Just need to vent for a minute . . .

My boys are in Kindergarten and doing great. At the beginning of the school year I wrote a letter to their teacher (they're in the same room) explaining that one of the boys has "unique" bathroom needs. It is not unusual for him to use the restroom, then need desperately to use it again within 5 minutes. I told her he's not trying to manipulate the situation, get out of work, mess around, etc; he genuinly needs to go and will need to go immediately. We discussed his issues when I gave her the note. She had our daughter last year, so I feel like we have a good parent/teacher relationship, plus we have a professional relationship as we teach in the same school district. I let her know that we have discussed these issues with his pediatrician, the doctor told us not to worry - he'll grow out of it and learn to completely empty his bladder. I told her I could get a doctor's note if she needed that, but she was OK with the letter and conversation.

I'm sure you know what's next. <_< Today, with 10 minutes of my lunch break left, I got a call from my son's school. He'd had an accident and they were out of briefs and pants, so could I please bring him a change of clothing. Today happened to be one of those rare days that everyone on my back-up emergency list was out of town, so I had to do it. I got another teacher to cover my classroom because I knew I wouldn't make it back before lunch was over. I drove home, got his clothes, and drove to his school. When I got to him, he actually looked totally embarassed - he was sitting outside the office. I took him into an empty office and helped him change. That's when he told me he had raised his hand to use the restroom, but his teacher told him he needed to wait until he got his work done. I thought surely he meant another teacher, a different adult, but no, his classroom teacher told him he couldn't use the restroom and needed to wait. Even after our conversation and my letter. :headbang:

When we were done changing and I was getting ready to leave, I did meet his teacher by the door. I asked her if that was really what had happened, and it was. She was very apologetic, but I was still frustrated. I guess as a teacher there are two big issues I am frustrated with. The first one being that a 5 year old asked to use the restroom and was denied (I don't deny the 11 year olds I teach! I can't imagine denying a 5 year old!) and the second being that he was denied even though I have stressed that this child has bathroom needs that are above and beyond the normal scope of needs. I just don't get it. And I do really like this woman, but UGH.

Thanks for reading all of this. It did help to type it all out and work a bit of the frustration out of my system. No advice needed (but feel free to offer any if you feel inclined! ), just needed to get it out of my system!

 

I am sorry that happened it must be frustrating on all levels; having to have left work (not easy), and having told her of this issue and then her ignoring it. I would wait a couple of days until you have calmed down and then call her and talk to her about the incident. Try not to blame but ask her again if you should get a note and tell her you will talk to your son about getting right back to his work once he is done with the potty.

 

That is unacceptable IMO. 5 year old have very small bladders and not the best bladder control. All the students prek-1 have to have underwear and pants at our school. Our teacher even requested shirts as well

 

We had some issues like this over the summer with my DS. I had him into the Dr. and she told me that if he needed it, she would write a note to the teacher indicating what he needs so that she had to follow it/allow it. He ended up not needing it, but I wouldn't hesitate to ask her if he did. I'm willing to bet that now that she sees that making him wait will result in accidents, it won't happen again. But, I would be really irritated too. More b/c my kid had to be embarrassed b/c she wouldn't let him go when he raised his hand. I would probably write another e-mail and reinforce his needs and stress how he was embarassed by all of this. Then, I would probably go get that Dr.'s note to show how serious you are. I'm sorry you and he had to deal with this. Poor kiddo.

 

This happened to me in school in K. I still have those terrible embarrassed feelings about it. And of course, back then because I had an accident I was sent to the principles office in trouble and got punished. LOL It's amazing how memories can last. LOL

I surely hope the teacher will never make that mistake again. He's 5, not 15! I hope he's still not too embarrassed.

 

I wonder what she was thinking? Did she forget or did she just not believe what you were telling her? Either way, I hope she learned from this incident & it won't happen again in the future. The sad thing is that something that could have been so easily avoided inconvenienced you & embarrassed your child. Not acceptable in my book.

 

Ugh yes, I would be very upset. I know you said she was apologetic, but I would still be upset. I don't think you need to follow up with her, and she now "sees" he has unique bathroom needs. But it still doesn't make it right. I think she owes your son an apology for his embarrassment she caused him. He's the one who got the raw end of the deal here.

 

A few things:

1) I am sure she won't let this happen again! I bet she was mortified!
2) Is it possible she forgot about your letter? Well, I am sure she remembered now!
3) Keep a change of clothes in his backpack at all times!!!

After teaching kinder and 1st grade, I have learned that some kids just have no bladder control. Even when they ask to go and are given permission, they pee their pants on the way to the bathroom! To avoid having to leave work again, keep a change of clothes in a gallon Ziploc in his backpack at all times!!! (And check it daily, to see if he needed to change...I have had kids wet themselves two days in a row and the clothes have not been changed out.) Hopefully this won't happen again. Poor kid!

 

I also want to say, that I have made mistakes as a teacher before. I am not perfect. I have made kids hold it, to finish their work, and they have had accidents. But I hope she apologizes to your son. He needs to see that even adults make mistakes.

(Okay, I still can't believe she made him hold it, AFTER you wrote her a NOTE!!!!! Tsk, tsk!)

 

Poor guy! I can just imagine how embarrassed he was! Hopefully the teacher now realizes (and remembers) his unique bathroom issues and it won't happen again! But i agree with sending a change of clothes for him, it's standard in my ds's school for kindergarten and first grade to have a change of clothes just in case

 

Thanks, everyone, for your words of support and encouragement. I was frustrated, but all is OK. I'm a teacher too and know that none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. I do however, get frustrated with teachers that make bathroom priviledges a power struggle of sorts, but don't believe (at least I really hope!!) that is what happened with my son.

I don't know if she forgot about the letter, or didn't take his needs as seriously as I wanted/hoped. It doesn't matter at this point. We all learned a lesson. I learned that it would be in all of our best interest to keep a change of clothes in his backpack, and she learned that I am not a parent who exaggerates my child's needs. My son is learning that it's OK to let the adult in charge know when it's an emergency and be an advocate for himself. When she told him "no" and that he needed to wait, he is learning that he needs to tell her he can't wait and has to go NOW. I know he's only 5, but he can still try.

I still support her and believe she is a fantastic teacher. She has treated all three of my children with kindness, patience and respect. I am hopeful that the next time my son tells her he needs to use the restroom, she will let him go right then. If not, I am hopeful that he will advocate for himself and let her know that it's an emergency and he can't wait (if that is the case).

 

:hug: Sorry this happened. My only thought was that she had forgotten. I feel so bad for your son. My son, when he needs to poop, seems to get there just in the nick of time. I cannot imagine asking him to 'hold it.' The teacher needs to apologize to your son. I would seriously doubt she will forget again.

 

Sorry you and your son were put it this situation that caused him to be embarrassed and you to be upset. As a teacher myself, I never have used the bathroom as a power struggle,if they need to go, they go. This year I am teaching 30 min classes as a library resource in a room without a bathroom. Just this week I had a student (3rd grade) ask to use the bathroom. It was 2 minutes before dismissal and I asked if she could hold it since her classroom teacher would be there to pick the class up from library. She said okay and went to sit down. In the 2 minutes she had an accident. I was so upset to be a part of the problem. It really broke my heart that a student was put in that position.