Can people tell your twins apart?

We've made it through the FY and I thought that by this time people (family members) would be able to tell my girls apart. No such luck...I am still the only person who can, even DH still gets them mixed up. I realize that they are ID but I feel like people use this an as excuse not to even try.

I try to help people out by rarely, if ever, dressing them the same but even so I will still be asked "who is this" numerous times at family gathering. Is it really that hard to remember that Amélie is in polka dots and Audrée is in stripes?

Am I being completely unrealistic? I have no idea why this bothers me so much but it does. I feel like I try so hard to have them seen as individuals and not as 'the twins' but is it still too early? All I really want is for people to try. Does this bother anyone else?

 

I am an identical twin and although I do not think we look alike, I must admit that when I look back at photos there are times when I don't know which one I am.

I would probably be frustrated right along with you. :hug: But, my grandma still got us wrong when we were in our 30's with different hair cuts etc. I know it took a lot for her to guess and hope she was right. I can't fault anyone for trying. We just got used to correcting her...

 

Most of our family that sees our boys more than a couple of times a year can tell them apart (except for their cousins who are little - like 5 and 6, which is understandable). People at church in the nursery are starting to get there, too, even though they only see them once a week. Like you, I don't dress them alike. I guess it doesn't bother me, though. I think they look totally different, but everyone else thinks they look very much alike, so I guess I take it as a difference in perspective. Even DH mixes them up occasionally.

DH also had identical twin sisters, and lots of people can't tell them apart either - I'm always being asked who is who, even when they have their hairstyles very different, and they have very different styles of dress.

I understand what you mean about wanting them to be individuals - I try hard for that, too. I don't know if you have other twins in your family, but they run in DH's family (7 sets in three generations), so I think most of them "get" that more, if that makes sense. I rarely hear them called "the twins". I have a friend of a friend who is always calling her kids "the twins" and it drives my friend nuts that she never calls them by name.

 

I have to say that I have a lot of people in my life (even friends and family members) who can't tell *my* guys apart, and they are very different-looking frats! :lol: It half-irritates, half-amuses me, because I can't see how anyone would ever mistake the two of them. The only time I've ever mixed them up was this Christmas when they were wearing identical jammies and hats; I came up behind Nate and thought he was Jack for a second.

I think it's the fact that babies and toddlers have very round, undefined features, and people usually don't take the time to really look at them. I understand totally why you want your girls to have separate identities and not be labeled as "the twins" all the time, but I think you'll probably have to resign yourself that they will get mixed up a *lot* in their lives.

 

Most family members can. In fact, all immediate family can (grandparents and aunt/uncles cousins of the boys). My my aunts/uncles mix them up. Basically if they see them often, by now they know who is who. One has tighter curls than the other so that is the big give away. I get a little frustrated with the same conversation or the same people that ask what the difference is. It just gets a little old. But I dont get mad...and the boys just smile when people call them the wrong name. They are old enough now where they correct people on their own. It is just part of being an ID twin. They will go through this the rest of their lives! I do not think they will mind. It is just what it is!

 

I have identical boys and the only way people ever mix them up - including us - is from behind. My identical boys do not look identical, they look more like frats or just brothers. We'll see what the future brings as they grow, but I don't think we'll ever have this dilemma (I always assumed we would, but they've looked different from Day 1!).
I do, though, understand your frustration because I, too, always make a point to treat our boys individually (very rarely ever dressing them the same unless the outfits are gifts and I don't even use the word 'twins'). I'd say just keep doing what you're doing and hopefully people will catch on.

 

[quote name='Nate and Jack's Mom' date='12 January 2011 - 10:26 AM' timestamp='1294845961' post='1746622']
I have to say that I have a lot of people in my life (even friends and family members) who can't tell *my* guys apart, and they are very different-looking frats! :lol: It half-irritates, half-amuses me, because I can't see how anyone would ever mistake the two of them. The only time I've ever mixed them up was this Christmas when they were wearing identical jammies and hats; I came up behind Nate and thought he was Jack for a second.

I think it's the fact that babies and toddlers have very round, undefined features, and people usually don't take the time to really look at them. I understand totally why you want your girls to have separate identities and not be labeled as "the twins" all the time, but I think you'll probably have to resign yourself that they will get mixed up a *lot* in their lives.
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Ditto Valerie, and I have b/g twins and people will still ask "Which one is the girl/Which one is the boy??" Seriously....I have pink with flowers on my girl and blue and blue jeans on my boy.

One of the things I do is I rarely rarely refer to them as "the twins". They are "the babies". Even my kids have picked up on it, as well as my inlaws. If you call them "the twins" to other people, they are going to continue to refer to them as the twins. They are either Liam and Rylee, or the babies. It's a small step, but at least the majority of people who are around them all the time just call them by name, or "the babies".

 

Funny story. Two kids, one pink jacket, the other blue. Matching hats. One long blond hair (flowing out from her hat) and one short hair. McDonalds. Lady (my age) behind me asked me: "Are your girls twins?" Ummm... yes but they are a boy and a girl. Turns out she had 3 year old frat boys. There are always going to be someone.

We had a salesman out to our house last summer who told me that C & A looked so identical! :shok: Umm.. I don't think so!

 

It is really, really hard for people to tell babies & toddlers apart if they don't know them VERY well. My twins are fraternal and look nothing alike, and our next-door neighbor (who has a child the same age that my girls play with a lot) still took a year to remember who is who.

Unfortunately I think your girls' names may make it more challenging (though hopefully not for your husband!). They are gorgeous names, but they're both similar and unusual, which might make it hard for people to come up some sort of mnemonic device. (For instance, our neighbor used to chant "Sandy Sarah" because Sarah is the one with lighter hair.)

Is there any physical difference between them that you could stick a mnemonic too -- slight difference in ear shape or anything? Or could you always put a certain color bow in one girl's hair? I think if there is anything consistent -- not just what they are wearing on any given day -- that people could gradually learn to remember, that would help.

It will get better as they get older and start looking less like babies, and also when they're old enough to have their own individual styles and preferences. I can totally see why it's annoying, though.

P.S. I have to admit that I once mixed my OWN child up with another baby. And they were not newborns. I literally walked up to another baby at daycare (in my defense, she was on the changing table, so I was looking at her upside-down) and thought she was Amy for at least 10 seconds. :blush:

 

Yep.. my parents had a hard time for a LONG time. Now that they're more vocal and walking around their personalities are really clear so they don't get mixed up as often. When my IL's come my MIL makes a big show out of not being able to tell them apart for a few days, but I think it's part of the novelty of twins to her. I think it's hilarious to listen to everyone argue about who is who all the time. There's some people in my family who can tell them apart instantly... my Uncle Brian only had to be introduced to them once when they were about 8 months old and he's never gotten them mixed up and we only see him every few months. Same with my grandmother who sometimes couldn't tell you what day it is.. she always knows exactly who is who. It's really funny!

 

We have friends with ID twins that try to dress their twins in specific colors. I have to say, I really appriciate it! If your DH can't even tell them apart with daily exposure, my guess is that the trouble others are having is not from lack of effort.

 

Thanks everyone .

My family all lives very close to us so the majority of them see us at least once a week so I guess that's part of why it bugs me. My MIL keeps asking me to get their ears pierced with different stones so it's easier for her. For the first 8 months or so we always had Amélie in pink and Audrée in anything other than pink. We stopped this recently as we didn't want Audrée to think she could never wear pink (maybe I'm over thinking all of this, lol). This may have added to the confusion but to be honest even with the "pink"/"not pink" rule people still didn't get it right!

There is a difference in their eyes and foreheads and I keep trying to show this to people hoping eventually they will see it too. I'm sure that as they get older it will be easier as their personalities will become even more apparent.

To me they look very different although there are days and moments where I DO get them mixed up so I'm not expecting people to be perfect, I just would like to see a little more effort . I guess as their mother I feel a strong need to support their individuality. Eventually it won't be me constantly having to answer the "who's who" questions it will be them so if they aren't bothered by it I'm sure I'll relax a little too.

 

I went to a playdate today and they weren't dressed identically at all. People couldn't tell who was who. I don't think mine look identical, either, but I agree- people don't stop and notice much other than it's a baby.

I also want to foster their individuality- since you have family so close, how about 1 on 1 time with 1 girl and the family each week so they can get to know their individual personalities? They cease being quite so novel without the other baby and get a little time to be without their sibling.

 

I also call mine "the babies" even though they are almost 2...I might always call them "the babies!!" I don't really ever refer to them as "the twins." I don't know, that term bothers me for some reason. Most of my family that sees them regularly (weekly) knows who is who. My other family that sees them a little less often has a harder time. It's not that they can't tell them apart...they don't really look alike. They can't remember which name goes with which kid! Which I think is kinda funny. It doesn't really bother me though.

Shannon

 

My father is craaaaazy about them and while playing he sometimes asks "who is who" and then immediately decides that "it doesn't matter cause they're the same anyway" and I'm always kind of upset about it. Okay, I agree, they look alike, A LOT. The thing is, their personalities are completely different. DH and I agreed to take an hour or so every weekend with one of the girls alone. We both like the one on one time and figured the girls might need it too. We'll give it a try next Saturday.

 

Mine are 3. Me and DH are the only ones who can tell them apart. I think it's funny and they don't mind. I'm used to it now.

 

My guys are older (sorry to revisit this forum), but my Dad and many others in the family still have a hard time telling my guys apart. They even have a tell tale sign. Jesse has a deep dimple in his left earlobe. But they have a hard time remembering who has the ear with the dimple. And to be completely honest I have a hard time if I cannot see that ear. Their head shapes are different, but they go in spurts where they look extremely alike. I think it's when their weight is the same, vs when Jesse is less.

I guess, I just figure if I can still have difficulty once in a while, then I'm sure it's harder on other people. Also, I know they are going to need to get used to people asking them their name. The older hockey players at the rink get a kick out of the little twins playing hockey with each other. They always ask them who's who, Jess and Josh don't seem to mind answering. And I do dress mine alike. Every time I don't, they fight over who gets a specific outfit. And their personalities seem to be much more similar than the way they look. So you can't pinpoint who's who by that.

It may just take more time for family to finally see them enough to get their names right. I will have to say, DH has been getting them wrong alot lately, which infuriates me more. Once or twice is one thing, but all the time, UGH! Now in his case, it truly is that he just isn't paying attention which is a whole other issue.

 

Most anyone who sees my girls still can not tell them apart except DH and me. Every once in a while, if they are turned to the side or I just give a quick glance I get them confused. The girls came home from preschool just a short while ago telling me that some of their friends call them by the wrong name, and we NEVER dress them alike. I have always dressed them in different color outfits because everyone has such a hard time. Sometimes to be naughty, I would dress them alike just so I could mess with people, but for the most part I kept them in different clothing to help people out. I am still in shock when people tell me (close friends and family who've been around the girls many, many times) that they still have a really hard time telling them apart.

 

My girls are faternal,but look very similar. I have found that the more one is around them, the more they can be told apart. Like you, I try not to dress them similar. I also announce who is who when I am in a family/friend setting with relatives who haven't seen them in awhile. Mostly so that people don't feel wierd. Luckily, the girls have different voice tones, too- so once one starts speaking, you can tell (I also announce this).

I still get the "are you sure?" comment from strangers...Reminding them that the Olsen twins ARE Faternal....then you see their brain click.

 

There are 4 people in this world who can regularly tell my girls apart: me, DH, my mother, and my 20 month old niece. It does drive me a little bonkers sometimes, but only because the fact that people can't tell them apart makes them treat them more like a unit. I wish everyone would treat them like individuals. That's my biggest issue with having twins. I just want them to be seen as individuals. I try to emphasize this point with my family and it physically pains me when people refer to them as "the twins". Blah

 

Personally I try to have fun with it! When we go somewhere family or friends I make everyone take their guess on who is who to see who can guess right. I just make a game out of it, so it doesn't feel uncomfortable from the start with the questions.

 

Are the Olsen twins really fraternal or were they just di/di and not sure about being identical?

 

My guys are 6 and they have days that they look more alike than others .. not sure why .. but I call those their "ID" days. But most days people other than our family can't tell them apart.

 

I've always thought (well, at least since I've had twins and learned about them) that they were di/di and everyone just assumed that meant fraternal. Who knows though, I know some frats can look quite similar!

 

That's exactly how I feel!

I think it's a good idea to try to get more one-on-one time for them with individual family members, especially DH . He sees them for about an hour each night during the insanity that is dinner and bedtime. Usually on the weekends if we 'divide and conquer' he spends time with our son and I spend time with the girls. Dannik sees me all week and really misses his Dad so this had been working for us but maybe we need to re-think this approach so both of us can have more one-on-one with all 3 of them at different times .

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my annoyance but I'm going to try to relax about it since it seems to be part of growing up a twin .

 

I soooo agree with this sentiment! Having twins is just the best thing that's ever happened to me, and it delights me that my boys are becoming friends as well as brothers. :wub: I hope that they will be there for each other their entire lives.

 

As you know I think my boys look nothing alike, still waiting on that DNA test result, thinking the holidays delayed them some, but I had 2 visitors today, both who have seen the boys numerous times, and both people could NOT tell them apart and kept mixing them up. I obviously can tell them apart as can my parents and brother and sister. My oldest Donevan can tell them apart, he can even tell you who is crying without seeing them.

 

I'm still curious to hear the results .

That's interesting that Donevan can tell hem apart so well, even their cries!!! Most days I don't even know who's crying! Dannik still can't. He refers to them as "that guy" or "the pink/purple baby" depending on the colours they are wearing that day. I always use their names when I refer to them but he has no idea who's who. I think it's kind of funny...I guess I should be more forgiving with my other family members as well, lol!

Well said .

 

This bothers me too. At Christmas, I put name tags on them, just so I didn't get asked 1000 times who was who. And my FIL still mixed them up! {sigh} A few of our family can get them right, but most don't. Even my DH gets them confused sometimes.

 

Sticking my nose in (saw this in the new posts list)

We have a member here at Twinstuff who is a friend of their brother and sister and she has asked for us and she says they've had a test and are fraternal.

As for the telling apart thing, it is something that can be over thought. Most twins get used to correcting people about their names. Other people get more upset and embarrassed when I say I'm Connie's sister when I barely give it a passing thought. I'm bad though, there are twins in my life I can't tell unless I really think about it and study them. Last week we visited with a set of identical twin friends and neither set could tell the other set apart.

I do think being super identical is cyclical. We find there are times when we get recognized as twins more than other times.

One of my greatest pet peeves is "the twins" and I correct people who do continually call twins "the twins". Some will say "it's what they are" but it is a form of lumping them in together. Our mother actually has to stop and think to this day when someone asks how her twins are.

 

I have fraternal boys who are polar opposites. One is blonde, blue eyed, and fair and the other has brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin. People still can't tell them apart and to be honest, it upsets me when it's someone who should know them by now.

I got really mad on Christmas day when I was holding one of my boys and my SIL asked me "Which one is that?" I answered, gave her the look of death, walked away, and avoided her for the rest of the day. I dislike her greatly for so many other reasons, but it botheres me to no end that she can't be bothered to learn which boy is which. She lives near us and my sons are her only nephews so there is no reason for her not to know.

On a related note, now that I know how much this bothers me, when I encounter other twins or multiples I always make sure I take a minute to distinguish in my mind which is which.

 

Mine are completely different (fraternal) so if you know them (meaning you've seen them more than once), they are easily to distinguish. I took the oldest to a birthday party yesterday and Jacob was with us. The birthday boy demanded to know where Henry was. I was surprised because a child who we see for 10 mins everyday took the time to make sure he knows who is who while we have family that just doesn't care to bother.

 

I actually read somewhere that the Olsen twins admitted that they are ID... I forgot where.

ID twins look very different to people who are with them a lot, but totally alike to others. That's how so many moms are convinced that they have fraternal twins, when they are really ID... honestly most of the time, when people tell you that your kids look really alike, they are ID. I'm quite sure a few women here think that they have fraternal twins but really have ID twins

The fact that people don't remember who is who doesn't mean that they are 'mixed up' though, it just means that the person is terrible with names. I'm very ashamed of this but I know a mom with twins who are so different, and it's been over a year and I still don't know who is who - I'm just awful associating names and faces.

I have an ID twin sister btw - and yeah until high school or so we were 'the twins' and a lot of people couldn't tell us apart.