I think I need a pep talk!

I'm in need of some major support. Long story short. My life has been on a downward spiral since I had my boys 14 minths ago. About 5 weeks before that, my mom left my dad. She was going to be out babysitter, that left me without any options. I'm working nights, every other night. I stay with the kids all day, then at 5pm when DH gets home I get in the shower and go to work for 12.5 hours. The next day I sleep maybe 3 hours while my grandma watches the kids and it's back to the grind. I sleep every other night, if the twins let me. We moved to a new town just before the kids were born. We know no one except my brother and his wife down the street...and they've been no help. My in-laws pretty much wrote us off too. I'm so depressed and have been battling this the entire 14 months. I gotten help several times, but I think I'm just getting worse. Most days I wish there was a way out of this mess. I never thought I'd feel like this being a mom, it's what I wanted all my life. I don't want my kids to grow up with a mom feeling like this either. I'm tired, period. I have no life outside my kids and don't even know how to find one. I make more money than DH, so I have to work. I'm just so tired and ready to throw in the towel.
Jaime

 

I'm in need of some major support. Long story short. My life has been on a downward spiral since I had my boys 14 minths ago. About 5 weeks before that, my mom left my dad. She was going to be out babysitter, that left me without any options. I'm working nights, every other night. I stay with the kids all day, then at 5pm when DH gets home I get in the shower and go to work for 12.5 hours. The next day I sleep maybe 3 hours while my grandma watches the kids and it's back to the grind. I sleep every other night, if the twins let me. We moved to a new town just before the kids were born. We know no one except my brother and his wife down the street...and they've been no help. My in-laws pretty much wrote us off too. I'm so depressed and have been battling this the entire 14 months. I gotten help several times, but I think I'm just getting worse. Most days I wish there was a way out of this mess. I never thought I'd feel like this being a mom, it's what I wanted all my life. I don't want my kids to grow up with a mom feeling like this either. I'm tired, period. I have no life outside my kids and don't even know how to find one. I make more money than DH, so I have to work. I'm just so tired and ready to throw in the towel.
Jaime

 

Hi Jaime, I see you are an RN and working those 12 hour nights...I did that too a few years ago before I was even married. It was great for a while. But wow, those long night shifts will kill you . You soulnd very sleep deprived to me and that can make a major difference in how you feel.Seriously I think you should discuss your schedule with your boss/coordinator. On one/off one is terribly hard on you. Is there any other way you could work it so you could have more recovery time? Also is there any way DH could possibly stagger his schedule to give you a few hours of sleep in the morning. Or does your hospital offer some kind of weekend night program? Ours has a program for permanent weekend nights that pays pretty much the same as full time. I'll write more later but wanted to put in a note about your work schedule.

 

Jamie

First I want to give you

I am sorry you are still battling this. It does not help that you are in a new place with no support. I agree that it sounds like gettin some sleep is a priority. I also know that it can be hard to change schedules. I hope that could work.

I know you said you have gotten help but it sounds as if it has been intermitten instead of sticking with it. IS that true? Have you gotten medication for depression?

I know you have been fighting this for so long. You hang in there! You always have us to talk to!

 

Big hugggs!! You sound so exhausted! I bet if you had a few days off and just tried to get some sleep you'd feel better. I make really good money too and I have to work full time. By the time I drive to work and back home, I'm gone 11 or 12 hours EVERY day. I know what you are going through!

I too live far, far away from any relative. (All of our relatives live in the midwest, we have NO ONE out here for support or help)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could say or do something to make it all better. Alison is right, we are here for you!

Bridget

 

You need more sleep. That just isn't enough. Is it possible to do a budget (in all your free time, right!) Maybe you could afford for a mother's helper, a few times a week? Just for a few hours so you can sleep. No amount of meds is going to make you feel better if you are sleep deprived. Do you feel you are able to do your job as a nurse well with that little sleep? I really hope things get easier soon for you. Many hugs!

Sincerely,
Stacy

 

first of all - HUGE hugs.

i agree with the pp - is there any way you can find a mother's helper for a few hours a day so you can get more sleep and just "me time"? is there a local college? maybe you could advertise there for someone who could come help a few hours a day? you could probably also use a few new mommie friends to talk to - is there a local library near you where you could take the boys to story time and meet some other moms (it's free)?

we are always here for you to talk to!

 

Since you make more money than DH, is there any way he could be a SAHD? You seriously need more sleep! I don't even know how you are functioning, I would have cracked.
I understand about having no life. I am a SAHM, and my mom does help, she will watch them if I really need to do something or have an appt, or come with me grocery shopping, etc. But I do feel like I have no life outside of the girls. I mean, I love them and I love being with them, but you know, I miss adult conversation and such. My life is babies and housework.
Maybe see if you can afford part-time daycare, or a mother's helper, or something so you can get some sleep and time for yourself.

 

I was wondering how you were doing. I don't have any advice.

 

Hey girl. Do you still have my phone number?

I am not on here too much anymore, but feel free to pt me and I getthe pt in my email. I can send you my phone number in a pt, and we can chat some night again. It has been a while since we did that.

Hang in there. You have had such a tough year. :hugs

 

Hope everything turns out okay for you!
Christine

 

thanks for the support guys. I'm doing much better today. I started a new med last night. It caused me not to sleep a lot, but atleast I'm feeling like i have more energy and I can cope with the kiddos. Yesterday this just wan't do-able. DH stayed home with me yesterday.
I'm going to quit my per diem job and go back down to part time. I think I need to look at how I'm working my days and maybe do them back to back on DH's days off or the weekend when my mom is off. My mom and grandma just bought a house on the next street over from ours and will be moving in 3 weeks from now. That should help too.
this whole thing has just been a complete snow ball for me. I got NO rest in the hospital after I had them, and I really haven't rested since. It just kept getting harder and harder for me. I want to feel better, I really do. I deserve better, so does DH and my loves.
Thanks for all the support, I'll keep you posted on my progress.
Jaime

 

I have said it before, and will continue to do so.

You are one amazingly strong woman. Look at all you are able to accomplish without sleep??!! OMG, can you even imagine what you will be able to do and enjoy once you get a chance to catch up a bit on some of your rest? You are fortunate (even though you are too tired to realize it) that you have at least some flexibility in your hours at work. I hope that with the part time or back to back shifts...that you will be able to settle into more of a routine that works for your body. Even though logically you know this...it will take time for your body to catch up on rest. Be patient with yourself. You are doing great. Keep hanging in there the best way that you know how. Give hubby and the little ones an extra hug and kiss and just savor the moments as they arrive. Those are what make up the "big picture."

 

Jaime! It's certainly been a rollercoaster year + for you! I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling, but talking about it here is a good outlet!! Glad to hear about Grandma and Mom moving nearby! I hope you get some much needed help. You simply cannot function on that little sleep. It's just not healthy and will eventually cause other health troubles!!

 

I am a nurse as well and I make more than dh and have to work full time. But I started a wepp plan or baylor plan whatever you may call it at your hospital, I get paid 18 hours for every 12 hour shift I rok on the weekends, with full benefits and vacation. It works great for us, I was doing 11-11 now I am on 7a shifts and my husband keeps the girls on the weekends. He gets quite a bit of help from his mom, my aunts and my mom more so than I do during the week and he always makes the comments I don't know how you do this every day. Maybe you can check into this. My husband and I use Friday night as our weekend, pretty much watch a movie in our living room, we never go out or anything because we don't have babysitters all that often, but we put the kids to sleep around 7:30 and spend time cleaning and laundry and watching tv after that .

I have worked in the er for 7 years but I knew that I was going to have to transfer to the next available wepp when I found out I was pregnant with twins, because my mom told me she wouldn't babysit 2 babies and maddie that she was to old. I was going to transfer but my manager got wind of it and offered me one in my department, and it has been a wonderful experience.

 

Jamie,

Where do you live, i could take care of your boys 2 monrings in the weekend to get you some sleep, if you live in NoVa.