does anyone have four children?

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by ilovemykids, Jan 9, 2013.

  1. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids Well-Known Member

    recently, the topic of having a 4th child has arisen in my household. i think my husband is nuts, lol.
    however - we both have great paying jobs but i do not get paid much due to the fact that MOST of my paycheck goes toward a babysitter, etc. i wish more than anything i could stay home with my kids until they were all in kindergarten, etc. :(

    my husband brought up having anohter child - staying home for two years (what i'm 'allowed' to do) and then returning to work. he wants to have a huge family. i never wanted children (LMFAO) and now have 3.5 year old twins and a baby girl who is just the most perfect baby, ever...she is 10 months.

    I am not sure if this is NUTS or just fate allowing us the oppourtunity (for discussion of course) to have another baby....

    right now life is chaotic. 6am drop off at the sitters so i can make it to work ontime. boys go to pre-k 2x a week and LOVE LOVE LOVE it and want to go 5. i want them to go 5, too. however, that is probably more than i make and i am forced to pay a sitter on top of everything else for 3 kids. i would make more now on unemployment but have stayed being a teacher because i know once my kids are 5 - it's the greatest job in the world.

    i know this is long and babbly but the thought of having a 4th kid seems nuts? how do i go out, lol? i can manange my three kids now without a problem. they are very good - they listen, etc. people see me and say - ghee - you must have your hands full. i hate that. :catfight:
    i love my children more than life itself and am just toying with this idea and wanted to get some opinions on those with 4. am i nuts, lol?

    thank-you! :grouphug:

    ETA - i would be having this baby via a FET.
     
  2. Janclamat

    Janclamat Well-Known Member

    I had 4 under 3 and a half. Your twins are a little older, so if you waited a few months they would be almost 5 when you have the 4th, so they'll probably go to kindergarten so childcare wouldn't be as much of an issue. I stay home with all mine and I have no trouble getting out. The oldest 3 go to preschool twice a week (different days for the twins and the older singleton. I do pretty much everything on my own during the day - groceries, preschool drop off and pick up, paying bills, etc. It can be a lot of work, but I love to be with them (most of the time). I get the hands full comment too, and it doesn't bother me because I know we are very fortunate to have 4 healthy kids.
     
  3. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I wish!!;). DH is done but if I could talk him into one more when the boys were closer to kindergarten I would!! Go for it, you won't regret it!
     
  4. twinmom2dana

    twinmom2dana Well-Known Member

    YES you are CRAZY :banana: but that is a-ok. If you feel like having another child will work for your family, that you all want to add to it and can manage that, go for it! I am able to stay at home, mainly because the time we had our boys forced me to, it made better financial sense. Then we had another so.. 5 children make lots of noise, take up room, and make us work hard. In other words its GREAT!
     
  5. HRE

    HRE Well-Known Member

    Awww, I would have a 6th if I wasn't so old :lol: I had 5 kids, 5 and under...and you just do it and handle it all without even thinking twice. If you weren't handling things so well now, I'd say it would be a struggle...but since you have it under control now, one more will just fit right in! :Clap:
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Dielle

    Dielle Well-Known Member

    We have 6, but never had 4. We skipped 4 and went from 3 to 5 with the girlies. But before getting pregnant with them, I'd asked a lot of people about it (with everywhere from 4-12 children!) and everyone said that once you have 3, it's all basically the same. With 3 you're outnumbered, you have more children than hands and more children than they have parents to hold on to them. So what's one more? It does sound like you have things pretty much in control. And if you're able to stay home for a couple years, then it seems ideal. I love having a big family and wouldn't change it for the world. From the time I was about 16, I said I was going to have 6 kids (my "life plan" was to get my MA, get married at 26 and have 6 kids, which is exactly what I did, LOL). My DH only wanted 4. But since we skipped 4, I was able to talk him into that last baby. And now he's totally happy we did. I never heard of someone looking back at their life and wishing they'd had fewer children. So
     
  7. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I don't think you are crazy either! If we could have more easily we would. But financially we're strapped, our house is full, our vehicle is full....and I can't handle any more miscarriages or fertility treatment's. Nearly 5 yrs of treatment and 2 miscarriages to get my last 3 kiddo's. But we would totally have more kids if it was feasible. As it is, I'm already considering getting into fostering once my kids are all older and well into school.
     
  8. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    Personally, it isn't the number that would turn me off, but the FET. But I'm biased because fertility treatments didn't work for us and honestly the failures were really painful. At the same time, if you have leftover embryos, might as well use them. And it's not a sure thing so just let fate or whatever you believe decide for you, lol.
     
  9. ward

    ward Well-Known Member

    first of all people are going to say you have your hands full when you just have two babies let alone more than that. Me and my husband just had our fourth and although the timing wasn't planned we did know that we wanted to have one more. So we have a 4 year old then 17 month old twin girls and now our newest edition who is only 2 weeks old. I LOVE BEING A MOM TO FOUR. When i looked at pictures of my three kids together (before our fourth was born) i just kept telling my husband it looks like someone is missing and i kept feeling that way as well. I don't think you or your husband are crazy for wanting another. It's really all about your family size preference. For me its not any more hectic going from having three to now having four. Not only that but i think that if you are able to take time off like you stated that you should do it if you feel you are ready in your heart for a fourth child. I wish you the best of luck!!!!
     
  10. 4jsinPA

    4jsinPA Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    It evens out, makes things a little easier. I love having an "even" number of kids. They each can have a playmate, when we go on rides, no one is left out. Its nice. I will say I think it got tougher once they got a little older and wanted to be involved in a lot of sports/activities, that is much tougher than getting 4 kids out of the house when they are babies. I had 4 kids in 5 years, it wasn't too bad. I went from 2-4 so I can't say how much different it is than having 3. It is crazy but I love it. I have stayed home with my kids since my oldest was 1. All of my kids were fertility drugs, and that does add a whole extra conversation to the "lets have another" but totally worth it!
     
  11. weegus

    weegus Well-Known Member

    I also have 4 under 4 and I am a bit crazy, but I love it that way. For us, the transition from 2 kids (twins) to 3 was really tough, but adding the 4th was pretty easy. As far as working goes, I worked part time after the twins were born but am only a consultant now after the birth of our 4th... I don't work very many hours by choice so I'm pretty much a SAHM. I was the one who wanted a 4th child and it was my husband needed convincing. I just felt like our family wasn't complete and that I would regret not going for it. Truthfully, I could probably have more... but we are done.

    I actually don't mind the stupid comments people make when we are out and about... we are a bit of a circus and I think people are just looking for a way to start a conversation (and find out how awesome our family is!) And I don't mind stopping to talk... it's a treat to talk to an adult ^_^

    Good luck with your decision!!!
     
  12. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    AFTER the snip, dh told me that he thinks it is odd to only have 3 kids. Odd number and all. What???!!! :unknw: But, he left it up to me. Of course had I not lost Evan's twin, it would have been four.

    IF you aren't totally opposed, I'd go for it! :D I think dads (especially good ones) should have a say in the matter as well.
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids Well-Known Member

    thank you everyone
    :grouphug:

    i cant thank you for the responses.

    i have several embroy's 'available' to transfer but there is no way i am using all 8, lol.
    i transfered two and had the twins and i transferred 1 and had my beautiful baby. i do not know for sure if i'd be so lucky and have it work on the 'first' chance but because i was so successful with the ivf, etc, i just 'assume' so to speak that it would work again.
    i did ivf through cornel in nyc - they are very particular about the embryos they keep so hopefully the little ones we have left would stick. the one that thawed out with my baby was re-frozen. my DH is constantly saying, they picked our baby girl. what about that other baby. (it's now a 7-day blast). i cant think about it like that.

    with that being said im worred about my house. VERY VERY VERY SMALL
    my body (i know that is totally selfish - i am finally looking good and beginning to work out again)
    car is 'just' about full
    money - i mean really? if i stopped working i'd be so excited but at the same point - that money would be no more, etc.
    college???? i'd *ideally* like to have 100,000 per kid for their college funds....
    this is what i think about.

    my DH constantly feels like 'crackheads' have 10 kids - we can have four. LOL. i love my three - my DH is a great dad - helps out tremendously when he can.
    i of course laid it all out there and i cant thank you enough for the responses thus far. :)
     
    1 person likes this.
  14. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    Well frankly I can't even imagine having even 3 because of $$ issues. College (don't want my kids starting their adult life with a huge loan), vacations, preschool, activities... it adds up (plus pregnancy/fertility treatment expenses). The small house isn't a huge issue for me as long as you have a big family room and enough room for beds (and to separate by boy/girl, ideally). And yes, need to take into account the car issue obviously. And the cost of diapers (unless you do cloth obviously and still have some), feeding another etc. I have a lot of respect for people with more than 2 kids, but I don't think I'd be able to give up our comfort to have more kids (everything's relative, almost no vacations and no Ipad, fancy smartphones and other gadgets).
     
    1 person likes this.
  15. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I can't speak to the FET but it sounds like both you and your DH are on board with eventual fourth child, so no it does not make you crazy and I say GO FOR IT!
    My best friend has 4 children ranging from ages 11, 9, 4, and 2. They keep her busy but she does well. Finances are a worry, they are on one income and she is putting her children through Catholic school so, that is an extra strain on finances. She has a three bedroom house...one room for her and her hubs, her 3 boys share a room and the baby girl has her own room.
    I will say this about your worries-
    1. Small house- you can make it work. I grew up in a small row home and with 5 brothers. Again, 3 bedroom house-4 boys slept in the master bedroom, I shared a room with one of my brothers and my parents slept in a little room. It was tight but we had a roof over our head. And our house had 1 bathroom!
    2. Body-I can understand that...it's hard to get the body back post baby
    3. The car-understandable too. I don't know what kind of you have but I wouldn't trade up unless you are positive you could not fit 4 kids in there. My girlfriend had a RAV 4 that she could fit her three kids in, but once they were pregnant with the 4th, they did have to trade up to a minivan.
    4. Money is always going to be worry. I wish it wasn't but it is. I would have loved to have a third child. We were going down to one income and there is no way we could have afforded a third.
    5. College---this is going to sound horrible--and DH thinks I am horrible for saying this- but I don't feel obligated as a parent to save for my kids college. I feel like that is their responsibility, DH had to pay his own way through college, I had to pay my own way and it's just a fact of life that my kids are going to have to pay their own way when the time comes. Unless we hit the lottery. I'd rather save for our retirement than save for college. Now, get me wrong. Should my kids chose a local college (and we live in an area with some of the best colleges around that they could commute to), they can live here rent free & we would try to help them out with books and supplies needed for school. That's all my parents could afford to do for me and that's the best I will probably be able to do for mine. I think it's a noble idea to want to save for college for your kids but I know that is not going to be feasible for us, financially.

    I wish you all the best with your decision!
     
  16. Dielle

    Dielle Well-Known Member

    I agree with this. My parents did help with what they could. My grandmother paid for my freshman year and I really appreciated that. And one year I got really sick and ended up in the hospital, so my mom made me quit my job and she figured out a way to pay for my housing and give me some living money that semester. The rest of it I paid for with a combination of working, scholarships, loans and pell grants. The year and a half that I didn't work, my grades weren't nearly as good as the 2 1/2 I did. I just had to have better time management skills and it paid off in better grades. My M.A. I got at a discount because I went to the university my dad worked for so only had to pay 1/3 tuition. But I took night classes and worked full time while doing it. Anyway, this is a bit of a thread hijack, I guess. All to say I agree.
     
  17. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    This is the same for us. I don't feel like it's my "job" as a parent to pay for my children's college. DH paid for his own, I chose not to go but did do some online associate's degree's before I had kids. Community college's are a great way to get education at a much cheaper rate than a huge university. We'll of course help the kids out in any way we can, but I don't feel like we absolutely have to save for their college education.
     
  18. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids Well-Known Member

    i would like to contribute to their college....my parents did for me and my DH - not at all. he will be paying off his loans for eternity and i dont want my kids to be in that situation.

    with that said - i do agree. i too would like a retirement account someday, lol. :)
     
  19. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I'm sorry, I did not mean to derail your thread with my comments on college. I guess my point was that having enough money to pay for college would not be a factor into my decision into having more children.
    And I totally hear you about your DH's loans. I was *this* close to have my undergraduate loan paid off when I decided to go to graduate school :headbang: And now, I am paying that off.

    I wish you all the best in your decision to have another child!
     
  20. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids Well-Known Member

    No apologies needed, Nancy. :grouphug:
    You are always so helpful, kind and wonderful on these boards....I am sure I'm not the only one who appreciates you!
     
    1 person likes this.
  21. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    So what my husband keeps reminding me is how temporary the situation is when they are so young and costly. I have 3 and my guess is that we have yet to really miss out on any comfort, even during the lean years when we were paying out the ying yang for infant care and preschool for my oldest. I have no advice for you other than if you want a 4th child, have one, everything else will work out.
     
  22. marikaclare

    marikaclare Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for starting this thread! My husband was just bringing up the idea of four kids (he is one of 5 kids) as he loved the dynamic of more kids in his family. I felt pretty overwhelmed with three at first but it has gotten better over the past few months (either the boys are getting easier or I am adjusting). I hear you about your hesitations as I share many - the whole getting back into shape again and the idea of another college tuition. Even as I type my hesitations, I realize these are not reasons to not have another child...I guess I just still have some reservations. Best of luck in your decisions! We're trying our best to save for the kids college...everyone has their own way of doing it but I'm hopeful we can reach our goals in that department:)
     
  23. Shohenadel

    Shohenadel Well-Known Member

    We have 4 kids. We had our first 2 and then went for the third and then that's when our twins came along...we got the 2-for-1 special, as I like to call it! When they were born my older two were age 5 and age 3 and that was definitely challenging, but now that they are all getting older (they are 9,7 and our twins are almost 4) it is "easier." I put that in quotes because it's far from easy, but it is easier compared to those first few years. With all that being said, I wouldn't change a thing. I never thought I would have 4 children. I thought I would always have 3, but it is great and just very loud! (all 4 are girls!) No matter how many children you have, you just adapt and then it becomes the new normal I guess!!

    Shannon
     
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