Going to bed without any supper?

I had a long day....work all day, then a night class. I got home at 8 pm tonight and walked in the door, Michael is crying and screaming his head off and "gated" in the nursery. DH pulls me aside and says that he is to get no milk, and nothing to eat unless he eats what was made for dinner. (Our nanny made a nice taco casserole, which was delicious) So I try to encourage Michael to eat a few bites of dinner....he refuses and cries some more. So I gave him a bath, read him a story, cuddled with him and gave him some tylenol because he has been sick and running a slight fever.

Then he asks for milk...I told him that he had to eat 3 bites, then he could get milk or anything else. He refused the dinner. He cried more and said, "milk, milk" but DH said I could only give him water. So he went to bed, without supper. I know I am suppose to be consistent, but it broke my heart. I know he won't "starve" he is a well proportioned toddler (not overweight, not underweight). But I was wondering what you all would do?

Was this too cruel? Or are we teaching him to try the things we make and not be so picky?

What do you think?

Bridget :mellow:

 

Well considering he is a bit sick I probably would have given him what he wanted. Normally I do the same whats for dinner is what's for dinner sometimes they eat very little but it's normal for them to not eat alot one meal a day or if they are not fond of the meal...but I do give a snack about 45min before bedtime. I would have given him his milk and maybe a little snack that I know he would eat just to get something in his stomach since he isn't feeling well he may just be whiney and he just didn't want to eat that. I definately don't think he will starve at all he probably just didn't feel good and wanted his way. I'm sure he will be fine.

 

I personally think 22 months is way to young for that kind of punishment. You said that hes been sick, maybe he wasn't feeling good? Does he have his 2 yr molars in yet? Maybe hes teething and it hurt to chew? I guess for me I would of went through all the possibilities of what could be wrong. I would also feel awful about the situation, I personally think it was to harsh.

 

I don't send kids to bed without dinner either. If my kids won't eat what I've made for dinner I let them have a few chances to change their mind and give them a cup of milk before bed. Also, if he has a sore throat dinner may have hurt.

Parenting is so hard, sometimes I wonder if I'm too soft. :hug99:

 

i will always let them have milk, but stick to the "you eat what i made" rule. i just feel better if they at least have some milk in them - that way i don't worry so much if they haven't eaten.

hope he feels better!

 

QUOTE(Trish_e @ Sep 20 2007, 08:53 PM) [snapback]416920[/snapback]
I personally think 22 months is way to young for that kind of punishment. You said that hes been sick, maybe he wasn't feeling good? Does he have his 2 yr molars in yet? Maybe hes teething and it hurt to chew?


I agree w/ this. He's SOO young to really get cause and effect IMO.
Also, the fact that he's been sick, even if he seemed fine today . . .
I understand your DH was likely exasperated, but at this age I believe it's too young.


I would do this if I ever felt I needed to w/ my kids, but my DD is almost 6.5 and the boys are over 3.

 

If my girls don't eat their entree I don't make a big deal about it. I still give them their fruit (even with dh's protestations that they "didn't eat their dinner) and they still get milk and a cookie before bed. I figure eating is something to be enjoyed not forced.

 

When my boys aren't feeling well, I pretty much give 'em whatever they want. That said, around the same time, 22 months, is when my boys started being way picky-er about what they wanted to eat. At their 2 year appt their pedi said to give them what they get for a meal, and if they play with it or throw it around, take it away and don't try to make up the calories with crackers or something. He said they will get used to eating what's in front of them and that they certainly won't starve. Sometimes it's really tough to stick to this, but it helped enormously.

As for the "if you eat "x" then you get to eat "y," my kids still don't understand this fully. I literally have to hold up a fry as I tell them, eat one more bite of broccoli and you get this fry. They do get it after a couple times, but I have to start over every meal that has something that they LOVE like fries or goldfish or something.

 

I have done the same thing when Josh was sick but not as a punishment.
If your ds has been running a fever he may not be *hungry*. He may just be thirsty which water is better for anyway and he was probably tired.
I have done it and don't feel bad. I do worry that with no supper that they'll be up in the middle of the night or something, lol. but other then that if they aren't hungry they aren't hungry. if they aren't feeling well then they probably need to go to bed anyway.

Don't feel bad. He won't starve just missing one meal and it is good to teach them that you need to eat a little dinner and not just fill up on milk and you can get rewarded. I guess is the best way to put it.

 

Thanks guys. I feel a bit better about sending Michael to bed w/o supper. (still feel guilty tho) He is a PICKY eater. I have given in to him everyday for the last month. Instead of eating our "normal meal" he guilts me into giving him his favorites...yogurt or peanut butter sandwich. DH put his foot down last night and told me he has to eat what is put in front of him.

I guess it made it worse for me cuz he is a little sick.

Thanks for your input I really appreciate it!

Bridget

 

Jon has done it a number of times, simply refused to eat. He does make up for it the next morning though!

 

Lorien has gone to bed without dinner several times. Sometimes she is just so tired or not feeling well. I go by her. In the morning she will often eat a good bfast or drink her milk and sometimes not. When she's ready to eat she eats. She is sick this am and wouldn't drink her milk. She went back to sleep and just woke up and is eating bfast. I wouldn't worry about it. As for the milk, I don't know cause my girls don't ever drink milk before sleeping. They are always offered water. Sometimes they drink it sometimes not but they always have sippies in their crib so they can drink it in there. Does he want the milk because he's hungry or because he feel comforted by it and is not feeling well? Teething can deffinately be a culprit in all this but usually when they are teething it's the sucking motion that hurts more than anything no?

 

QUOTE(marieber @ Sep 21 2007, 02:24 AM) [snapback]416974[/snapback]
If my girls don't eat their entree I don't make a big deal about it. I still give them their fruit (even with dh's protestations that they "didn't eat their dinner) and they still get milk and a cookie before bed. I figure eating is something to be enjoyed not forced.

Other than a cookie this is what I do, everyone gets dinner and milk if they don't eat all is ok and they go to bed and wake up just fine. They are growing on their curve and although I feel badly I do feel as though I only have one dinner in me on any nite and if it isn't eaten I can't do anything about it

 

I think it was very cruel, controlling on your dh's part & hardhearted. A 22 month old does not have the ability to think through the consequences of how he will feel in a few hours. Just because you & dh thing it was a "nice" casserole doesn't mean it was appetizing to your baby boy. Also, you say he was sick which could have affected his appetite. I don't think a parent should make a different dinner for a child every night - but when a sick child asks for some milk & the parents send him to bed with nothing on his stomach...that's just mean. I realize it won't do him any permanent harm...but I couldn't sleep a wink knowing my child went to sleep with an empty, hungry belly & a sadness because he doesn't understand why his parents didn't feed him.

All kids go to bed sometimes without dinner because you just can't get them to eat anything, I understand that...but this is a case of a child asking for sustenance & being denied because big old Daddy decided to "put his foot down". JMO, you asked what we thought.

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Sep 20 2007, 09:05 PM) [snapback]416934[/snapback]
I don't send kids to bed without dinner either. If my kids won't eat what I've made for dinner I let them have a few chances to change their mind and give them a cup of milk before bed. Also, if he has a sore throat dinner may have hurt.

Parenting is so hard, sometimes I wonder if I'm too soft. :hug99:

Jenny...you are not soft...you are tender-hearted...the soul of a mother is to be tender to the needs of her children. 90% of the time my girls eat what I make. if they don't, then I prepare a fruit salad, pull some bread out of the freezer,slice some cheese & call it "French Dessert". That way they don't think I have made a different dinner, but they get some protein, carbs & fruit. I just could not send my girls to bed hungry (plus they would wake me in the middle of the night hungry. Dh & I both have been in the kitchen at 3am on the rare occasion, sitting on the rug feeding a toddler a bowl of cereal.)

 

If my children choose not to eat a meal then I will usually just offer wot we're having for dessert maybe cantaloup and give the one who didn't eat a yogurt. My girls wouldn't eat taco casserole, although it does sound yummy to me.

Then I would make sure they had something extra at supper maybe the peanut butter sandwich would have been good for protein.


amanda

 

You know, my kids are not used to 'normal' food yet. Has he eaten this before? My kids get some chances, but they always get some milk before bed. They do generally make up for not eating supper the next morning. If he is sick, I think exceptions should be made. I know I'm not into trying new things or perhaps eating certain kinds of food if I am sick. :hug99: It's hard when a precident has been set.

 

I just wanted to send a :hug99:

I think parenting is really hard and it's hard to know when to push and when to give in. Ultimately, you need to listen to your mommy-gut because 99.99% of the time it's right. Toddlers are picky eaters and there does come a time, IMO, that you have to put your foot down, and you know your kids better than anyone else and your mommy-gut will tell you when that time is.

Again, :hug99: I don't like to read such harsh criticisms about someone's parenting. We're all in this parenting thing trying to achieve the same goals and all want what is best for our children...

 

QUOTE(Stacy @ Sep 21 2007, 10:21 AM) [snapback]417379[/snapback]
I just wanted to send a :hug99:

I think parenting is really hard and it's hard to know when to push and when to give in. Ultimately, you need to listen to your mommy-gut because 99.99% of the time it's right. Toddlers are picky eaters and there does come a time, IMO, that you have to put your foot down, and you know your kids better than anyone else and your mommy-gut will tell you when that time is.

Again, :hug99: I don't like to read such harsh criticisms about someone's parenting. We're all in this parenting thing trying to achieve the same goals and all want what is best for our children...


I agree with Stacy 100%, go with your mommy instinct. You know your child best. I can't comment on this issue as my two are a bit younger and I have yet to get to this issue {though I am sure it's right around the corner! } I just wanted to send you some :hug99: !

 

My kids have gone without supper when they refuse to eat. We usually end up giving them a cup of milk and a vitamin and off they go.

:hug99: I think you need this!

 

QUOTE(Stacy @ Sep 21 2007, 07:21 AM) [snapback]417379[/snapback]
I just wanted to send a :hug99:

I think parenting is really hard and it's hard to know when to push and when to give in. Ultimately, you need to listen to your mommy-gut because 99.99% of the time it's right. Toddlers are picky eaters and there does come a time, IMO, that you have to put your foot down, and you know your kids better than anyone else and your mommy-gut will tell you when that time is.

Again, :hug99: I don't like to read such harsh criticisms about someone's parenting. We're all in this parenting thing trying to achieve the same goals and all want what is best for our children...


Stacy, I agree 100% with everything you said.

I think that he is no worse off. He was sick and sounds like not hungry anyway. Water would have been just as good as milk. Sometimes it is hard to be consistent with your partner and you did a great job supporting him in his parenting. It may be something you may want to discuss for future similar situations. Considering that he was sick, decide together if you two will handle it the same way or not. I think that because this is an issue that he has been doing for quite sometime (and not because he was sick) i would have done the same thing.

I believe that you should not listen to anyone who makes you feel bad about your decision. They were not there and we all parent differently. There is no clear "right" way to do this. I want you to know that you are a great mom and doing the best you can. :hug99: That's what we are ALL trying to do, the best we can.

 

Mine are almost 3 and if they don't eat what I've made for dinner then that's it. I don't prepare other meal options. If they are sick (as in throwing up or diarrhea) then I will make them something that will sit easier on their stomachs. If he wasn't feeling good, taco casserole may have made him feel worse. I would have given him the milk (if he wasn't throwing up, etc. and shouldn't have milk) or some pedialyte or something like that. Now I will tell you that mine often don't get dinner until they've cleaned up a mess they've made or something like that. Although that usually only delays dinner by about 30 minutes, not hours. I think your DH put you in a hard position when you got home from work! That would have been hard to deal with! :hug99:

 

If my kids choose to not eat their dinner when it's something I know that they like, then I have no problem sending them to bed without dinner. If they are sick, I am a little more lenient and might offer a bowl of oatmeal before bed.

If it was something new that he had never had before, I certainly would not expect him to like it or eat. I think babies/toddlers need to be exposed to a food several times (i think I have read 8 times) before they will adopt it. I believe the toddler years are really tough when it comes to food. I know that it is a daily struggle in our home. I try to include at least one item that I know they like, that way they will hopefully eat something off their plate. Sometimes this works other times not so much.

There really isn't a right or wrong decision in your situation. It's just a matter of what you are personally comfortable with.

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Sep 20 2007, 10:05 PM) [snapback]416934[/snapback]
I don't send kids to bed without dinner either. If my kids won't eat what I've made for dinner I let them have a few chances to change their mind and give them a cup of milk before bed. Also, if he has a sore throat dinner may have hurt.

Parenting is so hard, sometimes I wonder if I'm too soft. :hug99:


I do the exact same thing. I just can't do it. Needless to say, we go through a lot of milk around here.

 

I'd just like to add some background why I feel so strongly about this issue. I have serious eating issues as a child. My mom would feed me something different almost every night, starting in toddlerhood. My stepfather decided to put his foot down & insist I eat or go to bed hungry. Mom took me to a pedi who agreed with my stepfather. Against her mothering instincts & subjected to my SF's bullying Mom followed the plan, only sneaking me things I would eat when my SF was not home. 9 days later I ended up in the hospital with IV nutrition & the seed planted for a eating disorder that stalked me into my mid 30's. My parents got into a power struggle with a 3 year old over food. I won the battle & the prize was an unhealthy relationship with food. I won't fight with my kids over food, I won't take a hardline about it. I will provide them a wide range of healthy food & if they won't eat what I serve, I will provide them with a different choice. I would never fix a dinner without making sure there is something I know each of them will enjoy eating - even if it is only bread & fruit. I still remember feeling so hungry as a child, wanting to please my parents & eat, but just not being able to make myself eat.

I just ask you to think through the process...what if he does this tonight, tomorrow night, the next night? What if he starts to lose weight? He is still a baby, still teething & not able to tell you how he feels. I still recommend being a little softer about the issue.

 

i have done this to DD before. she likes to not eat her dinner and then ask for food... it drives me nuts!!!

 

QUOTE(FirstTimeMom814 @ Sep 21 2007, 08:02 AM) [snapback]417429[/snapback]
If my kids choose to not eat their dinner when it's something I know that they like, then I have no problem sending them to bed without dinner. If they are sick, I am a little more lenient and might offer a bowl of oatmeal before bed.

If it was something new that he had never had before, I certainly would not expect him to like it or eat. I think babies/toddlers need to be exposed to a food several times (i think I have read 8 times) before they will adopt it. I believe the toddler years are really tough when it comes to food. I know that it is a daily struggle in our home. I try to include at least one item that I know they like, that way they will hopefully eat something off their plate. Sometimes this works other times not so much.

There really isn't a right or wrong decision in your situation. It's just a matter of what you are personally comfortable with.


I totally agree with Trish and this is how we typically approach dinner time as well.

 

I would have let him go to bed without eating any dinner if he didn't want it, but I wouldn't deny him his milk as a punishment for not eating. For one thing, I think it's counterproductive as far as encouraging a good relationship to food. For another, I don't think that kind of cause-and-effect really sinks in with a child this age.

However, your DH definitely put you in a tough position, and letting your DS go to bed without dinner for one night certainly won't hurt him. He probably won't even remember it. But it sounds like you and your DH should talk about how to deal with this issue in future (and whether the rules still apply when the kids are sick), so you don't wind up arguing between yourselves about it.

:hug99: The eating thing (as well as parenting in general) is so tough.

 

I agree. Way to young for that type of punishment and then he is sick on top of it. I would have given him what he wanted.

 

I agree with pp...when my girls are sick or not feeling well, they normally eat whatever they want that they ACTUALLY want to eat. we have been going through teething molars...so some days they eat hardly anything and then the next day they eat me out of house and home. I would've given your DS the milk at least. You never know, maybe his tummy hurt or he was feeling nausea or something like that so I'm sure that taco casserole (no matter how good you thought it was..lol) was nasty sounding/smelling to him.

I hope that he feels better soon

 

If my oldest DD, she's almost 7, doesn't eat dinner then that is her choice. I make one dinner and that is it, I am not a short order cook. However, if Emilie and Trevor don't eat, I will offer them a small snack later because I do feel they are too young to understand this. Plus kids that age are pretty picky and I know my two will eat something one day and then the next day not eat it. But I would not deny milk before bed. But as they get older, yes, if they don't eat what is for dinner that will be it, of course that will be when they can understand that.

I don't think the no dinner before bed was harsh, but I would not have denied him milk. He won't starve from going to bed without dinner. As many people have said parenting is hard and sometimes we have to give tough love and that is not easy. :hug99:

 

QUOTE(BellaRissa @ Sep 21 2007, 03:40 PM) [snapback]417480[/snapback]
I'd just like to add some background why I feel so strongly about this issue. I have serious eating issues as a child. My mom would feed me something different almost every night, starting in toddlerhood. My stepfather decided to put his foot down & insist I eat or go to bed hungry. Mom took me to a pedi who agreed with my stepfather. Against her mothering instincts & subjected to my SF's bullying Mom followed the plan, only sneaking me things I would eat when my SF was not home. 9 days later I ended up in the hospital with IV nutrition & the seed planted for a eating disorder that stalked me into my mid 30's. My parents got into a power struggle with a 3 year old over food. I won the battle & the prize was an unhealthy relationship with food. I won't fight with my kids over food, I won't take a hardline about it. I will provide them a wide range of healthy food & if they won't eat what I serve, I will provide them with a different choice. I would never fix a dinner without making sure there is something I know each of them will enjoy eating - even if it is only bread & fruit. I still remember feeling so hungry as a child, wanting to please my parents & eat, but just not being able to make myself eat.

I just ask you to think through the process...what if he does this tonight, tomorrow night, the next night? What if he starts to lose weight? He is still a baby, still teething & not able to tell you how he feels. I still recommend being a little softer about the issue.

THis is awful :hug99: to you. I hate that you had to go through such trauma. I know how devastating an eating disorder can be....

 

Wow! I also think your DH put you in a bad position. When my kiddos are sick all those kinds of rules are thrown out the door!

I also agree to go with your gut. You proabably knew it was not right to not let him have milk.

Here is my motto with toddlers and being picky. It is OUR job to provide and serve good good. It is THEIR job to to eat it. That being said, I make one meal for all of us, and I make sure there is ONE thing that they like for sure in the meal (even if it means a side of apple sauce or throwing a hot dog on the grill with our steak). I refuse to get into a battle with my kdis over food. It just is not worth it. They are not going to starve or have bad eating habits if they don't want to eat taco casserole at 2 years (with a cold at hand!). BUT, I do not allow my kids to eat dessert if they have not touched their dinner either.

I would not beat yourself up over this. We are human, we all make mistakes. Live and learn, ya know? I can remember one time with each of my kids that I had them CIO when I should not have in that particular situation. We all make mistakes. If I were you I would have a conversation with DH on why you felt he should have had the milk and make sure you are on the same page for the future and move on. Hugs to you! Being a mommy is hard work! :hug99:

 

This is one of the hardest issues for us!
We have finally come to decide that if they (5 & 7) don't eat what I create - or any healthy part of it - then their only options are raw broccoli and carrots and cheerios. They LIKE raw broccoli, carrots and cheerios, so it's not that mean. If they don't eat those - then no dessert and they can be hungry.

What we do not tollerate is "I HATE...." phrases at the supper table. That drives me crazy to hear it EVERY night after I worked hard to cook it!

 

William frequently goes to bed without dinner (or not a lot of it). He is a very light eater and sometimes he just doesn't want to eat it even if it is a favorite of his. When the other kids get their snack he is offered a glass of milk. On very rare occasions when i think something may have been over seasoned and this is why he isn't eating, I will give him 2 Nilla wafers where his other siblings will get 4. William is barely hanging on to the weight charts, but I am not going to force him to eat dinner, nor am I going to let him live on snack foods.