Hard time falling asleep

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by jolcia17, Nov 27, 2013.

  1. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    My 3 year old twins (will be 3 in January) are having a hard time falling asleep at night. They were always great sleepers and still are, except that lately it takes them about 1.5 hrs of tossing and turning before they fall asleep. We still do the same routine as always, nothing has changed. We transferred them to regular beds from cribs in June, but I feel like in the beginning we didn't have this issue. When we transferred them to regular beds I started laying down with them in order for them to fall asleep, when they were in cribs they always went to sleep on their own. I feel like in the beginning the bed transfer was easier for us. Now it seems as if they are just not ready for bad. We lay down usually close to 9 and it will be close to 11 when they do fall asleep. It's nuts and I don't know how to change this. They still nap at daytime. Is it time to get rid of naps?? I just feel like if I do they will be crabby by 5. And I think they like nap time and our day is so much better with it.

    I just need help with this night time sleep issue. I find myself yelling at them and getting frustrated and I hate that so much that it affects me this way. Any advice?

    Plus, since I was getting frustrated and exhausted of being with them trying to get them to sleep for 2 hrs I told them they will be going to sleep on their own from now on. And that went good today. They went on their own, however, they still took 2 hours to fall asleep. So it don't matter if I am in the room with them or not.

    Ughhh really need to figure this out because it's driving me crazy :(( help please!
     
  2. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Cutting out naps made bedtime so much easier for us. Bedtime was a complete nightmare for us, and once we cut out naps, we were golden! They cut out naps before they were 3 as well. It's worth a try; if you do it for a few weeks and find that they're still out of sorts, then you could always go back to a sleep time, maybe a shorter version?
     
  3. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    ^ ditto and for my daughter it was right after she turned 2! We can always tell when they take naps at daycare because they are all wound up at bedtime and take forever to fall asleep, without it they're out within 10 mins:)
     
  4. eagleswings216

    eagleswings216 Well-Known Member

    We had this issue right before cutting out naps, too, which was around 2.5 for us.  Once we cut out naps, my boys will go to bed earlier and sack right out and sleep all night.  Honestly, I enjoy the freedom of not working around naps and having them go to bed earlier gives me more me time in the evenings.  Sometimes they are a bit cranky in the evenings, but overall, it works MUCH better this way.
     
  5. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    Ok I was wondering if it's maybe time to get rid of the naps. Maybe that's where the problem is. Okay we will try. I'll let you ladies know how it goes. Thank you for the replies.
     
  6. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I also enjoyed the freedom from naps. Occasionally the boys would be crabby late in the afternoon, but it was definitely worth putting up with that vs. struggling with them all evening.
     
  7. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    We decided not to eliminate naps completely. We do quiet time after lunch and all snuggle up on the big bed, I draw the curtains and create a peaceful atmosphere and I will read to them or we will listen to audiobooks for about 45 minutes. This gives the children the opportunity to fall asleep if they need it, and one of mine (nearly 4.5 now) still often does while the other stays awake and gets to chat very quietly with me or goes to play alone for a bit. If one or both of the kids fall asleep I do limit the nap to about one hour, this seems to be the limit for naptime not disrupting bedtime.
     
    This approach is also flexible enough that they will last through the day without quiet time or a nap if we have something else to do. It is not as strict as naptime but gives them an opportunity to catch up on sleep if they need it.
     
  8. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    Ok everyone, I'm back and I still HATE bed time :(((
    It seems like I changed things and nothing has helped.
    1. If they take a nap, they have a hard time falling asleep at night.
    2. If they don't take a nap, they have a hard time falling asleep at night.
    3. Doesn't matter if I'm with them in the room or not, they have a hard time falling asleep at night.

    Lately I do what Happy June wrote. We just lay down in the afternoon, draw the curtains and we watch cartoons. Sometimes they fall asleep sometimes not. If they do I limit their time also. But either way it doesn't matter if they nap or not cuz when it comes to bed time, if I don't yell at them, they will not calm down.

    They eat fine, have a bed time routine, share a room. ( Don't want to separate the rooms so please no advise on that). They sleep 12 hours once they do fall asleep but it takes them about an hour to do so.
     
  9. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    I just feel so frustrated lately and do stressed out about bed time cuz this has been going on for so long. I feel like I'm yelling at them every night and hate that so much about myself. What do I do??
     
  10. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    If it's an hour every night, can you work that into the bedtime routine? Our girls have "quiet" time in their room every night, after the bedtime routine but before lights out. They know they aren't allowed to call for us unless it's an emergency or leave their room unless they're going to the bathroom. They're allowed to look at books, play quietly with their dolls, or color. That way DH and I are "off call" the same time we've always been and we aren't fighting the girls to sleep every night. They seem to need and benefit from that wind down period.
     
  11. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Separating them for bedtime (they still share a room) and taking away the novelty of having someone else in the room was what worked for us. Put each kid to bed individually and make sure the first one is asleep before you bring the second one in.
     
  12. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    Sorry this def won't work for us. There is no way one will go to sleep without the other.
     
  13. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    Miss bossy how long is quiet time? And do they fall asleep right away after you turn off the lights? I just think my kids play too much with each other when they know they are supposed to sleep
     
  14. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I don't mean to sound discouraging here, but it might come across that way. Bedtime for us was an absolute nightmare for a long time. We couldn't separate the boys, we couldn't institute quiet time, we couldn't do anything except let them play themselves out. It sucked. In retrospect, I wish I had just not fought it, and just let them hang out and wind down on their own because I think the whole amped up stressed out routine on my end only lengthened their transition period.
     
    That's not to say that there isn't a method that will work for you, but also consider that this is another one of those frustrating phases of development that will run it's course no matter what action you take. In that case, bust out the wine at wind-down time and let them do their thing.
     
  15. jolcia17

    jolcia17 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the laugh :)

    You said was...is it better now?

    So I should just let them wind down even if it takes them 2 hours every night? I really think it will be 2 if I won't be in the room with them. Am I not supposed to go in there at all?

    I just personally feel that kids at age 3 should not be up past 9 P.M. When mine don't nap they are usually asleep before 9. If they do nap, it's after9.
     
  16. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    It took reassurance and some tears (about 2 weeks on and off) but I don't think it's too unreasonable at 3 to start some separation from their siblings. Realistically, they aren't sleeping now. You have nothing to lose by trying something new.
     
  17. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

     
    It is better now, and honestly it was a year or so of nightmare bedtimes. It just wasn't' something they were capable of for whatever reason. You could try separating them like Michelle said; we had no success with that, but that doesn't mean you won't after a little trial period. And like she said; they're not sleeping now, so you have nothing to lose! I personally didn't think kids should be up past 9 either, but they had different ideas and no matter what we tried it was a struggle, so I just wish I had stopped struggling, you know? Now they go to bed usually without drama and are usually asleep at 8 pm.
     
  18. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    We usually give them about 30 minutes. Sometimes they fall asleep before quiet time ends, sometimes 15-30 minutes after.

    I think Jen's suggestion about not engaging in the struggle is a good one. You can't *force* your children to sleep, all you can do is provide an appropriate place at an appropriate time - the rest is up to them. No point in making yourself crazy.
     
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