Can't shake this feeling

I have to say that I am really grateful with how far my DH and I have come ... We struggled for 3 years to have children and now we have the boys and another little one on the way. I'm not really sure how we got to this point; as in to say, time has gone by so fast. My boys will be 2 soon and than my daughter will make her debut. It takes my breath away when I really stop and think about it.

But I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at the thought of being able to do all of this ... care for the boys, recover from my c/s and take care of a newborn, etc. And on top of that my DH keeps creeping in the subject of when I will go back to work. This is our last child so it's something to throw on the plate I guess. I've been lucky enough to be a SAHM for the last year or so. While some days are great, others are not so much. So I do want to go back to work but unfortunately did not have an established career before I left and I don't know what I want to go back into type of thing. Stressed!

My boys are so young and here we go bringing another baby into our lives. I'm almost 6 months pg and questioning if this was the right time. Silly, right. I know in the end we/I will be able to do this and in a few years we will look back on this time and hopefully laugh. But today I feel like I'm drowning. I don't feel like I'm being a good mom to my boys because I'm so tired and lazy right now and it's taking away from them. When she comes it's not going to be much different. Freezing temperatures and lots of snow will keep us indoors till Spring. What am I going to do w/ two two year olds????? I feel so guilty about this. I know they really won't be able to remember it but the day to day struggle will be enough.

We don't really have a great support group. We seemed to have lost all of friends and family is there but busy with their own lives. Some people say to me that that's what happens when you have kids. Really??? So nobody has friends? Ugh. Just me feeling sorry for myself here I guess.

I don't really know what I'm looking for ... just maybe a little reassurance from other mommy's with twins and LO's that everything will be okay. My boys aren't going to hate me and I will be a good mom. I'm just having a really rough day and can't seem to shake it right now and I don't have anyone else that can relate.

Sorry it's so long and all over the place. Thanks for listening.

 

I fully understand btdt many times. #1 you are not ment to do it all. Im still attempting to learn this after 7 kids. breath take it day bay day. minute by minute. Breath. sleep when needed. note to self take own advice.

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: You can do this and you will do this!! I would say the first month with Hannah was rough but we got settled into a routine and now it is so much better! I would cry at night and blame my hormones to my DH that I felt so bad bc I felt like all I did was yell and get mad at the boys bc I was so sleep deprived I felt like I couldn't handle them! We haven't "lost" our friends per say but we don't see them as much anymore...they all have their own babies too though so we can't blame any one person.
Anyways, what has helped me get through this newborn stage is:
Daycare...if you can afford it, send them! Mine go 2x a week and it is soooo nice! We did it mostly bc we wanted them to keep going for when I go back to work but it also helps me keep my sanity!
Family...my sister and I both have young toddlers and newborns (my nephew is 3wks older than twins and niece is 2.5months older than DD!) so we get together quite a bit to just let the boys run around and have another adult keep an eye on them. This also helped in the beginning bc she would take all the boys outside to play while I stayed inside with the babies or vice versa. My MIL also keeps them once a week or so depending on her work schedule...once again this just helped me clean house, have 1 on 1 time with Hannah, do errands, whatever I need to do!
And last but not least...my wonderful amazing DH! Luckily he is a farmer with a flexible schedule right now (I'm dreading harvest this fall!) so he gets up with the boys and gets them dressed and breakfast so I can sleep a little longer. If Hannah sleeps through the night he will take care of her so I can get up with the boys and play with them a little before its no longer my undivided attention. He also gets them ready for bed when he comes home or once again if Hannah is sleeping or not hungry he will take her so I can get 1 on 1 time with the boys again
All in all, just make sure you get a break some way some how...even if it is just to leave the house after DH gets home. Its been hard for me bc I'm lazy about pumping and I'm nursing so I want to save all my frozen stash for when I go back to work not a girls night out...but you have to do it...we all know it...we just have to DO IT!! You can do this!! and there are plenty of Mommys on here with newborns and young toddlers that will help get you through it! I know Lisa(LMW1015) has helped me a ton!!! And remember....a good cry always helps

 

:hug: I can promise you a couple things... You will feel better about all of this! And that you are a GOOD mom!!! You can get through this!
I totally remember feeling the exact same way when I was pregnant with my youngest. They mommy guilt is no fun and I still feel it somedays.
I can say that it does work out. The other thing that kind of helps is that the time totally speeds up. I can't believe my youngest is 1.5y! You probably have noticed this with your pregnancy, I felt like I was pregnant FOREVER with the twins but with my youngest it went by super super fast! It felt like just yesterday that I was crying because I could hardly hold the twins and I couldn't play with them as much because I was exhausted or got stuck on the floor.
Just remember that you are NOT alone and feel free to message me anytime, or come here to vent Also that one baby is soooo much easier then two.
:hug: You can do this!

 

I loved my twins being 2. They get so much more independent, can play more, interact more, help more, do more things them selves. It was a hard age from 18 mo to 2 but 2-3 was much better. So hopefully that will help as they get older and can do more things.

I would look into joining a moms group, whether a twin one or other. A great place to find them is at meetup.com they often have weekly activities and once you know other moms can help watch them at the playground or other activities. It is an easier way to get out of the house. I know some groups even do playdates at houses. Go to library story time, i started with mine at 2 and they love it. Ours is in a closed room adn all the kids either sit or wander around and no one complains or gets yelled at. I know ours has one specifically for 0-2 with more songs, nursery rhymes geared toward younger kids.

I know what you mean about not doing much. I am also pregnant and rarely get out as I have been really sick and still am. i am hoping to feel better soon and do things with the kids again.

Do you know anyone from church, school, neighborhood that you could swap kids with once a week for 2-3 hours. That would give you a break and let your kids play with out having to run around a lot.

I also find it hard to do things with friends and I don't make friend easily. But if you could find one good friend who has kids, especailly close in age, it would really help. Then they would understand and you could get your kids together during the day and have some adult interaction.

Good luck, you can do it.

 

I felt the same way at the same time - probably the worst from 28-35 wks. A lot of it stemmed from my increasing level of exhaustion. I dont know how it will turn out - as I am still pregnant - but I think the overwhelmed feeling recently got replaced with an intense feeling of being done with this pregnancy and ready to evict this baby. I think its all natural, and hormones definitely contribute to the emotional ups and downs. Just keep in mind that you arent alone - most moms feel this way, and you will feel better soon. Good luck!

 

Thanks ladies for all of your kind words! I know it's going to be an adjustment just like everything else and we will all be alright. Sometimes the thoughts can just be overwhelming and I'm thinking the pregnancy hormones aren't helping! :laughing: That's why I love this site!! :wub: