Feeling jealous of the nanny and anxious about going back to work

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by Prairiegirl, May 23, 2008.

  1. Prairiegirl

    Prairiegirl Active Member

    Hi all:

    I am going back to work after a year's maternity leave (yes, I know I am very fortunate) and we have lined up a nanny who will come in to our house to look after the twins. In order to adequately prepare for this, we hired the nanny some time ago to help me part time in advance of my leave, so the babies get to know her. Well, she's quite energetic, she plays with them ALL DAY and they absolutely love her. They love her to the point that sometimes when they see her, their faces light up and they reach out their arms. I sometimes use the time when she's here to do housework; business; and to get out with one of the babies to bond with each individually. Now that I realize that she will spend way more time with them than I will be when I am back at work, I am panicking that they will end up thinking that she is their Mom, not me. Does anyone else feel this way about childcare? I guess I should remember that the bottom line is my kids are getting great care, and that's what matters....right?

    Anyone else?
     
  2. Erineliza

    Erineliza Well-Known Member

    I don't have childcare right now- but the first thing I thought of when I read your post was how lucky you are to have found someone who really cares for your kids and who your kids care for as well. When I try to imagine being in your shoes, I can totally relate to the worry that they will really get attached to her. However, they will only ever have one Mommy- and that is you. Try not to worry and just keep hanging on to the fact that they are getting really good care while you are at work. :hug99:
     
  3. Jennifer@sharphome.net

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

    I don't have an answer because I am a SAHM but wanted to send you some (((((((hugs)))))))))). I am SURE your babies know you are their mama - nothing will change that!
     
  4. Reggie95109

    Reggie95109 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I am going back to work full time in August when the girls will be a little over 4 months old. We are trying to get them into daycare at my company but the list is long. So it will likely be a nanny at home. Dh works from home too so I am anxious about leaving my whole family at home with someone else taking the mommy role. But I have been reassured since we currently have a part time helper. She helps me care for the babies, watches them so I can run the occasional errand, and stays on top of the baby chores like laundry. My girls like her a lot but she is not mommy and anytime I come near them when she is there, they immediately re-orient towards me. Another way to look at it is that they are 168 hours in a week and the nanny will only be with them for 40. That's not really a lot of time. This is something else I tell myself so I feel less anxious about returning to work. Hope some of these ideas help!
     
  5. Prairiegirl

    Prairiegirl Active Member

    Thanks ladies! Like I said, I think all of this has to do with me, rather than anyone else! I AM lucky that I found someone good that they both love, and that i can trust. I can't control the entire day, but I couldn't at a daycare, either, so I should just let it go. Thanks again.
     
  6. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    I'm there, except it is grandma that they love so much... which is great, but how come they cry when they see me (after they've been at grandma's house) and run for her when she comes over? It's heartbreaking. :cray: I am very happy they have such a great relationship with her, but it does still hurt. I hope work goes well! :hug99:
     
  7. mnellson

    mnellson Well-Known Member

    When all is said and done, at the end of a long day when they are hungry/ tired/ cranky, all they really want is their Mama!
     
  8. ahmerl

    ahmerl Well-Known Member

    I completely felt that way (envious) of my nanny AND I was at home while she was there. I work from home so mostly I was around and I still felt jealous of her time with them. They definitly reach for her and prefer her sometimes and it killed me. Then, my nanny decided to quit on a whim - just did not show one day - while I was out of town last week and now I am stuck here ALL DAY playing mommy and working while they nap. I need a haircut, a pedicure, a trip to the gym, some adult company, and about an hour in both a target and BRU - SOOO now, I would rethink the entire jealousy thing and just be glad to have someone here that my children loved, felt safe with, and would stay with without screaming for mommy all day.

    BTW, of course I love being here with them all day but it really limits getting thing done when I cannot even get out for an hour a week just to get things done. I am selfish and use their out and about time (11:30 to 1:30) to take them on a run and to the grocery instead of getting other, more important things done. The thing is, if I did not get some exercise, our whole family would suffer :)!

    Good luck at work - what you are feeling is totally normal, especially after being blessed with soooo much time off for maternity leave. I also try to remember that no matter how stressful it is to play mommy, keep house, and work at the same time, I am very very very blessed to be able to be here with my babies!
     
  9. KYsweetheart

    KYsweetheart Well-Known Member

    Don't worry, they will not forget you are their mother. :hug99:

    I bet it will be hard going back after a year. I went back to work after 17 months... and it was hard... but I did enjoy it while it lasted.
     
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