It does get easier someday, right?

I have been struggling since we hit January and the second year..it’s been a rough month for all the kids...first a GI bug then colds/the flu and now the girls are teething. I am wondering if it is EVER going to get “easier”. The whole first year my mantra was just to “make it to when the girls are 1” now that we’re here I have almost found the last 3 weeks the hardest since they were born.

They are incredibly fussy (I understand they are sick) and they both want to be held and carried all the time and at the SAME time (not possible for more then a few minutes here and there as they are both 22lbs). If I pick one up the other screams and cries wanting to be picked up too. If I try to hold them both together they cry and swat at each other because they want me to themselves. The crying and screaming is almost unbearable and I have ended several of the last few days in tears. I even called DH on Friday and asked him to come home early from work, that’s how bad it was!! To add to all of this I feel so bad for my oldest because I just don’t have time to do anything with him, the girls are still so incredibly demanding. He ends up playing by himself which makes me feel even more sad and guilty .

Naps and nighttime sleep are all over the place. We had 3 good weeks of nighttime sleep before Christmas and since then I’m back to being up almost hourly and getting sleep in 45min intervals with maybe one 2 hour block a night (if I’m lucky). Naps are inconsistent...one day will be good (2-3 hours) and the next will be 45 min followed by an hour or more of crying until I give up and bring them downstairs. Because the girls naps and nighttime are messed up so are Danniks (we have a very small house and their rooms share a wall)...as soon as he hears them crying he wakes up and comes downstairs so I end up with 3 tired, cranky kids.

I’ve had them at the doctor 3 times since the beginning of January to have their ears and chests checked just to make sure there isn’t anything else going on (and there isn’t). They had RSV at 3 weeks old and so every time they start sounding raspy I get nervous (I think my Dr is starting to think I’m nuts, lol!).

I don’t think it helps that I live in Ottawa, Ontario and it’s been minus a million outside the last few weeks which makes it difficult to get out so we’re all going stir crazy. The girls still aren’t great at playing independently or with each other and they won’t even watch TV (bad mama, I know). At least with Dannik at this age I could put on an Elmo video and have some quiet for 15-20 min but they are not interested.

I’ve finally reached the goal I’ve been striving towards for the last year (their 1st birthday) and while I may not be as exhausted physically I am way more tapped out emotionally then I was this time last year. I think things got easier and more consistent with Dannik so much earlier, it seems like it’s taking forever with the girls to get to a good place that lasts longer than a week or so. I feel kind of like I’m drowning here...it does get better right?

Thanks for listening to me vent .

 

It will get better when they get over being sick, I promise.

 

I could have written your post just after a year too! Between sickness and teething and new found toddler independence and separation anxiety and jealousy.. I thought I was going to lose my mind most days. It does get easier though..absolutely. They learn to play on their own and with each other and they just get easier and more fun all the time. And winter sucks.. we haven't been able to get out at all here either (in Calgary) until the last week or so. I have noticed that getting out to do things makes SUCH a big difference in their attitude though so I am making more of an effort. Just get over to a friend's house or go for a car ride if you can manage it, I am sure it will make a huge difference!

 

My girls will be 2 on Friday and sometimes I feel the same way. So you are not alone. I'm sure the nighttime sleep thing is the worst because when you are rested it is so much easier to deal with all the day time stuff. Were they good sleepers before Christmas or not ever??? Maybe if you can try to stay focused on one thing...like having a plan to get back on a good sleep routine, than everything else will fall into place. I know, easier said than done, I just know for me that I get overwhelmed trying to deal with everything at once.....sleep is a biggy....I"m sure there's some people on here who could recommend some good books that might help you get them back on a good sleep routine. Just a thought? Although I'm sure you already know that. :hug: I also have 2 older ones ages 7 and 5....sometimes I feel like I neglect them and then sometimes they are also so demanding that I feel pulled in 4 different directions....I never have 4 happy all at the same time. I'll say a prayer your little ones take a liking to at least 1 TV show that you can put on to get a few minutes of "guilt-free" peace and quiet each day! ardon:

Hang in there! I can't wait for spring so we can get out and run around outside. I'm sure that will help us all. We are in New Hampshire...which isn't as cold as you, but it's been -10 here which is pretty darn cold for us!!!!!!

Shannon

 

I'm another one who could have written your post right after my girls turned one! In fact, I think I did write one, with a theme of something like: where did my happy babies go???

It gets better. I promise. Those couple months after turning one are SO tough. I thought I was going to go crazy. But now, my girls will play happily with eachother in their playroom for hours (literally) with nothing to do with me! The key is getting over this illness/controlling the teething pain, and getting them back onto a better sleep schedule. As much as I hated doing it, CIO is the only thing that worked for my girls. But we do end up having to do it again after every illness. They get back into that routine of waking up all the time, but one day/night of CIO seems to bring them back in line. Naps were really frustruating for me at that age too. Hang in there! I find now, in the winter, naptimes/bedtimes are really helped by trying to get outside at least once a day, even for just a short period. IT does wonders for cranky moods too. We were out on the weekend in -25 bundled up and lathered with vaseline, just so I could pull them in their sled over to the neighbours cows to feed them a few carrots.

Playgroups are another way to pass the time. It is great to get out of the house and have the kids occupied by different toys while you get some adult contact as well. I love playgroups. BTW, I see you live in Ottawa. I have a sister there with a 15month old & she's pregnant with #2. Lives near the experimental farm. I'm sure she'd love a playdate if you're in need of a friend!

And finally - you need a break! I know this is easier said than done. I haven't gotten a break in my 18months with the girls. Well, thats not true...I work twice a week, so I guess my work days are my "breaks"! But if you can possibly swing it, try getting away for even just an hour or two. It makes a world of difference!

Keep us posted.
Melissa

 

Thanks so much to all of you .

They actually slept better last night (I was only in twice) and they are talking in their cribs right now which is a nice change from them waking up screaming, lol!

So how did you know it was ok to do CIO again? That's what finally got them sleeping before Christmas. I did CIO and after 2 nights we had 3 weeks of amazing sleep before all the sickness hit...I felt like a new person, I even started cooking again! Anyway, I know I am going to need to do it again but I don't want to if they are still sick or teething...do you just go with your gut that they're crying out of habit and not illness or teething? I keep going in because they've been so sick but now I don't know when to stop.

I have been getting to some play groups but since all the kids have been sick I've been avoiding them to try not to infect other kids...however it's winter and illness is the name of the game at this time of year and that's where my kids picked everything up to begin with so I think I'm going to start going again. I have lost most of my mat leave friends over the last couple of months as they are now back at work and I am now a SAHM so I think that transition for me has been hard too. Melissa, is your sister at home during the day? I don't live too far from her if she is.

Maybe this is crazy but I hope by spring I have 2 walkers...somehow I think it might be easier when I don't have to carry both of them everywhere we go! I also can't wait to ditch the snowsuits! I really look forward to the day they can play together too...I keep hearing everyone say how well their twins play with each other so I know it's got to happen at some point .

Thanks again and thanks for listening .

 

Hugs!!!! I Know how tough it is and the fact you are doing it all alone, you are a superhero!! I am pooped and I usually have a pair of extra hands on deck. It will get better, it doesn't mean you won't be tired but if you get their sleep schedule back on track, you will feel A LOT better. Hang in there mamma!!

As the pp said, if you can get out for even an hour of you time. Staying at home is the hardest job out there, in my opinion. You just need a psychological break. I am actually looking forward to getting back to work ( 2 days a week) for a baby break, even though I will miss them terribly .