How to keep your cool when they throw and hit you

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by cjk2002, Dec 29, 2009.

  1. cjk2002

    cjk2002 Well-Known Member

    One week from today my boys will be 2 :woohoo: My one son has begun to get mad when things don't go his way. Today I was on the couch and he had his sippy cup and was trying to make it fit into this small stackable cup. I tried to explain that the cup was too small and he kept bringing it over for me to help. He got mad because it would not fit and threw the sippy right in my face. <_<

    He went to time out immediatly and I think he realized what he did because he wanted me to pick him up which I did after TO was over. I told him "we don't throw things"

    Christmas Eve at my bil's he would not sit in his chair for dinner and when I leaned in to tell him to sit still, he smacked me in the face. Again, right to time out and after that he sat still for the rest of the meal.

    He'll also bite me when he's mad.

    So, how do you keep your cool when things like this happens. It took every ounce today not to over react when you get a cup thrown in your face.

    I do use 123 Magic which works for most other things, but the hitting and biting are driving me :crazy:
  2. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    I think what you are doing is the best way to handle it. I have to admit, sometimes I do lose my cool, but then I have to step back and remember that kids learn by action, so if I lose my cool, then I'm just teaching them the same thing. It is super hard, but I do try to keep that in the back of mind...I am teaching my kids how to react to situations with the way I react. I also think what helps me is the trials and errors I went through with my son. I made a ton of mistakes with him and learned a great deal of how important it is not to lose my cool, so that helps me as well. Also, kids don't understand that there are limits to how they react, and that is what we are teaching them, so when I put it in that perspective, it helps me to not blame them so much for what they are doing. By immediately putting him in time out you are showing him that that behavior is not acceptable. Good job, momma, and keep up the good work!! :hug:
    2 people like this.
  3. brandycaviness

    brandycaviness Well-Known Member

    I think you are handling it just right.:good: I agree that it is hard and sometimes I lose my temper when something like that happens. I try really hard to just walk away.
  4. thetaphi_62

    thetaphi_62 Well-Known Member

    I agree with immediate time out and walking away to regain your composure. Set the precedent now while they are young, and hopefully it will be easier as they get older.
  5. MLH

    MLH Well-Known Member

    We're still going through this with one of mine and he's 4. It's been worse over the last 6-9 months I'd say and I can't remember if he started do it as early as your little guy. I don't think so. It's mostly from frustration, but I'm in the same boat as you and don't know what to do to get this behavior broken. It's soooooooo hard to not lose your cool when they act like that....especially or 10th time that day. I hope you get some great advice (I'm sure you will) b/c then I can use it too!
  6. Trishandthegirls

    Trishandthegirls Well-Known Member

    My girls aren't huge hitters or throwers, so I may have it easier than you. That said, I've found that two things work. First, I started teaching Cricket and Piper around 18 months that it's ok to be angry, but they can't direct that anger at other people. So if they want to throw something, we have a stuffed animal that can be thrown against one spot on the wall. If they want to hit something, we have a chair that they can hit. And if they want to yell, they can go in their room and close the door. It's not a perfect solution, but it does seem to help because when they get in that mood or start to lose it, I can direct them to the chair or their room and they get the frustration out, rather than getting told that they're doing something wrong because they're emotional.

    Second, if they throw something at me or hit me, then I leave the room. I tell them that mommy needs a minute to feel better and I walk out. I'm usually not all that upset that I have to walk away, but the act of seeing me leave the room usually calms them down and by the time I walk into the kitchen and back, they're ready to apologize and can be redirected. I realized a while back that I can deal with being hit once, but if it continues I start to lose my patience. So leaving the room and giving the girl(s) a chance to calm down helps me not to freak out.
    1 person likes this.
  7. asahlin

    asahlin Well-Known Member

    my son bites and throws things (notout of anger strangly enough, but when he gets really excited and hyper like a puppy :/), they both hit when upset with us or eachother, and I have to admit I ave lost my cool before. I yelled at them to stop and have paddled their bottoms wih a diaper on. Even time out has been a stuggle lately because my son has now discovered screaming at the top of his lungs when in time out. Its frustrating and heartbreaking, and I hope it doesn't last long. I feel your pain haha
  8. cjk2002

    cjk2002 Well-Known Member

    For now that would not work since my other son freaks out when I leave the room (still dealing with seperation anxiety). I guess I could take him with me and that would be "extra" punishment for the other. :unknw:

    Just this morning I was poking around his mouth and he is getting ALL four of his 2 year molars so that may explain why he's been so crazy lately.

    My hope is once those come in, his attitude will be better.
  9. TwinxesMom

    TwinxesMom Well-Known Member

    Sounds like boundary testing me. I will admit that some times tempers are lost but sticking to the punishment is best
  10. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    We have a hitter and thrower - always when he's frustrated or upset with something. We do the immediate time-out, too. Yesterday he went back to time-out (just 2 minutes per TO) 2 times after the first TO b/c he kept hitting me when I'd get him out of the chair, after the 3rd TO, he was over it. I think consistency is key, but it does get really old, really quick. :hug: 2-year-olds are something else! :lol:

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