BULLYING

CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME ADVICE ON TWIN BULLYING THE OTHER TWIN.
MY GIRLS ARE 17 MONTHS OLD AND ALAYZHA(BULLY) KEEPS ON BEING AGRESSIVE, PUSHY, SHE BITES, SCRATCHES HER SISTER (ALVIDA) SHE ALSO DOES NOT WANT ALVIDA BY ME. THERE IS TIMES THOUGH WHEN THEY DO LOVE AND PLAY WITH EACH OTHER. HOW DO I STOP THIS BEHAVIOR? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WRONG. PLEASE CAN ANYONE GIVE ME SOME TIPS ON WHAT I COULD DO ABOUT THIS, I DONT WANT IT TO BE A PROBLEM IN THE FUTURE.

 

I think it's pretty common twin behavior at their age. But I think you should definitely put a stop to it if you want them to learn that it's not ok to do this. I started using time outs around 18 months and it really worked for us. It was getting to a point where one of them didn't even want to be near his twin brother. Once they both knew that hitting, biting, & kicking would get them a timeout, these behaviors became less frequent and they actually started to enjoy each other's company more.

 

We're starting to see some of this, so thanks for asking it so I can get some good tips, too. We're trying a form of time out, but I think they are still too young to get it yet. Not too young to bash the other one, though. Sigh.

 

We've been having a lot of this, too. I usually say something like, "We don't hit" and depending on how bad it was, do a short time out. But always we say "sorry" and give hugs or kisses. Something else I've just started to do recently was to have someone else take one of the twins so that I get some one on one time with each of them. Or, if one happens to wake up from a nap before the other one, use that time for some special play or cuddling.

 

My DD tends to bully her twin brother. It seems like it would be the other way around, but she is the aggressor. She wrestles him to the ground, laying on top of him while he screams. She bites, kicks, steals his toys, hits, pushes...etc. I used to give warnings, but she kept doing it. I finally started to take action. When I see her do any bullying, I immediatley grab her by the hand and walk her to timeout. I don't even say a work because she knows they why. Each time she does this after a timeout......the timeouts just get longer. She has only learned to do this behaviour while I am not looking. She waits until I am in the other room. I usually know what happens and when he starts crying and holding his back. When I have just about had enough, I separate both of them. They both go to timeout. They have to learn to play nice with each other even if she is the main culprit.

 

Megan has just started this with Haley. I gave her a time out over the weekend for it, she had to sit on my lap while Haley still played. I haven't figure out how to do any other time out with her. It is a tough situation and I feel like my girls are too young to get it. We keep reinforcing with her that it isn't ok to do that to her sister and we tell her to say sorry, etc.

 

I also have one dd who is more aggressive towards the other. Fortunately, they have just started kissing each other so I'm hoping that will soften things a bit. I think the important thing with time outs and the way to make them most effective at this age is to be consistent. The may not "get" the whole time out thing but what I think they will get is that everytime I do this certain behavior (hitting, biting, kicking, pulling hair etc.) towards my sibling, I get put in this place where I have to sit (we are going to use the packnplay) in this place and do nothing. It's kind of like Pavlov's dog. A certain behavior (hurting someone) will warrant this same response (a boring time out) everytime and you hope that they start to make the connection so that all you have to say is "do you want a time out?"

GL, I know it can heart wrenching to watch one twin being so mean to the other. I know it breaks my heart when I see it especially since the other one doesn't retaliate...YET.