I feel like the worst mother...

So a few weeks ago, Brenden managed to get off of the couch - roll...fall....he was fine in that matter. So, then he managed to fall into an empty bathtub (our bathroom door doesnt latch *we live in a cheap crappy apt.*). Then, Landon took a nosedive off of the bed - granted DH was supposed to be keeping an eye on him and wasnt but i was in the room too. So now, last night, Landon decided to book it up the stairs and before i could get to the top to get him, he turned around to see if i was watching him and toppled down them. Now the first step he fell down, he fell sideways kinda and landed on his head..then the feet went over his head and he rolled down the next 4-5 steps. He was still breathing and just got a knot on his head and rugburn on his face and back of his head(we took him to the ER to get it checked) but first thing DH says is "See!!! I was going to tell you that you need to go up there and get him..." Duh..what do you think i was doing. and then he continues to make me feel like the stupidest person saying stuff like "i told you we need a gate there..." and "I cant believe it...sorry bubby that mommy let you fall....are you okay? Daddy's got you...mean old mommy huh".....So i burst into tears b/c already we've had a few accidents of falling and then this happens and I feel horrible..like i shouldnt even be able to care for these kids b/c things like this keep happening. I have been so miserable and i feel like what he said mixed with what happened is making it so i'm second guessing my ability to handle these guys. LIke i used to have no problem watching them on my own but now - i'm terrified....liek last night i was so affraid to even hold Landon after that happened....i love these guys and i dont want anythig happeneing to them but i feel...ugh i dunno.....sorry i jsut had to get all of this out...more or less a vent.... :umm:

thanks for listening
amanda

 

awww don't listen to him... I let Mattie fall off the bed last week and she got her nose all rug burned too. My voodoo MIL :laughing: said that they can't be raised until they fall off the bed or some nonsense like that. My pedi also said that it wasn't the first baby to do it and surely it won't be the last.

YOU ARE A GREAT MOM! :bow2:

 

Not to foment discord or anything, but it sounds like if there's anyone not doing the job, it's DH.... You should be able to trust him to keep the baby from falling off the bed. And if he thinks the baby's about to fall down the stairs, why is he not running up there himself? And then to rub it in afterwards, it's really not fair.

So, it sounds like you probably do need a gate -- but kids will find a way to fall down anyway. Sarah dived headfirst into a FULL bathtub a few months ago. (I was right there -- I wouldn't leave them alone near a full bathtub -- but she was still underwater for a second before I could pull her out!)

DH needs to learn how to give you some support rather than undercutting you all the time! :hug99:

 

Sorry, but it sounds like you really need to invest in some baby proofing for your apartment - particularly if you have stairs.

We were given one sage piece of advice when our first born started crawling. "No baby has ever fallen off of the floor." Seriously, if they can move don't stick them on the bed if you can't give them 100% of your attention. And yes, your DH sounds like a doofus for not watching the baby the first time and then giving you a guilt trip over the stair issue.

 

Not nice of DH to add insult to injury!

It does sound like you need a couple of gates, but that's no reason for him to make you feel worse about him falling! And why wasn't DH rushing up the stairs if he knew there was a fall imminent?

 

Keep those babies on the floor and get a gate for the stairs. Sorry DH was being so insensitive.

 

QUOTE(Eyler07 @ May 15 2007, 02:38 PM) [snapback]256287[/snapback]
but first thing DH says is "See!!! I was going to tell you that you need to go up there and get him..." Duh..what do you think i was doing. and then he continues to make me feel like the stupidest person saying stuff like "i told you we need a gate there..." and "I cant believe it...sorry bubby that mommy let you fall....are you okay? Daddy's got you...mean old mommy huh".....

Wow. That is incredibly uncalled for.

 

thanks ladies for the replies. About the gate, we do live in what we like to refer to as a "gated community" or our house has many gates. We are in the process of figuring out a way to put one at the bottom of the stairs as there is no place to wedge one. the first 4 stairs are open on the side except for like about a foot at the bottom. There really is no place that one can fit there...my father is building soemthing for us to put there, like a banister but until he gets it done...our house is crooked and no measurements are ever right...we need to come up with a solution. I do agree about the gates and we have one everywhere but there. And no, it's not nice for him to "add insult to injury" but that's my life with DH...that's all that he does or seems to do. I once told him that it would be nice to write a list of things that I do right....b/c i always get told what i do wrong....then i continued that it wouldnt take that long b/c according to him, i do everything wrong.

amanda

 

QUOTE(Eyler07 @ May 15 2007, 08:38 PM) [snapback]256287[/snapback]
"See!!! I was going to tell you that you need to go up there and get him..." Duh..what do you think i was doing. and then he continues to make me feel like the stupidest person saying stuff like "i told you we need a gate there..." and "I cant believe it...sorry bubby that mommy let you fall....are you okay? Daddy's got you...mean old mommy huh".....:
amanda


I could have quoted mine on this one ... he would say something along those lines. He thinks he's being funny and he's not. It's terrible. He knocked Con's head into the doorway when he was walking him around and I didn't say anything, it was an accident! But if I did something like that, he would sound just like your DH. Honestly, I think mine gets a bit jealous that I spend all day with the boys and know them so well, they obviously love mama and we have a great relationship and I think he gets a bit jealous of that sometimes. So if he gets an opportunity to cut it down and be the hero this time around, he will. :angry:

Some of us have more than twins to raise, I'm afraid.

 

You know seriously I can't count the number of falls my two have had, let alone bruises. I honestly have no idea where over half of their bruises come from! Boys will boys!

You are NOT a bad mom. DH let Jack fall off the couch when he was only 2 weeks old. He was perfectly fine.

Hang in there :hug99:

 

"See!!! I was going to tell you that you need to go up there and get him..." Duh..what do you think i was doing. and then he continues to make me feel like the stupidest person saying stuff like "i told you we need a gate there..." and "I cant believe it...sorry bubby that mommy let you fall....are you okay? Daddy's got you...mean old mommy huh".....

Um, I would nip that kind of talk in the bud if it were me. That is incrediblly unfair of him to say that to you, especially to one of your children. Parenting is not a popularity contest!! It is so important for parents to present a united front, consistency is the key. Comments like that will lead to your kids playing one parent against the other which always ends up being a mess and extremely frustrating situation!! I hope you let him know how hurtful comments like that are, and if he continues to intentionally hurt you like that then you two have some work to do.

I think all of us here have had children tumble off the bed/changing table/down the stairs/off the couch, and you did the right thing by taking him to the ER. Thankfully he is okay, so don't be so hard on yourself, even if (not so)DH thinks you deserve it!

 

awww amanda who cares what he thinks. u know im in man bashing modr right now from my posts so please dont get me started lol.... every body kids fall.....and litlle boys at that geez falling down the steps is nothing wait until they get older. if it makes u feel better last week my oldest almost 4 fell down the steps twice. it must be a bouy thing. dont beat ur self up beat dh up lol ok im kidding but just ignore it.. if he was doing what u asked him to with his kids than he wouldnt of fell!!!!!!!!!let him know im in man bashing mode and i can open a can of whoop a** up on him . its only like a 15 min drive lol.....

 

I sometimes can feel like a horrible mother also. I am a mother of 6 1/2 month old twin girls, Lacie and Madison. When Madison was about 4 months old, I left her on the couch by herself so I can go the kitchen to make her a bottle. I was soo tired from the sleepless nights that I did not think of her rolling over. Well, while I was in the kitchen all I heard was a BIG THUMP!! I think I jumped from the kitchen to the living room within 2 seconds... Madison fell face down!! She was histerical. My heart fell to the floor. I immediately checked to see if she was ok. She was more scared than anything else. Luckily she was ok.. but I on the other hand was sobbing. I could not believe I had let that happen. I felt so undeserving of my child, of both of them. I mean what kind of mother would let something like that happen. I must have cried all night. I think that at that moment, when she fell, I realized how much I love her. How much I love my girls and how I would do anything, I mean anything for them. I would eat dirt for them, without a question. You as a mother are not alone. You can chat with me anytime you want and maybe we can exchance experiences or just vent. I think that situation like these can happen to the best of us. No matter what I'm sure you love your boys... I think that from time to time we as mothers may need a break from the overwhelming day to day routine that is piled up on us for being a mother.







QUOTE(Eyler07 @ May 15 2007, 04:38 PM) [snapback]256287[/snapback]
So a few weeks ago, Brenden managed to get off of the couch - roll...fall....he was fine in that matter. So, then he managed to fall into an empty bathtub (our bathroom door doesnt latch *we live in a cheap crappy apt.*). Then, Landon took a nosedive off of the bed - granted DH was supposed to be keeping an eye on him and wasnt but i was in the room too. So now, last night, Landon decided to book it up the stairs and before i could get to the top to get him, he turned around to see if i was watching him and toppled down them. Now the first step he fell down, he fell sideways kinda and landed on his head..then the feet went over his head and he rolled down the next 4-5 steps. He was still breathing and just got a knot on his head and rugburn on his face and back of his head(we took him to the ER to get it checked) but first thing DH says is "See!!! I was going to tell you that you need to go up there and get him..." Duh..what do you think i was doing. and then he continues to make me feel like the stupidest person saying stuff like "i told you we need a gate there..." and "I cant believe it...sorry bubby that mommy let you fall....are you okay? Daddy's got you...mean old mommy huh".....So i burst into tears b/c already we've had a few accidents of falling and then this happens and I feel horrible..like i shouldnt even be able to care for these kids b/c things like this keep happening. I have been so miserable and i feel like what he said mixed with what happened is making it so i'm second guessing my ability to handle these guys. LIke i used to have no problem watching them on my own but now - i'm terrified....liek last night i was so affraid to even hold Landon after that happened....i love these guys and i dont want anythig happeneing to them but i feel...ugh i dunno.....sorry i jsut had to get all of this out...more or less a vent.... :umm:

thanks for listening
amanda