Dawdling

No matter how organized I am in the morning we are always late because the boys are dawdling with their shoes and jackets. It is driving me insane. Especially as this morning was the first hard frost so we had extra layers to deal with, I just can't face a long winter of this. We have tried bribing them with stuff they can do in their car seats, but this has only been so effective and ends up resulting in a lot of tantruming if they don't get what they want. Daycare pickups and drop-offs are also a nightmare here; other parents are in and out five times over before my kids get their shoes on. They spend 10 minutes cleaning up, they have to check out their names on their lockers, pick up their backpack 10 times, look at all the other kids' shoes, play with other kids, look in their backpacks... it makes me NUTS.
 
HELP. I feel like all I ever say in the day is "Can you please get your shoes on?" in escalating tones.

 

I wish I had constructive advice!  Mine are 8 and we still have this fight every morning (and two afternoons a week when they have Jiu Jitsu) (or anytime they have to put shoes on, really), although thankfully without the winter clothes.  Just a lot of  "GET YOUR SHOES ON!!"

 

This is why I yell.

 

Um. My solution was to do it for them. ardon: When I had the time and patience, I let them do it and take however long they wanted/needed. But if I felt on the verge of losing my ever lovin' mind, I jumped in. For us, I felt that was better than snapping and yelling at them. I did have some anxiety about it (especially when preschool kept sending home general notes that we should be letting them do it themselves) and worried they'd never learn if I didn't make them. Well a scant 6 months later they're dressing themselves independently, even in full winter gear, and dare I say it? They're almost efficient at it too. We still have space cadet moments and I'll still jump in occasionally when their speed crawls but it really wasn't worth worrying about so much last year. Time is a miracle worker!

 

I have been on my own with them all this week, and we haven't made it in on time ONCE this week. Even this morning I got up extra early to make things smooth and I still had Miles laying on the stairs refusing to put his shoes on while I was out starting the van. Maybe if I just put baileys in my coffee in the morning that would help.

 

I give my boys one time to get their shoes on. If they do not comply they go in the car with no shoes. I leave them and their shoes at school.  I did it 2x.  The teachers were helpful as well with talking to them about how proud they would be if they came with their shoes on and they could not participate until they put on their shoes. When they did come with their shoes on they made a big deal of it the first several times.  I’ve done the same about getting dressed.  They don’t get dressed when I ask then they go in the car and to school in PJs.  I take their clothes in a bag.  No second chances.  They have to know you mean it.  No if you don’t do this then x happens three times.  You tell them one time and that’s it.  I did warn them the first time.  New rule if you do not put on your shoes when I ask you will go to school without them on.  School mornings used to suck now we are often early.
 
For jacket/coat I don’t bother at home.  They should not wear jackets/coats in the car seat so I have them in the car and they put them on when they get out of the car at school.  I hand them the coat after they are out of their seat and I let the cold air motivate them to put it on.  Honestly they often carry their coat/jacket unless it’s below 0 wind chill/temp since they are outside so briefly.  I am not a bad parent they are not going to get frost bite on the walk into school and it saves my sanity.
 
I don't have issues with pick up or drop off (not anymore).  Drop off is breakfast so the problem I had with that was they each wanted 20 hugs/kisses.  I told them one day that they would only get two.  They could pick 2 from a list (hug, kiss, hi five).  They each wanted a hug and a kiss.  That is what they got.  The first time they cried when I left.  After that it wasn't an issue.  Pick up they are ready to go home.  If they do linger I just tell them what snack I have for them or we are going to do x when we get home and that usually speeds them up. 

 

My kids do alright with pick from daycare, but the mornings are SO frustrating.  They are perfectly capable of getting dressed completely (other than connecting the zippers on jackets, which I still have to help with).  I have tried bribing them, too, with food, candy, toys, a few minutes of TV, whatever.  Nothing works.  One day last week I was almost 20 minutes late to work, but even if get them up 20 minutes earlier, it's just as bad.
 
I wish I had something constructive to say.  I've tried taking them to school with no shoes or in PJ's and they just don't care.  They would probably love to wear PJ's all day. ardon:

 

I tend to yell a little with this too.

I had a ton of guilt after reading some story about a mom always saying "hurry" and rushing her daughter and then she had an a-ha moment and realized she needed to embrace her daughter's slower pace.
I'm not that mom.

We have schedules for a reason and sometimes you just have to hurry the f up. Sorry, but that's how I feel. Reagan is my space cadet. Love her dearly, but she is very easily distracted. The mornings are spent reminding her what her current task is.

I will say with age it's gotten a lot better.

Hang in there!

 

I totally agree with Gina!  I also read that HuffPo piece and thought, well thats fine sometimes, but come on, there are things that have to happen on time!  
 
My husband is responsible for the last 15 minutes of getting ready to go out to wait for the bus.  This is such a good thing because I yell.  "SERIOUSLY YOU STILL DON'T HAVE YOUR SHOES ON?!"  Amazing that that doesn't work.   :search:
 
DH is so much more patient, but what he does that really works is set a timer.  His watch goes off a full 10 minutes before they have to be out the door.  They need to get shoes, jackets, and backpacks on.  If they finish early they can go out and play on the front deck for a few minutes.  If they don't finish early, natural consequences are the second timer goes off and they have to go outside.  
 

 

Oh, maybe a timer! When Kris is home I use him getting out of the shower as the signal to start the painful shoe putting on process, but it's only sort of effective. But maybe if I had a timer. If I say 10 minutes, then I spend the next 10 minutes explaining how clocks work to them. That's the phase we're in. It's awesome and terrible all at the same time. I have also tried making them leave without shoes on and it would frankly be easier to talk my dog into doing calculus. Apparently we're moving to uniforms soon, so at least that should help with some of the bickering over clothes in the morning.
 
Also, the huffpo piece had the same effect on me. It made me relax a bit on the weekends or when we're just meandering around, but honest to god, I have to get to work so that I can get home and spend time with everyone at the end of the day! I could spend all day looking at ants, but sitting in a détente over getting shoes on is not quality time to me.

 

I have alarms set on my phone, when the alarm goes off, it's time for XXX.  I do yell too, even though it's not really effective. :/  I have 4 kids, I swear it hasn't gotten any better for any of them yet. 

 

 
:woah:  :girl_devil:

 

My husband has that same alarm!! 

 

Alarms are a great idea.  I tried that for the first time with my kids today, and it didn't seem to help much, though.  Maybe I'll try again next week and see if we stick to it for a few days, if it will kick in.

 

Oh, getting them dressed to go out of the door in the mornings! This is probably the one thing I yell about on a regular basis, and I hate starting the day that way ... I am always happy when my office days are over for the week (I work from home 2 mornings a week) and I can relax our pace. The interesting thing is that we are often quicker on those days than on the days when I am constantly checking the clock and thinking of getting to the office on time. But I still can't help stressing out on the days when I do need to go to the office even though I know the effect is the opposite of what I want to achieve.
 
Our solution is that I only insist on weather appropriate shoes (BTW, Rachel: mine will not let me put them on for them, if I put them on they are torn off and thrown across the landing - how dare I interfere with their independence?). But we walk to pre-school, 20-25 minutes every morning and they will quickly ask for the warm jackets, raingear or hats which I pack into a bag and carry with me if they really do not want to put them on and then realize that mom was right about the weather.