Keep hearing "it gets easier" from twin mamas

Hello
I'm Jackie, I just found twinstuff about 2 weeks ago and have been posting on FY, just love it here...I will be transitioning to 1-4 as my boys will be one Feb 20, looking forward to getting to know you all. So, I keep hearing.."it gets easier" I've heard the 2nd year is hard, but what about the "terrible twos?" Sure would love to know when it got easier for you

 

My twins share the same birthday!!! How exciting!

When people say it gets "easier" I think they really mean " I finally have my head wrapped around the fact that I have 2 babies, I finally know what their different cries mean, I have some sort of routine, Ive learned to accept my house wont always be spotless and some days I may be in my jammies all day long but everything is going to be OK " LOL

 

QUOTE(E&Msmom @ Jan 24 2009, 09:58 PM) [snapback]1161087[/snapback]
My twins share the same birthday!!! How exciting!

When people say it gets "easier" I think they really mean " I finally have my head wrapped around the fact that I have 2 babies, I finally know what their different cries mean, I have some sort of routine, Ive learned to accept my house wont always be spotless and some days I may be in my jammies all day long but everything is going to be OK " LOL


you definetly have a point there :lol:

looks like we'll be celebrating on the same B-day :woohoo:

 

I think Jess said it well. :lol:

Don't worry so much about the terrible twos. It's when they hit three that things get REALLY interesting.

I've learned it gets easier (or more bearable Heheheh) when you learn to go with the flow, and not stress too much. Every stage has it's challenges, but your mindset also counts for a lot. Without doubt though, the older they grow, the more fun they are. Little people are adorable!! :wub:

 

I hate to say it but I found it got easier when my boys were around 21 months. Btw 15 months and 18 months I found the most frustrating. Mostly b/c they wanted to do and tell me things but weren't quite capable. They are 26 months now and so much fun

 

I agree. It gets easier in some ways as they get older, then again in other ways it's harder. For instance, it's GREAT when they start talking and are able to tell you what's wrong, what hurts, what they want.....then again there are MANY days where I wish they never learned to talk AT ALL! Usually when they are screaming bloody murder, arguing with me, and slamming doors (this is mainly my daughter, the biggest 4 year old drama queen you've ever met). I distinctly remember though that when they first started walking, all I wanted to do was wrap them in Nerf 24 hours a day. 12-18 months or so was tough!

 

QUOTE
this is mainly my daughter, the biggest 4 year old drama queen you've ever met


She and my DD must be cosmic twins then. :lol:

 

I know some people won't agree with me, but things got so much easier once the girls could walk well. The logistics of moving two semi-mobile babies around was difficult for me, but once they could walk and hold hands life got a lot easier. As for the terrible twos, I'm not worrying about that. We are already dealing with defiance, limit-testing, and some tantrums (not bad yet), and I while they do egg each other on sometimes, the "good" of them playing together and entertaining each other outweigh the "bad" of them getting into trouble with each other. Of course they aren't two yet so maybe a switch will go off in the next two months and I'll have a different opinion.

 

My son nearly sent me over the edge the first year of his life. Once he started walking and understanding what we are saying things have improved soooo much for me. I agree with Leighann on the mobility and mine can't even walk and hold hands very well yet. They can go outside and play now and that is so great. Being able to go to the park and ride on toys outdoors is wonderful for us.

I also completely agree that it has a lot to do with getting the hang of things being a mom of twins (or a mom at all if your are a first time mom). We have a system for things now that used to overwhelm me and Dh and I are a better team now. I have less anxiety about it all and therefore I think it is easier.

Welcome to TS and congrats on surviving the FY!

 

hmmmm....good question! Things have gotten easier for us in SOME ways but some things are also more difficult. The sleeping through the night is great...no problems there, naps are another story. We have been transitioning to one nap a day so some days are MISERABLE!

Things got slightly easier for us when they started walking better, for obvious reasons. But I have to say...they are about 15 months and we are going through a REALLY tough stage right now. They are getting their molars and Jack has discovered the art of throwing temper tantrums, much to my dismay. So, needless to say, right now it definetly is challenging! Oh, and going any place by myself with them is unbearable as they will not tolerate being strapped into their stroller anymore. I seriously keep looking ahead, saying....oh, it will get easier when they can do this and when they can do that but then we get to that stage and it's still hard....just different. I'm in the mindset now that it will always be challenging just different with every stage. It is a lot more fun now though, they are SO cuddly with me and LOVE giving me lots of hugs and love and they are getting more interested in looking at books and even sitting in their chairs to watch a little TV.

 

Each stage is different and brings different "things" with it. I found the first year fairly easy. I know, I was lucky and in the minority, but I had really good babies. We had some reflux problems after we came home from the NICU but we figured that out. Plus I was ahead of the learning curve on the cries and stuff since they weren't my first.
The second (12 to 24 mon) year is challenging as that is when the whining and demanding begins in full force. No words. Let's point and scream until mom wants to jump off the roof. It's a whole new world to explore and touch, touch, touch...etc... You're busy and tired.
The next year was walking and more independance. Talking. I dood it. I dood it. NO NO NO! And potty training. Oh how I wish I could forget that year.
The current year is defiance. Not curious, what will mom say or do defiance. This is out and out, you can't make me do what you want. I shall never bend to your will. Followed by the don't send me to time out crying routine. Drama. Everything is a major drama. (Yeah, I got one of those too.) I've heard, "I hate you!" more from my youngest than I have from my 12 year old. Preschool is a wonderful place. Four hours of someone not wanting, needing, demanding.... Sweet, blissful silence. At least they can dress themselves and feed themselves.

I've heard tell that it get's easier. It's a myth. I'm convinced. It doesn't get easier. It gets different. New issues crop up as old issues resolve. It just depends on what each moms individual threshold is for those issues. I enjoyed the first year. I even enjoyed the second year. The last two years not so much. But every year has had it's moments. There is something wonderful in the look of a 4 year olds eye when they have accomplished something. Makes the heart melt.

 

NEVER! (or this is according to my mom, who raised me...and I am NOT a twin! LOL)

I have to say age 3 is not easy...they are definitely pushing their limits to see what they can/can't do...I have heard 4 is easier...we will see.

Good Luck! No matter what, each stage brings its own joys and challenges...but you are a Twin Momma...you can handle it all!

 

I agree with April. The first year was a breeze for me. DH and I had it down to a science as to sharing in the feeding, getting up at night, etc.. And I think we just learned to function on less sleep.

In some ways when they walked was easier. Going places is SOMEWHAT easier. I say that becuase it was MUCH easier having them corralled to a stroller or cart. Now all they want to do is walk around with us, and away from us. They think it's great fun to run in circles and see how long they can go before they get caught. And forget sitting in the cart/stroller. They wan NOTHING to d with that. I WISH they didn't know how to walk!! LOL

Potty training. Oh lord how I wish they'd just be PT'd and be done. They ARE, for the most part, my problem is my two are absolutely FASCINATED with water, the toilet,the sink, bathtub.... They will throw a fit if they can't wash their hands every single time, even if they didn't Pee. And lord help us if we don't 'Go potty?" every 5 minutes, then spend 20 minutes in the bathroom. They taught themselves to dump their little pots in the big potty, but the want to rinse it out in the big potty to.... I never thought I was a germaphobe until I had to potty train. The amount of touching, playing, and trying to DRINK (yes, they try to drink it) the toilet water and everything around it just GROSSES me out. I can't bleach the bathroom enough to make it clean enough to my satisfaction that I feel is safe for them to play in. I just wish they'd do their business and get out.

And we've JUST turned 2, so I can imagine the terrible two's are gonna be even worse, not to mention the three's...... Oh boy I can't even think about it! LOL I wish we could just keep going through the first year, it was SOOOOO easy.......

Oh yea, and my mom used to always tell me,'That's allright. Wait till you hvae kids. You'll get your payback then." If I had had ONE kid, I'd wonder. But she sure was right with this one! Two, and girls at that, I'm definetly getting my payback, and then some! LOL

I've seen and met mothers who's twins are in College and grown, so I KNOW it's possible to survive and not be in a mental institute, but I don't think it gets any easier. Like April said, just different.

 

Where in oregon are you? Obviusly not related to question. It got "easier" when I felt more like myself, had some sleep, (I say some!) felt like I had somewhat of a grip on what we all were doing, and found other people I could commiserate with. No one can truly empathise but some one that's been there. But, as fas as with them, I would agree, walking well, and talking a bit. other than that it seems to be the mid to later months of each year that were/are trying for us. But that is also around the holidays too which has its own crazyness. But Yes, I agree with PP mnths 15-18 were incredibly challenging. But the first part of every year is fun.

 

QUOTE(momma*nic @ Jan 25 2009, 04:28 PM) [snapback]1161362[/snapback]
I've heard tell that it get's easier. It's a myth. I'm convinced. It doesn't get easier.
It gets different. New issues crop up as old issues resolve. It just depends on what
each moms individual threshold is for those issues.


I really agree with how "momma*nic" phrased that......not only is each stage
of life with twins different, new and challenging, it also depends so much on
how "we" (each of us individually) react and handle each stage.

I can remember being so sleep deprived, living by the clock and feeling
like there was never any time to "just enjoy them" during that first year,
and now; being at the end of their third year, I think back then was
the easiest stage with them!

 

I remember feeling cheated when we hit the magic 3 month mark and it wasn't one single bit easier! What I find now is that we have a new challenge every so many weeks (now it's throwing food on the floor and trying to slide under the top of stairs gate), but the high moments outweigh the challenges. These will be my only babies so whenever they are cute I try to take the time to enjoy that moment.

I am looking forward to kids who can walk and hold my hand - what a dream!

 

QUOTE(Jocelyn @ Jan 25 2009, 04:18 AM) [snapback]1161132[/snapback]
I hate to say it but I found it got easier when my boys were around 21 months. Btw 15 months and 18 months I found the most frustrating. Mostly b/c they wanted to do and tell me things but weren't quite capable. They are 26 months now and so much fun

I agree. 18 months was tough for me because they always went in different directions. Around 21 months, things began to come together! I can honestly say that from 2 to where we are now, has been rather easy. They have each other and play together all the time. I have always been one to say that that first year was miserable for me (I know that sounds bad but it is true) but now it makes up for that rough patch of time. The 2's have been great!

 

Hey Jackie,

Welcome almost to the 1-4 forum!! :lol:

Just want to say that it is so different for everyone. It really depends on what you think are the hardest things to deal with which is different for everyone. For me, I found that when they could start communicating with words for me, it got sooooooooooo much easier. The hardest thing for me to deal with was the constant crying for every single need. Once we got over that hurdle and the crying was limited to being tired, or getting hurt, things just started to get easier. Also, once they could eat independently it also got a little less exhausting for me. I love that I can just sit them down with their food and they can independently eat. I don't know if we have been really lucky but I honestly don't feel that we have had such terrible two things happening. I mean granted, they have tantrums and get testy, are in the I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF phase and fight with each other etc. but I just remind myself that much of the behavior is normal to the age and not necessarily my girls being so terrible (MOST of the time )

Anyway, let's just hope that the threes are the terrific threes and not the troublesome threes . I think the most important thing to avoiding some of the troublesome behaviors are to have consistent rules (with consistent conseuqences when the rules are broken) and to have a few set routines. The more the kids know what is expected of them, the more easily they are able to transition throughout their day and behave how they are expected (for the most part )

GL and Happy early bday if I don't "see" you when you make the official transition over here.

 

It never gets easier, things just change which makes certain things easier and other things harder. My first response when I read the title was "I'm still waiting" We are hitting 3's and WOW!!! This is going to be the hardest year yet <_<

GL and just try to enjoy your babies and take it one day at a time!

 

QUOTE(cricket1 @ Jan 25 2009, 11:52 AM) [snapback]1161530[/snapback]
Where in oregon are you? Obviusly not related to question. It got "easier" when I felt more like myself, had some sleep, (I say some!) felt like I had somewhat of a grip on what we all were doing, and found other people I could commiserate with. No one can truly empathise but some one that's been there. But, as fas as with them, I would agree, walking well, and talking a bit. other than that it seems to be the mid to later months of each year that were/are trying for us. But that is also around the holidays too which has its own crazyness. But Yes, I agree with PP mnths 15-18 were incredibly challenging. But the first part of every year is fun.


I'm in Sutherlin (between Rosburg and Eugene) what about you?

I have really ENJOYED reading everyones replys! Thanks so much! I'm just going to try to enjoy these little guys, they do grow fast and I will probably not be having any more, I will be 39 in march and I get pooped easy these days!!!! :lol:

 

QUOTE(momma*nic @ Jan 25 2009, 04:28 PM) [snapback]1161362[/snapback]
It doesn't get easier. It gets different. New issues crop up as old issues resolve. It just depends on what each moms individual threshold is for those issues.


I'd like to ditto this, too - I can tell that some of the toughest periods have everything to do with my own issues, not to mention whether or not the rest of our life is running smoothly or hitting snags.

But that may also be a more recent insight, as I'm getting a lot more feedback and personality from my little men now, and some of it pushes my buttons. Before, when they just needed me all the time for everything, I'm not sure I stopped to notice whether things were easy or hard. Since we got over the one year hump (mine - that first birthday can be tough on momma), I think things have become much more interesting, with more good and bad in every day as they move through different developmental stages. They love to bring me books to read (highlight of this age for me) and they still don't get it that when I say "don't do that" I really mean it and don't have the patience to take them down/out/off twelve times or until they get bored or fall...there are a hundred good/bad pairs like this just for this particular stage.

At any rate, it will never be a boring life.

 

We're in Beaverton, outside of Portland.

I think its just different. And, if you read many of the posts "wrong" it can be scary and daunting. But, it really is fun. challenging, makes you question your whole way of thinking and whether or not you really are a capable person some days, and somedays you can feel left out (as they get older) because they do play so well together (they do not need you as a playmate as some "single" children can (or so I hear!) but, it is so much fun to listen to the play time evolve and the storylines they come up with. I just have to remember to Write it down.

I loved where you are at now though. I was less tired, they were getting the communication thing and just becoming real little people. My only real regret is looking forward to what's next or what needed to be done. It was difficult to just enjoy the moment. The next year of your life will be so full on change and growth.

Enjoy them and hold them if you can because when they eally get going, they stop to snuggle less and less often!

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ Jan 26 2009, 01:50 AM) [snapback]1161832[/snapback]
It never gets easier, things just change which makes certain things easier and other things harder.


I totally agree with this . . . Each phase has its on challenges!

 

QUOTE(alex&andysmom @ Jan 25 2009, 05:55 AM) [snapback]1161086[/snapback]
Hello
I'm Jackie, I just found twinstuff about 2 weeks ago and have been posting on FY, just love it here...I will be transitioning to 1-4 as my boys will be one Feb 20, looking forward to getting to know you all. So, I keep hearing.."it gets easier" I've heard the 2nd year is hard, but what about the "terrible twos?" Sure would love to know when it got easier for you

Welcome to TS!!

I perfer never to say it gets easier. I agree with the others who say: the truth is it changes, somethings are easier (like not having to pack a giant bag for even the smallest of outings) but other new hard things pop up (like when they become truely mobile!). I often find myself thinking back whistfully for the days when you could set them in the bouncy seat and their they were, but I enjoy the fact they can occasionally play peacefully together for extended lengths of time.

 

It gets easier for me every 6 months or so. Yes, they occasionally go through difficult stages (like when Amy challenges me every single minute until steam is coming out my ears and she's lying screaming on the kitchen floor), but those stages last a week or two at a time, and on the whole, it's still always a positive progression IMO. When they could walk, that was huge. When they could walk and (somewhat) follow directions and remember things from one minute to the next, that was even better. When they could talk, that made things not only easier, but so much more interesting and fun. And so on...

My sister once said she thought she would have more kids (she has 3) if she could only give birth to 3-year-olds instead of babies. I think I may be like that too. I loved them when they were babies (and mine were pretty easy babies, as far as babies go), but the older they get, the more I enjoy being their mom. For me, that makes everything seem easier.

Just thought I would throw that in there, as I got really depressed when mine were babies and I read all those "It never gets easier" responses. Not that that isn't a valid perspective, but it hasn't been my experience at all.

 

Reading this thread makes me want to throw up. I want it to get easier, ya'll.

I just got back from the first time being away overnight from my 14 1/2 month olds. If I am honest I have to say that I did not want to come back. Sure it was great the first couple of hours, then it was dinner time, then it was whining time, etc. I must just be the most selfish person ever because I just want some nights where I can come in from work and relax. I am in full speed mode from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed and I know most of you all are too. I want it to stop, but I don't think it will, and that makes me want to crawl under a rock.

 

I agree with the STTN an dfeeling more like myself. I also think that stages are different, not always easier from one another. I am not sure it is easier. I have different challenges as they get older. I think the newborn age was easiest so far.

 

QUOTE(Leighann @ Jan 25 2009, 01:01 PM) [snapback]1161175[/snapback]
I know some people won't agree with me, but things got so much easier once the girls could walk well. The logistics of moving two semi-mobile babies around was difficult for me, but once they could walk and hold hands life got a lot easier. As for the terrible twos, I'm not worrying about that. We are already dealing with defiance, limit-testing, and some tantrums (not bad yet), and I while they do egg each other on sometimes, the "good" of them playing together and entertaining each other outweigh the "bad" of them getting into trouble with each other. Of course they aren't two yet so maybe a switch will go off in the next two months and I'll have a different opinion.



I agree with Leighann. I feel it became considerably easier and more fun when they started walking. We were lucky in that Lily started to walk at 9 months and Jack at 10 months. Lily is just such an independent free spirit that she was not totally at peace with life until she became mobile. They also started STTN at 9 months as well so this helped increase the enjoyment factor considerably.

I will say that this age, right now, is soooo much fun. I mean, we have been having fun for a while now but it just seems to keep getting better. When people ask I always say the beginning was pure torture but everything after 9 mos. was pure joy for us! Also like Leighann, I am waiting for them to turn into hell on wheels which I am certain will happen soon!

 

I am not sure that it necessarily gets easier. Although, I am at the 18 month old stage, so maybe that's why I am saying this. LOL! No, but really, I think you just learn how to handle and cope with things at that particular stage. You accomplish it and before you realize it they are older and you are dealing with a whole new set of issues. Then you accomplish those issues, etc.... and so the cycle continues. I will say it is much easier to get out of the house with them now. When they were infants, (the first few times we tried to leave the house) it took us nearly 2 hours!

 

I echo the "it doesn't get easier it gets different" sentiment...in alot of ways its harder now than it ever was...

 

For me it got easier at 6 months when they started sleeping better and then again at 12 months when they got more mobile and better able to make their needs known. I found that teaching them signing has really helped b/c they can ask for what they need and that cuts down on tantrums. I think each stage has its own challenges and joys but IMO it keeps getting better and better.

 

I actually did find that it got a lot easier around age 4. Kids are able to do more on their own, and the defiance and tantruming decrease significantly. The worst age for mine was usually between 1 and 2. I actually found that worse than the 'terrible twos', cause at least they can communicate then. I also found 1-2 to be much worse than infancy, usually. Now all that is generalizations, and each of my kids had a different worst age and different time they started to get easier, but in my experience they really DO get easier.

I'm actually surprised by so many people saying it 'never' gets easier. Do you really find a 7 year old to be as much work as a 18 month old?? Being a parent may never be 'easy', but it definitely gets easier. I mean, most of the time now I get to sleep for 7 uninterrupted hours at night (until the new baby comes, lol).

 

Well, most of us that have replied do not have two seven year olds, and while they do not need the same kind of attention, I could put them in a stroller or booster seat if is just needed them to sit still. Now I sometimes feel I have two whirling dirvishes with octipi arms. Busy, noisy and always moving. So, still a lot of work, supervision and energy. Personally, I do not think it will never get better, I see my nephews, they are older and calmer so to speak and I think it will level out but, for now, still a lot of work, and fun and enjoyment, just not easy.

 

I have two 4 year olds and I sooo sooo wish it I could strap them into something and KNOW that they would stay there, even if they cried, until I came and got them out. At the time it was so hard, but I miss that now. And yes, I sleep 8 or more hours a night (I sometimes go to bed at 9:30 and get up at 7!) but I'd take little sleep if if ment that I didn't have to repeat everything 20 times.
I agree with what someone earlier say--each individual mother varies in her ablity to cope with each stage. For me this (the preschooler years) is harder than the baby years were. I hope that the school age years will be easier, but recognize they will bring new challenges. I can comment on them yet, since I haven't been there.

 

Kids aren't supposed to be easy. There are joys and trials at each age. I babysat a lot growing up, and thought I knew what I was getting into. I did not. I wouldn't trade my two for anything, but I do miss the more carefree days. And while earlier stages were hard, there were parts that I now remember fondly. I was so tired of BFing them 3 times a night and getting so little sleep, and now I wish I could go back and just experience it one more time. It's all where you are and how well you can handle it, and so far, I don't think I've been well prepared to handle any of it!

I love my babes, but I am learning to accept that they will always challenge me, and that it's sometimes a good thing. I'm growing up a lot raising my kids. Not always gracefully, but I feel more like an adult now than I ever did.