How to tell little kids about transgender relative.

My BIL is seriously considering becoming a woman and I'm struggling with how to explain this sensitively to 3 year olds. They know him as Uncle A, but soon he'll be Aunt A.

Thoughts?

 

I think that they're at the age where it won't matter much, just say something like, "Remember Uncle A? A is now a girl and you should call her Aunt A." I wouldn't go into too much detail, they won't need it. They just should know that A is the same person whether she identifies with male or female. Good luck to your soon-to-be-sister-in-law!

 

From my understanding, it can take some time before the procedure is completed. They do it in stages, hormone injections for months, then depending upon how many surgical procedures, this can also take up to a year sometimes. So if I were in your shoes, I would wait until you can actually the see the procedures making a difference and explain them at a time then. Plus they will be a little older then too.

I presume he will also be under the guidance of a counsellor? Perhaps you can have a family session together where they can give you pointers on how to approach the subject with young children appropriately. I assume they encounter this regularly. Also young children are very adaptable and will quickly become used to their new Aunty and most likely will never remember him as their uncle.

 

Personally, just play it cool. Don't make it biggie about it. When he becomes a woman, just explain it simply and introduce him as "auntie" and change subject. They won't care as much as you do .

It's sensitive or wrong or whatsoever (i dont mean to go there whether or not its right or wrong) because we believe and feel that way. It doesn't mean little kids feel and believe the same way. 3 yrs olds dont have religional or personal beliefs about this yet until they learn from us. Gl!

 

Hmmm....i'm trying to put myself in your shoes....and I really do agree with the girls above in that you should just play it cool. Your reactions will be the reactions your children use, so if you are comfortable with it all....so will they! I like to take the approach of "it is what it is". there are soooo many different ways of living these days that we all just have to take it in strides! Take it as it comes. Maybe talk to your BIL and find out how he would like you to handle it with your kids as well, maybe have him there?
Kids are so awesome though...they just adapt to just about anything! Especially at this age. I have a 4 and 2, 3 year olds and ALL of their friends have a mom and a dad. My kids have a Mom and a Mommy. All of their friends have asked them "do you have a daddy" to which they say "nope, I have a mommy and a mama" and that is the end of the story. Their friends never ask them why or where is your daddy....nothing....becuase you know what? It is what it is!

 

Robin, you may be happy to know, that at least for my kids, that attitude continues as they grow! When the boys were in 2nd grade, a new girl moved in--she was the 5th or so Emma in the grade, so the boys described her as Emma, with two last names and two moms. That is still how they describe her to distinguish her from all the other Emmas, and don't think twice about the 2 mom's--and it is 3 years later.

As for the OP, I would also play it cool. When they see him for the first time dressed as a woman, just talk about "Aunt A". If you don't show a problem, they will probably take it in stride. Young children know what "is", and don't really care about they "why's".

 

:thanks: for your responses.

My BIL has picked out a new name and is starting to dress as my new SIL. We don't see her that often- maybe once a year or less, but her engagement picture is on our fridge with everybody elses so they do reference her as Uncle A as per the picture. I think I'll ask her for a new picture to adorn the wall and so the boys recognize her.

 

Agree with all the above.
At a young age, keep it simple - it is what it is, kids are great like that!
Kids know what they grow up with and as pp have said aren't born with ideas, predjudices and attitudes but learn them.

My DS12 and DD7 have talked about how all families are different - some have a mom and dad, some just a mom. Some have a mom, and new dad(ie step dad) or maybe 2 moms.

I would think that if you just say to your 3 yr olds that we now call Uncle A, Aunt A, then they'll most likely accept that with little question.