Discipline Charts?

I am looking for something I can use as a visual/chart as a discipline tool. For example, a friend of mine mentioned that each morning her kids get "5 dots" and when they do something wrong they lose a dot. Then if they have lost all of their dots at end of day...no dessert. I think my girls would just do that to the wire....one dot left I still get dessert, but I was bad 4 times!!!

Your advice is appreciated!!

 

I don't have much experience with this but my oldest has something kind of like this in his classrooms. Where they pull a card if they have done something wrong.
To be perfectly honest I'm not sure I'm a fan of a "discipline chart". I try to focus more on the positive and would do a positive reward system instead.
Like if they do something nice or helpful or without you asking then they get a sticker. If they get at least 3 stickers then they get dessert... Just a thought.

 

I would go for earning stickers rather than loosing them. I too think mine would test the issue.

 

I agree with Brigette, I would choose a positive reward chart over a negative one.
If you really feel that, for your kids, a positive alone will not work then maybe combine the two. As in when they do something good they get a sticker/dot, if they behave badly they lose a sticker/dot and they still need to have a certain number (say 3) to get the reward. That way it's more of a balance/overall view of the day's behaviour-if they have done more 'good' than 'bad' things they will get the reward-and helps to show them that if you make a bad choice or do something wrong you can make up for it by doing something right.

As a side note if you do go with a positive reward chart I find that being specific and breaking things down can really help. (Depending on how old your children are it can also help to offer rewards at certain points throughout the day, as they get older you can have the reward at the end of the day or even at the end of each week.) For example lets say you have a lot of trouble getting them organised and out of the house in the morning; instead of putting 'get ready in the morning' on the chart put 'get dressed without a fuss' 'put pyjamas in wash basket' 'eat breakfast nicely' 'brush teeth' 'brush hair' 'get coat and shoes on'. That lets them know exactly what you want from them and you can add pictures to the chart to help them see what comes next. Then if they get 4 or 5 of the 6 available stickers they get a reward once you are out of the house (it can be something really simple like getting to choose the music you play in the car). You can do that with any points that are difficult in the day and also still give 'bonus' stickers for things like being polite/helpful without being reminded. I like to make the bonus stickers different (say sparkly stars) and give a special reward once they have a certain number.

 

I would go for earning stickers rather than loosing them. I too think mine would test the issue.

 

the whole earning stickers/dots instead of having them taken away kind of goes along with the "tell them what you want them to do" instead of always telling them "no" or "don't do that". makes sense. I also heard of having pictures on a chart of them doing the things you want them to do, so that they can visualize it. good luck!

 

Just to be contrary, I have to point out that even if the chart is technically about earning stickers for positive things, you can get focused on "loss" of stickers very easily. Even if you're not really taking stickers away, if you threaten the kids with "You won't get a sticker if you don't...," before you know it they're having a fit about not getting a sticker!

That's another way of saying that sticker charts didn't work all that well in our house... :tomato: We actually used them off & on for months, but I always had mixed feelings. It was great at first, but within a few weeks they would forget about the sticker unless we reminded them. Then, once we had reminded them, we would get into power struggles about whether they were getting a sticker or not. Or, they would sit at the table and count who had more stickers, and fight about it!

It was a relief when we gave up on the whole concept of rewards (at least for now) and just tried to get through each day as "gracefully" (as my friend says) as possible, within the context of whatever developmental stage they were in.

 

It seems so artificial. I mean, what do the stickers or they behavior they represent, have to do with certain foods? I could never keep something like that going long enough to be effective. Plus if it works you'll be having dessert every night!

Maybe I'm just really lazy but I'd rather let the natural, or at least immediate, consequences take effect, kwim?

 

I agree with rewarding positive behavior instead of taking away for bad. Just in my experience with my son...who was always getting stuff taken away...it just ended up with him acting worse. I learned from him and awarded positive behavior with my girls and it is way more effective. How about writing down three things that you want them to do...a max of three is about all this age can handle...and give them a dot for each thing they do right. Then set up a reward system...3 dots for the day and you earn "x", 4 dots for the day and you earn "y", etc, etc. That way you can set up levels of rewards, the more dots the better the rewards, and you can mix it up.

 

I just wanted to quickly share what we did. I think we started about 2-3 months ago (2.5 years now) and all I did was tape a piece of paper on the window with each of their names. They get a sticker when they "help" (follow directions really!) and as long as I'm consistent and keep at it they LOVE it. All they do is pick out a sticker and put it on their chart, no other rewards, no counting, just a sticker for the joy of a sticker. Like I said, it only works as well as I do with it and right now I've let it slide I guess but I did put put stickers in each room (like on the door-up high!) so I could have them handy. I wasn't sure it would work this young but like I said, simple as can be and today they got a sticker at Target and one of them said they were going to put it on their sticker chart (of course it didn't make it that far but oh well!)

 

as for keeping the stickers nearby ... I taped an envelope or zip lock bag near the sticker chart and put the stickers in there as well as a pen since I was using that to mark potty training stuff too... good luck.