Do you think college is necessary

I'm in Kansas and honestly, the cost of living is pretty cheap in both states. My sil and bil live in Oklahoma and I think they always have the cheapest gas prices nationally. If we go visit them, we try and fill up in OKC.

Our payment on our first starter home was $230.44 a month. We had no bills other than food and utilities, No cell and no cable. We did take on a car payment of $138 so dh could have a fuel efficient (40+ mpg) car to drive back and forth to school. I worked at McDs and dh worked for $14 an hour on w/e's at his parents business and went to school full-time. We didn't live a fancy life, by any means, but it was still a good life. I don't think people realize how low cost of living can be in the slightly rural midwest.

Marissa

 

We live close to the Kansas border and drive up often to go to a zoo and waterpark nearby. It always kills me if I need to get gas while I'm there. It's seems sooo much higher!

 

Here's the thing I don't understand about this statement. Raising your child to believe that college is not a choice, it is a requirement (and by college, I mean some type of post-high school training/education) - you are only providing your child with opportunity. If your daughter/son goes to college, gets a degree, and then chooses to be a homemaker, a fisherman, or whatever - they can do whatever they want, but they ALWAYS have that degree/specialized training to fall back on. You are giving your child opportunities, doors are and will be opened for them their entire lives because of something they did when they were younger. By not introducing your child to the possibility of college (no matter your beliefs), you are closing doors on them. None of us know where our children's lives will take them. We can want something for them more than anything, it doesn't mean that it will become reality. Life changes on the turn of a dime and people who have more education have CHOICES.

Encouraging (or even requiring) your child to complete college or vocational training after high school is not the same as not allowing/not encouraging your child to continue their education. One opens doors and possibilities, giving your child choices for their entire life and one closes doors, closes opportunities, and limits them.

Why can a girl be raised to be a homemaker but still be encouraged to go to college, just in case the unforeseen occurs? I don't understand the logic there?

 

We don't necessarily agree that college is only opportunity. It's also debt, many times significant debt. There are lots of other issues that come with throwing great amounts of random young people together with no supervision. For us it goes so far beyond potential income and into other reasons as well. Not that we don't trust our kiddos, because by that age we do. But then again, putting yourself in difficult or tempting situations daily can have a wearing effect on the best of intentions.

 

Jori, my thoughts exactly. Education = opportunity = preparedness for life = self-improvement = responsibility for yourself (the list goes on and on). It can only be a good thing, no matter if you are a homemaker with a loving husband and children or a career woman taking care of herself.

College isn't an option for my boys and I don't apologize for that. We are striving to give them the tools to live a successful life. Now, if school was difficult for them and/or they had no interest in education, but wanted to pursue a vocation with training, we'd certainly support them. However, they are all bright boys and have bright futures ahead of them and they all enjoy learning. I want them to be prepared for the career of their choice so that one day when they are married they will be able to support a wife and children in comfort. If I had daughters, I'd feel the same as I'd want her to a.) be happy and b.) be able to support herself and her family if the need should arise. Simple really.

For the record, college wasn't an option for me either. It was assumed I would go and get my degree, which I did. I have never regretted it and have only the fondest memories of my years at Valparaiso. I said it earlier, but college is not just about an education in the classroom, but a time for growth, self-exploration, exploring the possibilities.

 

Damaging because of the potential debt? But that is true for boys and girls. How is it more damaging for girls?

Full disclosure, my mom was not very encouraging about me going away to college. My dad was totally on board and I was incredibly motivated. My main goal in HS was to be valedictorian and go to an Ivy League college. I did both, but it only created a bigger rift between my mom and me. When I went to school she wasn't interested in my life, she would say horrible things to me about 'being too good for her now' and it was very hurtful.

Its taken YEARS for us to rebuild a relationship, and I'm sure a lot of her resentment was because I was doing something she never did. Now I'm a university professor and she is finishing her bachelors at the same school. She is nearly 60 and is doing this for herself because she regretted not doing it before, and because she wants to.

 

As an educator it is my job to to teach children and encourage them in their endeavors. I try to instill in them a sense that they can be/do anything they set their minds to. I would be absolutely appalled to hear a parent discourage their children just because they are females.
As for the argument that college is a lot of debt, you need to look at the flip side of that coin. College graduates on average earn more than a person with only a high school diploma. Debt will find you no matter what your education level if you aren't responsible. I would much rather my children have student loan debts than credit card debt because they have to use their credit cards to make ends meet because they only have a high school diploma and cannot find a job that pays more than minimum wage.

 

I guess I don't see how that is different for a boy vs. a girl.

I will encourage my children to complete some kind of secondary education. That may be trade school, college, whatever. As long as they are happy and responsible people that can take care of themselves, I am happy and proud. I don't see how being a female makes one bit of difference in going to college or not. I'm so taken back by that thought process. But to each their own I guess.

 

So, does this really come down to the "cost" of college? I believe that when you decide to have children you must consider the cost implications of their entire upbringing and that doesn't stop at the relatively "free" expense of K-12 schooling.

 

So many great points that I can't even comment on them all, but I did want to add my two cents! I truly think my college experience shaped who I am today - not the degree (although I am grateful for that) per se, but the opportunity to be "on my own," form the types of friendships that can only result from college life, learn from the new perspectives and opinions of my professors and classmates, and perhaps most importantly it is where I met dh ! Higher education is so much more than just a degree amd a way to get a better job - it is the years I truly think you need to be separate from your parents but not thrown into the real world just yet. For me, personally, not going to college was never an option but I knew early on that it wasn't financially feasible for my parents (who do not have college degrees). I worked my butt off to get an athletic and academic scholarship and I will never regret it. That is what I hope to pass along to my children - not that they absolutely have to go to college, but rather that they are so self-confident, so accomplished, and so personally motivated that they want to go to college and will do whatever it takes to get there.

I do think Wendy's point is very interesting - if it is the cost? I, honestly, don't know how you support your family as is but I have never been to your area and don't know anything about the cost of living. However, I do know that with that income level the cost of college could definitely be daunting. The good thing is that, especially for girls, scholarships are pretty easy to come by if your daughter is bright, or athletically inclined and truthfully, if the income level you stated earlier is true your children could probably go to college on a full financial aid. I truly hope she decides that she does want to do that and that you support her in that decision!

 

These 2 statements are contradictory - most young people that have had any sort of outside life experience don't necessarily have issues when they go to college - I went through 4.5 years at one of the biggest party schools in the country (Penn State University) and I didn't attend a single party, and in fact didn't sleep around, and maintained a 3.0 average - because I knew the opportunity I'd been given and wasn't willing to blow that away to he wind...the kids who party the hardest usually come from experiences where they were not allowed to have social lives, and for the first time they ARE on their own...if you've taught your children wisely, they won't go crazy - they will gravitate more toward people like themselves - with the same value structure and upbringing...

as far as debt is concerned, I truly don't understand where this attitude of "OMG I have debt what am I going to do with myself" mindset...while I don't necessarily enjoy having CC debt - its there, its part of life and eventually it will go away - I also realize that I can't take my money with me when I go - and I'll be damned if I'm going to leave it to my kids to spend for me LOL....

I've provided a link to the Oklahoma state system of higher education - and its state run schools...at OSU the per credit hour cost is $136.25 for undergraduate. For a kid taking 15 credits per semester (which is average) you're looking at less than $2500 per semester including fees to send a child there - that entire cost would be covered by a student loan with an interest rate of 3%... thats $20,000 for a full 4 years of college - 16 years ago I went to Penn State for double the cost! Please don't tell me that spending $20K on an education won't be helpful even if your daughters are homemakers. I'm sure community college is less than that...what about being a nurse? nothing says they have to spend $100K on med school or law school, but being an RN or LPN is a wonderful background for raising children...or psychology - helps understand what makes kids tick...etc...

Tuition Estimator at OSU

OK State System of Higher Education

 

It sounds like you do not want your children to go to college because of your past experiences. It is great that you are teaching your girls to be homemakers don't get me wrong, I am teaching my boys that they need to be prepared to be the main breadwinners also (I do want my daughters in law to have the option to stay home if they WANT to) BUT to teach your kids that college is a debt that they don't need and that it is just a bunch of random people having sex and partying all the time and doing bad things, is just not right. Truth is while money is not everything, it is getting harder and harder to survive in this economy and I would rather have the "debt" of college on my shoulders or my kids shoulders now than the debt of the world later. By saying that you trust your kids by that age?? what about now? I imagine you have raised your kids in a way that you could trust them even now - we are all tempted, in school, at home, walking down the road, at the store and yep, even at church. There are things that we may give in to but overall random people are not bad. If we are open and honest with our kids, they know us, they know they don't want to make the same mistakes we did, they know how we would feel about things they are tempted with. At the college age it isn't whether YOU trust your child anymore, it IS how much you trust your parenting skills. By teaching kids that college is a waste and just a bunch of random people all over the place, of course they will not want to give it a chance. By doing that you are taking
a lot away from that child - for their happiness kids need to be who they are and want to be NOT just who we want them to be. Even girls need to know they have a choice.

 

I'm not going to quote people - but I find this discussion interesting.

I come from a family where college was expected and I was fortunate that my parents were able to fund my education. I loved college - and feel so fortunate I could attend the school I wanted to attend. I really hope J&B go to good colleges. It will be part of our lexicon as a family and if they opt not to go to college it will be a big deal.

That said, I see Christel's point of view. I think how she expressed it rubbed people the wrong way, myself included, as it relates to boys vs. girls, but I do have to say college can be expensive and it isn't for everyone. And there have been many articles written about whether the cost of college is worth it. Here is one from Business Week and one from Change.org

Yes there are scholarships and whatnot available, but folks have to take a step back and realize not every kid has those same opportunities - maybe their academics aren't strong enough, or on paper their financial need isn't great enough.

I think the more appropriate question may be - what skills need to be taught in high school (budgeting, etc) to help ensure folks are successful at managing a home, or small business. I also think it's important that we help our children find skills that will enable them to be self-supporting, but that doesn't necessarily mean college. I realize pps also mentioned trade school - in fact there is a real decline in skilled tradespersons (plumbers, electricians, etc).

Christel - i understand you are raising your family in an environment that is very different from many people on this board. However putting aside how much a lot of folks loved college, it's important to remember life takes turns we can't always recognize and it's our responsibility to make sure our children are ready to navigate the new road. My concern about raising girls to be "homemakers" is that it may take away their ability to steer if they hit a hairpin turn. (ok, too much with the analogy?)

 

and also Christel when you said that you would still love your daughter if she choose to go to college and have a career??? What is that about? You would be disappointed if your child did what she wanted to do to be happy?? I would rather have a happy lawyer than a miserable homemaker daughter.

 

Christel, have you and DH discussed what you will do/say if one of your daughters expresses strong interest in going to college?

 

Aside from the college issue, what would you and your DH do if your child was gay? Or what if she didn't want to get married and have kids? What if any of your kids decided to follow a different belief system than yours? What if they came home and told you they were atheists?

I know this is a little OT, and maybe requires a spinoff, but how do people that hold strong Religious values deal in the event that their children decide to stray from those beliefs? What are the repercussions?

 

I apologize for the needlepoint comment. When you said they wouldn't work or go to college before marriage, that's what I pictured, Victorian era women sitting around the parlor waiting for their suitors. I still don't get why a woman can't work or gain an education before marriage/children, even if she does plan on being a homemaker.

You're also quite lucky to live in such a low-cost area. Our mortgage is close to $2,000/month, and we live in a pretty average house.

College does not have to be expensive. It also does not have to be away from home. I would actually prefer that my kids attend community college for the first two years (if they are planning on a four-year degree), and then transfer to a nearby state school, where they could still live at home, or maybe get an apartment nearby. If they really wanted to go away at that time, we would discuss it, and take in account their maturity level. My DH and I both had bad experiences going away to college, and that does color our opinion on it. I know others disagree and think the whole going away thing is crucial for young adults. It does significantly add to the cost of school.

I do not have my degree and I regret it. I'm a SAHM, and I feel trapped. I don't think I could support my family if something happened to DH. I'm lucky that my parents are relatively well-off and I'm sure they would help, but I would feel better if I could provide for them on my own. I'm not going to push college necessarily on my kids, but I do want them to get some kind of post-secondary education or technical certification.

 

I agree Kelly. I am half a year away from my degree and a SAHM and I feel trapped as well. Each year that goes by that I'm out of the workforce, I feel my chances are slipping away when and if I am needed to return to work. I've worked part-time since my kids have been born here and there, but it's not the same thing. It's just minimum wage to help make ends meet. I don't think any degree is better than no degree. I don't think getting a degree if you don't intend to use it is a good idea. I will greatly encourage both of my children to seek some sort of education after highschool. I am perfectly fine with trade school or technical degrees. I think staying near home can be helpful, and I will also help my kids feel comfortable changing their degree as often as needed to finish with something they know they can stick with. Too many of my college roommates graduated with 40K+ (private college) in student loans and don't even use those degrees today. Some of them are now going back to school again for a different degree. I can't imagine starting my married life with so much debt and no real plan to pay them off. If you're going to do that, you may as well just wait until you're older to pursue your degree. That's one thing I feel strongly about. Why must we obtain a degree before we're 25? It certainly is simpler to get a degree before marriage and kids, but not impossible to do it later. I know more now what I want to do with my life than when I was 17-20.

 

An Interesting Article/study on Gender Equality was published today by the Pew Research Center. I thought it fit in nicely with this thread. It addresses almost every point made in this thread.

Gender Equality Universally Embraced, but Inequalities Acknowledged

 

This mindset of only teaching the girls to be homemakers is ridiculous! My husband is a hands on dad, he has to be. When I was put on bedrest he had to do it all, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. If his mom had not done such a great job with him we would have starved to death and smelled from dirty laundry. He knows how to make a bed, run the vacuum and load and run the dishwasher. When I go away I don't worry about him or my kids, I know he can handle it. The last time I had a girls weekend he even baked cookies with them! All of this from a career military man with one bachelor's and three masters.
It is fine to teach your children how to care for themselves and their families, but shouldn't you think about ALL of your kids? What if your sons lose their wives and have to take care of the kids on their own? What if your sons want to be Mr. Mom and stay home? I'm not saying your kids HAVE to go to college, but shouldn't we as parents encourage them no matter what they aspire to do or be? My parents did not encourage me at all when I decided to become a teacher. They felt I would always be financially dependent upon a man and what was the point. They did not pay for my college and basically cut me off. I did it on my own. I worked, had student loans, grants and have been successful in the classroom for 15 years. I love what I do and it have not once asked them for a dime. I am now almost finished with my Ed. S (just under a doctorate) and took the test to become certified to be a principal. My parents are proud now and try to take the credit, but I won't allow it. I did this, not them!
I find it incredibly sad for your children that they don't have a support system of encouragement. What a depressing way to grow up.

 

I keep coming back to this thread and reading, with a big smile on my face. My only thought is "Christel is so outnumbered here, the poor thing."


But, you know something? You'd fit right into the Pakistani (Conservative Islamic) society... Your views and opinions are shared by a majority of my country folk... With the exact same zeal... And while I don't agree with you on anything you've said so far, I did want to let you know that there is not just one movement (in America) which thinks like you do... Nations full of people. You are absolutely, dead on the same page with them.

 

Oh yeah, I was going to say something about this too. I do agree with teaching children to run a household, but I do think both sexes need to know these skills. They need to be able to budget, shop, clean, organize, cook, plan, etc. I hope my son and daughter are equal in these skills. I feel blessed beyond measure to have an equal as a husband. We work side by side whatever we are doing. Sometimes our roles change for periods of time, but we are both capable of switching with the other and barely missing a beat. I hope my children have the same ability and same fortune in finding a spouse that views them as an equal.

 

Great point! My DH and I are equally interchangable in the parenting department too. He always said the only things he couldn't do that I could were give birth and lactate. :laughing: He was always a very hands on dad and still does a lot of the housework. We don't have assigned tasks, just whomever has the time to cook, clean, do laundry, mow, etc., does it. We share tasks in a true partnership. When the boys were little, and he was home (travels for work), baths were one of his favorite rituals. He has been an amazing example for our boys and I only hope they have taken it all in and will emulate him! It's so important for both boys and girls to be able to take care of a home and family - skills they will use for a lifetime!

Amanda, I do agree with your point about why do we need to get a degree before a certain age somewhat. However, I will say it is a whole lot easier to do it before fulltime jobs and kids though not impossible. My best friend from high school got married the year after we graduated while I went away to college. She had three babies, I got my degree and a job and then got married right after college. We delayed having children for a few years so I continued to work, she was at home with her kids. About the time I was starting to have babies, her kids were old enough for her to think about going to school. That was 20 years ago and she is still going to school. It wears me out just thinking about it. But she is almost finished. At this point, she is doing it more for herself than for a career, although she will continue to work in her field (health care admin). Her example is extreme, though, although not uncommon. It can be really tough! OTOH, she knows what she really wants to do. Some people never have that opportunity and certainly kids often don't have a clue. In that regard, I tell our boys that nothing is set in stone and they have to be open to the possibility that they might think they know what they want to do right now but when they get to college their likes and dislikes may change and that's okay.

Another point about college and the years spent learning that I'm not sure if anyone mentioned thus far is studying abroad. I want all of my boys to have this experience if possible. Sean (since he has a concentration in German) wants to spend a semester in Germany and right now so do B&C as they both take German as well. This is the time to do that sort of thing - travel and backpack through Europe!! What a fantastic learning experience!! Of course, this can be done without attending college, but universities make it so easy to attend a program. They've done all the leg work and have reciprocating agreements set up and all of that. I know this isn't a "must" but it is something I really want for my kids if they want to go. I regret not going when I was accepted to go to Germany for a semester (did not go for a couple of reasons) but my roommate and best friend went and I so wish I had just taken the plunge. I always thought I'd go to Europe after graduation, but I'm still waiting, lol! (I did go to Spain for several weeks in high school but I wanted the full experience.) It is very much encouraged at many universities these days, no matter your major, to have an experience abroad somewhere.

 

I'm sorry if I offended you but when I think about this post I truly feel sorry for your daughters. Maybe I just can't understand your point of view because mine is soooo different.

And to go off topic I think I need to move to Kansas or Oklahoma. Our mortgage is nearly $4000/month; our property taxes alone are $17,000/year.

 

I was raised as though college was an absolute foregone conclusion, and I will raise my kids the same way. I would be extremely disappointed if they didn't go. I'm a lawyer, and my husband is an architect. I'm really the first generation in my family to go to college. I watched my dad graduate from college when I was in college and my mom always regret not going. I won't lightly let my kids throw away those sacrifices. I grew up fairly poor, and I (just me, not including DH) made six figures by the time I was 30. Education is everything.

As for not educating girls, really? It seems to be setting them up to be dependent on men - who may die, divorce them, beat them, etc. It's a point of pride and security to me that I have never and will never need to be dependent on a man for survival. I didn't know people really felt that way - or would admit to it.

 

This idea of raising homemakers is just so foreign to me. :huh:
In this country you need a degree to be able to get a job, just having done high school is no option here.
I also think girls should be able to have the abilities to take care of themselves, not just in the home but outside as well.

If my parents had raised me to be a home maker than I would be in serious trouble now as I am 25 and still single, not to mention I have no brothers to take care of me. My dad doesn't earn much and so our household income also largely depends on what my sister and I make.

I would seriously consider letting your girls get a degree they can use to support themselves, they can still be a homemaker, but if something happens to their husbands(life can be tragic) they can at least support themselves and their family. And if they do not get married they have the skills to earn their own money.

 

I come from a community where most don't go to college at all. I didn't go (although I went to study in England for three years, but it was more of a boarding school experience) to college and am 31 years old now. My lifestyle doesn't fit the lifestyle of most of my peers who have a few kids each, while I have Moshe 'only'. I've been told countless times that I should go for a college degree in psychology, especially because it's a rarity for women in our community to have a degree in this field and there's a VERY big demand for this.

I'm somewhat resentful that I come from a system that doesn't give college at least as an option. I'd do so well now if I'd have a degree and be able to have a decent income. Our lives are expensive for various reasons (medical, therapy etc...) and it's hell to try to cover everything.

I keep on going back and forth on this, if I should go for it and DO it, or not. I went to a school where we don't even have a GED, so I'd need to work on that first.

That's why I have a hard time understanding attitudes like Christel's. Because I come from a community similar to your's. Why would one choose to handicap their own children? Don't you want your children to at least have opportunities? They can then choose to be SAHM's as thousands of women do, but at least you aren't creating a situation where they might be stuck in hell.

I disagree that in order to be a homemaker one HAS to have a college degree. I live in a community where going to college is almost unheard of and most moms are homemakers. It's doable (that doesn't mean I agree with this).

Cost isn't an excuse because the cost of living in a poorhouse without college costs a lot more.

I can't help but think of all those women that are stuck in horrible marriages because they know they can't afford to raise their families on their own.

 

Esther, I think you would make a wonderful psychologist. Maybe look into social work? I know it may be a long road, but with online classes, etc. Maybe it's doable. While your hubby support you in this endeavor? I mean in terms of the time you would need to commit?

 

You're far from the first person telling me to do this. If I do this, I'd want to go for psychology and not social work because I want to be able to pay back to the community the gifts that I've gotten by having a wonderful psychologist in my own life.

I think my husband would be on board once he sees that I'm serious about this. I think I'm also afraid about the time it will take to get this all done. Not the time away from home while I learn etc... But the years it'll take.

 

Esther - I read something prolific once about going to college and the years it took...think about it this way - even if it took you 7 years to finish - either way you'd still be 38 years old....the time it takes won't stop marching on....I think you should go for it..so many colleges now take life experience into account - I'm sure there is a perfect fit out there for you!

 

Okay, I can't figure out how to do the "multi quote" thing, so, here 'goes...

Several people have mentioned the Amish, LDS and conservative Muslims as having similar viewpoints as the OP. The OP herself asked if we would be as critical of her if she were Amish. From my perspective...

The Amish (and some sects of extremist LDS and Muslims) are oppressive, misogynistic (sp?), often incestuous (can't speak for the Muslims) micro-societies. So yes, I AM critical of them for the viewpoints they hold. The reason these societies continue to exist is because they teach (brainwash) their young people - especially their young women - that there is no other way. Of course, there is always the caveat that there are women who wholeheartedly believe in their lifestyle and believe that it was a CHOICE - but, by and large, most women are "trapped" because they fear the loss of what is most important to them if they "rebel" - their families and loved ones. All three societal examples have even gone so far as to perpetrate violence against women who do not "obey." The OP's perspectives, while not appearing to be this drastic, scare me, because I don't think it's that far of a leap from defining women's roles solely as homemakers and INSISTING - perhaps violently (whether via social violence or domestic violence) that they remain that way.

I truly believe that one of the greatest things about the US is our freedom of religion, and I support the OP's decision to take a much more conservative (and, I believe, considerably old-fashioned) approach to her faith. However, I believe that one of the great tenents of faith is free will - and I believe that means being able to make decisions for oneself - whether those decisions are about something as simple as what is for dinner, all the way up to whether/how to believe in G-d & show that belief. I can appreciate that you feel the best place for women is in the home, raising their families - but to present that as the only "real" option denies your daughters the "choice" of who they want to be. Yes, they CAN go to college, once they are adults, because it is their decision at that point - but if you do not support that decision, how are you being anything but oppressive? And sexistly (not a word, but I hope it gets the point across) so? If you truly raised your children well, you would welcome the opportunity for them to make the choice, knowing full well that it would be the right choice (for them - whether you agree with it or not). How could you want it any other way? Why would G-d want children raised to believe that there is only one path? Then they are not CHOOSING the path that they are taking, are they?

On the one hand, I have dealt very intensively with the Amish, and I am always disturbed by how withdrawn the women are. On the other hand, one of my childhood friends is Mormon - very Mormon - one of 10 siblings whose mother felt that her place was in the home. Her husband did, too - so much so that he refused to care for his children AT ALL. If his wife went to the store, his youngest would remain in dirty diapers, unfed until she returned. He was a bit more "old fashioned" I guess. She eventually sought a divorce - I applaud her for that - and continued to raise all of her children on her own. Luckily, her older children were able to help out quite a bit - both financially and around the house - otherwise, I doubt she would have made it! Going through her divorce ostracized her from much of her community. Some support system, huh? Only supports you when you do what "they" want you to do?

Anyway, back to the "choice" issue - all of her kids were encouraged to go out into the world and do their "mission" or "ministry" for a year. ONE of them (so far, the others are still a bit young) made a poor choice during that time - but that did not cause her family to forsake her, nor her to forsake her faith. All of them - including the one who made the mistake - went away and came back (to their family and their faith) stronger, for having been given the choice and exposed to the 'great beyond.' They ALL went to college - though some waited to make that decision until they were a bit older. Whether you feel your daughters' place is in the home or not - I don't see what it can hurt to let them know they have the choice. I truly believe that, if you raise your children right, they will make the right decisions. And they will be THEIR decisions.

FWIW - I went to college at a prestigious public school on a FULL scholarship. I worked hard and it paid off. I intend to teach my children - ALL of my children, regardless of sex - to do the same. I do not EXPECT them to go to college, but I really hope they will. I will do everything in my power to make that possible.

So, IMHO:

College does not necessarily mean debt
Not all people are meant to go to college, and college is not NECESSARY to lead a "good" life
Children with strong moral standards benefit from being given the opportunity to test those morals and discover how applicable they are to their own life
Free will is what makes us human

I apologize if I offended anyone, or used blanket statements uncessarily, but...I feel very strongly about this.

 

i thought your whole post was excellent but really wanted to highlight this part - so true!

 

I agreee 100% with everything lovelylily Amanda said on page 5 of this thread!!

 

Now that I have actually read every word of this thread I wanted to add my thoughts. I was raised by old fashioned parents. Mom and Dad had 7 kids. Dad went out to work and Mom stayed home. All 7 of us had an amazing childhood but we didn't have money. Neither my mom or my dad ever once encouraged me to to go college. Anytime I brought it up, my mom actually said my grades weren't good enough and they told me I could never pay for it. I got married at 18 and had my first baby at 18. I was thrilled to be a SAHM. I LOVED being home all the time with my kids. I would baby sit or work part time to make ends meet but overall I never once regretted skipping college. (In the meantime 3 of my brothers went to college and became teachers). Three years ago my husband was disabled on the job and can never work again. Guess what? We are screwed! We have 4 kids, a mortgage, 2 cars etc etc etc. I am now working full time as a nurses aide and going to college part time. I am 34 years old and it will take me forever to get my degree. We need $1700 by the end of July or we lose our home. I don't make that much in 2 weeks time and disability doesn't pay much. I beg my kids (my son and daughters) everyday to go to college or trade school or something. Even if my kids biggest goal and dream is to be a stay at home parent I still pray they get some kind of education beyond high school. There is NOTHING wrong with a person wanting to be a SAHM or SAHD their whole lives. I am devestated that I can't stay home and have more kids and be a coach and room mom and school volunteer everyday. Guess what? Life threw us a curve ball and I love my kids more than life itself so I suck it up, go to work 40+ hours a week and go to school another 15 hours a week. It kills me that (although not his fault) my husband is now the stay at home parent and he sees the kids schoolwork and art projects way before I do and he knows what they had for dinner and what their favorite food of the week is. Sometimes life is just crummy and unfair and you must be prepared.