feeling so down

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Help' started by haleystar, Jul 19, 2009.

  1. haleystar

    haleystar Well-Known Member

    all i ever wanted in my life was to be a mother and here i am so close to realizing this dream and all i can do is cry because i am in such misery. i don't feel like myself, my mind is not the same and my body...well that's an issue all on it's own. everyday and night i cry hysterically because of the discomfort of carrying these two little boys. i just feel like they are sucking the life out of me and i can't take it anymore. i want them out. i'm to the point of screaming this to my doctor. yet i feel so guilty for thinking this. like i'm already failing them as a mother because i couldn't hold on a few more weeks.

    i just don't know what to do. or how to "hang in there".

    this pregnancy has been nothing but complicated, gestational diabetes, stomach upset, pre eclampsia...i just want a break you know? someone else to carry them for the next few weeks.

    i hate that i am not strong enough for them already and they aren't even here yet.
  2. fahrenheit79

    fahrenheit79 Well-Known Member

    All I can say is :bow2: ... U've made it as far as I hope to get, so even though I am a little (ok... A LOT ;) ) envious, I can understand ur discomfort. So even though I can't give you any advice regarding any coping measures u can use, I just want to let you know that I am here and that I've heard u!!!!
  3. danabd

    danabd Well-Known Member

    Oh gosh. I have had all those issues to and want them out but fortunately don't feel the way your feeling emotionally. I say that not to make you feel worse but to point out that it sounds like ur really down and sad and overwelmed, whixh could be the start of postpartum depression. Please try to talk to your doc about some meds-zoloft is safe. You don't need to feel guilty-there may just be a medical reason (ie pregnancy hormone induced depression) for the way your feelin. Try not to beat urself up but do talk to your doc asap.hugs,
  4. serialmommy

    serialmommy Well-Known Member

    how you are feeling is not unusual at all, even for a single baby pregnancy...this is my 10th pregnancy..i've given birth to 5 kids, and had 4 miscarriages...these twins were supposed to be our last ONE baby...they came as a huge surprise, one we are so thankful for after having so much heartache...we tried for over 2 years for one more baby, having 3 miscarriages in that time...these babies truly are a gift to us...and that does NOT stop me from being physically miserable and wanting to be done already! i've had prodromal labor (contractions, sometimes in pattern, usually painful, but that do NOTHING to progress any kind of dilation) since the 14th of june...i'm tired and worn out and cranky and miserable...walking is hard...sitting is hard...sleeping is hard...i'm 36 weeks and 4 days today...these babies will be born by c-section on the 31st, when i'm 38 weeks and 2 days...i got confirmation from my midwife on friday that with my history of inductions (4 of my children were induced to get them out) the odds are not in my favor to go in to labor on my own, even with carrying two somewhat "large" babies (predictions are that with going to 38 weeks these two will weigh between 6 and 7 pounds a piece, probably closer to 7), 2 sacs of fluid and 2 placentas...i would love for a night of sleep where i can snooze on my belly and be comfortable again...to have a drink to unwind from a very trying day (i have a high special needs son who is 10 and has taken to running away to deal with his frustrations among other things)...to have sex and actually be able to enjoy ALL of it and not find myself at some point thinking "please hurry up, this hurts!"...you are NOT a bad mother for thinking and feeling all of these things...you are a mother for them...and a human...i asked jason a few weeks ago that if, in theory, he could be pregnant would he...and before the question was BARELY out of my mouth, he said "NO"...so not even with with having everyone catering to him and all of that, even just as a thought in the head, he would NOT trade places with me...that tells me something...women are glutton for punishment it seems...and by making ourselves feel worse because of how we naturally feel when we are physically worn down doesn't make sense, especially to the men in our lives...it also doesn't make us bad mothers or bad people...take my word, there will be PLENTY of days after your babies arrive when you will want to just walk out and not come back (you won't do it, but you'll think it) because it will get to be too much for you for that day, that moment...my suggestion is to walk out...go out the door...leave the mess, the screaming...stand outside on the porch or in the basement and take 5 minutes to regroup...remind yourself that while it seems like all there is at that moment, that the moment WILL pass and things WILL get better...they won't always stay better, but don't think of that...let go of the guilt...you don't deserve it...you are doing the best that you possibly can and that is what matters in the long run, not that you were "perfect" in the moment...
  5. sparkle77

    sparkle77 Well-Known Member

    Hi Kristine,

    I agree with the above. I know that you have been very open about some of your other challenges, including some mental health difficulties. I hope that as well as focusing on the babies, you are also getting the support and care that YOU need from your husband, family and doctors. Please do take care of yourself and ask for help if you need it. You're doing a great job and it will all be over soon.
  6. scrappycindy

    scrappycindy Well-Known Member

    Think of it this way... the longer you are pregnant the less likely you babies will have to be in the NICU... hope it helps a little.
  7. pittmane

    pittmane Well-Known Member

    I hear ya! I am not as miserable as some others, but frequent BH contractions, pressure/pain in my nether regions and general "done with this get them out NOW" feelings are absolutely there and clear. My OB wants to schedule a C-section for just over 34 weeks - my hubby and I plan to argue her out of it and let them come later, but I can tell you, there are definitely days when I think to myself that I would LOVE to have them out at 34 weeks and change. Yesterday was one of those days - frequent contractions, hip pain from lying down all day. My DH keeps telling me how beautiful I am, yet I feel swollen and blech. As others have already mentioned, I think you should bring it up with your doc. I don't think it's normal to sob every day; to me that says you've got something above and beyond general feelings of being done being pregnant. Sending lots of cyber :hug:
  8. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Trust me, you are coming to the end of the road here. I compared my pregnancy to being in a marathon where the last mile is often the hardest, you have done a great job cooking them for 34 weeks! I do think the last weeks are the hardest because it just all gets to you at that point. Big :hug: to you and you are doing a great job, Momma!
  9. Pitbullzz

    Pitbullzz Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry I cannot relate. I really wish I could.

    But, if I can say anything that might help, it's that I am truly amazed at you and you women. WAY tougher than I could ever pretend to be.

    I never knew a lot of things(details I guess you could say) before coming on here. I mean...I knew a lot about pregnancies, but some things from here and books I have read, even things I have had to deal with my DW on...and it was a HUGE eye-opener.

    I CAN sympathize with you. I CAN tell you that you will look back on all this later as you are looking at your babies sleeping snugly in a crib and saying that it was all worth it...with a huge smile on your face and a sense of pride at knowing what you accomplished.

    Hang in there...
  10. mom23sweetgirlies

    mom23sweetgirlies Well-Known Member

    Don't be so hard on yourself, carrying twins is HARD, especially when you have to deal with complications and bed rest. You have every right to want to be done, who the heck wouldn't! That does not make you a bad mom! I am sure that if your boys were born now they would most likely be fine, but as you know every extra day in there helps prevent a NICU stay. I know you think you can't take anymore of this but you have made it this far, you can do it! When you see your precious boys it will all be so worth it! I agree with the others thought that you should mention this to your Dr. especially if you are still feeling down after their birth. I pray that these next few weeks fly by for you.
  11. tamaras

    tamaras Well-Known Member

    :hug: Just take it hour by hour...literally. I was one of those women that really didn't enjoy being pregnant :( I was pretty miserable.
    I would find TV to watch or something to keep me occupied & *try* to get my mind off of all the things that hurt or were giving me anxiety.
    The hour by hour seemed to work pretty good for me ~

    It won't be much longer & like a pp mentioned, make sure that your family, spouse, friends are taking good care of you! :acute:

    :) :hug:
  12. ljmcisaac

    ljmcisaac Well-Known Member


    And hold one thought in your head--imagine 1 day after the birth, holding your beautiful, healthy, babies, and your back doesn't hurt, and you're legs don't hurt, and food tastes normal again, and you can have a beer (good for breast feeding!), and all that!
  13. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Do you want me to come over? I can come over for some moral support. . .You're not too far away.
  14. haleystar

    haleystar Well-Known Member

    thanks everyone SOOOOOOOOO much for these pep talks. i really needed them.

    i see my OB tomorrow and will go over all of this with her. i am high risk PPD and am on meds now to try and prevent it. i think a lot of my misery is coming from this not being able to do anything because it causes immense pain. it's bad. i just can't wait for this to be over!!

    thank you all for being so supportive and understanding. i REALLY needed that!!!!
  15. chicagomama

    chicagomama Well-Known Member

    Just want to echo the advice above about taking it moment by moment, minute by minute, day by day. Don't look at the looming point until l&d, but what can you do in this instant to make it through the next hour. When I feel this way, I go into major-distraction mode: favorite old books to re-read; video games; movies--whatever I can drown my brain in. Of course it always helps to vent too, so glad you have this forum you can come to! Hugs and hang in there :) You are doing such a great job in the face of all these challenges!
  16. mommylaura

    mommylaura Well-Known Member

    Look at all of the people in this world who have horrible horrible pregnancies (and it sounds like you are among them!) and voluntarily get pregnant again! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but every second of this will be worth it when you are holding your two bundles of joy. And the best part is - it gets better and better every single day. Even 3 1/2 years later I still get more joy out of parenting my son then the day before. Don't feel guilty about complaining - it sounds like you've been through h$**, but you are almost there!
  17. Haley'sHope

    Haley'sHope Well-Known Member

    i wanted to echo this. i had a very complicated, high risk pregnancy that was very difficult physically & emotionally. within a month the wonders of my sweet baby made me want to do it all over again & we are about to start actively trying for #4 through fertility treatments. it's' so hard to be where you are right now, but it will pass & you'll find that you can barely remember all of the pain, worry & frustration almost immediately. the beauty of even the best bodies fades with age but the beauty of motherhood is forever. it's impossible to even articulate how amazing it is to hold them & see them grow every day & know YOU DID THAT, the life you are holding is the one you made possible! you'll get your body back & if it's a little different you'll find that you don't care so much anymore. you are a strong woman, physically & emotionally, & you can do this. you are almost to the finish line of the most amazing, challenging, rewarding race you are ever going to run. stay strong, mama, it's so worth it in the end.
  18. haleystar

    haleystar Well-Known Member

    i just met with the OB today and she really wants to deliver me but needs approval from the specialist. she is going to call me this afternoon sometime to see if she can get me into the specialist before thursday, when i hit 35 weeks. all i can do now is pray that this will be over soon. my OB is amazed that i've made it this far with all of the complications. she is afraid i will go into labor soon and wants to do the c-section before that happens, which i would prefer since i have a SUPER low pain tolerance.

    i know 35 weeks is still early but to come through this pregnancy and make it all the way to 35 is a true miracle. i can't tell you how many times i have been to triage with pre term labor pains, irritable uterus, you name it.

    soo now i am just laying in bed awaiting the phone call from her that will hopefully say i can see the specialist before thursday. i just pray that it goes through this time!! but i'm not getting my hopes up, last time i did that i was crushed.

    i know this all sounds selfish but i have no doubt that these babies are completely healthy and will have very few complications, call it intuition. every u/s shows that they score 8/8 fetal scores with their little lungs just pumping away.

    i will keep you all posted and thanks sooooo much for the pep talks. it really does help.

    and to pass the time i try and sleep. arts and crafts, computers and all that stuff that is distracting i just can't focus on it. i try to watch t.v. but then i just start to get ansy, i try to read but can't focus on the words, i try wordsearch puzzles and give up after the second word and i've even tried cross stitching but i just get so anxious. so it's hard to do anything but force myself to sleep as much as i can. it's the only way that time passes quickly.
  19. chellebelle

    chellebelle Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: I can't imagine having all of your complications, even though I have it fairly easy compared to you I am starting to really have a hard time with this too. I don't sob every night but I do usually cry a bit sometime throughout every day. It's hormones and a few other things like work and the ILs, ugh it never stops. I can't imagine being in your shoes! I hope that you can get in to see the specialist and hoping for a good outcome for you and your little boys!!! :hug:
  20. samimax

    samimax Active Member

    I just wanted to add my two cents- I know how you feel, too! We tried for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant- I'd get so annoyed when I heard someone say that they were over being pregnant and ready to give birth- at least they were pregnant. BUT- OMG- I can't take it anymore, either! AND I feel so guilty when I think that.

    My legs are so swollen it hurts to sit, lay down, anything. I feel so fat and ugly- I found ANOTHER fat roll last night- I am completely disgusted with what I weigh.

    I keep reminding myself that it's worth it- they are so healthy and growing so well. My doctor won't even THINK of inducing (if things stay they way they are) for two more weeks. UGH.

    Hang in there- they'll be here soon! I'm trying to think of the things I want to remember about this time- feeling them move and kick.
  21. haleystar

    haleystar Well-Known Member

    my OB did end up calling yesterday around 5pm. she got my appointment moved up from thursday to tomorrow morning. hopefully i will get a growth scan and a green light!
  22. cmccarthy

    cmccarthy Well-Known Member

    Big hug to you!
  23. haleystar

    haleystar Well-Known Member

    you are 36 weeks and they won't induce for 2 more weeks??? sheesh!!! my heart goes out to you!
    my original c-section was scheduled for 37 weeks 1 day.
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