Feeling down

I am going to sound like such a baby here, but here it goes. My twins are 8 1/2 months old. I work full time, from 8-4 (as a nutrition/health
consultant for a large corporation, so a pretty stress-free job). Every waking minute I have with the babies is spent WITH THEM. No phone calls, no cleaning, nothing. Just play time and interaction. My husband and I have "gone out" two times exactly since they were born and each time has been AFTER the babies are asleep and in bed and the date lasts around 2 hours! Enough time to eat and talk!

Well, my mil & mom watch the twins all day, they are both retired teachers (both kindergarten--how funny!). It seems, and hopefully seems is the true word, that they prefer grandma over me. When I come home from work, they act happy, but not excited. They smile at me, but aren't "oh my gosh, mom is home, I want her." However, when grandma (either one) comes over they smile and jump around and start babbling at her.

The other night, another couple came over because we were all going out to dinner. This was our first real date night. Our friends picked us up because they wanted to see the babies. Well, when my mil got there to babysit and the babies started bouncing around smiling and making noises, like they
were going to jump out of my arms to get to her.

We left and while we were at dinner we were discussing all of the normal things; kids, work, etc. and my friend turns to me and says,
"wow, the babies really like their grandma, huh?" I laughed and said, oh, yes, they get excited when they see the grandparents.

Am I being crazy? Is it possible for the babies to prefer someone else over me? It seems that sometimes when I get home they get fussy--whereas
during the day they are completely happy happy and content.

Oh, I can't even believe I'm writing this. I could never say this out loud, so at least I can type it and just hide my face!

 

:hug: I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better, but please know your babies love you so much. :hug: I know my two still get EXTREMELY excited when the grandmas' come over, and if I leave for a day or two, when I get back, they actually seem mad at me or I get a quick hug. It has bothered (still does at times) but I think it's normal to feel a bit of jealousy. I'm not sure what the grandmas do differently then me, other then do whatever they want, but even when they were young {like yours} it was hard to find a reason since there wasn't much they really wanted. Okay, now I'm rambling. I just wanted to tell you that you are their momma, they know this and love you so much. Don't feel ashamed for writing this, I've felt this way many times. I think us moms just get a "vision" of what we expect and when it doesn't happen we feel very let down. :hug:

 

hehehehe....thank gosh we have this board right!

I would say Ive had an experience, maybe not all that simliar...but maybe....
My mom came over a lot for the first 5 months of their lives...and she could always get them to smile or giggle and I couldn't...I was so ashamed, I mean they were MY babies, and I couldnt figure them out? really pissed me off

Otherwise my kids go to daycare (well DH lost his job so this is their last week) and they could give two craps when I leave...and when I pick them up sometimes I get smiles sometimes they dont even seem to know who I am.

Ouch.
i'm sure we'll miss that once the separation anxiety kicks in full force

 

:hug: I wont even pretend to understand since I am home all day and all I see is my babies. They dont get much interaction with their Grandparents. But I just wanted to say how cool that is to have their Grandmas watching them. I am sure that its hard to see them get excited over them, but at least its a family member and not a total stranger ardon: Hang in there. I think I would be jealous too, but it wont be forever. :hug:

 

QUOTE
when I get home they get fussy--whereas during the day they are completely happy happy and content.


I just wanted to point this out (because it stuck out to me)! Babies generally start the day out happy and it degrades from there. As you get closer to the evening/bedtime most babies (at least in my experience) are fussy. thats normal so Im sure its not you!

Its a wonderful thing to have family taking care of them. While I can understand your feelings maybe it would help if you thought about it another way? " the babies are so lucky to have so many wonderful people who love them and want to be with them and take care of them"! You are their mom and they could never replace or forget you. You were with them for 9 months longer than anyone else will ever get to be!! You share something a grandma could never take from you. They know the sound of your heart, and you know theirs!

Enjoy your time with them!

 

hi!
its such a natural feeling to think that your babies love someone else more - but it definately isnt true! my parents looked after my ds from about 9 months when i went back to work and he was never that bothered to see me. also when he went to the childminder he would be like, oh yeh ok its you.
i think babies just like the same thing, so any difference is not welcome. if they spend all day with grandma, then you coming home is a change of routine. also, we do take for granted those that we love the most. they know you are the mum and you love them and they love you, but they dont need to show it. anyway that is what i think to make myself feel better when my children seem more excited to see someone else. its the times when they are sick or hurt themselves that i realise that actually they do need me!
being a parent is a largely thankless job - i cant wait to be a grandma and spoil my grandchildren the way my dad spoils my sons!!!!

 

QUOTE(E&Msmom @ Feb 10 2009, 06:52 AM) [snapback]1183840[/snapback]
I just wanted to point this out (because it stuck out to me)! Babies generally start the day out happy and it degrades from there. As you get closer to the evening/bedtime most babies (at least in my experience) are fussy. thats normal so Im sure its not you!


Oooh that´s so true in my case! Happy in the mornings and it goes downhill after lunchtime!

Im really glad you posted this topic because I feel the same when MIL comes to visit. She takes over really and I find it frustrating but she only does it to give me a break which I do really appreciate at the same time. As one PP mentioned, I think its totally normal to feel a little jealousy (I do!) but, rest assured, your babies know you´re mum. I agree with the PP, who Ive quoted above, that it´s just the time of day. Dont worry, you´re mum and nothing will change that. :hug:

 

Also, you never know-maybe the LO's are fussing for your Mom/MIL during the day, and they don't want to tell you becasue they're afraid it will make you feel guilty for being at work if you know your babies are wanting you. It's a hard spot for them to be in too-do they tell you the babies are wanting you through the day, and possibly make you feel guilty, or let you think the babies are happy to be wth them, and make you feel bad like the babies don't want you. It's kind of "darned if they do, darned if they don't" really. Hang in there-all babies know Mama!

 

Once separation anxiety starts, you won't be able to pry them away with a crowbar. I get home from work (and what the PP said about their days just getting worse as the day moves on is SOOOO true) and have to sit on the floor, holding R with one hand from the second I walk in the door, playing with A with the other, then heaven forbid if I have to get up and pee. R usually grabs on to my leg and cries when I'm trying to walk to the bathroom or to the kitchen to get their snacks together. A will sometimes grab on to the other leg, but usually she runs off in the exact opposite direction and starts screaming.

No wonder my dogs don't want to see me when I get home.

 

QUOTE(becasquared @ Feb 10 2009, 08:26 AM) [snapback]1184039[/snapback]
Once separation anxiety starts, you won't be able to pry them away with a crowbar. I get home from work (and what the PP said about their days just getting worse as the day moves on is SOOOO true) and have to sit on the floor, holding R with one hand from the second I walk in the door, playing with A with the other, then heaven forbid if I have to get up and pee. R usually grabs on to my leg and cries when I'm trying to walk to the bathroom or to the kitchen to get their snacks together. A will sometimes grab on to the other leg, but usually she runs off in the exact opposite direction and starts screaming.

No wonder my dogs don't want to see me when I get home.


Ok, you guys are all being so nice and cracking me up! This has made me feel SO much better.
I know some would like to smack me in the face because I'm being such a whiner when my twins get so much daily attention and stay at home with people who love them so much. Sorry. I know I'm being a little b*&$%.

It's just that I worry when they don't act excited to see me. Um...when does that separation anxiety begin??

 

:hug: I think it's normal to feel that way. My girls go crazy for men. They LOVE their dad and grandpa. Grandma and mom only get a little smile, but if dad or grandpa walk by w/o stopping to pick them up they throw a fit. They squeal and run to DH when he gets home, but when I come home they just smile. At least we have people who they love as much as they love us!

 

I think they love you very much, of course. They know you're they're mom and special. I was just wondering could this be a phase their going through? :hug:

 

I think your babies are so used to seeing you that you are just not "new" to them. They are secure knowing that (much like an arm or leg) you will always be there.
HTH