Going to start CIO tonight.

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by Kaie05, Jul 24, 2009.

  1. Kaie05

    Kaie05 Well-Known Member

    Three weeks ago I was so frustrated with Ryleigh and her sleeping habits (or lack of) that I put her in her crib at 9am (first nap) one morning and just let her cry (did it ALL by myself! DH was at work)- it lasted 15 minutes and she's the BEST sleeper ever now. She naps for 2/3 hours at a time and sleeps 12 hours at night, and as soon as she's in her crib she put her head and sucks on her fingers- perfect sleeper. However, her little, and more sensitive, sister is starting these awful sleeping habits that made me so frustrated with Ryleigh. Marleigh fights to go to sleep, naps and at bedtime. We have to soothe her to sleep- ie, put her on our chest and pat her butt, put her in our bed and pat her butt, etc. Lately she's been staying awake for 2 hours or more because she just won't sleep and I try so hard to get her to sleep and when she finally does she sleeps for 45 minutes, when it took me 45 to get her to sleep- pointless. DH has mentioned so many times that we need to let her cry, I've tried twice and she's WAY worse than Ryleigh was. She's tomato red, breathing fast, real tears screaming at the top of her lungs. So I've said that Marleigh isn't ready for CIO, she can't self soothe and she's too sensitive. Well, I've reached the point that I think she needs to learn to go to bed. Bed means bed, and nap means nap.
    But, I'm scared. Ryleigh was a piece of cake and Marleigh isn't going to be. So, I told DH that tonight we need to start CIO with her. He's going to let me leave the house, but I need some advice/tips first.

    *How long should we let her cry for?
    *On other problem is that she sleeps on this maternity pillow that I slept with, she has since was 1 month old in her crib. Should we leave that in there while doing this, or put her on her mattress in the crib? I feel like if we take the pillow out it's really going to screw her up and make it harder.
    *At what point do we take her out of the crib and not let her cry anymore?
    *If she wakes up during the night (she goes to bed around 8/9pm and usually wakes between 4/6 for a bottle and then back to bed) what should I do?
    *If she falls asleep while crying but wakes up 45 minutes later, what should we do?
    *PLEASE reassure me that she'll be ok :(

    Sorry for so many questions, but I'm so nervous about this.
  2. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    Answers above. I am a little concerned that she might be too young and lack the self-soothing ability necessary - just based on your post and your observations. I posted the other day that you may consider letting her sleep in a swing or bouncy or something until she is more able to soothe herself. That said, if you believe that this is the right time, my answers are above.
  3. Kaie05

    Kaie05 Well-Known Member

    She won't sleep in her swing, they both hate swings and their boppies as well. She knows to suck on her fingers but is a paci baby, but when she's going to sleep she doesn't rely on her fingers like Ryleigh- she relies on her pacifier. If it comes out, she cries. So the only thing I'm concerned about it that she will not go to sleep with CIO because her paci will obviously fall out.

    Should we also do cip for her naps after tonight?
  4. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    Oh, the no liking the swing thing would have killed me!

    Can she put a paci in her mouth? I'd put like 12 in the crib with her all around so she can hopefully find one. And then just let her figure it out.

    We did naps at the same time as nighttime CIO, but I know a lot of people did one or the other first. We just went cold-turkey. No more swings, naps and nighttime in the crib. We did it at 7 months. My DS was the one who was tough, and it really didn't go too badly. First night was rough, then a lot better.
  5. Kaie05

    Kaie05 Well-Known Member

    Yea they hate swings, so glad we bought two- NOT! We will probably do naps too at this point.
  6. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    I dont think you can teach it this young. Learning to self soothe comes from maturity and she is probably not there yet. I know that you are frustrated and this isnt what you want to hear, but I think she needs more time. :tomato:

  7. christie76

    christie76 Well-Known Member

    I have to agree that she might be too young to self-soothe. Have you tried swaddling? The Miracle Blankets were a lifesaver for us. I think I started using them around 3 months or so and wish I had from the beginning. Could you try rocking her for a little while until she seems sleepy, but is still awake and then put her down? I would take the pillow out of the crib as well. I might do a modified CIO to start. Going in just to reinsert paci and pat/shush. I also had issues with Ellie, who is my binky baby. Her sister is a thumb sucker and I really think that's why she was able to self-soothe so much younger. Good luck with whatever you do.
  8. Kleppard

    Kleppard Well-Known Member

    Can I ask how old your babies are?? I'm also debating starting CIO. MY DS has become dependant on sleeping with me and now has temper tantrums until I take him to bed with me. Both babies also only nap 45 minutes and end up miserable because they have not had enough sleep. I tried CIO at nap time and both babies and me ended up hysterical after 10 minutes and I gave up *sigh*. My babies are also soother babies and I worry about CIO because they are still too young to find their soothers in the crib. Hugs because I know what you are going through!!
  9. tinalb

    tinalb Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I'm also afraid she may not be ready. You want her to sleep, because it is super frustrating, I totally understand that but if she doesn't have the capability of self soothing yet it could just be traumatic for you & for her. :hug: I know it's super hard, but she may just need more time. If you do decide to go with CIO, let us know how it goes! :hug:
  10. piccologirl

    piccologirl Well-Known Member

    i agree that she may not be mature enough, although i'm sure that's not what you want to hear. we had such a frustrating time for a few weeks there between when owen was letting us know he was ready for the crib and when he was actually capable of self soothing enough to CIO.

    we went through such frustration and our boys weren't ready at the same time, either. in fact jacob was ready to self-soothe and CIO a full 6 weeks before we could try it with owen. owen is our sensitive guy, too, and he would cry himself to a vomit when we first tried, which is why we put it off for another 6 weeks. even now we listen very carefully if he fusses because we know he's more likely than his brother to work himself up too far.

    but you really do have to be ready to commit. i hate CIO with every fiber of my being but it's the only thing that works for us. our guys refuse to settle if they're being rocked or held, they're just independent sleepers. and jacob is only just now at a point where he'll lie down and chat softly to himself until he's ready to sleep. owen still puts up a full blown fit for about 10 minutes every single night. i hate hearing it and i want nothing more than to go help him stop, but we've learned that he learns to cry for exactly the amount of time it takes us to return and trying to help him stop just set his timer back to zero and lengthens the total amount of time he cries.

    which is why you can't set a time limit if you decide to do CIO. now, if the crying starts to sound frantic or you hear coughing or you suspect vomiting you absolutely should go check. but barring that, as long as it's just a vocal protest, you have to be consistent.

    CIO has been the hardest decision we've ever made because as a parent it goes against your instinct to not respond to the crying. but as PP said, it's crueler to let her cry for an hour and then give her affection when it's too much for you. you set back her progress and it makes her hour of crying for nothing.
  11. lawilliams77

    lawilliams77 Well-Known Member

    This is really an informative and helpful thread. We aren't old enough to do CIO but I've been wanting to learn more about it. You all have explained so much, super, super helpful. I never had this kind of access to info and support with my older kids. What a blessing all of you are.
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