How to decide on having more children

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by twinsnowwhat, Nov 6, 2012.

  1. twinsnowwhat

    twinsnowwhat Well-Known Member

    I could have sworn I posted this on here a while back but cant seem to locate it. I really wanted to go back and read the feedback I received. So I will post again :)

    I am in my late 30’s and DH in his late 40’s. The twins are currently our only children. I have always wanted another for a number of reasons. But DH was perfectly happy with our 2 boys (as was I) None the less we pretty much had agreed since it takes 2 to tango and I would never pressure him into something he wasn’t 100+++% on board with. So last night he tells me he now wants another baby. I am excited and terrified and don’t want to take this decision lightly. While I feel like I would NEVER regret having another child I want to make sure we are both doing this for all of the right reasons.

    Can anyone share with me what led them to their decision to either have or not have any more children after your twins. I fully realize this is a VERY personal decision and everyone’s circumstances are very different. If you don’t want to share publically please message me.
  2. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    It's definitely a very personal decision. For us it was an easy one though (apart from the fact that we would have to adopt again if we wanted another). We like being able to afford preschool, vacations (it's $900 a ticket to visit my family), eat out when we want etc. We like the life we have now. And our health insurance sucks. Who knows what would happen if we had a child with special needs (we already had issues with ours). So, we could afford another child, it would definitely decrease our way of life though... And I guess I'm in the 'if it aint't broke, don't fix it' camp lol. In our case hubby thinks he's too old for another child anyway (he's 49), and neither of us really have the patience to go through the baby stage again (although part of me is sad I never really got to enjoy it because it was so overwhelming with twins). Another thing I guess is that I'd be worried the single child would feel left out a lot, and I might have to get a 4th then LOL.

    But I wouldn't cry either if by some crazy miracle I actually got pregnant.
  3. 3under2!

    3under2! Well-Known Member

    I think there was a long discussion about this in the Large Families forum. Personally, DH and I are planning on having a very large family. On another note, I've heard from many women with one or two kids in my synagogue who see us with our kids and the other large families in our community and tell me that they wish they would have had another. I say, if you know you aren't going to regret it, then go for it!
  4. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    For us, it is just a personal feeling and we don't want to shut the door on another. Financially and emotionally, we have the room to have another. Someone on here told me that if you question it, you are not done. In my heart, I think that is true. I hope you find your answer but I think you really need to look inside to get it.
  5. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    We just knew we wanted another. :) I know, not very helpful. The problem now is that I would like another still but DH says he's done.
  6. Dielle

    Dielle Well-Known Member

    Quite honestly since I was about 16, I wanted a big family and always said I was going to have 6 kids. And sometime between the 1-2 year mark of each child, I'd start feeling like someone was kind of missing in our family. After 6, my husband decided he really wanted to be done. And I was ok with it. And I never got that feeling of someone missing. I do feel a little bittersweet about each of Spencer's milestones though, knowing I won't have another baby to go through those. But I love our family and how it's turned out!
  7. w101ttd

    w101ttd Well-Known Member

    Personally, i think it depends on your situation. If you both want another one. And if you can afford another one. Why not? I just don't like the idea having big family and live on the system. It's just me :)

    We talked before and yeah we both want to have a big family. My husband still does. But I changed my mind. To me, the twins are perfect. I work 40 hrs/week, also have to complete 40hrs of training every quarter. I am focussing in my career now. Our daily routes are very busy. I don't see how I can squeeze in another baby. Another important factor is how the twins will handle the new member of the family. Lot of kids just can't handle it well, and start having lot of issues.

    As a wife and a mom of the family, you know the best if your family should have another member or not. I know the idea of having another child is so scary. But if you feel it, go for it.

    If you are still not sure about it, Just think about it for couple weeks or a month, take notes pros and cons, wrote down the dates and your decisions (like : 11/8: yes I want another baby, 11/15: no I don't,..). After 2 weeks or a months, read your notes and you will see what you decide. Gl!
  8. weegus

    weegus Well-Known Member

    Like the others have said, I just knew in my heart that our family wasn't complete and with that, I would have regretted it forever if we didn't try. My first pregnancy after the twins was a happy accident but our second pregnancy was planned, though I had to sell the idea to my husband. Since our fourth was born, I do feel a sense of completeness though sad I will never be pregnant again (got the ol' tubes tied after her birth). Also, I am very happy I was able to experience what having a SINGLE baby was like!!! Good luck with your decision!!
  9. emp59

    emp59 Well-Known Member

    I never have felt "incomplete" with just the girls, but we knew from the beginning we would at least have 1 more child. Now, we believe we will be done after this baby, we refuse to make any permanent decisions until I am 30.

    Having another child always seems a little scary since it's unknown and changing life as you know it. But if you and your husband agree, then that's as much of a sign as you're ever going to get!
  10. southernmommy

    southernmommy Well-Known Member

    This is me! I always knew I wanted a big family. By the time the youngest baby reached 2yrs old I knew someone was missing and we'd add another. My twins are my last kiddos and its kinda weird that when they turned 2 I never felt like someone was missing.
  11. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    I definitely have the feeling of someone missing and would love to have another, even though I always swore I wouldn't have more than 2 kids. But famous last words, right? Either way, my husband does not want anymore so looks like we are done. I don't want to push him and I, honestly, don't want to risk having another boy. We shall see what the future holds for us, though.
  12. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    Knew I was done the moment I found out I was having twins. No yearning for more, not even one little entsy bit of a wish when i see a baby. Done, done, done! But, i also have an older son, so I had my boy and girls just like I wanted. I always wanted just boy and one having the twins was just icing on the cake for me and I was finished.
  13. sulik110202

    sulik110202 Well-Known Member

    There were a few reasons that we were done after the twins. We had a boy and a girl and both DH and I were happy with that. If we would have had two girls, I know DH would have wanted another baby. Secondly, we had to go through IVF to get our twins and I just didn't want to go through that process again. It was tough journey emotionally, financially and physically.

    Now with that said, if we could get pregnant without IVF, I might have made a different decision. Sometime with the twins I feel like we were so busy trying to survive and get by, that I missed a lot of the special moments. Good luck with your decision.
  14. AmynTony

    AmynTony Well-Known Member

    when Tony and I were discussing kids, he wanted 1, I wanted 2 so we compromised that we would see how the first pregnancy went before making the decision...well we wound up using Injectible meds and IUI to get pregnant...which at the time my insurance covered completely minus a $300 copay - so cost wise it wasn't a big deal...then we found out it was twins - and then we found out it was b/g twins so it was sort of like a compact package of what we both ultimately wanted...we contemplated another but with our ages (I'm 38 and he's 43 now), I'm a diabetic (regular, not gestational) and the fact that I had lost my job and am now pursuing my nursing school goals, we decided that the two we have is ideal...they're 6 and a half now, so no diaper bags, no bottles, we can leave them for the night with my parents or with friends and slowly but surely our life is evening out and going pretty Tony had the big V 2 years ago and we've never looked back!
    1 person likes this.
  15. SC_Amy

    SC_Amy Well-Known Member

    Great question. I have mixed feelings but for the most part I'd really like to have another. DH had initially agreed he wanted to TTC again when our twins were 2ish but they're almost 4 and he's having a really hard time imagining us having the money or energy to add any more kids. :( It stinks. I think we'll re-evaluate in the spring and decide for sure but at this point I can't see him changing his mind. :(
  16. AimeeThomp

    AimeeThomp Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I always knew after the twins that I wanted one more. I got all of their gear gender neutral in case one day I had a boy, and I saved every baby item.

    But after # 3 I knew we were done. Now with the girls in school we only have to pay for child care for one, and I've gone back to work and am really enjoying it. I don't think we could juggle any more children. My hands are full.
  17. Chrishelle

    Chrishelle Well-Known Member

    My husband and I always said we wanted to have two children and after 2 years of TTC we were thrilled (and a little nervous) to have twin boys :)For years we said we absolutely positively were done having kids. Then last year at my husband's company Christmas party we were asked for the gazillionth time if we were going to have any more kids. I gave my normal answer that no we were done. It would be fun to be pregnant again but I'm older (38yrs old)now and are boys are at a great age...blah, blah, blah. Well, my husband said something (I don't even remember exactly what it was) that sounded like he wasn't truly done having kids. So I asked him about it on the way home and he said no, well maybe, i don't know. THEN I started thinking more about it, so I told my husband we should really think about it for about a month and then make a decision. When January rolled around and I asked my husband what he thought he said no. He was too worried about me, the baby, our finances, the boys, and he didn't think it was a good idea. By this time I had talked myself into it and was excited at the prospect of having another child. When he said he was done I was sad but understood and we didn't talk about it again.

    Fast forward to May. Our boys turned 5 and were about to go to full time kindergarten. I just had this feeling that we needed to have another child. The thoughts wouldn't leave me no matter what I did. So, I said a prayer that if we were meant to have another child my husband's heart would soften toward the idea. I broached the subject with my husband that evening, telling him we would never regret having another child, but we might regret not trying to have another. He said he didn't know and he would think about it. The very next day he came home from work and with tears in his eyes he said he thought we should try to have another baby :)

    So now I'm 22wks pg with another sweet baby boy and we are so excited. I told my husband I didn't want to "try" if he only wanted a girl and would be disappointed with a boy. Though I love baby girls I've never had a strong yearning to have a daughter, so I knew I would be happy either way. My husband did want a daughter but assured me he would be happy if we ended up with another boy -- which is a good thing because we did. He was very nervous about having twins again but I told him this time we'd know what we were doing ;) Just one this time though.

    It really is a personal choice and it depends on your family -- and yes, you both need to be on board with it :)
  18. rrodman

    rrodman Well-Known Member

    We always said we wanted four, even after the twins were born. But as time went by, I grew more and more oppose to the idea. My husband still really wanted another. I don't mind another child, but another IVF cycle, another pregnancy, another babyhood. I don't want that. But my husband wanted it more than I didn't. So we are in the process of IVF again, embryo transfer tomorrow. I can't tell you in my heart of hearts if I hope it works or hope it doesn't. How crazy is that? But I'm trying to make the decision for me in five years. Pregnancy and babyhood are short. I do feel pushed and a little resentful though. I'm worried I'll blame my husband if anything goes wrong. I have a sense of tempting fate. But I do think it's the right decision for us. Just giving you the perspective of a difficult decision.
  19. dtomecko

    dtomecko Well-Known Member

    For a second there, I thought I wrote this. I went through the same feelings with IVF and was also worried of resenting my husband. In the end, it didn't work and I was sad, but not devastated. It is nice to know we can move on, I can focus on my career again, and I can start getting rid of all the baby stuff we have stored. I like that we at least know our family is complete, when before it was up in the air. I will say that I was a lot more sad than I thought I'd be when it didn't work, and sometimes now I think about where I'd be in my pregnancy if it had worked. The biggest reasons for wanting more, which didn't really hit me until after were I think it would be awesome for my kids to have the experience of having another sibling and a baby to help out with. I see our friends kids interacting with their new baby siblings, and it makes me kind of sad that my kids won't get to experience that. And I think about when they're grown, it would be nice for them to have more siblings to be close to and to have big family gatherings. I almost kind of hoped for boy girl twins again, so no one would be left out. But I'm also a little relieved it didn't work too, financially, and for fear that it would be just as hard now as it was the first time. So, we're done, and I'm mostly ok with it. But if we had some miracle pregnancy down the line, I think I'd be excited for that too. Hopefully your situation will work out for you too.
  20. rosserj

    rosserj Active Member

    We had discussed whether to have another one but decided that 2 were more than enough to focus on, but mother nature had other ideas. I had IUI to conceive Ieuan and Olivia so always thought I couldn't get pregnant naturally, but earlier this year I had a random assortment of symptoms that sounded like pregnancy and low and behold the pregnancy test was positive. We now have a lovely baby boy, Geraint, who enjoys the noise and entertainment caused by the older two. It's hard work, but lovely to see the interactions between them all.
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