I fear my girl doesn't love me

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by mimishake, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. mimishake

    mimishake New Member

    Hey Ladies! I know its absolutely crazy to think that but my boy/girl twins are almost 22 months, I've been home with them since forever, and my boy would super glue himself to me if it were up to him. He beams and giggles when I make eye contact with him, let alone when i walk into the room after being out of sight. My daughter has always been Miss Independent, she loves her daddy who works long hours; when he comes home she wont let him put her down for a second. I dont really see that kind of affection from her though ever. Also, whenever we visit my parents who live a 3 hour flight away, she attaches herself to my mom, won't leave her side. I feel like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me because she sees how attached at the hip my son and I are and thinks of me as "unavailable". i try to give her personal, alone, one-on-one time, but I definitely don't get to do that as much as I'd want and since she's definitely the troublemaker of the duo, a lot of my frustration and scolding is directed at her. I feel like I'm constantly going one step forward, two steps back with her; especially since before our latest trip to my parents, she and I finally established a real closeness that has since disappeared. Any tips, suggestions or insight would be really appreciated! Thanks so much!
     
    mimi
     
  2. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    Kids go back and forth between parents, as long as the one parent who is not getting the attention does NOT make a big deal about it.  My dd is totally bonded to me but her dad makes a HUGE deal, even speaking outloud about how only ONE of his kids love him.  I cannot see her going back honestly.  The youngest sees how big of a deal he makes with her and he is avoiding dad as well.  :(  Sad. 
     
    I would not worry about it.  Just be there and enjoy the little moments.  It may take time but she'll come back.
     
    :welcome:
     
  3. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I have to agree with Jackie.  I went through the same thing with my daughter and my mother went through it too.  She definitely had a preference for my husband and my father.  With me, she grew out of it and then it became her and her brother would have a preference for either me or my husband.  She's 6 now and I think we have a great relationship and it's definitely more equal on her end with me and DH.
    My father died right after the children turned 2.  And it's not that my daughter didn't love my mother, but my son had bonded so fiercely with my mother , that I think she just claimed Pop-Pop as hers and when he was no longer an option she really had to warm up to my mother--who was always going out of her way to try to have both children on equal footing with her.  
    Give it time and if possible, maybe on a day that your husband is off, you and her go somewhere and he spends time with your son.  Maybe that might help too.  It does turn around!
     
  4. monica77

    monica77 Well-Known Member

    My boy/girl twins are 3 and a half and I remember I went through a similar phase also around 2 - my son was SO STUCK on me at some point, it was annoying, and I was afraid my daughter started to resent me. She was always coming to me if she was in pain or she fell or something like that. Does your daughter come to you when there's an issue?
     
    I didn't see it as an issue with my daughter, but I saw it more like an emotional issue with my son. Somehow Max grew out of it, I can't say I did something special to help him get over it. Just like your daughter, my daughter Vanessa is more independent and she has daddy wrapped around her finger. At the same time, my husband was trying to get closer to Max and somehow it worked. He's very ticklish and believe it or not - his favorite thing was for my DH to tickle him on the floor as soon as he came home. Now Max is so close to my DH, every day he tells me his favorite part of the day is when daddy comes home - even if I work full time also :).
     
    Some things that I did to help me bond with my Vanessa- I would paint her nails. I introduced nail polish when I took her pacy and that was her special thing - she's a big girl, she has her nail painted, Max can't do that because he's a boy. I let her pick the colors she wanted when we went shopping - that's why we have about 4 different shades of green nail polish :) - we also do pink and purple, of course :). She still thinks it's special when I paint her nails and toe nails. We also read books together while Max and Daddy watch a race on TV - she's not big into Racing. My DH takes Max to the hardware store - it's their thing, they go at least once a weekend. I think we still feel like Max prefers me and Vanessa prefers my DH - but it's not as bad, and I truly think my daughter loves me and also my son loves his daddy.
     
    I think each kid loves each parent very much, but it's a different kind of love, just because we are different people and they have a different kind of relationship with each of us - does that make sense?
     
    I am sure your daughter loves you also - she may not be expressing it too much seeing your son is always with you. Give it time and try to create opportunities for you to bond with her and for your son to bond with your DH.
     
    On a different note - welcome to twinstuff - I hope you like it.
     
  5. mimishake

    mimishake New Member

    Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences! All your tips are great and just knowing that what I'm feeling and noticing is normal and not unheard of helps a lot too! I'm definitely going to keep at it and try to make special activities a common thing: ones with mommy and others with daddy for each of the munchkins. For the past few days she wasnt even coming to me when she got hurt, only when she wanted a bottle or snack, but now Ive finally noticed her asking for me when she's sleepy or needing comfort. I just have to keep trying to assure her that I am here for her. Thanks again for the help and also for the welcomes these forums are awesome!
     
  6. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    My son went through a phase where any physical touching was not allowed. He hated hugging, kissing, sitting on my lap- you name it. 
     
    This same boy watched Frozen with me last night and sat on my lap for 1.5 hours. Today he told me we should snuggle every day.
     
    Try not to be offended and let her grow. She loves you, she just doesn't need you in that capacity right now. She'll come back around.
     
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