Hospital Visitors

Argh...I am starting to think about this and am SO worried about being overwhelmed. I know my mom is going to come down as soon as I call and let her know the babies are coming. She's almost a 6 hour drive away. I know she's planning on staying awhile but has so far been very aware of the need to give us some space too. It's the rest! I think pretty much everyone in my family is planning on coming right away- I have someone flying in around their estimated arrival date even! So there's my family who can be very overwhelming and they are very dominant compared to my husband's family. Considering I am the mom, maybe this is just wrong of me but I feel a bit that my own family has a little more "right" to come to the hospital and see me/the babies. Now, my husband's family is only an hour away. I know his mom will be coming pretty quick and that's fine...we want her to come up and let the dogs out anyway in case the birth takes a super long time so they're not left in the house for hours and hours. If it's daytime we will probably try to drop them at the boarder, but otherwise they need care too! But then his mom was on the phone (speakerphone) saying how his sister "plans" on coming right away...is it wrong that I really just don't want his sister there right when they are born? And who knows who else? I'm already frustrated about this. Even my dad (who lives across the country) is going to wait about a month until the crowd dies down and said he'll only come a few days because he knows more would be too much!

I know I'm going to be tired and these babies are going to probably be smaller and more delicate than a single baby. For everyone else, the idea of twins is that much more exciting. I feel like it'll be a month before we will be able to sit down, just the two (four!!) of us, and really absorb it all, you know? I also feel like the dogs are going to need time to adjust and it'll be hard with all the people.

But I am SO bad at saying no to people and he main ones I want to say no to are his family, which makes it harder to get him to do that since there's not as many of them as there are of mine!!

 

If you have a real excited family, like mine, you will have a lot of visitors, especially since its twins. Not only at the hospital, but at home. It is very tiring and certainly you have every right to be a little worried. I was so tired the day after I had my girls that I couldn't help it and slept most of the time my family was there (they weren't there to see me anyway so it was okay ) I had a whole room full of people the next day and I was sooooo glad to see them leave even though I loved them dearly. However, when my family came over to the house, they helped out. They weren't just there to hold the babies and make me miserable, they washed dishes, cooked, washed clothes, so even though it was overwhelming, they did so much to help. My DH pretty much was the referee for me. When I needed to rest, i just told everyone that I was going to sleep and left DH to tend to the company. As far as I know, everyone understood and helped oout with the babies while I slept. They also were warned that if was too much, my DH would politely ask them to leave. So, my advice is to have a game plan with DH and have him help you tell people when it's just too much and they need to go. Most will understand! Also, they need to understand that the house may be a wreck and you aren't providing a soup kitchen for the visitors. I think if your DH will help regulate the traffic it will be much more enjoyable for you.

 

Right. I mean, I plan on breast feeding and I do not plan on doing it in front of people at the hospital (or at my home for that matter)...so they're going to have to go. I'm just hoping that they will see that and not need it constantly spelled out for them. And I have read that some people are bleeding so much in the hospital that they leave a trail to the bathroom. I don't need visitors for that either!

 

Oh, and his family has been so generally uninvolved the whole time. His mom hasn't visited us in almost 2 months (she came to my shower and was the only one in his family who showed up aside from his aunt...his sisters did not come even though they also live under an hour away) and his sister wants us to come to them to visit. He tells them to come here but we're not driving an hour away at this point. So they never call or come by for the entire pregnancy but they think I want to welcome them to the hospital when they want to come. It's irritating to me. I just think it's kind of rude.

 

We had lots of people at the hospital. I was completely unaware that the waiting room was packed because only immediate family was allowed back in L&D and then only 2 at a time. After the girls were born we had our fair share of visitors and I let the nurses play the bad guys. If it was time to feed or if it got out of control the nurses would come in and clean house. :laughing: Make friends with your nurses and tell them (or have DH tell them) to help you out. Most will since it hinders their job too. Now the day we went home was a different story. We left the hospital on a Saturday and 42, yes... 42people came to our house that day. :faint: It was a circus!

 

:hug: I know this must be really stressful!! The hospital usually won't allow visitors during feeding...they have times set aside and no visitors are allowed during that period of time...or that is at least how the hospitals around here handle that. Also, yes you do bleed, but it won't be just mass amounts. Pads generally take care of it, sure you have the token few that have more than normal, but most women can take care of that with simple pads. And the hospital will give you super duper grandma pads that soak up like 5 gallons of water...joys you have to look forward to Also, there is nothing wrong with telling family that they need to wait X number of days before visiting. Sure, you will make some mad...but they'll get over it.

 

Either put your foot down now or have your toes stepped on later. This is a matter of respect and what you need for yourself and your family is the only thing that counts. But you and your DH have to decide what you want and then enforce it. People, especially family, need to understand that. The only ones who can get that point across is you. This may sound harsh and maybe folks won't agree with me but how you want to deal with all these changes is the only how that counts. For the record, I had visitors in the hospital 2 at a time for no more than an hour, our boys were in the NICU so they were only seeing me. Most of my family is in town so my parents/my mom in law and siblings didn't come to the hospital, they came to the house after calling and checking. I understand having folks frm out of town come, but you should still set up a visitation schedule so that they ae not all ther at once, unless that is what you want. Good luck.

 

This is what I needed to know. You will be breastfeeding someone all the time in the beginning. You will not have time for any visitors that cannot see your breasts. Let them know that you need time with them in the beginning and invite them over for a specific period- say when they are 3 weeks old or so.