Does anyone else feel like running away from home?

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by E's 3, May 17, 2011.

  1. E's 3

    E's 3 Well-Known Member

    I feel like I am loosing my mind. I feel like everyday is a loosing battle of 3 vs 1. Here's my vent :).

    Dannik has become a terror over the last couple of months. He refuses to do anything I ask him to do (get dressed, put on his shoes, tidy up his toys, etc). He will say he can't do it and lie on the floor pretending he can't walk, can't pick up the toy, can't put his shoes on...it goes on and on. I feel like half the day is spent with me arguing with him and the other half with him in time-out. He has also started being aggressive with the girls...he screams in their faces, pushes, steals toys, hits...I feel like he is 2 and not almost 4.

    Now on to the girls...they cry ALL DAY LONG. My husband has started calling them the little fire engines due to the incessant, high pitched wailing (funny to him because he's at work 5 days a week and not at home listening to it). No matter what I do there is always someone who is unhappy. If I pick one up the other is wrapped around my leg screaming to be picked up too. They do not want to go to DH, they only want me so even when he's home it's not much better (except that he can give Dannik more attention).

    Their sleep is also still horrible. Naps are hit or miss...they often wake up every 45min screaming (mostly Amélie). At night one (mostly Audrée) or both are up at least 2-3 times if not more (Dannik is ofte up too just to make things even more frustrating). We have been trying to do CIO but it seems to be making things worse. They are also up between 4:30 and 5am for the day...I get out of bed in the morning already tired and angry...not a great way to start the day!

    I feel like it's so hard to get out of the house right now too...3 kids all going in different directions. The girls are at the stage where they don't want to be in their stroller so even trying to go for a walk is stressful because they are fighting to get out the whole time. The park is out of the question as I can't be 3 places at once and I just feel it's unsafe. I've been going to organised playgroups where the environment is a little more controlled but even that can be difficult as the girls get into everything (markers, paint, glue, small toys meant for older kids, etc).

    I keep thinking things are going to get easier but it seems like there are more challenges around every corner. It's so hard not to think that I am doing something wrong as a mother. I feel guilty everyday that there isn't enough of me to go around. My patience is thin and I get angry quickly which also makes me feel guilty...a never ending cycle of mother guilt! DH keeps telling me I'm doing great and that I shouldn't let this phase (and everything else) bother me so much but that's hard to do. I do have some help. Dannik goes with my FIL one day a week and my mom comes up one day a week so really I only have 3 days a week when I am alone with all 3. Even with the help I am exhausted physically and emotionally...I am hoping to make it through the summer in one piece and maybe things will get a little better in the fall when Dannik starts school (fingers crossed :)).

    I knew if anyone would get it you ladies would so thanks for listening to me vent :).
     
  2. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Lots and lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: I think your kids are about the same age apart as mine 3 young ones are, and it's EXHAUSTING!

    One thing tho, it sounds like they may be overtired, which might be why they aren't sleeping. And once they get into that overtired cycle, it's so hard to break! Can I suggest putting them to bed a little bit earlier at night, and maybe even a little earlier for nap time? When it happens here, I try to get them to bed a bit earlier for a few nights until they start sleeping better. Once they start sleeping better, I can move their bedtime back to the normal time. But once they are in that overtired cycle it's frustrating because they need more sleep, but can't sleep because they are overtired.

    With Dannik, try making everything a game. "How fast can you put your shoes on Dannik? I bet I can beat you getting MY shoes on!! OH my...you beat me! You are so FAST!!" I'm not above bribery either, when you have several little ones, you get a little desperate. My kids LOVE tic-tacs, I keep some in my bag as a treat for when I need a little distraction! Kaelyn went thru a phase where she couldn't do anything either, and I think it's because the twins really couldn't do those things, so she felt like she really couldn't/wouldn't do them either. She did outgrow it, for the most part, we kept re-iterating that she was such a big girl, she could do things that the babies couldn't, like play outside, and get treats like m&m's...etc.

    It is very hard to get out with 3 little ones. I would try to take them out at least once a week in the stroller. Mine have been riding in the stroller every week for grocery shopping since they were 3 months old, and they don't fight it because they know when they are in the stroller, they really have no choice about getting out. We still have some bad days, but mostly, they'll ride in the stroller happily. Snacks, drinks, and some toys help! You don't even have to go far, you just want to teach them that the stroller is not a choice, it's mandatory.

    :hug: I don't think it ever gets easier, but it does get different ;) :youcandoit:
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. SheriBrownDion

    SheriBrownDion Well-Known Member

    I am also sending you a big hug. I rarely post and generally just scan others posts, but yours struck so close to home I need to speak-up. My twins are now 2.5 and my older son is 5 (all boys). We are just now exiting where you are now. I have experienced your exact situation and like you - felt like leaving. I nearly did one day and my husband got me a long walk instead of a bus ticket out of town. My husband and I finally decided that the behavior issues were larger than we knew how to handle on our own. My 5 year old has had lots of separtaion issues, random fears, anger, impluse control issues, etc. But when he has our sole attention he is a wonderful beautiful child. So we have sought the help of a therapist who works with children (play therapy). In short - its not easy to get de-throned by not just one new sibling but two. The woman we are working with explained it as a "trauma" that occured and thus held back his emotional development. So if you feel like your older child is suddenly reverting to a 2 year old - he is. I also have a cousin with the same family make up as us and she did the same with her oldest. So far this is working great for us and our son - we are all doing better. (Coaching and perspective on parenting and help with emotional understanding and development).

    Like "danibell", I also believe that sleep and rythem is critical for the little people. We stick to a pretty firm routine - our kids are down for the night at 7:15 and 8:00 and generally up at 6 and 7. Naps - take no prisoners. I sometimes cannot get the twins both down - so if it looks like a tough day (or I don't have the energy) I stick all 3 in the car for a drive. It's a pain and I hate it, but then 2 are asleep and I carry them back into the house then have quiet time with the 5yr old. Totally nuts, but it works.

    From a parenting perspective - you need regular breaks through-out the week away from all 3 kids to recharge your batteries. I know when mom's on twins forum gave me this advice I thought - "yeah right!" How the heck can i do that. Well, somehow you and your husband need to work it out to get you some Personal Time Off! When we are overtired and cranky we also revert - to our reptilian brain - an impossible place to parent from. Take care of yourself - your children will respect you for it. i know it feels impossible.

    Sorry for being long-winded. I so completely know where you are at - as do many others with 3. Hang in there. Find compassion for yourself.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. ohd1974

    ohd1974 Well-Known Member

    YES!!!! I totally feel like running away from home! Hugs! You are not alone!
     
  5. Gigantor

    Gigantor Well-Known Member

    You are definitely not alone!-:))) I found this second year very challenging. I remember how difficult it was with my daughter and now it's double.
    What helps me with the boys is going out. They love to be outside, draw with chulks, or just walk. I usually walk one and strap the other one in a small car that I can push, then half way I switch them. It seems to be working.
    Lots of hugs to you! It'll get better in a few years....around the 5 year mark...
     
  6. eagleswings216

    eagleswings216 Well-Known Member

    [quote name='E's 3' date='17 May 2011 - 02:27 PM' timestamp='1305660452' post='1787055']
    Now on to the girls...they cry ALL DAY LONG. My husband has started calling them the little fire engines due to the incessant, high pitched wailing (funny to him because he's at work 5 days a week and not at home listening to it). No matter what I do there is always someone who is unhappy. If I pick one up the other is wrapped around my leg screaming to be picked up too. They do not want to go to DH, they only want me so even when he's home it's not much better (except that he can give Dannik more attention).

    Their sleep is also still horrible. Naps are hit or miss...they often wake up every 45min screaming (mostly Amélie). At night one (mostly Audrée) or both are up at least 2-3 times if not more (Dannik is ofte up too just to make things even more frustrating). We have been trying to do CIO but it seems to be making things worse. They are also up between 4:30 and 5am for the day...I get out of bed in the morning already tired and angry...not a great way to start the day!

    I keep thinking things are going to get easier but it seems like there are more challenges around every corner. It's so hard not to think that I am doing something wrong as a mother. I feel guilty everyday that there isn't enough of me to go around. My patience is thin and I get angry quickly which also makes me feel guilty...a never ending cycle of mother guilt! DH keeps telling me I'm doing great and that I shouldn't let this phase (and everything else) bother me so much but that's hard to do. I do have some help. Dannik goes with my FIL one day a week and my mom comes up one day a week so really I only have 3 days a week when I am alone with all 3. Even with the help I am exhausted physically and emotionally...I am hoping to make it through the summer in one piece and maybe things will get a little better in the fall when Dannik starts school (fingers crossed :)).

    I knew if anyone would get it you ladies would so thanks for listening to me vent :).
    [/quote]

    I could have written this part here of what you wrote almost word for word! I told my DH last night that it's like no matter WHAT I do, someone is unhappy and it's never, ever enough. It's SO SO SO frustrating, and yes, I have thought about running away! I keep thinking it has to get better soon, but so far the whining, clinging, fussing, not sleeping or napping just keeps getting worse. I was up multiple times last night with Michael - I have NO idea why. We have done CIO, and we did let him cry each time for awhile before I would get up, but finally got up and checked on him to make sure he wasn't stuck, wet diaper, etc.

    I also feel like I can't turn my back for even 2 seconds because both our boys have learned to climb and get up on the sofa - it is totally exhausting these days trying to keep them safe. I hate to use TV as a babysitter, but some days Barney and Elmo save my sanity with 30-40 minutes of peace!!

    Hang in there - I'm sure we will all survive and one day look back at this time and wonder how.
     
  7. smiley7

    smiley7 Well-Known Member

    E's 3.... I haven't been on twin stuff in a long time mostly b/c I am utterly EXHAUSTED at the end of the day. I REALLY get you, honestly. It's like the harder you try the harder it seems to get. For me my DS is driving me nuts. He whines a lot and is teething with a persistent cold. Lovely combo eh?

    DH and I went for a short walk today and I told him it feels like something is off. I am running my tail off all week to get groceries, and play with the kids, work part-time, take them to story time, swimming lessons and even if I have me time somehow I don't feel rested. BTW, I DO have help pretty much daily and I STILL can't seem to shake off this feeling of wanting to yell all the time. SO please know you are NOT alone and for god's sake this phase better pass soon b/c it sounds like a good number of us mammas are about to crash :grouphug: :grouphug:
     
  8. Tamaralynn

    Tamaralynn Well-Known Member

    I totally could have written this post! Donevan is the same as Dannik. I thought it was just Donevan, but maybe it's a 3 almost 4 thing? There are some days I want to give him away.

    As for the girls alwats crying, William is my crier and my god can he scream. I have a video on my Facebook where he is throwing a fit, and that is pretty much him all day long. I think I could do a commercial for excedrin.

    Just wanted to let you know you arent alone, I totally feel you! OUr kids are pretty much the same age. To bad you live in Ottawa or we could get together and we would have company when we go crazy.
     
  9. emp59

    emp59 Well-Known Member

    I only have the twins, but I would like to give you big hugs!

    I would try to focus on one thing at a time because as a whole it's very overwhelming. The first thing I would do is work on the sleep rhythm. Having a strict napping/bedtime routine has saved my sanity and strengthened my marriage. If you get the twins on a schedule, your older son should follow. I will say that the majority of children don't get enough sleep and that leads to frustration both from the parents and the children. It will be hard to establish the schedule since your twins are older and your son will be effected, but it will be worth it. Well rested moms are more patient and more interactive.

    We too went through a stage with the girls refusing to be in the stroller. The problem was I was picking them up and letting them out when they were throwing fits in their. I ended that. It took 3 days of LONG walks with no one getting out for them to get it. I also occasionally do snack time in the stroller. That seems to help a little :)

    Try to have a conversation with your DH about needing alone time. I HAVE to go to the gym 3-5 times a week or I will lose my mind. It's not even about the exercise for me. It's about getting away and having some time with my thoughts (and my iPod!). Try to figure out something where you can be alone. Even if it's just grocery shopping!
     
  10. Anneke

    Anneke Well-Known Member

    My two are having dinner right now, so I'll have to be quick. Expecting their evening meltdown any moment now. Just wanted to send a hug your way.
     
  11. babyhopes09

    babyhopes09 Well-Known Member

    Hugs! Oh I definitely could have written your post.. though I have some differences.. my girls are 13 months and we have #3 on the way and some moments all I can think about is... is there ever going to be a time when we will be able to just lounge around for 1 day... just 1 day? Will I ever be able to sleep past 6:30am...ever? I light heartedly think about what it would be like to get in the car and just drive until the gas runs out.. I love my girls to pieces but I never feel like I get a moment's rest. I'm starting the 3rd trimester this week and I truly feel like I'm running on empty. I keep having braxton hicks and all that fun stuff and the doc keeps telling me to get off my feet.. huh???! seriously. I really feel like I just ran a marathon most days and there really is no end in sight! I keep reminding myself how wonderful our little blessings are and how so very desperate we were to have a baby 2 years ago. Then I tell myself that "this too shall pass".... I just don't know how much longer I can keep going at this pace.. you are really in good company!
     
  12. Anneke

    Anneke Well-Known Member

    Checking in on your topic again and hoping you're feeling better today... I actually have nothing valuable to add, but I hope the clouds will soon lift for you!
     
  13. E's 3

    E's 3 Well-Known Member

    Sorry I haven't been back to reply but this has been a crazy busy week. No, I did not give in a run away, if I had I would have had much more time to myself get on the internet ;). Thank you all so much for the support...I am hoping for a good long quiet time this afternoon so I can finally get back on to read and reply :).

    On a good note...all 3 kids SLEPT last night, Dannik until 5:40, the girls until 6am!!!!! That hasn't happened in months, maybe they are sensing my desperation, lol.
     
  14. E's 3

    E's 3 Well-Known Member

    Thanks again for all the support...it really is so nice to be heard and to know I'm not alone in this :).

    danibell - I 100% agree that the girls are overtired. I have a very strict schedule during the day, especially for meals and sleep and that's what makes this more frustrating. I have been putting them down a little earlier and it seems to be finally be helping. They still need some wind-down time in their cribs before they fall asleep so I think bringing them up a little earlier has been helping. We also adjusted bedtime back to 6:30pm instead of 6:45/7pm and last night they slept!!!!! I heard someone at 5am but didn't go in and didn't hear anything else until Dannik woke up at 5:40. Amazing! I can't believe I'm actually happy about not getting up until 5:40 but I am :).

    I also agree that Dannik is saying he can't do anything because he sees me helping the girls all the time and wants attention/help too. I've tried the race thing and it hasn't really worked. I did get to spend the afternoon alone with him on Wednesday (my Mom was watching the girls). I had to go downtown to get all the kids passports and brought him with me. We made an adventure out of it and took the bus instead of driving which he LOVED. We also met DH for lunch and took him to see where he works (he's always asking to go to see Papa at work). He was so happy to have the two of us to himself and he has been so much better behaved the last 2 days. With my Mom here on Wednesdays I might try to get out with him one-one-one more often as it really seems to have helped.
     
  15. E's 3

    E's 3 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your post...yours really hit home for me too :). DH and I have actually been talking for a while about talking to someone about Dannik as his reactions/emotions/behaviours, etc seem to be beyond "normal". We have been hesitant as we don't want a label put on him or have medications thrust at us but we both feel like we are beyond where we know what to do. Dannik sounds very similar to your older son...he is an amazing, wonderful, loving child one-on-one but there are other things that have put up little red flags to us. I always joke that I am on the line between being OCD and just anal and DH is also a type A with personality quirks so we say Dannik comes by his eccentricities honestly but we don't want any of these things that make him unique to hinder him in any way either. I think I'll start looking more seriously for someone to talk to about him. I know this transition has been rough for him...I certainly didn't ask for/expect 2 babies and it's been a HUGE adjustment for me so I can only imagine what it's been like for him.

    I'm glad to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you have moved beyond the craziness so there's hope for me too. Thanks again :).
     
  16. E's 3

    E's 3 Well-Known Member

    I obviously totally understand the exhaustion. I think the second year is way more tiring, in different ways, than the first. I also told DH that something is off with me...I also have the urge to yell, a LOT and often have days where I call him in tears so beyond frustrated I don't know what else to do. I am thankful I have such a wonderful husband to support me.

    I had PPD after Dannik and I think part of me is reluctant to admit to anyone that I'm sliding down that slope again but when I re-read my post I called my Dr for an appointment. I was so happy to have made it through the first year with the girls feeling pretty good as I knew I was under everyone's watchful eyes. Maybe it's a Mom thing that we have a hard time reaching out for help ourself (I know this is something I'm working on) but there's no use suffering as it's not just us we're affecting. Keep in touch and I hope things get more manageable for you too :hug:.
     
  17. E's 3

    E's 3 Well-Known Member

    I wish Toronto and Ottawa were closer too...other than our twins being the opposite sex we're pretty much bang on in terms of our kids ages and behavioural issues. Still nice to know there are others out there going through it too :).

    I keep telling DH that if he comes home and all the kids are still there (as in I didn't drop them off on a street corner with a "free" sign taped to them) it's been a good day, lol!
     
  18. 2xjoy

    2xjoy Well-Known Member

     
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