Birthday Present Opening

I have taken L&L to 3 birthday parties for preschool friends in the last 2 or 3 months. At all 3 parties, the presents were not opened during the party, I guess they were opened at home afterward. Is this a new trend that I just haven't seen yet? I can see how, with a big party, the present opening might take a fair bit of time at this age, so maybe it makes sense to do it later. But if it's going to be done that way, shouldn't there be thank you notes written or something acknowledging the gifts? I know they can't write them themselves at this age but shouldn't a parent write them or at least make an attempt to say thank you at some point afterward? L&L seemed somewhat disappointed that their presents, that they helped pick out, weren't opened before we left. They were so excited to give these gifts & all they did was place them on the table & that was it, we never heard anything about them again. ardon: Is it just me or is that kind of rude? I'm not sure how kids are supposed to learn to give & receive gifts graciously when it's done this way.

 

I always have my kids send thank you notes. This year, I wrote them but they signed their names. We open gifts at the end of the party. Most kids want to see the party girl/boy open the gift they brought. We don't have huge parties, so it's usually never an issue of time. But if a parent does decide to open at home, I think you should recieve a thank you note for sure! If I had to do that, I'd probably take a pic. of my kid opening the gift and include it in the thank you card.

 

We didn't open gifts at the party for the kids this year. We were given a total of 2 hours in the gym for our party. That included any activities we chose, the cake, etc. If we had done the presents, it probably would have taken about 1/2 hour of the time allotted, that coupled with the time we took for cake, would cut the actual play time down to maybe a little over an hour.

We did do thank you notes and always do. The kids wrote their names while I wrote the text of the Thank You.

 

We do exactly as Melissa mentioned...always send thank you notes and have the kids open gifts towards the end. I agree with you, if they are not going to open gifts and at least say a public thank you then a thank you note should be sent.

I haven't noticed it being a new trend around here. Every party we have gone to lately the bday boy/girl still opens presents. :unknw:

 

Just wanted to add that I think a Thank You note should be sent regardless of when the gifts are opened. My kids open the gifts at their family party, say Thank You and still send a note afterward.

 

I agree, for my kids I like them to send the Thank You notes regardless. But if the presents are opened at the party so the child can at least say thank you at the time, I'm not offended to not get a thank you note. But to not open them at the party & then not acknowledge the gift in any way just seemed rude. And for it to have happened at the last 3 parties was weird. The first time I just kind of dismissed it as not very polite but when it kept happening with the next 2 parties I started to wonder if I was missing something. Good to know it's not just me!

 

I agree. But also I think they should definitely make an effort to get those thank yous out if the gifts are not opened at the party.
I think my mother beat it into my head about thank you notes that I am totally anal about sending them out. I'm one of those people who thanks people at the party and still sends out a thank you note. Can't have my Mom coming after me!

 

I have noticed a lot of friends (and especially our playgroup friends' parties) are not doing present opening during the party. Honestly, it doesn't offend me and I kind of like it. Otherwise, you spend about a 1/2 hour getting kids to clear away from the present openers and trying to keep the chaos to a minimum. I do think thank yous should defintely be written in that case. Our playgroup friends' mommies have written the notes and then had the kids write their names (if they could) or just color on the note. Makes it a little more "from them".

With that being said...we open presents at their parties and I always send thank you notes on top of it. My friend has told me time and again that I don't need to send them if we open presents and thank the person at that time. I have a hard time doing that though. :blush:

 

I think not opening the presents in front of the giver is rude and perpetuates the "gimmee" kids we are seeing more and more of. We make a much bigger deal of the presents we buy for other people than the presents we receive. In your case, I would have allowed my kids to get their present from the table and take to the birthday child and parent saying we needed to leave but the children really wanted to see X open the gift. In a place where time is an issue, presents could be opened while the guests are eating cake. Personally, I don't understand paying mega bucks for a party somewhere that won't let you stay long enough to do the typical party things. My children will always open gifts in front of the guests. It teaches them to be gracious.

 

This is the first year that we are not going to open presents at the party. It is for the exact reason that Mo mentioned. We have 2 hours total for everything at the gym. We went to a party there a couple of months ago for a friend and he could have cared less about opening presents, he just wanted to play.

On the other hand, we have been to parties where the kids open gifts at the end of the party. They tear through them, glance at them and toss them to the side so they can open more. What is more rude to the gift giver? Not having them there when the gift is opened or having them watch as the gift that they picked out is just one of many that doesn't get a second look at the time?

Oh and we do send Thank Yous for all gift that the girls receive, even if a verbal thank you is expressed.

 

I never thought about it this way. I actually dislike presents all together because I don't want the celebration to be about 'stuff,' but rather time spent with family and friends.

As much as I've tried to get people not to buy things for my girls, people still do. I don't like present opening at parties, but definitely a heart-felt personalized thank you is important for teaching your children how to be appreciative of gifts.

 

I don't know, I've always found thank you notes extremely formal... definitely not the same as a thank you in person. If I took a long time picking something and ended up getting a generic thank you card for it, I wouldn't be happy either.

I think it's much more polite to open presents one at a time and to take the time to thank the person after each one. Of course though I can't really imagine a 4 yo doing that.

 

I actually can see both sides & I understand about time constraints, I just find it harder to teach my 2 the joy of giving when they didn't really get to give the present and see the reaction of the other child when it was opened, do you know what I mean? If we had at least gotten thank you notes, we could have read them together & it would have meant something to them. From the way they carried the invitations around for weeks before the party, I think they would have been excited to get thank you notes! We have another birthday party next week, I'm hoping for a better experience for them. *fingers crossed*

 

Well said Leighann! I totally agree that time spent with family and friends is what it is all about. At least, that is what I hope my kids will learn to appreciate about their parties...not the gifts, but the people who come and help you celebrate.

 

I always wonder about this. We have one big party for our kids and 75% of the guests are family. The rest are friends of ours who have kids close in age to our kids. We have always opened gifts at the end of the party, but the atmosphere is very laid back and some people choose to hang out in the yard or in another room rather than watch the kids open presents. I think this works because those who want to see the kids open the gifts can, but it's not like everything stops and everyone has to watch the presents hoopla. (And it's always chaotic!)

I'd love to specify no gifts at all, but since most people are family, I know they will bring gifts anyway and then the people who actually followed the 'no gifts' request would feel bad. It's like a no-win situation sometimes. I just try to help my kids learn to appreciate the gifts and to be gracious receivers.

 

we haven't had a friend party yet but the ones I've taken the kids to they don't open presents at due to time constraints, but I've gotten a thank you note from each one of them...they usually stick them in our box at pre-school...

 

The only time we opened gifts at their party was at their 1st birthday. We would have done it at their 4th (since it was at home), but an impending thunderstorm cleared everyone out quickly! I always send out thank you notes, although right now, we have the last few stragglers on the counter. My boys have the rule, since they could write, that notes have to be written before they can play with anything. When they were small, I wrote them, but as soon as they could write their names, they had to do that.

One reason that we open gifts at home, is because many times the gift givers want to play with the gifts, and things get destroyed before the birthday child even has a chance to play with something. Especially with the younger kids, they don't really get why they can see the new and cool stuff and not start an immediate play date. Also, it allows me to more easily keep track of who gave what so said thank you notes can be written appropriately.

 

We have fairly large parties at home and we do open the gifts. It is chaotic and makes me :crazy: BUT the kids all love it. Tony and Angie love to open them (duh!) and our guests that are kids love to help. :wub: And my family loves to see their reactions. :laughing: I think my two are born actors because with each gift they act as if it's the ONLY gift they've ever received. :unsure:

I do still send out the thank you cards, but I personally like it when the gifts are open at the party. ardon:

 

my kids have been to 5 parties in the last few months. We only got ONE thank you note. I was horrified!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where is the ediquette??????????