Identical twins separate schools?

Hi everyone,

I have identical twin boys who will be starting high school next year. They are super competitive with each other and we are thinking of sending them to separate private boys schools that are very similar.

As adult twins can you tell me if you think this would be a mistake?

Thanks so much for any advice.

Mango

 

I think it is great if you can give them an opportunity to develop their identities separate from each other. This has been discussed many times on the forums and the conclusion is there isn't really a right or wrong way, it depends on what your boys and you would prefer.

Twins can become competitive because of all the comparisons made by other people. People are always looking for the differences or similarities and then especially in the teen years it becomes a "fight" of some sorts to stand out or apart from your sibling. Like any teen you are seeking individuality.

My sister and I were in the same school but were mostly in different classes. The biggest issue wasn't really us but others that wanted to lump us together because we were twins. They were convinced one needs to be the clever twin the other the athletic twin etc so even though we both performed well the one with a slightly lower grade (which would differ from test to test, subject to subject) would be called the "dumb" one. It causes competition because you're trying to separate yourself and form your own individuality which is difficult if people keep comparing you to someone else. Having said that some twins deal better with the comparisons than others. I'm one of those that hated it but I also outgrew it by the end of high school. Despite wanting to be seen as an individual and despising all the comparisons I did stay close with my sister and even now as adults when we don't get to see each other often we're still very close. Some parents worry that twins will lose the so called "twin bond" they have if separated. I don't believe you do. You don't need to be permanently in each others space in order to be close. Gerda and I still talk every day and we're very close despite being apart most of the time.

Point being whether they stay together or not, they will learn valuable life lessons and how to cope individually. It's not an easy decision and most twin parents worry about it. Good luck!

 

If they are competitive with each other then they'll continue to be competitive regardless of what you do. There is a tendency for people (parents, teachers, etc.) to attempt social engineering of this sort. At best it doesn't work and at worst it is counter productive. As Brenda said, problems are normally caused by other people making comparisons but that doesn't seem to be what you are worried about.

I would ask them what they want to do personally but just treat them the same way as anybody else and don't worry about the twin aspect.