So this morning one of the kindermoms and her husband come over me to talk about how their daughter talks about the boys all the time. I said oh! that's nice to hear, the boys only have nice things to say about all the kids at school. And the dad says "oh, T says that Austin is naughty, naughtier than Miles". I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I kind of awkwardly smiled casually sauntered away (keep in mind my eye is still swollen from a bee sting, and I look like a freak), and then after school their teacher pulled me aside to let me know that Austin was laying down at circle time and generally had trouble listening, and Miles threw dirt at one of the girls (I think she was being a bad guy playing, but still). This was after she brought up that they have trouble listening at school at interviews last week, and I saw them get in trouble for not coming off the playground yesterday. They're also like this at home.. they don't listen. Guys, why is it always my kids? Why does this happen everywhere? What am I doing wrong? I discipline them. I reward them for good behaviour, and take note when they're behaving. I am clear and consistent about rules. I really, sincerely try to do whatever to support them to do well, although I am definitely not a perfect parent.
It's not you. We have a lot of struggles with Jack. I think it just takes some kids longer to learn those social skills. I will say though that Jack's school is great at working with us instead of always just reporting bad behavior (which makes me feel like they are "against" us).
Although it sucks, it's good to know that it's not completely abnormal. I do feel confident that our teacher is on top of it; she was just letting me know because we discussed it last week, and we want to be aware of what's going on. I am going to institute a reward system at home and let her know about it so we can see what we can do to nip this in the bud. I just wish they had been able to get into separate classes this year, but they were just under the limit for having two kinder classes this year. I have a feeling that when they're separated they don't amp each other up as much. I just can't face getting pegged again.. my kids were blamed for EVERYTHING at daycare, even when it clearly wasn't their fault (and sometimes it was, definitely). It is also possible I am PMS ragey and hormonal today too and this isn't that big of a deal, but I really wonder what the hell that dad was thinking telling me about what his daughter said.
I have a challenging child. And like Rachael's school our school is wonderful. "Feelings class" was great for her last year, and I'm fighting for her to be in it again this year... We call it that, I think the actual name is "Social skills for non-classified students" and its run by the guidance counselor. The other thing thats been great for her is getting older and more mature, so time will help things too. And if my two were in the same class they would total feed off each other (like they do at home).
Jack is in two social skills classes at school and involved in a mentoring program with high school athletes. HIs teacher is trying to set up a meeting with us, her, the guidance counselor and the school psychologist to find the best strategy for helping Jack. His school is great. Even when he's been in the principal's office (which he has, several times), they come at it from a place of helping him and making him feel supported. Jack is also starting seeing a behavioral psychologist, mostly in connection with his encopresis diagnosis and related behavioral and aggression issues. So, it's not just you. They (and we) are all going to come out great, I'm sure. Our daycare is really good, but our school is amazing. I couldn't help Jack nearly as well if I were fighting his teachers instead of working with them. I suspect you will see a lot of improvement as they settle into the year.
First, I don't know why another parent would say that to you. I work at the school and have only ever told a parent about bad behavior in their child when asked directly or have to report it as part of my job. I know that other para's that only say negative things and how it really wears on the parents. Last year I had a child that others found difficult and his mom about cried when I told her how delightful I found him that day. She said she had literally gotten nothing but bad reports from others. Second, I work in a kindergarten classroom this year. It sounds like your kids are in a large class and together. Both of those factors will work against them, especially if there is no aide or para or anyone else in the room. As someone in a kindergarten class, I can assure you that your kids are not the only kids lying down at inappropriate times. They are not the only ones throwing things or speaking out of turn. Or daydreaming. Or picking their noses and wiping snot on their sleeves. Or trying to color on the table. Or any other behavior the teachers and other parents come up with. The adults are kidding themselves if they think everyone is going to walk in behave perfectly. The teacher I'm working with decided to scrap whole group time because we could plainly see it wasn't working for our kids. We are now doing an hour of reading centers where the kids get small group attention and lesson in leveled groups where they get up and move every 15 minutes. Then we are doing math centers in leveled groups with small group attention and getting up and moving every 10 mins. That instead of a schedule our building principal wanted that included 45 mins of whole group time at the carpet for reading and 30 mins of whole carpet for math (maybe even more than that). Whole group at carpet wasn't working. The kids all get the lessons, but instead of doing it as a group, they get it in a small group of 5 with the teacher, reading teacher, and math lab aide. It's going better. So I don't know if that helps or not. But we scrapped most of our whole group time because it wasn't working for 20 wiggly kindergarteners. Marissa
Kids grow at their own pace. Some kids just need more time to fit in the "social norms". Hugs .... I am sure all of you will be be okay. I just have 2 points 1.Is some one egging him on in school? My daughter used to do that that. She used to encourageother kids to try things which may get them in trouble ... she did not do it internationally but more about more about that in point 2. You may want to see if there some one like that. 2. Try and get to the root cause. My daughter was doing it as a retaliation against kids teasing her and calling her peanut. We did work on many fronts A. We worked with school to curb teasing. At least in short term to break the cycle B. We worked with my kiddo to make her see how her behavior was same as those kids who were teasing her. In her eyes she was not heing bad like them because *she* was not indulging in bad behavior! C. We gave her some tools to deal with the teasing when it did occur. In your case also, doing all the three things will help once you know what is bothering them. The school was very helpful to enable all kids to behave in proper fashion and they did that in the vein of supporting ALL the kids rather than just complaining. One last point : Is there any way they can be some what separated @school? Different work stations/ groups/ circles etc may help. I agree with all others, school needs to work with you rather than just complaining
I don't think the teacher was complaining, she was just giving me a heads up. I don't know how they compare with other kids in their class at all, just that she noticed that listening was an issue, and she wondered if I saw the same things at home. We discussed all of that, and I don't think it was a big enough problem (yet) to develop any specific strategy, she just wants to let me know so if they don't improve we can figure something out. It was just more that she mentioned it in the wake of weirdo dad mentioning that my kids were naughty (not that the teacher could have known) that set me off. They did just get an aide in their class last week, so maybe in my note to the teacher I will talk about separating them. She did say they were playing independently of each other quite often, and they seem to have different friends, but I can guarantee that if one is getting in trouble the other is all GREAT IDEA. I think I will ask about what they're doing about separate groups. I think that would help Austin especially as he tends to shy away from any form of comparison or competition with Miles. As for the other parents, they're kind of an odd couple.. both the mom and dad drop their daughter off every day, which is fine, but combined with the mom talking to me at least four times in the last 2 weeks about this anti-bullying seminar the school held, and the dad going out of his way to tell me about their daughter's thoughts on my kids, I think they're just a weird, over-invested couple. Maybe they thought they were doing me a favour? Making conversation? I have no clue. Anyway, me and my funky eye shall be avoiding them from now on. And I can totally identify with people saying nice things about the kids.. when I finally have that experience, I will probably cry too. My boys are extremely loving and smart, they just have poor impulse control (I think relative to their peers).
I didn't word my post well. I didn't mean to say that the teacher was complaining. Rather, my point was that with this better teacher (compared to your daycare craziness) and maturity and more familiarity with the routine, your boys will be fine. I really think it's all pretty typical of the age. (Jack's isn't entirely just typical, which is why we have more interventions).
Oh yeah, this will definitely be a different thing than daycare. There's a whole host of professionals who will be working with the kids this year and lots of resources to tap into, so I am not worried at all as much . And, we also have other school options in our area if worse came to worst. But we have heard excellent things about this school, so I am hoping it all works out. It's just frustrating. I think my expectations were a bit too high going into it.. basically, I was expecting the polar opposite of daycare, not remembering that my kids behave like they're on meth sometimes. I am also going to see if I can get Austin's hearing tested. He has suffered a lot of really severe ear infections, and I just want to rule that out. Although he just came in as I was typing this and asked me what the noise was.. it was a super soft squirrel noise from about half a block away that I could barely hear. :lol:
The teacher and complaining was aimed at OP - it seems to me that she is only getting complaints and no concrete suggestions .
Jen, regarding the hearing, I think it is a great idea to have it tested. My best friend, her son (now in first grade) was coming home with complaints from the teacher that he is just not listening, she'd have to tell him to do something several times. My friend was noticing it at home with him as well, so she had the hearing checked and here he had a ton of fluid in his ears and could barely hear. So he got tubes and the adnoids removed and the hearing improved. I think the other parents were just trying to be friendly and make conversation. Both of my kids come home talking about certain kids all the time-how funny they are, how nice they are, bad and good things they did in school. I'm not the most outgoing person, so I'd definitely go up to a mom and tell her how my kids have such nice things to say..I would not say to that parent, oh yeah and they told me when X sassed back the teacher, etc. But I know with twins, I still get the question which one is the good one and which on is the bad one...so that Dad maybe reinforcing that stereotype that if there is twins one must be naughtier than the other. I'd say if the teacher is coming back with issues in the classroom, ask to have a meeting or a phone conference with her. Tell her what you doing at home and ask her how is this behavior being handled in the classroom. Ask the teacher- Can you make sure the boys are in different groups, sitting at different tables at classtime? Mine were in the same class in kindergarten and they never sat at the same table and when they did group work, they were never in the same group.
I remember when Jon was in preschool, one of the things I noted about the teacher was that she never gave me the laundry list of what Jon had done wrong that day, but would turn it into a positive conversation about the thing he did right. Only if it were serious, would she bring it up, because once she dealt with it, it was over. It is overwhelming when you do get that list. Actually, though, it is a good thing she is telling you as things happen, especially with the class situation. That tells me that she is already looking for strategies that may work for them. Also, by talking to you and asking if it is going on at home, she is looking at if it is a "school only" behavior, or "all the time" behavior. Each of which can indicate different things. Keep in mind that there are kids who are "perfect" at school, but implode the second they get home. Hearing and vision are always good to check. A child really cannot function well if they can't see/hear--my inlaws discovered when my BIL was in 1st grade that he wasn't learning because he was basically blind 20/300 vision uncorrected.
This! My son at times. I get nothing but terrific behavior reports from his teachers...but I bet if I sent a note saying, keep an eye out for outbursts and very low frustration level in him, they would be like, what are you talking about?
Jen, I'm not too surprised that the same kids who are intense/almost drive you to drink at times are the same kids that are intense/almost drive the teacher to drink. Some kids are tough to handle. I just yesterday installed lamps in my boys room from ikea that I *think* they can't destroy accidentally/on purpose or hang themselves with the cord. They are 5 and I'm just now trusting them with electricity! Meanwhile, my 2 year old could have always had a lamp. You tell her not to touch it and she doesn't. I don't think I'm a much better parent with her; it's just that some kids are really tough. Anyway, I do love that you post about it because my husband also gets discouraged and I can point to TS & let him know that we aren't alone.
My neighbor (bless her) calls them the scientists. If there is something to be investigated they are ON it. Re-framing their "bad" behaviour helps a lot; it alleviates my frustration and helps me to figure out ways to direct it. Oh, you're taking apart your mattress so you can see what's inside? Let's stop at the department store where they have those mattress samples so you don't have to. They pick everything up and put it in their mouth, so I take advantage of that and make them try new foods all the time. You want to dig a hole? Let's go to the farm where you can dig as big of a hole as you want, and see how many earth worms you can count. But I can't let boundaries slip for even one second because they will trample all over them. And really, the only rules they have are for safety and to keep the house sort of organized. No lie, it's frustrating as hell, but I am just starting to go with their behaviour instead of fighting it. I don't know why it took me so long to figure out. And I just hope and pray that it means that they'll be curious and driven adults too. I might be in a mental institution by then, so hopefully they have good jobs that can provide nice care and a view of the river. And Michelle, we have only an intermittent relationship with electricity. They have lamps with rechargeable batteries, but I can only plug them in for a few days a month before they lose their minds and start using them as weapons or whatever. They don't have lightbulbs in their room because they get up to party all night still.
Your kids sound a lot like mine. I shudder to even think what mine would do with a lamp in their room!! They've been in pre-K about a month and a half, and it's getting to be constant notes home. Running away when the teacher says to line up, hitting and slapping each other (not hitting other kids yet thankfully!), being disruptive during rest time, lots of time outs. Like you said, we reward good behavior, we're consistent, etc. And it just seems to go nowhere. We're considering moving so that they can go to a decent school and be in two separate classes for kindergarten (I made a whole separate post on that!). We went to a picnic last week. Everyone else's kids were running around, playing nicely (some of them as young as age 3). My two were chasing, hitting, taking things away. Mostly from each other, but also just being generally difficult. I couldn't even sit and have adult conversation for two minutes without someone tearing something up or causing some sort of trouble (the house we were at had all sorts of lawn ornaments, a fish pond, etc.). It's just never ending with them! People keep telling me they will grow out of it, but I'm not so sure.
This is why I love this site<3. Sanity. Sweet sweet sanity! I just tell people I think it's a twin thing and shrug and run away as fast as my big butt will go!
My husband was totally against giving them a lamp... I was pleasantly surprised that it is screwed into the wall and bug on the front is also screwed in- meaning they can't throw things at it and break the light. It also came with stickie stuff to stick the switch and hold the cord against the wall. We shall see if it works but I'm hopeful. It's this one, FWIW. I'm right with you that it's been a process of me relaxing into who they are are realizing that some things work really well for them, like PlayDoh, where it's encouraged to be torn apart into a billion pieces, whereas homemade type toys just don't- they aren't sturdy enough.
Yeah, my husband gets really uptight about trying new things with them, because he knows that there's going to be a big disruption and adjustment period. I get it, but I also don't think him ramping up the tension over everything we try helps much either. If it was up to him, they'd still be in cribs, I think
Also, I want to hand my kids over to the proprietors of some parenting websites and watch them weep gently as they realize their life's work is a lie.
:Clap: Ha ha, so true! I'd love to see what Supernanny would do with my wild twosome. Good luck, lady!
Uhh, I wanted mine in cribs but at age 1 they started climbing out. I put up crib tents and both of them started picking at the mesh until it was ripped enough to climb out again. They were like prisoners with a shive.
Oh yeah, I didn't even try the crib tent because I figured they'd turn it into a death trap within seconds. Instead we had them on their matresses on hardwood floors.. it was like a crime scene in there.
I dont know what is wrong with all of your kids, because mine are pefect. :rofl: But seriously...............................................I bet mine could 'not listen' with the best of them. I've said it before but no one in my house pays any attention to me until I start acting like a complete lunatic, it's pretty ridiculous. Thankfully, so far mine are brainwashed into thinking that something very bad will happen if they get into trouble at school. I sometimes have to threaten to text their teachers when they are misbehaving at home just to let them know and for whatever reason that works-they dont want their teachers to know that they act up EVER. Ha!
My 1st born is the one child everybodies knows. Sunday school, soccer, swim, school, YMCA....it is always Michael. I have 4 kiddos and am very consistant like you, but he is just stong willed and won't listen. He is not "bad", but disruptive and wants to do his own thing. I have him in a small private school were he can get more attention and stay more productive. I notice each year since he was 3 (he is now 7) he seems to be getting a little better. He still does not focus well on tasks that he is not interested in...he gets distracted easily. I also think he is socally imature and this is something he will out grow. ...but I get how it feels to have "that child" I know that there is not anything mediacally wrong....and I keep reading all the books, articles, and tips out there. I find that lots of hugs, love, and attention seems to help. Also making a big deal about one on one time with him seems to make a difference.
