Funny Things Your Kids Have Said

I'm starting one of these here because I have a funny thing.

We were at a Big Brother/Big Sister class at the hospital, and they were talking to the kids about changes they noticed in mommy. Jack says, "There used to just be bumps at the top, and now there's a big bump at the bottom too."

I was crying laughing.

 

When I came home from the hospital with Josh one of my twins said "Are you sure there's not another one in there? You still look pregnant."

We haven't told them yet that I'm pregnant again, but one night at dinner Nick told me he wants a baby sister so he can play pranks on her, like putting fake bugs in her bed. Oh boy.

 

Yesterday the girls were doing reading flash cards with my dad. They warned him that the words were really hard and that he'd have to be patient. One of them would hold up a card and he'd read it (he was totally making it up and not really reading the card) and they'd say yes! He got it right. Afterward they told him he won so they made him a sign that said: Papa learned first place.

Lol.

 

Jessy: papa you need to shave your legs
Papa: boys don't shave their legs
Jessy: nana make papa shave his legs

 

My daughter told my son: It's okay to flirt with your friends.

Me- :woah:

 

My husband has an unmarried friend. Upon learning this, Allison says, "Awww, he needs to find him a wife on Angie's list". I about choked laughing so hard because she was completely serious!

 

DDa: (on the phone with telemarketer) Hello... yes... ah-hah... okay... mmm... They want to speak with Mr or Mrs___
Me: Ask who it is.
DDa: Who is calling please?... ahhh... mmm... So, your name is Northern Solar?

 

My FIL is relatively sick with oxygen dependant COPD and lung cancer, he was talking with the girls about great grand kids:

FIL: I hope I get to see my great grand kids
Naomi: you probably won't live that long with your oxygen.

Straight face, not kidding. My MIL and I about hit the floor laughing.

 

we're at the beach on vacation...yesterday Ian got hit with a giant wave and came up full of sand...he reached into the back of his bathing suit and pulled out a handful of rocks and threw them - kinda like the monkeys that fling poo...I nearly pissed my pants laughing!

 

Jason really loves the smell of my face moisturizer. And tonight while he was giving me hugs and kisses before Chris tucked him in, he kept smelling my face and telling me that I smelled "so so so good." Sometimes when he does that I'll ask him what I smell like and he'll usually say, "my mommy." Which melts my heart.

Tonight, however, when asked he said, "You smell like Daisy!"
Daisy is our dog.

In my defense, she was groomed today and she really does smell nice.

 

Here are a few...


Jet: What would be the dumbest superpower?
Jackson: The ability to smell your own breath.
Jet: I was thinking the ability to talk to rabbits.

------------------

Listening (and singing) to Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" and talking about Jon Bon Jovi...
Jet: I don't even know what that guy looks like?
Me: Adorable!
Jet: Ok, I'm imagining a puppy...


------------------

Troy: Do you want to know how to get extra candy when you go trick or treating?
Jet: Compliment their house?
Troy: Well, I was thinking bring an extra costume and ring the bell twice but that would probably work too.

------------------


Me: (to Jet) "You are a good listener"
Jet: "I know, I can even tell what people are saying when I'm not looking at them!"
Me: "Yes, you are gifted."
Troy: (in a quiet voice) "anyone can do that"

 

My husband is older than me and my girls think its hysterical to call him an old man and talk about when he dies they are getting a dog (he is allergic). I seems more morbid when I type it here, but it really is funny.

 

so one night me, Tony and the kids were playing a game...Tony did something dastardly to me and I made the mistake of flipping him off...

so Ian flipped him off too - cue raucous laughter

Abby then had to one up him and not only flipped 2 birds but yelled to Tony "oh yea, double f**k"

she then clapped her hands over her mouth and turned 12 shades of red...

I just laughed until my sides hurt and reminded her not to do that in public!

 

While we were walking around Disney the other day, Alice says very loudly, "my vagina itches, almost like I have a rash down there."

 

If you are FB friends with me you know that Meara is obsessed with Curiosity, Mars Rovers, and basically anything about astronauts and space. Meara has asked Ana repeatedly to be her "space buddy" when they grow up, but Ana always says no and says that she will write about Meara's space travels from earth. However despite her unwillingness to travel into space with her sister, Ana has started insisting we call her Armstrong. So last night, Meara asked if Neil Armstrong had "a buddy?" She was very excited to learn that yes, Neil was on the moon with his buddy Buzz Aldrin... and of course now she is insisting I call her Buzz. I wonder if I should change in TS signature :laughing:

 

Kids were home with Jason last week and acting a bit rowdy. So I called to check in and Jake gets on the phone:

J: "Daddy is sending me to boarding school."
Me: "No, you aren't going to boarding school."
J: "No, he showed me a video. He's looking into it."

I died laughing.

He and I also had a conversation about kids as slaves, Jake is not a fan of helping with chores.

 

We were at a restaurant on Saturday, and Jack said, "Do they have any boobs here?" It took us a minute to realize he meant bibs (we'd been to a restaurant that gave them bibs recently). Then he started saying, "then what are boobs again?" We'd recently had a conversation about boobs and what they were. We had to tell him we'd talk about it at home.

 

I posted this to my FB status last night but it did crack my family up yesterday.
While we were eating dinner, Sophia turns to me says, "Mommy, can we schedule a day off from kindergarten?" I explained that the only way there is day off from kindergarten is when school is closed or if she is sick.
Keep in mind, school doesn't start for us until September. She's already sick of it and hasn't started yet.

 

Yesterday, we all had some rich foods. That means breath can be questionable after eating. Jason got a reminder of this little fact one night when Cameron needed some extra hugs before he went to sleep. Cameron came in to the office where Jason was sitting, and he climbed into his daddy’s lap for a hug.



Cameron: Daddy, you need to brush your teeth.

Daddy: Thank you. I will do that.

Cameron: Your breath smells like my stinky butt.

 

Sarah: Mom your hair is beautiful! It looks just like the 80's!

Okay, that was NOT the look I was going for and I was super down the whole day because of my fuzzy hair

 

My littlest man, 21 months old, has a tendency to grab my shirt and reach in to grab my bra/boobs/whatever. I usually say "No, those aren't yours, don't touch" or occasionally "No, those belong to Daddy." So this past weekend we were at the zoo and of course Josh reaches into my shirt and Alex says "NO Josh, those are for Daddy only!"

We also just got back from vacation (hence the zoo) where we all slept in the same hotel room. One night my husband fell asleep before me & the twins and he started snoring. I looked at the twins and said "be glad you don't have to sleep with him every night like I do" and Nick says "why don't you shove a dirty sock in his mouth when he does that?"

 

Last night, DH was putting Cameron to bed and they were talking about superheroes and where they come from and what their alternative names are (Wonder Woman = Diana Prince, Superman = Clark Kent, etc...). So they got to talking about Superman and that he came from Krypton. So Cameron had something to say about it.

Cameron: Superman was from Krypton.
Daddy: Yes, that's right! He was.
Cameron: Krypton blew up a long long time ago, like last October.

 

Today, Cameron and I were shopping at the near by groceries store. We got to talking about strangers and what he should do. It was a random conversation which he started, but it was important, so I went with it.

Cameron: It's not good to be nice to strangers.

Me: Well, not exactly. You can be nice, but you shouldn't be talking to strangers.

Cameron: I shouldn't talk to strangers because they might take you and make you eat something I don't like like turkey. I don't like turkey, but a stranger might tell me, "You have to eat that!" And then the stranger will make me eat it, and I really don't want turkey. That would be bad!

He actually kept on going on with the story, but by this time, I was giggling too much to really understand what he was saying.

 

So the funny talk continues with 5 year old Kiefer and Daddy during the bedtime tuck in….
 
 
 
Kiefer: Wonder Woman is a sweetie pie. Only girls can be sweetie pies.
 
Daddy: Why do you like Wonder Woman? Why is she a sweetie pie?
 
Kiefer: I like her boobs. Killer boobs!
 
Daddy: (laughing)
 
Kiefer: I’m so full of joy!
 
 
You don't even want to know what he said earlier today about Dora the Explorer!

 

Somehow my kids have gotten the word bib confused with boob. So we will be in a restaurant, and they'll start talking about the boobs. It's rare enough that we eat at restaurants with bibs that it always takes us a minute.

 

Oh my gosh, the boobs/bibs is funny. 
 
 
This isn't something my kids actually said, but anyway.  Tomorrow is their grandpa's birthday so I had them write him a letter.  Nick wrote in his that he's excited to finally have a baby sister but we can't decide on a name because "Joe (their step-dad) is too picky."     I thought it was funny. 

 

This morning the girls told me that the kids in pre-k at their school are babies.
 
:laughing: They were just in pre-k last year!

 

The other night, my husband had to go to the doctor, so as he is saying goodbye...Luke says very seriously and very worried: "You are coming back, right?"

 

DD was trying on a new tutu for her class.  It looked a little snug so I asked her, "Is it too tight?"  She replied, "Oh yes, it's a little tight but I'll make it work." 

 

Riley climbed into our bed this morning while I was checking my email and drinking coffee and said, "Mom, do you know what my greatest fear is? Scorpions, Canadians and fluffy spiders." 
 
Still not sure what he actually meant by Canadians?