How do you get your children asleep when your alone?

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by SpinDaisy, Aug 19, 2008.

  1. SpinDaisy

    SpinDaisy Well-Known Member

    I sit here typing this in tears cause my girls are crying in their beds. My DH works 2nd shift so I am all alone with my girls at night. When my girls were born..my mother was with me for 13 weeks to help with the girls and to help me with my ppd. Then DH mother came up from Florida to see them and ended up staying until last week. So yes...i was very spoiled with the help, and my girls had one on one time and ofcourse held all the time. Now...I am alone and I can't rock them both, and I know they are tired so tired. They are cutting teeth, and real clingy to me. I think we are going thru the separation anxienty now. What do I do....I have no family here or friends where I live. I am so tired....I can't keep doing this everyday....Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for letting me vent.
     
  2. TwinLove

    TwinLove Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Spindaisy @ Aug 19 2008, 08:56 PM) [snapback]937964[/snapback]
    I sit here typing this in tears cause my girls are crying in their beds. My DH works 2nd shift so I am all alone with my girls at night. When my girls were born..my mother was with me for 13 weeks to help with the girls and to help me with my ppd. Then DH mother came up from Florida to see them and ended up staying until last week. So yes...i was very spoiled with the help, and my girls had one on one time and ofcourse held all the time. Now...I am alone and I can't rock them both, and I know they are tired so tired. They are cutting teeth, and real clingy to me. I think we are going thru the separation anxienty now. What do I do....I have no family here or friends where I live. I am so tired....I can't keep doing this everyday....Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for letting me vent.



    First off, many :hug99:'s to you Heather. I'm sorry all this is happening, but it's okay... you are doing a fantastic job. :hug99:
    It sounds like everything is happening all at once. Your help left, cutting teeth and seperation anxiety. We can't do anything about the help, but have you given them anything for their teething? Tylenol? Or my savior, motrin? How do you usually put them to bed? rocking? Just lay them down? If you rock them, maybe you can leave on in another bedroom in an exasaucer or bring the bouncy seat into the room with you and rock one and bounce the other in the seat. Worst case, they'll cry until they fall asleep. I'm not sure if that's the route you want to take, but it won't be the end of the world either. :hug99: :hug99:
     
  3. dtomecko

    dtomecko Well-Known Member

    Ugh, from what I've heard 4 mos & 8 mos are rough patches when it comes to putting your babies to sleep. I can certainly vouch for the 4 mo phase! After about 3 weeks, they finally seem so much better. Before that, I don't know that I could have put them to bed alone either. Plus with the teething and all, you're in a real rough patch. Hopefully somebody with older babies will have better advice, but all I can say is try some Tylenol or Ibuprofen (whichever will make them sleepier!) and do what you can to soothe them. Maybe even separating them so you can work on one in one room, while the other cries in another room. When I try to put my babies down for naps lately, I put my daughter in her crib and blast the sound clip of a hairdryer on CD (the real thing works fine too). Then I'd soothe my son on my bed in the other room. (We do something similar at night and once we're sure they're both sleeping, we move my son to his crib). If you did something like this, you at least wouldn't hear the cries as much which makes the situation all the more stressful. I would imagine this is as rough as it gets - bad phase, sleep problems, teething, separation anxiety, getting used to putting them to bed alone. Once you get through it (and you will) you'll be superwoman, and so much more confident about any new phase that pops up. Good luck!
     
  4. pattymartin

    pattymartin Well-Known Member

    Please know you are doing soooooo good. We all have to remind ourselves this, I keep telling myself that anyway. I just had to do this for the first time 2 nights ago. I used the pack and play for ds while I fed dd. Yes he screamed his head off. I am starting to come to the realization that babies cry and I think twins will cry more there just isn't enough arms some days and that it is okay. I was very spoiled for help as well but you will do great and you will be so proud of yourself. Big hugs.
     
  5. Dianna

    Dianna Well-Known Member

    :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

    Are you giving them anything for teething? That might help a little bit. Could you put them in bed with you? I know that is not something everyone wants to do but I know for me some nights just makes everyone a bit happier.

    Dianna
     
  6. Jody_527

    Jody_527 Well-Known Member

    :hug99: to you, I know being alone is rough, when my husband works the late shift I have to but my boys to bed alone. What works for me is I usually take them for a drive or walk in the evening first, then put them in their swings. I choose the crankiest first for their bath and give the other one a toy in their swing, something to distract them for a few minutes while I bath the other boy. sometimes the bouncy chair with the tv on a cartoon channel. I make sure to get bottles ready and when the bath is over give that one a bottle propped up with a receiving blanket. by the time I have the second one bathed the first one is almost asleep from the warm bath and then do the same for both, taking them out to burp and then to their cribs. Good Luck to you, Im sure you are doing a great job!
     
  7. Marya

    Marya Well-Known Member

    You are asking the very question I constantly have. I have been very lucky and usually have my mother during the days and husband at night. My mom is going to ba out of town a couple of days this month and a week next month...and she really needs to get her life back! I can usually get them napping during a walk but I don't think 3 walks a day is the solution! I am going to try getting one down and then the other and see if that works. Often one is more tired then the other so I am going to start with that. Good luck!
     
  8. *Sully*

    *Sully* Well-Known Member

    If I was alone I would rock DD in my arms and put DS in the bouncy seat in front of me with the vibrate on and bounce him with my foot. DD was/is also my swing baby and I could do that up until a month or so ago, but didn't really need to at night. She was easy, he was not. Are you going in and soothing them or letting them cry? We could never stand to let them cry for too long, but we've let them work it out sometimes.

    When I'm alone now I joke with people that it's like tag team crying. Whichever baby I'm with is fine and the other screams bloody murder. :( DD can hold her bottle now and that helps tremendously.

    Hang in there! You are doing a great job and it is hard to go from having lots of help to none. :hug99:

    Oh and we used motrin as soon as the Ped ok'd it and the soothing drops. My LC told me that good chamomile rubbed on the gums and under the tongue helps and it did for DD.
     
  9. DATJMom

    DATJMom Well-Known Member

    :hug99: to you Heather. I am sorry that you are having to go through this. But the good thing is that you all will adjust. You will have few rough patches and then things will even out for you.

    First off, develop a bedtime routine if you dont have one. This will help them know what is next for them to get to bed.

    I totally second giving some Motrin. That might help them relax if they can get a break from the teething pain and make it easier to get them to dreamland.

    Do you lay them down awake or have you been rocking them to sleep?

    DH travels for work so I did a lot of nights on my own. At that age if I was alone, I would prepare a bottle, then I would bathe them together, and then take them to their room. Then I would get them dressed and put them in their bouncys. I would feed them a bottle at the same time and then read them a few books while still in the bouncy. Then I would pick them up and rock them for a few minutes together on my lap and then put them in their cribs awake with some lullaby music going in the background until the fell asleep.

    You can do this. It will just take time for you all to get into a routine. :hug99:
     
  10. SpinDaisy

    SpinDaisy Well-Known Member

    I would like to thank all of you for your kind words and great advice. I am giving them motrin for their teething, along with cold teethers to chew on. I finally had to go in and get Caitlynn last night. She was crying so hard and trying to catch her breath. Kiersten is the easier one. She will cry and fuss for a little, but she can get herself to sleep. As soon as I came out to the living room with Caitlynn she laid her head on my chest and fell asleep. She is my little fighter. So strong willed at 8 months old!! I will be in trouble when she gets older!! Once asleep they both sleep thru the night so I am thankful for that. Caitlynn has always been rocked to sleep. This is just a habit I will have to work on breaking. I feel guilty rocking her when Kiersten is in her bed fussing too. Anyhoo...thank you all very much!!
     
  11. sbcowell

    sbcowell Well-Known Member

    It really depends what you want to do. If you want to continue to rock them to sleep then I think you have some good advice here, using swings or bouncy chairs or even a bit of baby einstein to keep the other one occupied while you rock the first one.
    However at 8mnths of age I might consider letting them fuss/cry a bit and see if they can start putting themselves to sleep on their own. Perhaps you could try this out at naps first and see how it goes?
    That is great that they sttn! yeah for that!

    HOpe things get better soon - big hugs.
     
  12. beg4books

    beg4books Member

    I understand what you go through. My DH works shift work as well, and the weeks he works second....oh, I dread. I have found that separating them helps. I have one that is passive and will whine and pout when she is tired, then the other flat out screams. So I try to get the screamer to bed first, she is quite impatient, so getting her asleep first eases my anxiety. I put her sister in her bed in the other room, like I said she will whine until I can get to her, but after 2 weeks of doing this, the passive sis is putting herself to sleep before I even get her screaming sister to sleep. I do feel guilty b/c the one takes so much more attention than the other, but I just try to do what works. Just know you are doing an excellent job. I read a little quote in my Mother's devotional today. "Patience grows stronger with regular use. Did your patience get a workout today?" lol oh, the workout Mother's get.
     
  13. Bridgett

    Bridgett Well-Known Member

    I always wonder about this as well. Sometime my dh will have to travel. Since the girls have been born he traveled out of town once but his mom, who lives just 2 minutes away, came over to help me get them to bed. He also can usually send some of his guys out so he doesn't have to but I know some time soon he will have to travel. I want to try to put them to bed by myself sometime when he's there so that I can have this down. It is much easier with 2 people though. I often envy parents of singletons because they can hold them all day if they want to keep them calm. We can't do that.

    I think the bedtime routine (at least for us) is key. We do the same thing every single night. We feed them dinner (cereal, veg and bottle) at 6:15, baths start at 6:45, then top off at 7:15 and then they are in bed at 7:30. The bath really calms then down and I do a massage with lotion before putting on their pj's on. They are asleep within 5 minutes. They are already starting to get sleepy when we give them the last top off bottle so I'm going to try propping the bottle for one while feeding and getting the other one to bed, then I'll get the other one to bed. Before the baths, we already have their clock radio on in their room that has nature sounds - we play the ocean waves all night. We also have the blinds closed and their night light on. We have everything ready for bed before we start the baths because it all happens so fast.

    Good luck and keep up the good work - you're doing great!
     
  14. lisaessman@verizon.net

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

    It will be tough for you since your babies are used to one on one time. Unfortunately, you may have to let them cry a bit b/c you can't be with both all of the time. It seems impossible, but you will get past this and they will get used to their new routine. From past experience I would say that you need to try to get them to soothe themselves now and continue with it even when you do have help. They know you are there, they know you love them, and they will eventually get used to sharing you.

    A few months ago someone posted that she often thinks of herself as a nurse in the baby nursery and it makes her feel better when one of them is crying and she can't get to them. As long as their imediate needs are being met, that is all you can do right away. You have to stay calm and just do what you can. Hang in there.... :)
     
  15. butterfly02

    butterfly02 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Spindaisy @ Aug 19 2008, 08:56 PM) [snapback]937964[/snapback]
    I sit here typing this in tears cause my girls are crying in their beds. My DH works 2nd shift so I am all alone with my girls at night. When my girls were born..my mother was with me for 13 weeks to help with the girls and to help me with my ppd. Then DH mother came up from Florida to see them and ended up staying until last week. So yes...i was very spoiled with the help, and my girls had one on one time and ofcourse held all the time. Now...I am alone and I can't rock them both, and I know they are tired so tired. They are cutting teeth, and real clingy to me. I think we are going thru the separation anxienty now. What do I do....I have no family here or friends where I live. I am so tired....I can't keep doing this everyday....Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for letting me vent.



    First of all, hugs to you! You are doing an amazing job!

    I remember all to well that fussiness. DH slept in our spare room for the longest time...it was our comprimise....i got the master bed room with the kids and he got a solid night sleep. The only thing that helped me was when they were like that was to have them both in the bed with me. Then once they were asleep I would put them in the Pack n Play. It took alot but we managed the way that was the best for us. Now I have them in their own cribs and they are doing better...we are tackling teething which is making it more of a challenge. Wyatt was teething at 8 months 2 teeth at a time...and a few days apart. Noe Kaylee is teething 3 at a time.

    Hang in there momma. If you need to let them cry and step outside for a few minutes and refocus. I think we all know how the continual crying can get to us!

    Your little ones are adjusting to alot all at once...give them a bit to learn the new routine, once you are all used to it things will be better.

    Again, hugs to you, you are doing a great job!!
     
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