breaking curfew

This one hasn't come up before for us, lol. Ethan is consistently late coming home. He's never more than 5 - 10 minutes late, but he's always 5 - 10 minutes late. His curfew is 10 on schoolnights, 12 on Fridays, and 11 on Saturdays. His girlfriend's curfew is the same and I think he ends up leaving her house right at curfew, which puts him here about 5 minutes late. We let it go the first few times because it's not that much, so not really a big deal. But now it's habit (our fault because we let it go before) and our rules still have to be followed; don't want to change that precedent.

DH thinks we should change his curfew by 15 minutes to give him time to get his girlfriend home and himself home. I'm fine with that actually. BUT the way to get rules changed is not by breaking them and I don't want to give that message either. Whaddya think?

He's a good kid. Top grades, responsible, helps around the house, etc. It might sound like we're iron fists, but we're actually not. He has few rules and quite a bit of freedom, but the rules we do have we expect to be followed.

 

If it's consistently just 5-10 minutes late, I personally would not do anything. I'd consider it a grace period. It sounds as if he interprets curfew as the time he needs to leave to head home, which he seems to be doing. In my opinion, it's not an infraction I would do anything about unless it starts to get later and later.

Sean has never had a curfew at all. He lets us know how late he thinks he'll be and then he asks if it's okay and adjusts his time accordingly. He is really good about keeping in touch via text or calling too. I never had a curfew either.

 

I agree with Kim. At this point I wouldn't say anything. If he gets any later, then I would say something to him.

 

QUOTE(Christel @ May 23 2009, 02:19 PM) [snapback]1325748[/snapback]
This one hasn't come up before for us, lol. Ethan is consistently late coming home. He's never more than 5 - 10 minutes late, but he's always 5 - 10 minutes late. His curfew is 10 on schoolnights, 12 on Fridays, and 11 on Saturdays. His girlfriend's curfew is the same and I think he ends up leaving her house right at curfew, which puts him here about 5 minutes late. We let it go the first few times because it's not that much, so not really a big deal. But now it's habit (our fault because we let it go before) and our rules still have to be followed; don't want to change that precedent.

DH thinks we should change his curfew by 15 minutes to give him time to get his girlfriend home and himself home. I'm fine with that actually. BUT the way to get rules changed is not by breaking them and I don't want to give that message either. Whaddya think?

He's a good kid. Top grades, responsible, helps around the house, etc. It might sound like we're iron fists, but we're actually not. He has few rules and quite a bit of freedom, but the rules we do have we expect to be followed.



I feel more like Kim and Donita on this issue, but my DH would say, "No, when we've agreed to a time, he has to be a man of his word about it and be here at the time discussed>". My Dh would say that if he requires 15 minutes to get his girlfriend and then himself home on time, then he should allow for that by arranging his schedule to start the getting home process in order to be there on time.

My DH thinks that little things like punctuality reflect the bigger things like character and respect for others. I guess he has a point, and I can see that this is probably what you and your DH are thinking about this, too. Just as he would have to allow for travel time to get to a job interview on time, or to make it to the movie theatre (if he wants to see the 5:00 movie, he doesn't leave the house at 5PM and expect the theatre to start when he gets there, right?), so he should work his traveling time into the evening so that he is home when you and he have agreed he will be home.

We personally would not suddenly lower the boom and get angry about it, though, and I am sure you wouldn't either. We'd sit down with our son and review what the time is that we expect him to be home, and then let him know that his privileges surrounding going out in the evenings will be reduced or removed if he cannot or will not keep to the hours that we have agreed upon. Then, if he continues to push it, the consequences would have been clearly spelled out. It sounds like your son would not need consequences, but that simply having the conversation would remind him to keep his word there.

For me, it's great that my Dh is hard over on this, because when he is away traveling, I would be a basketcase of worry if my kids were 5 or 10 minutes late. Although they do keep in touch via text and telephone, that's not always enough, especially because we also strongly discourage texting or telephoning while driving!! LOL So, it IS tricky territory!

Good luck!

 

Good points Renee's DH. I can see both sides. Good luck with which ever way you decide to go.

 

Renée, my DH would see it the same as yours. It is a good point. In this instance for me personally, it's not one I would pick to battle over but I would probably sit down and discuss it with my son at the very least. Still, if it's only 5-10 minutes late I would not make a federal case out of it. Lord knows I can be 5-10 minutes late on any given day. :lol:

 

Ha ha hahahahah.

10 to 15 minutes late. Geeze. Lighten up.

Thank your lucky stars and your Almighty God that this is all you have to worry about.

I live in a small town, good schools, etc etc. Everyone knows everyone

i have 15 year old. Good kid No drugs. No problems (except siblinig rivalry). I drug test periodically since age 11. This is the best deterrant for a kid to Just say NO!

I must be a terrible parent to be that lax as to NOT get bent out of shape over stuff like that. (being a few min late)

Most of the time the kids hang out my house. I'd rather them be nearby so I can keep tabs on them

As long as they are not doing anything wrong, I dont care if they stay up late. Mine doesn't drive. He skateboards but he is never out late without my knowing where he is at. We have curfew that the City enforces.

He drives (with permit) and me in the car. I may be in for rude awakening, but When he starts driving (with license) I
cannot see 10 minutes being an issue.

Come on people..............

It's not like he's visiting a girlfriend who lives alone. I'm sure she's at her parents house too.

Ya'll remind me of the compound/commune next door that gets their panties in a wad if the cat food isn't in the bowl just right.... who make all of their 4 kids take naps...... WEIRDo's...

 

I agree with Kim, Renee and Donita. My DH would also be more of a stickler for the exact time. It is important to be punctual. Few things are more irritating than always having to wait for someone. However, I can also see his wanting to spend every last minute with her, so I'd give him a chance to say that's what he's doing, or he's making sure she got home safely, something like that. In which case I'd maybe offer him some sort of deal--he picks up an extra chore with the understanding that now his curfew is 15 mins later. For me it would depend on why he was always late.

 

Maybe this is why you have both twins coming over. Maybe your daughter should go to their house if it bothers you so much. Some parents are not better than governments when it comes to contradictory policies.

 

My girls are not this age yet, but I remember my friend's mom had a policy that for every minute she was late, that was an hour earlier she had to come home the next time (this was before cell phones). This is probably a bit extreme in your case, but I can tell you that as long as my friend had a curfew, she was never late! I also know (from teaching high school for about 10 years) that while you need to pick your battles, unless you stress the importance of getting home on time, he is probably going to continue to be late because "it doesn't really matter--my parents are fine with it." GL in whatever you decide to do!

 

My girls are not this age yet, but I remember my friend's mom had a policy that for every minute she was late, that was an hour earlier she had to come home the next time (this was before cell phones).

These posts are pretty old now, but I had to comment. This is what I do to my kids when they stall going to bed and it works really well for that!