 Well-Known Member

    I am a nanny for twins. I have them alone from the time they wake up until about 4-5. They are 3 months old(one month adjusted age) so they are more like a one month old. They are on a 3 hour schedule eat/play/sleep. Monday their mom had them on her own and they did not do well so when I got there on Tuesday I started them on this schedule from the time they woke up. They had been sleeping in their swings which is fine sometimes but if they learn to sleep in their crib at an early age it is easier for for everyone. Confidence and routine are big keys. When I put them down for their first nap in their crib I swaddled them, turned on a oscillating fan for noise pointed away from them, turned on a noise noise machine, turned on the mobile and left the room. They did great and slept for 1.5 hours. They even slept through the dog barking :) At times they would stir and cry but I would leave them and they would go back to sleep. They never fussed for long. As long as I have kept them on a schedule they have done great.

    They are bottle fed and I can feed them at the same time. I sit on the floor and hold one on a boppy in my lap and put the other one on a boppy next to me. Right now they are small enough I can scoop them up with one arm(I hold their head with my hand and their body/bottom with my arm/elbow) so I can burp them as needed through the feeding. They get gas drops after every feeding and gripe water if they seem to be overly fussy or have hiccups. They also enjoy noise so at times I will play music/radio or turn on the tv and that seems to help they were use to a lot of noise when they were in the NICU. If I don't feed them between their schedule feedings they seem to be happier in the long run even if they fuss/cry for a few minutes. I followed this schedule for Tuesday-Thursday and their mom said they did so much better at night she started calling me the baby whisperer :) You do not always get results that fast but you should always follow a schedule for a week before switching to another one otherwise the babies can get really confused.

    5-6am they wake on their own and are given a bottle then straight back to bed. This is still a night feeding. When one wakes they other one is woken up and both are fed. Sometime they are moved to their swings if they don't want to go back to sleep but we are trying to keep them in their bed for sleeping
    8:30-9am wake for the morning and get bottle,
    9:30 change diaper and put on daytime clothes. Play on floor, in bouncy seat or I hold them while and hold toys up etc. I will read them book while they are playing. Sometimes I read them kids books and sometime I just read out loud from my chapter book.
    10am naptime I have been taking them on a walk around this time and they sleep in the stroller. I get my exercise and they sleep most of the time we are out. I have been going on a power walk for a hour then I push the stroller inside the house and they finish their nap in the stroller while I fix their bottles and wait for them to wake. It want them to be able to nap in their stroller if they need to when we are out. If it is raining they go down for a nap in their crib at 10-10:30.
    11:30 bottle
    12 play time same as at 9:30
    I try my best to keep them awake until 1-1:30
    1-1:30 naptime this one is always in their crib
    3-4 When they wake on their own I feed them a bottle
    4-5 play time
    5-6 naptime sometimes in their swing
    6-8 playtime with mommy
    8 bath taken a both seems to make them tired and sleep better at night :)
    8:30 bottle
    9 bed for the night

    They sleep through the night just waking up for 2 feedings but they go straight back to sleep. One is between 1-3 and the other between 4-6.
    As they get older I plan on dropping the 3rd nap that they take in the evening but right now they cannot stay awake that long.

  9. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    You get quite good at juggling two babies. During fussy times I often put the calmer one in a wrap and carried the other one in my arms. When they had more head control I even carried them both in a wrap, one on the left hip and the other on the right. I also took them outside in the pram for their nap at least once a day, they loved the movement and the gentle stimulation of a day and clouds and waving leaves above and usually easily fell asleep, and I got some exercise and fresh air. Lots of loving contact and cuddles with mom are essential at this age, but I also made sure that they had the opportunity to learn to fall asleep without being held or rocked at least once a day - watch for the early signs of a tired baby (before any crying starts) and put them down in a quiet place.

    Still, my DH often came home in the first weeks to find the three of us (mom and the babies) either crying all together or spread out over the big bed having cried ourselves to sleep. That aspect does get better - as you get better at reading their cues and developing a routine that prevents situations from escalating into 2 crying babies, the crying will get less. I never got used to letting a baby cry, but sometimes you have to let one cry, such as when you are changing a diaper or giving a bath to the other. I always talked to the baby that had to wait and my voice did help, because it knew I was there and learnt that I would soon be attending to its needs too.
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  10. 3under2!

    3under2! Well-Known Member

    Ditto to everyone. You can do it, and your way is good for you. And I would stop the rocking to sleep ASAP lol.
  11. luckymommy8111

    luckymommy8111 New Member

    My twins will be 10 months old on June 1st -

    What I found worked for us is NOT to have them on the same feeding schedule. Keep them about 20 minutes or so apart. When they were ready to eat, I would change feed, burp/snuggle and then into the bouncy seat. Then I would start it all over with the next one.

    The only time it got a bit crazy was when they both woke up at the same time in the morning, which thankfully did not happen on a regular basis until they were about 3 months old. When that happened I got the Poddee Bottle - ( they were a life saver. However, if you use the thicker formulas (ex Similac for Spit Up) it is a bit dif to go up the straw, so my son got the snuggle time in the morning while my daughter got the Poddee -

    I know that you said above that you breast feed, and God Bless Ya, I did not, though I know it is said to be better, I weighed that against the need for the babies to have a well rested mommy. Sleep won. - LOL I also had a friend who breast fed her daughter who is three months older then the twins, and she said "Laurie I can barely keep up with one, I can't imagine BF two, don't do it to yourself" - LOL But could you pump and then give bottles, with twins it might be better logistical wise.
  12. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I would not pump and give bottles. Honest to God- BFing once the babies and you 'get it' (usually by 6 weeks) is so easy! I never had to go get a bottle. I opened my bra and sat up. I've nursed 3 now- twins and a singleton, and every baby is different. My best nurser was my tiny twin boy. My worst was my big twin boy. My girl is good but not as good as her brother was. My baby girl is 2 months and last night slept 6 hours- my boys took months to do that but as I say, every baby is different. :)It's sad to me that your friend wasn't supportive of you to BF.
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  13. luckymommy8111

    luckymommy8111 New Member

    Please do not misunderstand - She was actually being supportive in my decision NOT to BF.

    i do not come from a BF family. It is not something that we do. My sisters both have children and they did not BF and they have some of the healthiest children I have seen. I was not BF either, nor were my sisters.

    I had BRIEFLY considered BF, but decided that it was not for me. When I said that to my friend, her response was being supportive in my decision not to.
  14. Mom2VLS

    Mom2VLS Well-Known Member

    BF versus not-BF aside - I wouldn't pump and then give them bottles unless necessary. If you pump and give them the bottles, it eats into your time - which probably feels pretty tight at the moment. You have to actually pump, clean the pump, clean the bottles, feed the babies, etc. Since you are tandem feeding, you are already down to having the time commitment being more like (not exactly but close) feeding one baby anyway. I would definitely try to get them used to the idea of being put down drowsy but awake.

    But if that is proving difficult, you could try a few other options. If you are feeding them tandem in the rocking chair, you can rock them together as soon as you finish feeding/burping them. Are you swaddling them? If so, the transition from two in the rocking chair to in the crib/bassinet/wherever they nap may not be too bad. Of course, you'll have to take this with a grain of salt since I'm still in the 'babymoon' with my twins and a stampede of elephants probably wouldn't wake them!
  15. twinkler

    twinkler Well-Known Member

    Ditto [​IMG] !

    I tandem fed and I breastfed one and bottle fed the other and was home by myself after the 1st week home. I wa nervous at first but as someone else said, I actually foundi liked being on my own better. Don't get me wrong, I love getting help and my mum came once sometimes twice a week but I found getting my own rhythm and doing things my own way easier.

    I started feeding the girls on the three seater couch with their rockers in front of me and their boppies either side of me. That way I could easily transfer them and hold one or the other. I also had everything I needed on the coffee table nearby, water, remote, phone etc. My girls initially slept in the rockers, as we were downstairs all day, then the PNP.

    As they got older we moved to the floor and this is how I still feed them. I b/fed Sierra till 5 months. I would have loved to have b/fed both, it would certainly have made my life easier and I did do this a few times.

    You will be fine I promise, and yes definitely drowsy and awake when put to bed, start as you mean to go on.

    Edited to say- on really bad days, we never made it downstairs, in bed with both to try to get to sleep and get some sleep myself!
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