Birth Order

Do your twins know who is "older"? Or will you tell them when they ask? I'm just curious what others feel about this?

My boys aren't old enough to ask that, they know their older brother is older - but they just consider themselves the same age, of course.

I know I've heard some parents of twins say that they will keep birth order a secret and then I've heard of others who tell their kids who was born first. I find it funny because at this point, even though mine don't understand the concept, my "younger" one (by a minute, LOL) totally acts like the baby of the family. Coincidence, I know, but funny all the same.

 

Why would it matter?

At any rate, my two already know that A is older. It is funny though, she totally acts like a big sister. Bossy, pushy, loudmouthed. I wonder though, if that is because of her birth order or if it is because of her being just like me. She's also first alphabetically.

 

I think my two know. Grandma certainly would not let them forget that. My daughter is the bossy one though and she is the 'youngest.' Birth order does play a huge part of people's lives. What their temperment is etc. That said, I always felt like the 'middle' child due to my being 2nd born.

 

I agree, we have always known she was born 14 minutes before I was and she has never/will never let me forget she is the older one. She is the more dominating, bossy twin, being older she always gets what she wants over me, but then again that is my nature to not want drama so give in easily.

 

I don't understand keeping it under wraps. Isaiah WAS born first so why wouldn't I tell them that? At 3.5 they are getting to the point where they may know something. And Isaiah has always referred to Jeremiah as "my baby" so I think he knows, lol.

 

Yes, my kids know. They enjoy hearing about how they were born (the doctor cut open Mommy's tummy and pulled Ian out first and then Anna, etc.). I don't really see any reason not to tell.

My "younger" DD is actually the bossy one around here. So, birth order plays no role in that with mine. I think that has more to do with personality.

 

My girls know Amelia is older. They also know Lily was the smallest of my 3 babies b/c I call her the runt of the litter. :laughing: That confuses her b/c Cooper is smaller than she is b/c he's so much younger. But at 10 months old he's only 5 lbs less than Lily, who is almost 4.

 

My girls know. In fact we just got Sydney PJ's that said big sister

 

I don't understand people who don't tell. There are jokes about A and B but it really doesn't matter. We have always known that she is 11 minutes older but it hasn't been any sort of issue in our relationship.

 

Of course they know, the youngest always goes first for games.

 

They know jazz is older but they would have figured it out with my OCD due to them being named in alphabetical order

 

I had planned not to tell my boys until it came up. I always said to them "it does not matter". I did not want them to play the "I am a minute older then you" game all the time! :laughing: But then when they were 4, I changed my mind and thought one day today is the day I will tell them. They really were not phased. They have that type of personality though that they would not play off it. THey did get upset though when their cousins would play games and always make Nicholas go last since he was the youngest. I tell them although he came out 2nd they are the same. The Dr just did not have enough hands to pull them out together. I tell them they need to tell their cousins they are the same and N does not have to go last. Its funny now when strangers ask them who is older. They say "It doesn't matter". To the stranger, it sounds different then what they really mean.

So all in all, Im glad they know. It was fun for a while not telling them but for us, it was just time.

 

Jackie, that is interesting. And grandma sounds like the boys cousins! The boys really get bothered by that.

 

Yes ours know, I don't see any reason to hide it from them. DD is 21 minutes older than DS. DS was actually baby A right up until the end then DD (being the bossy little girl she is lol) pushed herself ahead in the last couple weeks of my pregnancy. I also think that she acts much older than him and definitely thinks of him as her "younger" brother.

:rofl: So true!

 

My guys don't know, and don't care. I plan on playing it that way for as long as possible. The older boys know, but won't say. They're good big brothers.

I'm editing to say: The typical birth order/personality thing, didn't make any sense in my family growing up. I don't put much weight in it.

 

May I ask, if you are concerned about birth order and personalities, why you are not telling? Not trying to argue, just curious what other reasons someone might have.

 

I don't place any value in the information. They were for all intents and purposes born at the same time.

Sorry for all the edits: I can't stand that people assume that a child will have a certain personality if they are born first, last, middle, etc. So if you don't give them that info, it won't make a difference to them. Thus they won't treat them differently.

 

My girls don't know and I don't have any plans to tell them anytime soon. I know everyone says it doesn't matter, but it annoys me that perfect strangers ask... and that teachers seem to care. I don't treat my kids any different based on who was pulled out two minutes before the other during my C-section, so I don't want other people to subtly expect more from my older one, or allow the younger one to act the baby.

I don't think birth order matters with twins... unless they're always treated as the 1st born and 2nd born. If they're treated as being born at the same time (which they are!!), then they can have whatever personality traits come naturally. I think saying birth order matters for twins is like subscribing to astrology. Am I really going to be a different person if I was born at 11:58pm on May 19th versus 12:02am on May 20th? Yes, I'll be a Taurus instead of a Gemini, but will four minutes mean I value harmony, like a comfortable life, and am stubborn and loyal instead of being intellectually curious, fickle and restless?

The research on birth order shows how people develop based on how they're treated. I plan to treat my kids equally and ensure that other people do too. And that means that the two minute difference in their birth times is not relevant until my girls are old enough not to be swayed by what other people would say about who's older/younger.

PS. I agree with Nini!

 

M knows she is 45 seconds older than A. She also knows this is because the doctor happened to grab her leg first and pull her out We told them because A is actually quite bossy and bigger and likes to mother M. So we say even though A is bigger, M is older. We don't treat them any differently though. I don't expect more from M given her whopping 45 seconds more time breathing.

 

I am not really sure, they'll only be 2 in December so I still have some time to think about it.

 

Funny that your "older" sister is the more dominent one. My younger twin is way more dominent then his "older" brother. He totally gets what he wants and is forever bullying his brother.

 

We just went through birth order in a mommy/me class so it is fresh in my head. We filled out a few 'surveys' to see if birth order was 'true to form.' History.. I am the 2nd born of a set of identical twins. We are the oldest. My next brother is 10 years younger than us and then another brother followed 2 years later. They say that after 5 years, birth order starts all over, so the 10 year gap we have between us and the oldest brother means that the oldest brother is considered a first born. BUT.. I digress... in all the surveys we took in class, I identified with being an 'only' child in all of them. So yes, technically, I am a first & youngest born. (technically middle child as well I guess.) I do not identify as a first born though because I am NOT stubborn! :rofl:

Honestly, I don't put too much thought into it, I just find it extremely fascinating!

 

I've never considered not telling them - I'll tell then when they are old enough to understand what a minute is. :laughing: But I sign all of our cards in birth order, so Finley is always last. And when we play games, like PP, Finley goes first if we play youngest to oldest. :lol:

 

I have to say, my oldest child is totally a first born personality - as am I - you can't hide who was born first or last with singletons, I'm not sure why it should matter with twins? They "deserve" not to know? When other kids don't have that luxury? Why does it matter?

 

i just don't see mine as being "one older/one younger". they are identical twins, they were in my belly at the same time, and the only reason one came out before the other is cuz the dr couldn't pull them both out at hte same time. dh always tries to make it a point to say ivi is older, but really? one minute? i just don't see how it even matters. and i don't want to get into those technicalities, anyway, until they're older - much older - because i don't want to start the whole competition thing.

 

We haven't made a point of telling them or not telling them although the info is out there. The other day someone asked them who was older & they looked at me like "What is she talking about?" and I just said that Riley was born first by 8 minutes. In terms of the competition thing, we did give Danika some ammo but giving her first place alphabetically.

 

I'll tell them and also mention that a few weeks before they were born the birth order was supposed to be different. Our oldest and (by coincidence) the bossier, openly emotional and caring decided she had to go first and her sister did not mind (which is a characteristic I still recognize in her).

I don't think it is a big deal really.

I'll tell them and also mention that a few weeks before they were born the birth order was supposed to be different. Our oldest and (by coincidence) the bossier, openly emotional and caring of the two decided she had to go first and her sister did not mind (which is a characteristic I still recognize in her).

I don't think it is a big deal really.

 

Mine know .. even though I don't remember how or when they found out. But it's never been a big deal. Jesse is less than 30 seconds older than Jayden .. but Jayden is much more dominant and Jesse is the peacemaker of the 2. Although we (my family) tend to treat Jayden like the baby of the family .. but I think his health issues are more to blame than his birth order.

Btw .. I HATE when people ask me which one is older. I usually say "neither .. they're identical, so they were born at the same time". That usually satisfy's them.

 

Mine know. It helps my smaller twin to know that his brother may always be bigger (10lbs) and taller (2in) than him (and yes this may level out eventually), but he will ALWAYS be 7 minutes older. My "younger" is also the bossy, dominate one.

 

My second born twin acts more first born but then jazz acts mOre middle child and at this point has no younger siblings in household

 

I will tell them when they ask. I would say between the two of them, when they are younger DD was the more dominant one (she is 2 minutes older) but now at age 3, they go back and forth.

 

Like in jenn's case, my oldest twin is the smaller one. In fact he has a growth issue and is not growing appriopriately, he turned 8 yesterday and is roughly the size of a 5 year old, so it makes him feel a little bit better to know that he is older than his brother who has almost a foot on him in length.
Since my twin A came headfirst and my twin B was a breech extraction they at some point came up with the explanation that B got tired of A, gave him a kick in the bottom and he fell headfirst out of mummy, then B had to be pulled out by his feet.

I do think that birth order has some importance, I knew a girl who was a twin and never knew if she was born first and she brought it up more often than someone who doesn't care, KWIM? I am the middle child but with huge gaps both ways so in a way I feel like the oldest child in my parents' second attempt at children. I am very oldest child (bossy, organizing the family, control freak) while my oldest brother is not at all. My second oldest brother always says I am the oldest, I was just born 11 years later than expected.
M.

 

I'll tell mine. We don't make it a secret, but I don't think they have any awareness yet. Orion who is younger is first alphabetically & dominant as all get out.

 

My two know and could care less. The only time it ever comes up is when strangers ask them who is older Addison will raise her hand but never says anything about it.

 

Mine has known since they were old enough to understand the concept. I just never saw the point of making a big mystery of it. They're only one minute apart, but they both seem to enjoy saying that Sarah is "one minute older."

Also, Amy is taller (as of around age 3) and definitely the dominant personality, at least so far. So DH and I both feel that it gives Sarah a little something to hold on to, knowing that she is actually older!