Comparing twins

When we hang out with family and friends, invariably someone will ask who is the harder and easier twin or some other comparison type question about their personalities or development.

We are starting to notice some distinct differences in their personalities/development, but are hesitant to share our observations with others because it creates a label and comparison between them and also because they are still changing so much on a week by week basis.

I guess this is an issue every parent deals with when asked to describe their child. Do you have any stock phrases you use to handle these types of questions?

 

I used to say that "they both are" for whatever the question was.

Which on is your easier one? They both are.
Which one takes better naps? They both do.
Which one is the evil twin? They both are.

If it was someone that I cared about their opinion, I might share more, less sarcastic responses but for the regular person who I might interact with at the store or at the doctor's office, "They both are" usually worked best.

 

I agree with you about trying to avoid labels for our kids.

For questions like, which one is the better sleeper, more outgoing, more active - I usually say something like, 'right now it is X but last week (month) it was Y. I am sure it will change 100 more times.'
If it is a negative label like easier/harder, fussier.. i usually say 'it is hard to tell. it changes by the day depending on teeth or sleep. They are both good kids.'

I think it is never to early to practice speaking in ways you want them to hear.. to say things that will positively shape their opinions of themselves.

 

I answer pretty pointedly in hopes that the person will catch the hint-

"Who is the evil twin?" Neither.
"Who's your happy baby?" They both are.
"Who is smarter?" They are both very smart girls.

Also, we get a ton of people trying to tell them apart with statements like "she scowls more" or "she's thinner." Then I'm *very* direct- We don't use comparisons like those.

 

We hear this, too. I think it's just going to happen with twins. Now at 3, my kids do have distinct personalities, and I don't mind talking about that, but I keep it positive. I definitely don't label one as the "good" twin or the "bad" twin. They both have strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes when people say things like "which one of them listens better", I'll answer "depends on what day it is "(or what hour or even what minute!).

 

I usually do some form of "What day is it? On even days Riley is x,y,z. On odd days it's Danika." The comparisons drive crazy.

 

Thanks for the replies....really helpful!