Do you intervene when your twins steal toys from each other?

I'm not sure if I should be intervening when my twins steal toys. Iff one takes a toy from the other and the loser starts crying, I do intervene, but if the loser fusses for a second and then moves on, I don't. But I was thinking that if I was at a playdate and one of my kids stole a toy from another child, I would definitely intervene even if that child didn't put up a big fuss. Any pearls of wisdom?

 

No pearls of wisdom, but if I see a boy steal a toy I make him hand it back. Sometimes, like you, if they whine but move on before I get over there, I don't bother.

 

It really depends. William is the toy stealer here. He is forever taking something off of Nathaniel. Nathaniel is so easy going though he just moves onto something else. GOD FORBID though if Nathaniel EVER took a toy from William, the world has come to an end when that happens. If they seem really upset and don't move on then I give it back to the original "owner"

 

I pretty much do what you do. I found that if it is really important to him Lincoln will stand up for himself and take it back. He is my easy going one and doesn't really seem to care usually. Lucas on the other hand will wig if his toy is stolen even though he is my toy theif.

 

this is a really interesting topic as I never know what is the right thing to do. I have read, and tend to agree, that as long as siblings are not hurting each other then it is best to let them work it out on their own. Teaches them how I guess. However, on the flip side, I wouldn't want them to do this on a playdate so it is kind of like mixed messages. Right now, I do let them sort it out themselves without getting involved, and then when they are both happy and playing I teach them lessons on sharing.

 

I let them sort it out unless there's tears or if one kid is just picking on the other all day. In general I find singleton kids a lot more possessive about toys, so even on playdates it's usually my kids getting stolen from and there's no screaming.

 

Mary is my stealer. I sometimes intervene... usually means putting that particular toy up for a while, as Mary will just take it right back from Hannah. Sometimes I can redirect Mary with another toy. But, then Hannah wants that one!

 

I do the same. If it gets too bad, if they don't want to give up the toy in dispute, I set the timer and they have a set amount of time to play with it and then hand it over. If there is too much of a dispute that they cannot settle themselves or hand over at the end of the timer, then the toy goes in time out for a little bit.

 

I refuse to play referee all day when the boys are fighting over everything. And there are times when I don't know who had it first or who took what from whom, etc. If they are really throwing a fit about something I tell them if they can't share it, I'll put it away where no one can have it. Sometimes it works, sometimes the offending toy goes on top of the fridge where they forget about it within a min. As they are getting older I am also making a lot of effort to teach them about taking turns. I often hear Carter chasing Ashton around saying "turn, turn" when he wants something Ashton has, so I think we are getting somewhere with that.

 

I had to laugh b/c it's the same way here w my boys. Tanner will SCREAM at the top of his lungs if Jace takes something from him but if he takes something from Jace... he just moves onto the next thing. I don't make a big deal about it, I will often take the toy from the stealer and say "NO Tanner/Jaces' turn" and get them something else to play w. Like pp if that doesn't work and the fought over toy is becoming an issue, I'll put the toy away.

 

This is what I do, too. Most of the time it's Juliette who steals the toys/paci/sippy cup, etc, lol but Irelyn is starting to give it back a little now, too.

 

For now, we do the intervene only if someone gets hurt or there is hitting/kicking/biting involved BUT it seems like it always leads to that behavior. So if I can distract them both with a walk outside or even a little TV on bad days it seems to keep it at bay.

 

I do intervene and am trying to teach appropriate behavior. My one DS is forever stealing from my other DS or pushing him out of the way and I do not want him to think it is okay. I, personally, don't feel that they can properly work it out at this age and I do not think DS2 should have to fight for every toy he is nicely playing with. To me, not intervening is accepting the behavior and is going to cause DS1 to continue the "bullying" and DS2 to feel like he has to constantly compete (and lose). I know I can't always "come to the rescue," but when something is clearly wrong, I do. I feel pretty strongly about it.