Do you think college is necessary

What does your husband do for a living? I truly want to know as I feel mine might be in the wrong business LOL!

 

I do work parttime, from home. At my company my degree makes no difference in career opportunities. I realize that may not be the norm. And I'm laughing because my dh makes "only" approx. $14 per hr. That's a respectable wage here, we do fine with that, but we are in a low cost of living area.

He works in the parts warehouse of a private airline.

 

You wouldn't APPROVE OF one of your girls wanting to go to college? What year is this? :umm:
What if a girl doesn't want to get married? Or what is she supposed to do until marriage? Needlepoint in the parlor?

 

Not sure what difference the year makes? If you have a specific belief system I don't agree that it changes because of the time period.

Sorry, noone in our circle of family and friends does needlepoint, lol. I know unmarried daughters who spend their time helping their mothers run the household, teaching their younger siblings, helping other friends and family with things (babysitting, errand running, sitting with elderly family, etc) volunteering at different charities that need help, studying, running small home businesses, and just spending time with friends and family.

If you googled you might be surprised at the size and diversity of people there are that believe this way.

 

Thanks so much, Ruby!

They shocked the heck out of me, I was prepared for 2 tantruming, refusing to cooperate, clinging to mommy 2.5 year olds - and instead they were little show-offs! :wub: :laughing:

 

I'm trying to find information about people not allowing girls to go to college, and all I'm finding is stuff about historical times. I really didn't know that anyone here in the modern, Western world discouraged their female children from going to college. That's really shocking to me. Maybe the Amish, or the FLDS, that's all I can think of. I went to a conservative Christian high school, and the girls were encouraged to go to college (albeit a Christian one, but still).

 

My college years were some of the best years of my life! I am so glad my parents valued my education just has much as they would have had I been a boy!


I have a son and daughter. I will raise them both to find their niche in the world and to make themselves happy. I understand that college is not for everyone. But in today's world some training of some kind is required by almost all professions now. There are trade schools, tech schools, and so forth.

Education is important and I don't care if they have a penis or vagina, I will support their education the same.


Topics like these always make me wonder what was so good about the "good ol' days," ya know?!

 

I shouldn't have made that comment without posting links as examples myself. Sorry about that. Here's a few: Why I'm Raising a Homemaker
Should Young Women Go to College (by a SAHDaughter)
In Who are We Trusting (comments especially)
Raising Homemakers


I searched raising daughters homemaker college, on Google.

 

Thank you for pointing me to those. I had no idea there was this stay-at-home daughter movement. This is all very interesting. I won't comment further since this is not the Den.

 

Seriously? This whole post is just bizarre to me, I don't even have words.

 

if it has something to do with religion, many schools have religious groups. I am one who also am shocked by this movement.

 

I guess I just have the "what-ifs" in the back of my mind. Like my SIL, whom I love and adore. She is 35, wants to be a wife and a mother...and is still single. She wants to be a homemaker. But she isn't and can't be until she finds the right man to be with. Thank goodness she has her degree and a job to fall back upon. That may be her life.

I also think there are some geographic differences to consider. Where I live, you are almost looked down upon if you are a woman and get married without a college education.

 

To the OP. I'm sure you've been given hell over this post and for that I give you my sympathy. In some ways my DH and I have chosen to be "old-fashioned" as well and I know how sticking to your own core values seems like an up-hill battle these days.

That said, I can't say that I agree with you. We believe that a woman's first priority is to be a wife and mother but we also STRONGLY advocate education. God forbid something happens to your daughter's husband and he is seriously injured or even killed. What about divorce? Even if you don't "believe" in it, it still exsists. How would your daughter survive and feed her children if she didn't have some sort of degree or training? I've been SOO blessed to have a skill that I can do on the side lately while my husband's company struggles for work!

Neither DH or I have our degree yet.I can understand when you say that college isn't a necessity for a good life, and if this had been 5 years ago I would have completely agreed with you. I turned down 2, four year universities and chose to go straight to a very highly reguarded hairdressing school right out of HS. I really enjoyed being 19 and making "grown-up salary", but within 2 years of my career I wanted to go back to college. I had a lot of reasons (How would I tell my kids to go to college if I never went? What if I couldn't make a living with my hands the rest of my life?) but one of the biggest factors were my clients. I was sick of taking HUGE amounts of money from women I knew I was a lot smarter than, but made a heck of a lot more money of me because of a stupid degree. I'm still on the long path to getting there (like 20 years :headbang: ), having twins slowed me down but I know I will finish eventually.

I know some VERY rich people who never went to college (actually they think its for suckers too), but I know a whole lot more poor people who never went to college. I decided a long time ago that if you want to make it in this world you either have to have a degree, or be willing to work VERY hard for VERY long and have some luck on your side.

 

What I'm wondering is....when your daughter marries what everyone thinks is a nice guy. They start having kids and everything is great and then a few years later she finds out he got bored, cheated on her and now wants a divorce. How exactly is being a homemaker going to help her earn money and support her kids?

College is not a waste of money if the person going to school wants to go and is willing to learn how to apply their knowledge to their everyday life.

 

dang...you're husband must pull some serious overtime to be able to raise a family of 9 on a base salary of $26,880 per year - what state do you live in? I live in Northeastern Pennsylvania, and while we were not hit quite as hard by the economic recession as far as housing markets go, I couldn't raise my family of 4 on that kind of money...and I in no way live in a large house or drive foreign cars...

 

Yep, those "what ifs" get me too, Kate. My two best friends and roommates from college (both 48) are both in the same boat, as is my SIL (44), and my friend who lives across the street (she is 52) from me with her mother. All of these women planned on marrying, having a family, and staying home to raise those children while their husbands provided for the family. But guess what? Life (and God?) had other plans for them. Thankfully they all have educations which provided avenues to careers where they could support themselves. What would they be doing otherwise? Working for their brothers? Life doesn't always end up the way we plan.

I also am one who thinks education is never wasted. IMO, there is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a homemaker. It was a career I thoroughly enjoyed. However even if I had a daughter who felt her life calling was to become a wife and mother, I would still encourage her to get an education first. It can only help her in life. Honestly I would feel irresponsible as a parent if I didn't look out for her best interests and encourage her to get her to do so.

 

Christel, I understand where you are coming from. I have a lot of friends (mostly in Mississippi) who believe the way you do. I think it very interesting. I was raised with support of my family to do whatever I wanted. I never wanted to go to college, just wanted to get married and have children. I met the man of my dreams when I was 20. We went to church together, prayed together..and really were on the same page about life and God. When we got married i was so happy. I wanted children right away, but that didnt happen, because I was infertile. I prayed Hannahs prayers everyday..and the church prayed over me. I still believed everything would be OK. My husband after 3 yrs started talking to a girl on the internet..and came home from work one day and told me wanted a divorce. I was in shock, in agony and I couldnt imagine what I did wrong.

The next couple of years changed the way I thought about God. HE helped me get into the air force after my divorce. HE helped me get back into school, HE helped me find out my worth..which was way more than a stepping stone for my first husband. I love being a Stay at home mom now. But I also love knowing if anything ever happened to my husband, I would be able to take care of myself.
I think its great that you have a good plan for your girls, but I also know for my girls I want them to have the self confidence and faith to knwo they are strong enough to always take care of themselves.

I am not trying to change your mind at all. I understand what you believe in and its not to change anyones mind, I just wanted to share what I went through.

Brandy

 

Gave you a point, Brandy, especially for this paragraph. The line in blue is so perfectly expressed.

 

Excellent post Brandy! :clapping:

 

i have to agree, seriously adorable...sorry back to the thread.

 

I agree. I have never heard that opinion expressed and I'm 54 years old. "Back in the day" even girls who intended to be "homemakers" went to college. I took some electives in the department of family studies as an undergrad back in the 70's. I am so grateful that my parents recognized the importance of a college education. I am currently working on a second masters degree and except for being stressed out with deadlines, I LOVE the learning process and the socialization I get in school as well as the life skills I acquired along the way.

With that said, I do realize that everyone is not cut out for college, but to discourage children from college is something I can't understand.

 

Brandy, great post and from the heart.

 

Thanks, Miriam! I'm pretty crazy about the pic, too! :wub:

 

Needlepoint in the parlor, lol, too funny.

I can't get over this thread, I spend every day telling my daughters they need to go to college and get jobs so that they never need to depend on a man for anything in their lives, so they never have to struggle and they'll never have to stay in a bad situation just because they have no other alternatives.

I really hope there is someone out there that tells your daughters they have the potential to be so much more than just someone's wife and I hope they listen and I hope they major in women's studies.

 

Wow. I've tried really hard to not be rude. Did I do or say something to offend you personally? If so, I'm sorry. It's hard to have discussions like this when you don't really know the people to which you're talking. I've never said that my daughters should be "just someone's wife". I've never said that a woman is less than a man in any way. I've never even implied that not going to college makes them inferior or not worthy in their own right.

If I actually said that we would not APPROVE of our daughters going to college, I misspoke and apologize for giving the wrong impression. There is a difference in not encouraging and actively discouraging. It's their choice, and especially by the time they are that age they are independent in making those choices.

I also just want to add that we haven't come to this decision lightly. I come from a completely different religious background and my husband comes from no religious background at all. We didn't just happen to fall into beliefs that surrounded us as we were raised. We have spent several years research and wrestling with this (among other beliefs) and this is the conclusion to which we have come.

Thank you all for your comments. They have been very interesting. It seems to be turning into personal insults, though, so I should bow out now.

 

I would think this is the paragraph (from one of your earlier posts) that people have taken to mean that you don't approve of women going to university:

I also haven't seen anybody make personal insults (unless you take bewilderment as an insult).

Even if you only look at the benefits when it comes to income (which I think are one of the less important benefits of further education), the difference in income between women who have and have not gone to university is larger than the difference between men who have and have not gone to university. It seems that it would be more worthwhile for women to go to university than for men, not the other way round.

 

I also would like my daughters to be homemakers/mothers. BUT I want them to go to college and work first. If they meet and marry young (before 25) I'd like for her to work and bank her salary while figuring out how to live on her dh's salary. This will give them a good cushion and a great down payment for a house. This is my "hindsight is 20/20" thinking. I wish we had done things that way. Of course I have my own hopes and dreams for what my children will do/be but I will love and support my kids no matter what they choose.

 

Maybe this should be a spin off, but would you have wanted your parents to actively encourage you to go to college? If they did, where would you be if they didn't encourage you?

(ETA This is not just for Cristel, this is a question for everyone.)

 

Count me in the bewildered camp.

Wow...I didn't open this thread at first. Based on the title, I thought it was a discussion about being about to make a good income without college and maybe if the expense was justified. (I think it is, BTW, but that is a entirely seperate conversation)

I in no way agree with the concept of pushing your children in to one particular profession, regardless of what it is. I want my children to make that choice on their own. In order to make the best choice for herself, she needs to consider all her options. This starts with being aware that there are options. The homekeeper style of childrearing strikes me as very controlling and limiting. Why pigeonhole them at a very early age to feel that there is only one career, one lifestyle, one path in life?

I hope all my girls find a fabulous mate that they deeply love, trust and respect. And I certainly hope that is mutual!! I want them to be with someone that they truly want to be with, not because they need that paycheck. I think it is extremely important that they know that they can support themselves, if need be. The last thing I would ever want for one of my daughters is for her to feel trapped in a terrible marriage because they don't think they have other options.

 

I have three daughters. I will do everything in my power to promote their education and to ensure that they do go not only on to college, but also to graduate/law/medical school.

I am eternally grateful that my parents placed a heavy focus on education. They made it clear that college was expected. They wanted me to shoot for the moon. Thank goodness for their encouragement. I am now in a position that I love. I work part-time so that I feel that I have the best of both worlds -- I am home plenty with my children, can go to nearly all of their school events, but I still work and make a very decent salary. And, in the event that something were to ever happen to my DH, I am fully capable of supporting my children and continuing the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed. That amount of security is extremely comforting.

Of course my daughters will ultimately be supported and loved (dearly loved!)if they choose not to seek a college education. But I won't pretend that I will be happy with such a decision -- not because I think they should have a career (they could be homemakers absolutely!), but because I think a higher education is a gift ... knowledge is a gift ... AND, most importantly, they should be armed with the tools necessary to support themselves if need be. I never want them to have to rely on anyone. Self sufficiency is power.

 

Excellent, excellent post!

 

I think I was at least in 5th or 6th grade before I realized that college was an option (for some people, not for me :laughing. Up until that point, I thought everyone graduated high school, went to college, and then got a job. My parents made it very clear to me that college was expected and I never questioned that. I am eternally grateful to them for raising me with such a value on education and knowledge (then again, they are both teachers - as are my DH and I - so I guess it is to be expected that they would have felt that way).

 

I didn't open this topic either, Sheryl, but I'm glad that I did.

So many things have happened to me over the past twenty years that lead me to believe NOT having college degree is like putting on handcuffs to our kids. I dropped out of college after two years because I thought I knew it all. Well, after $10/hr jobs, I knew that was not going to provide a lifetime of support for myself, so I went back and got my degree. Oh, wow. The things that I learned in completing my degree. Not just the coursework itself, but discipline, writing, computers, working on teams, leadership skills.....the list goes on and on.

Now, I work at a local community college and our state has been giving funds to re-educate the unemployed folks. There are some that come through trying to find a new career and they don't have degrees. They hit brick walls when almost all employers are looking for degrees. No, it doesn't necessarily matter what the degree is, as long as there is one.

The belief that college is something extra, frankly superfluous, is antiquated.

p.s. - Brandy, great post.

 

I don't see where anyone has insulted you in any way - but you posted links explaining your position which include examples of basically raising your sons to be breadwinners and protectors, and your daughters as docile homemakers that obey their husbands...this is 2010, the economy is in the crapper and I think the majority of posters are just trying to indicate that education and a job are essential parts of life. I don't know if you listen to country music but it reminds me of the Martina McBride song where the girl gets married at 20, delivered her 3rd child by 28, and at 35 is now working for minimum wage because she wound up divorced...while I understand that you may not believe in divorce (religiously) would you want your daughter to stay in an abusive marriage with a drunk who beats her and your grandchildren? Of course not! But if a girl has no education and no way out, then she feels stuck too...

I also asked what area of the country you live in that allows you to run a household of 9 people comfortably on less than $30K per year - even when it was just Tony and I (without the twins) and a $300 per month house payment I couldn't run a household on that kind of money - even now with a $750 mortgage payment (which isn't outrageous by any means - most apartment rents are more than that) and 2 kids I couldn't do it...

 

To me, the needlepoint comment is making fun, and the last statement is rude. Other people may not see it that way.

We live in Oklahoma. Our mortgage is approx. $500 for 4 bd/2000 sq ft, several acres. No other bills besides utils/cell/internet/food. Honestly, I don't see how that could possibly be difficult financially. We still eat out, go on vacations, our kids play competitive level sports, etc.

my parents never talked about college one way or the other. Neither one went to college until very recently. I went. I can't really say why. Would have been a waste of a good scholarship not to go. It was an ego boost to get accepted to ivy league schools and I liked that too. My sister didn't go. My little brother has been a full-time college student for 7 years now. Some of what I learned is useful to me now (I'm a worship leader and I studied vocal performance) but the degree itself, no. Most of the experiences just drew me further from where I needed to be spiritually.

I'm not coming totally from left field, reality-wise. My 17 yo's dad left when I was pregnant with him; I raised him alone until he was 5. With no family support. Most of that while I was in college. I know exactly what it's like to need to do that.

I think in all the bits and pieces I've written I didn't explain well. Or I got muddied in my thinking and talking. We don't plan on actively encouraging our daughters to go to college. If they want to go, we will not actively discourage them but they will clearly know that we believe it's God's plan for a woman's first priority to manage their household.

I know that a lot of you find that appalling; that's ok. I find the statements by some of you that college cannot be an option, even graduate work, to be just as ridiculous and as potentially damaging as you see mine.